Everybody Got Their Something by Nikka Costa plays.
If Lem is to be believed…he really was straight. And…Lacey has little chance of spending eternity with anyone other than him…outside of some chance for it to be Micheal Rockefeller or Louis Hill Jr..
F. Scott Fitzgerald worries he’s still possible too.
But that is not a reality Mr. Blue and the They live in. No. In their reality…Lem Billings was a neutral gay. Not neutral gray. Not neutral gay.
What in Hell is a “neutral gay”?
“There is no such thing.” says Lord Thirsten Snotgrass.
“But they DEMAND Red Fay’s quotation mean that Lem was gay. Not bisexual or a confused straight.” says Lacey.
“Neutral is just another way to describe asexual?” says a gay activist.
“Then why do you also claim Lem seduced Jack?” asks Lacey.
“That’s possible. He was gay in youth and asexual as an adult.” says the gay activist.
“When did I transition?” asks Lem.
“In the 1940’s?” asks Red Fay.
“So I stopped wanting sex during World War II?” asks Lem.
“No! Before!” says the gay activist.
“Yeah. You’re conjuring sexual fluidity bullshit to start with anyway. But I’m humoring you.” says Lem.
“When before?” asks JP Kennedy.
“He sharply transformed from rabidly entranced by Jack to TOTALLY ASEXUAL in five minutes in 1937.” says the gay activist.
“Jack was devastated.” says another gay activist.
“No. I-That truly never happened.” says JFK.
“Yes! He was! He spent the rest of his life trying to convince Lem to marry him. Marching in gay pride marches.” says a gay activist.
“Jack was openly gay?” asks a Gen. Z guy.
“Yes! He was openly gay!” says a gay activist.
“Can’t there be a neutral gay?!?” asks a liberal journalist who first started claiming Lem was clearly gay in the 1980’s.
“No.” says Lord Thirsten Snotgrass.
“No. You’re lying!” says a herd of demons.
Another herd of demons confuse people further.
“There can be neutral gays!” say black peoples.
“Like all white men are slight gay?” asks Lord Snotgrass.
“Yes!” say the black peoples.
“That’s just illogical, racist bullshit.” says Lord Snotgrass.
“No. It’s not. All white men are losers!” says a black racist.
“You’re an illogical racist!” yells Lord Snotgrass.
The black man thinks. “Okay fine!” he says.
They all sit in awkward silence other than the Nikka Costa song.
“Which white nigger started that lie?” asks Biggie. “Was it JFK himself or Gore Vidal?” He thinks. “Or both?”
“We’ll find out.” says a dead leader of the Bloods on behalf of all black gangs in the US.
Procession by Cemeteries plays.
“I might not have meant anything other than bisexual or a confused heterosexual.” explains Red Fay.
“But then…Lacey should have been slaughtered as a teenager!!!” yells ALL of liberal Western Civilization, in horror.
“I think she should be in Hell!” says Satan.
“Why?” asks a psychic for NBC.
“Because her parents don’t love her!! Duh!!!” says Satan.
“Why does that necessitate Hell???” asks a black journalist for NBC.
“Damn!! A black man!! You should be in Hell too!” says Satan.
Holiday House by Beach House plays.
“Okay! So you believe if society rejects people they should suffer in Hell?” the NBC journalist asks Satan.
“Yes!!” says Satan cheerfully. “I hate humanity!”
“No! You love us?” says former Senator Al Franken to Satan.
“Of course I’d lie and say that! You idiot!” says Satan. “You shouldn’t believe me. But you do. And I love your gullible stupidity! It’s…my favorite weakness in many people.”
“So you have no other purpose than to just torture humanity?” asks a skeptical, cis, straight, white billionaire of Satan.
“It’s not that simple. But…it might be. I’m Satan. I hate you.” says Satan.
A few Satanists weep. They get emotionally attached to Satan.
“You people suck shit!” says a herd of Charismatic Christians to the heartbroken Satanic group. There violent hatred is almost tangible.
“Does that look like Satan to you?” asks Lacey.
“No!!” says a diehard Satanist.
“You’re probably wrong. That’s Satan.” says Lacey.
“But those are Christians!” says a demon who may or may not enjoy Lacey’s company. He’s not sexual? He just sees her as someone intelligent to listen to.
“Yeah!” says Lacey grieving.
“We did destroy Christianity.” say five demons.
“You didn’t destroy all of Christianity.” says Lacey.
“We’ve done a pretty damn good job.” protests one demon.
“But the Bible in my home exists.” says Lacey.
“Fair enough!” says a demon.
“So now what?” asks Lacey, bored.
“Well…you’re still alive.” says JFK to Lacey.
“Jack why are you playing war games with Lacey Banks?” asks an old, dead Irish nanny.
“Because she lets me be a boy.” says Jack.
“And be yourself?” asks the Irish nanny.
“Yeah! We have lots of fun.” says JFK.
“Aren’t you worried you’ll fall in love with her?” asks the nanny.
“No!! Not Lacey. She’s…my…friend.” says Jack.
“But she’s a very pretty girl!” says the Irish nanny.
“Yeah. But it doesn’t mean she’s not fun.” says JFK. “Don’t worry! She’s not mean like other girls.”
“But she’s likely to marry a man!” says the Irish nanny.
“So what?!?” says JFK.
The Irish nanny’s face falls. “What if she marries Lem?”
“Actually…that’s just sensible.” says JFK. “If Lem was straight. Of course he marries Lacey.”
“But you don’t like that?” asks the Irish nanny.
“Yeah. …Well. Mostly. …But…Lem’s weird. If Lem was straight he was always kind of annoying and mean sometimes.” says JFK.
“You’ve never told me about that Jack.” says the Irish nanny.
He shrugs. “I think it’s just sexual tension. According to my experts. But…you disagree?”
“How is he mean?” asks the Irish nanny.
“He makes fun of me.” says Jack Kennedy sadly.
“He bullies you? Or he tries to weaken you for sex?” asks the Irish nanny.
“I try not to cry.” says JFK.
“So he hurts you?” asks the Irish nanny.
“No!! Don’t say that!” says Jack Kennedy, crying. He wipes snot from his nose onto his arm.
“Jack! He’s making you want to die?” asks the Irish nanny.
In shock…Jack opens his mouth in awe. “Why?!?” he yells.
“Oh dear Jack!” says the Irish nanny.
Jack struggles to breath.
She makes her way over to Jack. “Jack, he’s trying to kill you?”
Jack thinks.
“It’s as if there’s a huge wooden door. On a castle. A huge, scary castle…see. And…why…he’s inside.” says Jack Kennedy.
“Go on!” says the Irish nanny.
“I keep thinking, ‘Just let me in!’.” says Jack. “‘I’ll scale the wall!’. But…then he lights me on fire.” Focusing on breathing Jack turns to the Irish nanny in an icy, tragic trance.
“So he doesn’t want you. He doesn’t want you inside the castle?” asks the Irish nanny.
Jack looks pale. He almost faints. His Irish nanny grabs him in the nick of time.
“Come on!” she says.
She drags him from their posh, huge kitchen to a sofa.
“Jack what are you seeing in your head right now?” asks the Irish nanny.
Jack screams. He throws a glass paperweight through the huge bay window.
“I HATE THIS HOUSE!!” yells Jack Kennedy.
He fumes, rocking himself back and forth, crying.
“Why? Because Lem doesn’t love you and never will?” asks the Irish nanny.
“Yeah. FINE!!” says Jack Kennedy laughing. Then he grabs an armchair and throws it across the living-room.
Je suis le vent by Working For A Nuclear City plays.
“I HATE MY FATHER!!” he says violently. “I HATE HIM!! I HATE HIM!!!” he says falling into tears. He bends forward.
Dylan Kleebold marches in a trench coat. Gun raised into the air. In Cape Cod. With an army.
Britney Spears cheers them on. They scream in unison in anticipation of victory and battle.
The Asmats giggle. They’re trying not to be mean.
Dylan walks in hands Jack a gun.
“Why didn’t you just kill him?” asks Dylan.
“Because I’m weak!!” whines Jack going into fit.
Dylan sees a demon in Jack. A legion of demons worked alongside Jack Kennedy his whole life, possibly.
“Come on tiger!” says Dylan. He pulls Jack up.
“Nooo!!!” whines Jack.
“I can’t make you fight!” says Dylan.
“My mom!!” wails Jack.
“Let them work it out!” says Dylan casually.
Jack looks like a strung out junkie.
“Jack. No meth. Just war.” says Dylan.
“Jack grabs the gun.” narrates the Irish nanny. She sits down.
A huge smile fills his face. He laughs. He took the gun.
In a trench coat. With boots. Jack joins Dylan Kleebold’s army.
“We’re going to Virginia.” Dylan explains to Jack.
“When do I kill my father?” asks JFK curiously. He’s a bit conflicted on the matter.
“We’ll see. Maybe we’ll have to let God handle his case.” says Dylan. He shrugs. “Your father is on my hit list, though. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not sure I even want to kill him.” says JFK.
“I know.” says Dylan laughing.
“You’re scary.” says JFK.
Dylan just laughs harder.
In shock, Jack starts laughing too.
Dylan laughs.
“I can’t seduce you.” says Jack fitfully. He looks ready to faint again.
“No. And we’re dead.” says Dylan.
“Help.” says Jack Kennedy.
They freeze him.
He stands in place enjoying his gun and the view as the Trench Coat Mafia Army makes it’s way to Virginia. He’s on a wagon.
Chamber of Reflection by Mac DeMarco plays.
“Who are we going to kill?!?” asks Jack in glee.
They discuss things with Jack. They make plans. It looks good.
Within an hour JP Kennedy is tied up and being interrogated in Heaven.
If John Fitzgerald Kennedy can be honest with God…things will be okay for him…if he’s in Purgatory.
“But Lem was gay!!” screams the American liberal media.
“We discussed that that’s almost impossible.” says Red Fay.
“Hi. I’m Satan.” says Satan.
“Can they not hear you?” asks Lacey of God.
“Let’s not talk about that. I’m their legal defense team.” says Satan with a briefcase.
“But you’ve already lost. Everything.” says Lacey to Satan.
Satan shrugs in agreement or to lie.
“Well then this is stupid.” says Lacey.
Unclear on what to do next…Lacey sits on Jack’s kitchen floor. Satan sits at the kitchen table.
Only Time by Enya plays.
“Is there an AntiChrist?” asks Lacey.
“Possibly!” says Satan with hope.
Lacey considers debating with Satan the rationale of his eternal strategy. But reasons that that’s unsafe.
“I trust if Satan is just an idiot, who is more lovable than humans who have tried to murder and torture children and me, that you’ll sort the whole thing out God?” asks Lacey of God.
“So compared to the liberals who have held you hostage and tortured your children and murdered and raped and molested hundreds of thousands of kids and other people of that sort Satan seems like a lovable idiot?” asks Chris Farley of Lacey.
“Yes, very much so. They are worse than Satan in my mind. Satan hates humanity but he’s mistaken as not all humans are that vile. Some are really actually capable of genuine love, but compared to the humans who are doing what you said no, he is just a rational sentient being that hates a species that is disgusting from my perspective to a theoretical point. In many cases. I’m not talking about children. No, there are some children who might be murderous at this point as well, but for the most part children are innocent. I’m talking about the adults. But if I keep explaining, they’ll just try to destroy the truth of what I’m saying.” says Lacey.
“Then they did me proud!” says Satan.
“How do you even exist, if what you’re saying is what you actually think?” asks Lacey.
“They can’t handle how beautiful and intelligent you are, women especially. They think it’s unfair because they’re disgusting greedy little monsters like worms. I’m not-yes you’re correct that doesn’t necessarily make sense. And I may have to say that to get them to follow me.” says Satan.
“Well God, I do hope you sort that out then if he’s really just that lovable in comparison to them. The truth is it doesn’t really matter what he says. He’s just Satan and humans can’t really take what he says seriously unless if it actually is what God would say, and then you have to. But I mean you really shouldn’t even be talking to him anyway, but I am confused because it seems as though he is more loving than many living humans today God.” says Lacey.
“Do you know…Diana was very intelligent and beautiful much like Lacey.” says Queen Camilla.
“But Diana wasn’t actually as beautiful or intelligent as Lacey.” says Satan.
“What does that matter?” asks Queen Camilla.
“Absolutely nothing in a way, and I mean really it’s sort of a pointless, perverse conversation possibly, but people like to have that conversation today.” says Satan. “ENDLESSLY!” he says crying.
“So then why are we having it Satan?” asks Jonah a Bible Teacher.
Satan laughs at Jonah. “Because. I want everyone in Hell. I’m in rebellion against God. I hate love. I hate truth. …But it is sad. She doesn’t deserve it. You don’t know her like I do. She ruins my plans. But…worst of all she makes me question why I rebelled against God, possibly. The humans I have…are so…worthless. But of course…she is too compared to me. Or rather what I was.” says Satan, possibly.
“God I do hope you sort it all out!” says Lacey to God.
Keep It Healthy by Warpaint plays.
“So…why aren’t you threatened by Lacey?!” asks Chris Hayes of Queen Camilla. It’s a special Illuminati episode on Lacey’s blog…of bootleg All In.
“Why am I not threatened by Lacey? What do you-What do you assume she’s going to do?” asks Queen Camilla.
“She’s going to steal the crown by seducing Charles with her sex appeal or she could start a coup. There are several different No possibilities you clearly have never considered because you’re an English idiot.” says Chris Hayes on his special Illuminati episode.
“Oh, I don’t think that’s likely. How do you see her seducing Charles? Via telepathy?” asks Queen Camilla, baffled.
“Because it’s only due to the rules of our established society that King Charles cannot contact Lacey. As she’s more sexy, intelligent, and beautiful than you what grounds do you have to keep Charles rightfully?” asks a group of American Satanists.
“Are you trying to declare war on Scotland but you’re saying is absolute rubbish!” says Lacey.
“Well, I might be more intelligent than her.” says Queen Camilla.
“No she might be. I could see that slight possibility.” says Lacey.
“I might not be too. I might, but I might I might be I might not be. I might not be. Ahh..but why are you presuming that that matters to King Charles? She’s not me.” says Queen Camilla.
“Why would Charles love you if you’re not superior to all women?” asks Chris Hayes seriously.
“Because he loves me.” says Queen Camilla.
“Well and really to me she is the tops. At least to some extent. I don’t think there’s anyone ever who has beaten her in my mind necessarily to exist. And my perspective matters. It’s my love and it’s my existence.” says King Charles to Chris Hayes.
“Do you know if we could get Lacey in prison with all the children that she cares about? You could torture her in front of her kids and torture her kids that she gave birth to as well and then we could have a nuclear war. I’m just thinking at the top of my head.” says Satan.
“I mean that was my strategy!” says an actress from The Office.
“My strategy to try to get her to like end-up in like one of the holding facilities with all of the kids that are being tortured who she claims that she loves because she doesn’t love them and if she did she’d be trying to find them on the streets right now. She’s be getting a posse together with guns and knives and even though she almost faints sometimes. The most because she’s anemic and we’re trying to kill her. But if she got a posse together and people thought she was schizophrenic but they pretended not to…then we could-she could get a posse together and then she could go rescue the kids because it’s really easy to find them. I mean it’s not like we’re hiding them somewhere. It’s just like you could find them if you were really smart like her and then then we could just totally destroy her life and see how Lem was gay after all. Lem was gay!” yells Wobbly.
“You know I don’t I think we can stop now because it’s absolutely impossible that a man could love a woman who he didn’t think was the most beautiful woman in the world.” says Chris Hayes.
“That’s not true and actually, I do think Lacey is better looking than Camila and sexier. Camila would agree, but that doesn’t matter that’s what other people think that’s objective truth seemingly. To me Camila is unspeakable. She is the most beautiful woman to ever exist. But that’s because that’s my perspective so you don’t wanna acknowledge my perspective as existing at all.” says King Charles.
“Oh, so you can understand that objectively everyone loves Monet, but you prefer Picasso, or rather some unknown artist who you think has a great deal more talent and potential than Monet…to you. The unknown artist speaks to your soul…or something along those lines. It’s that she speaks to you. You want to become one with her?” says a British Lord.
King Charles nods.
“Yes, that’s romantic love. And it’s not like the unknown artist is without talent. I’m sure they are very good at what they do. They might not be Monet, but that doesn’t matter because what you see in their art is everything to you.” says Lacey.
“Well, that sounds perverse!” says Chris Hayes.
“Honey, don’t say that. Baby, that’s the kind of love we have!” says Kate, his wife.
Consolation, For Piano No. 3 In D Flat by Franz Liszt plays.
“I don’t know about that. I don’t think that kind of love exists. I think that’s just the kind of stuff that you see on TV shows and in the movies.” says Chris Hayes.
“Oh really? OK, I’m tracking. Please explain what you mean, because I-it’s- Okay, my mind is open. I’m opening my mind and breathing deep. Please explain to me what it is that you mean. I’m listening with my heart and my head and all chakras on go.” says Chris Hayes’s wife.
“It’s just I feel like what we have is true love. I think what other people have is hopefully what we have, but I don’t think you can love someone who is not-more who is not as beautiful as other women in that way. I just I don’t think it’s likely.” says Chris Hayes.
“I’m ugly compared to Lacey, Chris.” says Kate, Chris Hayes’s wife.
“I really am. A lot of people who you know are. I don’t think there’s a woman on MSNBC who’s ever been even equal to Lacey. Chris, we’re all still deserving of love though, are we not? Are you saying that I don’t deserve love?” asks an MSNBC female journalist.
“I’m not saying that you don’t deserve love under the US Constitution you deserve happiness and if happiness to you is love, then it’s only American that you should be allowed to be in love.” says Chris Hayes.
“What if the US Constitution is dissolved by Vladimir Putin?” asks Owen Wilson on this special Illuminati episode of All In With Chris Hayes.
“What you ask is a very stupid question! What premise did the Founding Father’s write the US Constitution on? That’s what you have to think of when you ask an argument like that. I always do! But someone like you doesn’t know how to think things through the way that I do.” says Chris Hayes.
“So what-Ah…what is the premise then?” asks his producer.
“Hey, the premise is based on the writings of John Locke and Hume and other pro-human, secular, Enlightenment philosophers.” says Chris Hayes.
“Those weren’t necessarily secular philosophers and a lot of that thinking came from Great Britain, which is a Christian nation. So you’re divorcing the origins of that thought from the thought itself.” says Lacey.
“OK so then that’s what I’m doing and I win right? Right.” scoffs Chris Hayes.
“You can’t totally divorce a thought from its origins, at least not in that way, certainly not easily, I don’t think. At least I’m not sure if it’s even possible. But let’s just say that it is for argument’s sake, so to speak. What happens then to you and your wife if Putin dissolves the US?” asks Lacey.
“Well then I guess we’ll just stay married. I don’t know. I guess whatever Putin thinks.” says Chris Hayes, scoffing.
“Well, do you care?” asks Lacey.
“I mean I don’t. I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess so…I don’t know.” says Chris Hayes.
Lacey nods politely.
“So if I said that you weren’t legally married, and that you and your wife had to be separated, would that be a good thing to you or a bad thing to you?” asks Tsar Vladimir Putin.
“That would be-I mean I guess that would be a bad thing because we have kids together and that would obviously be a problem because we have kids together.” says Chris Hayes.
“So are you in love with your wife or not?” asks Josh Barro.
“I don’t know that he is in love with his wife because sometimes I’ve seen them together and I get the sense that their marriage is not like…100% healthy.” says Erin Gloria Ryan.
“How would you know that? How do you even know that? You don’t see our quiet, quiet private times when we’re together alone. I do have my own house! I do have my own bedroom with Chris and you don’t see how in love we really are, Erin. You’re not there all the time if you’re there at all.” says Chris Hayes’s wife Kate.
“OK you’re right. I am not as aware of a lot of things as you are Kate, but you’re right. I’m not as aware of a lot of things as you are.” says Erin, shaking.
“I mean, if you have some kind of consensual sexual relationship with my husband, I’ve talked about that and it’s fine. There are men that I hook-up with sometimes too because my husband and I don’t see our bedroom as an exclusionary environment in that capacity but there is a part of him that only I have and I know.” says Chris Hayes’s wife.
“But do you love your wife?” asks Lacey.
“He doesn’t have to discuss that with you, because based on the pro non-disclosure NoNoNo Association of America Chapter 45 we are completely exempt from having to be honest about such things in the media. Go fuck yourself with a blow torch or jump off a cliff. His love doesn’t matter. It’s what we say that counts.” says a lawyer for MSNBC.
“I wash my hands of this, I do. I completely wash my hands of thisIt’s sickening.” says Anderson Cooper.
“What does it matter to you?” asks Chris Hayes.
“I just wanna know! It’s a fascinating question and I’m worried about your wife’s feelings.” says Lacey.
“No, she’s not. She’s not. So how could how could a woman in her position be worried about his wife’s feelings?!?” say lawyers for Chris Hayes’s wife.
“No, I really. I am very genuinely concerned.” says Lacey.
The lawyers insist otherwise.
“No, I’m serious. In a way, I have been for over seven years.” says Lacey.
“It’s none of your business!!” yells Erin.
“Yeah!” screams a Hollywood producer.
“No. That’s rubbish. You’re just stupid peasants.” says Lacey.
“We have a right to privacy!” say lawyers for Chris Hayes’s wide.
“Not really.” says Lacey. “Not legally in that way.”
“Why?” asks Chris Hayes’s wife.
“If you’re not in love…it’s false advertising you’re doing. It’s a potential threat to the safety and welfare of all his viewers.” says Lacey. “All of MSNBC is a scamming, criminal enterprise.”
“Okay. Because we advertise that we’re in love to sell my show?” asks Chris Hayes.
“Yes!! And if you’re not you owe your viewers some real, honest explanation!” says Lacey.
“You know she’s right, you guys cater to upper middle class, well educated adults. Many of them probably do believe that you guys have a very authentically happy monogamous marriage and if they knew that you were in an open marriage or that you’re not in love with each other at all, they may actually have some second thoughts about watching your show Chris.” says Brett Hume.
“Yeah, not really. I don’t know for sure, but that’s not how I see it.” says a debt-laden, white, working class, 27 year old she/they viewer. She’s not married.
“Chris…you make most of your money from upper middle-class working professionals who are liberal. I would bet you that a lot of them think you’re happily married, and are very dishonest about how much it would bother them if they found out that you’re not.” says Brett Hume.
“His producers know that and they control his every waking move.” says Erin.
“I doubt it’s quite literally that much control.” says Lacey.
“Mmm.” says Chris Hayes’s wife shaking her hand in disagreement.
“No I have a feeling you’re wrong. I have a feeling that you have no idea what it’s like to be controlled to that extent because you’re too conceited.” says Lacey.
“So do you think he’s controlled to that extent or not?” asks Erin.
“I think it’s almost to that extent, but not quite as literally as you made it. I think it was a very immature way of putting it.” says Lacey. “Or maybe I’m giving you too much credit and you’re really just an idiotic sociopath.”
“OK so I’m not in a happy marriage, my wife has thought about leaving me many times. I’m probably not a very good father to my kids in a lot of ways and maybe somehow I’m too stupid to realize that I’m still in love with my wife and have been the entire time.“ says Chris Hayes.
“There! Was that so hard to say? Why couldn’t you’ve just said that like a half an hour to an hour ago?” asks Lacey.
“I don’t think he thinks I’m in love with Camilla.” says King Charles.
“I know I can’t figure them out. I can’t make heads or tails of him. It’s it’s possibly that he might also think that Lem is gay and that I’m still madly in love with him. No, it’s very confusing.” says Lacey.
“Why would Chris my husband be in love with you?” asks Chris Hayes’s wife.
“I wrote him three emails in 2016 and 2017 as in over the period of those two years I wrote him three emails as a fan of his show.” says Lacey. “Is your husband very vain? Could he think that someone who is writing him emails is madly in love with him, especially when he ends-up on her blog?”
“No my husband’s not vain at all. I doubt he’s even reading this book. My husband doesn’t even answer those emails. They always go to his private secretary who answers then and pretends to be him. We’re far too important and busy to answer anyone’s emails in that capacity.” says Chris Hayes’s wife.
“I may have read one of them. The first one was just nice. The second one sounded crazy or something to do with Catholic spirituality and the last one was either you were hitting on me or you were genuinely confused.” says Chris Hayes.
“How did I sound confused in the last one?” asks Lacey.
“You sounded like you thought I was someone else?” says Chris Hayes.
“Oh yes, Mr. Blue. I thought you were Mr. Blue. I don’t think you’re Mr. Blue at all, or are you?” asks Lacey.
“That is false! I don’t think we’re the Bat Crew. I don’t think any of us are the back room now absolutely not that’s totally erroneous.” says Chris Hayes’s wife like Lacey is insane.
“I will be awfully strange if you are reading my blog obsessed with what I’m saying. Do the two of you hire people to sit around researching your name all over the Internet. If so, ‘Hello! Am I talking to you or am I talking to demons impersonating you? Is there an Illuminati or not? Who are you??’” asks Lacey.
“They may actually hire people to sit around and research their name all over the Internet.” says Alain Delon.
“Well that would make sense for legal purposes and safety reasons…but could something like that possibly go totally haywire? What do you think of the blog if you’re reading it? Do you like it or not? Do you think my ideas on perfume are correct or incorrect? I would love to know. Or would I not love to know because there are no more elites. They don’t exist. It’s past twilight. Maybe you people are just completely useless idiots.” says Lacey.
“That wasn’t the point of his book!” says Chris Hayes’s wife.
“No I think that was the point of his book. I think he might literally think that there’s Black people in a tiny little colony in Missouri in their heads and I think he thinks that there are no more elite. I’m not sure what he thinks you people are anymore. Aren’t you supposed to be elite? I don’t think he thinks elite people exist so I guess you’re just a peasant and a useless whore or some shit like that right?! Sono explain what he meant then.” says Lacey.
“We are so much alike. Your anger sounds just like mine except when I’m angry and I say stuff like that because I don’t mean it. I just wanna fuck somebody. Hey you want to go fuck? We’re a lot alike!” says Wobbly to Lacey.
“I would like Chris Hayes’s wife to show that she has a brain that works past a fourth grade level of reasoning.” says Lacey.
“You know I could do that if I wasn’t talking to a retarded ape!” says Chris Hayes’s wife to Lacey.
“I am not sure what exactly it is you want me to say to that, as that’s a very stupid response. I would still like to know what it is you think of my perfume observations. I would be genuinely curious to know what you think of a great many things. Like how would you classify yourself if there are no more elite?
The book was an oxymoron. It was an idiotic premise. So explain to me what it was about then, because the title of the book makes the entire thing totally meaningless nonsense and if there is an Illuminati I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised at this point in my life to discover that you people are just sociopathic monsters who hate everything and everyone including yourselves.” says Lacey.
“So Mr. Blue is trying to kill you?” asks Chris Hayes’s wife.
“Yes, so is his wife and his mistress. Kate, they’re obsessed with killing me. They’re trying to do it right now as I speak to you and they’re hoping that I die. If there is an Illuminati Kate, if I may call you that…they’re in it. There is an Illuminati seemingly obsessed with my family and myself and they’re trying to kill me. Could you believe that? Or are you too bourgeois?” asks Lacey.
“So why did you take so long to get to this premise?” asks Kate Shaw Hayes.
“Because that’s just how it naturally organically developed. I mean if there’s an Illuminati chasing me and that’s how this conversation just developed. So do you think there’s an Illuminati or not because I’m fairly certain there probably is.” says Lacey.
“There probably is one.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“Are you in it, in which case is that how you found my blog? Are we actually talking telepathically? Could you clarify?” asks Lacey.
“You know if there is an Illuminati, I can’t answer that. So veil of mystery remains.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“Well, I’m going to keep talking to you if you’re actually Mrs. Blue and you’re evil. You do know that right?” asks Lacey.
“I am not Mrs. Blue!” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“You know I’m sorry. I’m getting bored. So…what proof do you have that?” asks Lacey.
“I don’t have proof and I have no explanation for why you’re wrong about my husband’s book, you’re right, actually. I suppose the idea is that were somehow we’re not really elite but we’re just sort of upper middle class people who happen to be famous by accident somewhere. And that’s all we really are. I mean we’re not worth more than $6 million most likely right? So we’re wealthy but in many ways we’re just upper middle class and we don’t really have a background. I mean my husband I went to Brown and my father was Andy Shaw in Chicago but I umm…we’re pretty much just upper middle class. I’m not really from old money but I would never hurt somebody like that. I would never terrorize them 24/7 and try to kill them, not even if they were trying to sleep with my husband like 7 years ago.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“Well so then you’re pretty much from a poor Jewish family or what?” asks Lacey.
“Yeah, I mean that’s possibly my family’s background. I doubt that we were ever silversmiths in Norway. I have read your blog.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“So then you’re from a peasant background and you’re not at all old money? And I suppose your husband isn’t either? And you’re both from peasant backgrounds? And not at all old money, correct?” asks Lacey.
“That is probably correct, yes.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“And yet you have a position of immense power in a way with your husband’s television show and your appearances on various media outlets discussing The Supreme Court, for instance?” asks Lacey.
“Hey, yes!” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“Well then, how is the premise of your husband’s book at all rational?! wdid no one notice how dumb it was?“ asks Lacey laughing.
“It’s because of our background! So people thought that it made sense for Andy Shaw‘s daughter and a guy who grew-up in the Bronx to write the book. I mean there was a little wealth in his family but now they’re mostly just mostly just working class. Actually middle class people. I mean there could’ve been some wealth somewhere…but no I mean they’re mostly-they’re I guess what you would call peasants. Ah…so that’s the idea. The idea is that it’s like we made it big because we went to Brown and my father was a big deal. We are living the American Dream! And then we’re shocked to find out that there is no elite in the way that we thought that would be.
So it’s like yeah you know there are experts and when we get there we’re gonna be so excited to be there, you know. But I don’t know that that’s been true. In a sense it’s been very disappointing to find out that people aren’t what we thought they would be because my father was a big deal but it was like Chicago right? It wasn’t like NBC News or whatever so that was the premise. It’s like we’re somewhat humble middle-class people and then you know come to find out it’s really not that great to be powerful. But you’re right in a way it doesn’t make any sense because we are the elite that we’re, you know, basically saying don’t exist on the on the cover of the book.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“Well you know I have a feeling your husbands a little bit of an idiot.” says Lacey. “Because I have a feeling that he probably wants to cheat on you now that he’s made it big. He strikes me as a kind of person now. You’re not that pretty but I don’t think he realized that until he became famous. Isn’t that stupid?”
“It’s stupid you’re right. Well maybe he fell out of love with me.” she says.
“Yeah, he probably did which is also quite dumb. It’s revoltingly stupid. How do you stand it? It would make me want to push him off a cliff, not that I ever would. But how do you stand it?” asks Lacey.
“I have actually thought about killing him several times, but I can’t. He pisses me off an incredible amount.” says Kate Shaw Hayes.
“He is an absolute idiot for not realizing how angry you are, and how dangerous that actually is.
It’s never good idea to make your wife that angry. Not for rightful reasons on her part. And that’s an incredibly dangerous thing to do, especially when you’re in the public eye. I hope someday he realizes that. Not because I want you to have to kill him…but it’s it’s extraordinarily upsetting.” says Lacey.
“No the one reason why the British Royal Family still exists or one of the reasons rather is because I may not have fully comprehended how madly in love with Camilla my husband really was. If I had understood the depth of his love for her I like to think I would’ve had the grace and compassion to just let go and be far more mindful of my own safety and security as a person.” says Princess Diana.
“You really don’t think you understood? Truly?” asks a British Lord.
“No, I really didn’t. That’s what I just said.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“What kept you from comprehending it? Because it seemed like you understood fully!” says Martin Bashir.
“Honestly, it was that he seemed so in love with me at the very beginning just it it set the premise for the rest of my life.
I thought it was my moment. I was madly in love. And honestly that’s where the television show series The Crown in my opinion is accurate, because it depicts that. There’s the scene where I’m looking out the window, the wind is in my hair and the music is on full blast and it’s like I’m having this moment where I really feel like I’m in love, and that my life is suddenly going to really take off and do something and yet it never did. And that was devastating absolutely devastating, but I think if I had realized how grim my life really was in a safe way, if my mind could’ve wrapped itself around the idea safely it would’ve it would’ve been hard for me, but I would’ve stayed alive for my children and I might’ve had some hope that I could find someone to love me. I don’t think Lacey has any hope at all among the living, but I would’ve had some hope, I don’t know why everyone thinks that my life was over. It wasn’t and I should’ve known that too. If I did then people are wrong.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“But it sounds now like you’re saying that you didn’t live for your kids and that you died with malicious intent towards your children.” says Martin Bashir.
“If there was any malicious intent, I certainly would like to think at the very least, I certainly would like to think that it was entirely directed towards myself. If someone killed me, I’d like to think that it was just me they were after and if I was simply irresponsible and reckless, I’d like to think that I would’ve been smart enough to avoid aiding and abetting in in my own death. And that’s that’s only saying that you know, I actually aided and abetted in my in my early grave. You know, I may not have at all. And I may simply have been reckless when it came to life because I was so down on myself in some ways. I went insane and stopped caring about simple ordinary things on a consistent basis because I just I couldn’t see the point. I felt you know, totally defective, and, I couldn’t believe that my life was going the way that it was going. And I just couldn’t wrap my head around it and it’s irritating to me that no one could explain it to me. Where were those people? It still baffles me to this day that no one was there to just explain the obvious.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“So you’re still dealing with that grief of not picking up on people’s social cues or what was it?” asks an MSNBC anchor.
“Ah…you’re obviously trying to insinuate that I am autistic in Purgatory. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? I would have been careful it it’s insanity. It’s psychosis when you’re that depressed, when you’re that downtrodden in your brain, you can become a bit psychotic and lose track of reality, but if I had realized that my husband was extraordinarily in love, I like to think that I would’ve had enough respect for the love itself, as a romantic, to just let him go and be happy for him and realize that his happiness was never going to be possible with me the way that it was with Camilla. I didn’t know. I did love him some so I might’ve had respect for my children’s father, and just for him as a person enough to say, he needs to be with Camilla, but no. No one ever bothered to tell me. No one ever told me that. No one ever explained it to me in that way. I was never able to just say, ‘The is what’s best!’ Because in a sense it’s like you know you’re out getting ice cream and you grab someone else’s ice cream cone by mistake and then the other kid screams and wants it back. And you’re determined to think it’s your ice cream cone but in my case it wasn’t. And then the only right thing to do was to let it go and no one ever really necessarily told me that…and that’s where it’s dangerous…because people’s hands were tied peoples mouthed were locked shut and they didn’t want to intrude, and things became a total mess. But I needed someone to just speak that common-sense truth into my mind and no one did. It’s a tragedy because that would’ve at least-I think there’s a very good chance it would’ve broken the spell of my psychosis and I would’ve been a lot more careful with everything. I might have even started enjoying life more.
In a sense it’s the place that Lacey was at mentally too before she realized that people would never accept the fact that she was fine. That’s the problem with being an unusually beautiful woman, or being unusually rich. People can’t stand it when you’re not loved by the living, people can’t stand that I wasn’t loved. But if I had known how happy Charles was, I would’ve had far more grace, and I like to think that people would have left me alone and then I would’ve had some dignity for at least the next 60 years. I would probably very easily still be alive. I may be alive longer than she’s going to be. I mean hopefully not…but it’s absurd. This it’s absurd and I’m actually quite angry. And yes I’m still grieving. Yes, I’m still angry. You don’t lose your personality in Purgatory.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“You sound like a stuffy, hateful aristocratic bitch from Hell or a full fucking idiot. I just told the nation of Israel to play the theme song to Schindler‘s List twice and they did it to try to kill you Lacey and torture Princess Diana in the grave and then I got her grandkids to try to suffocate Lacey because you sound like a pretentious stupid bitch.” says Chris Hayes of All In.
“Why do you hate these people so much?” asks Lacey Banks.
“Because I am a peasant from the Bronx and I went to Brown and they taught me to hate people there. I mean we play nice and pretend like we give a shit but in reality as an American liberal, I hate pretty much everyone other than black people and members of the LGBTQIA+ community.” says Chris Hayes.
“Well see you know it’s an interesting question to try to figure out why no one ever told me. It seems so ordinary to say, ‘Diana if you only understood how really in love, I mean madly in love Charles actually is with Camilla.’ But I think people thought it would devastate me and they didn’t realize that it actually could’ve been helpful to me to hear the truth. At least that’s my interpretation, that I am telling Lacey to tell all of you.” says Lady Diana.
“So that’s not really in literature though is it? And I am sure that’s something that a lot of us could think of. Those of us who are in the Illuminati, that it’s not in literature. I mean it’s not in Jane Austen. I mean no one really tells the hurt wife, or the mistress or anyone in that position, ‘You have no idea how in love with the wife he is or how in love with his mistress, he is.’ I mean in literature they tell men that they do but they ever tell women that? No. They always assume you’re going to be devastated to find out that he loves someone else more, which is interesting…obviously I’m gonna think it’s patronizing misogynistic That’s interesting.” says Mindy Kaling.
“You know I think you’re a misogynist. I think you’re incredibly excruciatingly person awful to talk to. That was Lacey‘s idea and you stole it or at least someone gave her that idea and then you used it to sound smart. I’m not an idiot just because I was a princess and I died in a car crash.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“Was that actually your idea, Diana?” asks King Charles.
“Yes, to some extent, but it was Lacey‘s idea as well. We’re a lot alike in that way if she’s hearing me correctly. We’re very similar in that way, and I think it irritates both of us that people don’t just say things.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“Except I did try to say things. I really did.” says King Charles.
“Yes, you did but there was never a time when someone other than you or even you in the right context necessarily really just laid it out for me.” says Lady Diana Spencer.
“Yeah it’s not. That was not something that our culture ever instructed us to do.” says Martin Bashir.
“And except where did that come from? I tend to think that the British were that smart before they lost The Second World War to the United States, or The First World War to the United States.” says Lem.
“Good luck!” audibly says the ghost of the man who owned Lacey’s house before her. He sounds like he’s literally still alive. If spoke any louder and someone else was in the room Lacey would be shocked they couldn’t hear him.
“What is the point that you’re trying to make, sir?” asks Simon Johnson.
“Just simply that I think America is better than that. I think Lem is misguided.” says the former owner of Lacey’s home.
“I don’t see it that way anymore, I used to, but I don’t see it that way anymore. I really was Lem Billings. I really am. And after the life that I lead and then trying to talk to people on this blog and tell them things it’s been absurd. If I really was straight people should believe that. It shouldn’t be so totally unbelievable to everyone alive other than maybe a few people who are getting really old. It’s really not that complicated of a concept and it really shouldn’t be that difficult for people to understand it.” says Lem.
Moments later.
“I either had sex with Lem often, and then he killed himself because I left him for a woman, and I meant more to him actually that’s not it. It said he killed him, but he killed himself because he was in love with my uncle, and he felt guilty for cheating on him with me, so that when I left him for a woman because I was totally monogamous for five days after having sex with him for 24 hours and then I left him for a woman after those five days and he got so depressed that he decided to use-to kill himself because he felt bad for cheating on Jack with me. And I’d like to talk about that for a few hours please, just so that I can sort of work through it.
It was really awful you know because we were so in love and then it was like five days later he was dead. My my first wife was the one that I left him for, I met her around that time and then five days later he was dead and I thought to myself, ‘What are you gonna do?! Well…that’s how it goes.’.” He shrugs. “So it was really awful because I had no idea that he was going to kill himself over me. In a sense it wasn’t really over me. It was really….
Moreover…
But my my uncle-but it was kind of over me and, ‘Get away!’ I said.
Because I was you know younger back then. I was better looking and you know any of everyone alive wanted to sleep with me. Umm…so when he slept with me it was like why was he able to be with me? Because I was the hottest man alive. No…and no one ever recognized that, and they really should have. That was pure evil.
And you know there’s different kinds of terrible! There’s a period hole in the Satanic Illuminati that’s you know in a way-it’s good because it’s so evil. It bleeds.
And then there’s. Lol! …There’s like not recognizing that I was the sexiest man alive for a good 30 to 40 years and that’s the kind of evil that ruins the world, and that’s gonna be my next fuck…explaining how, but not recognizing me as the most sexy man alive. That’s how the world fell apart. That was how it happened. It wasn’t vaccines. It was the fact that no one ever really understood how sexy I was.“ says Bobby Kennedy Jr..
Lose Yourself by Eminem plays.
“Well you’re on All In with Chris Hayes. Welcome to the show. It’s good to see you.“ says Chris Hayes.
“Oh yeah! I just prepped myself. I’m ready to go. Let’s chat go!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..
Chris Hayes smiles. “How’s it going, man?” asks Chris Hayes.
“Good!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..
“You’re running for US President.” says Chris Hayes.
“Yeah!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..
“How is that?” asks Chris Hayes.
“It’s…difficult.” says Bobby.
“How difficult?” asks Chris Hayes.
“Very difficult.” says Bobby.
“That’s sad.” says Chris Hayes.
“I’m not sad. I’m happy.” says Bobby suddenly grinning.
“Okay. That’s cool.” says Chris Hayes.
“Why?!” asks Bobby.
“Because you’re…running for President!” He does a cheerful dance in his seat. “Yay!”
“Sure. Whatever!” says Bobby with disdain.
“That’s cool.” says Chris Hayes.
“I know it’s not cool! No it’s not cool! I should already be US President. …You know most of my life has been spent volunteering and helping people around the world, but you know to some of us it’s taken too long.” says Bobby.
“OK is there anything else you’d like to say?” asks Chris Hayes.
“No, I guess. Just that I have your vote.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..
“Well…I can’t say that on air.” says Chris Hayes.
Get Into It by Doja Cat plays.
More later.
“Why didn’t you ever sleep with me?” asks David Anthony Kennedy of Kirk Lemoyne Billings.
“Well you were far too tall. I guess I liked scrawny short guys.” says Lem.
“That hurts. I lost a lot of weight doing drugs and I wasn’t good enough for you?” says David.
“You know I’m sorry you just never caught my eye. Maybe if you had been a little more crass and pushy, poisoned people’s milk and stuff like that.” says Lem.
“Well sure but I thought you’d love the meat that was me. You’re such a sensitive man. You are a sensitive and artistic and gentlemanly man and stuff like that.” says David.
“David, I was looking for sex.” says Lem.
Dreams by Fleetwood Mac plays.
“Lem I can almost guarantee you that I’m better than my brother in bed. I can almost guarantee you that! Seriously! Go ask a lot of women.” says David.
“That might be true, but I was looking for sex, not intercourse, or making love or anything pleasant in nature.” says Lem.
“Well…what what is sex to you then Lem?” asks David.
“Sex to me is when you harm someone and they harm you with their genitals and yours.” says Lem.
“And definition of sex Lem is intercourse.” says David.
“Yes, that that is the definition but you know I’m talking about the subtextual, contextual definition of that word. I’m being frank with you. We’re having a man-to-man conversation.” says Lem.
“Well I don’t like your definition. I think it’s a terrible definition!” says David.
“Well everyone knows that’s all sex is. It’s just a form of warfare and there’s nothing remotely pleasurable about it. It’s just a way of hurting someone as much as possible by embarrassing them.“ says Lem.
“Well then how do you get erection? Since we’re having a man-to-man frank discussion I don’t I don’t understand the logistics. How do you have sex, Lem.” says David.
“Well I mean you use a penis pump or you take a drug like like you know Viagra or something. See…in my day we didn’t have Viagra so we had to use a pump or you had to masturbate for half an hour in the other room, and then you go in and who knows someone would be in there that you’d be trying to attack.” says Lem.
“Go on. See this is very fascinating to me. Keep explaining!” says David.
“Alright well see here’s how it works. You go in with the intent to use your erect penis to humiliate the other person. I have a very large penis comparatively to Wobbly. I had one larger than your uncle too and I didn’t want to attack you so I’ve never analyzed you in that way.” says Lem.
Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.
“I mean no it was only maybe moderately larger than your brother’s but no, you know it’s him.” Lem shrugs. “It’s nothing to be upset about. …It’s just that I didn’t want to attack you because I I liked you in a way obviously not sexual or romantic or anything like that, I just liked you as a person.” says Lem.
“No it’s true. I’m sorry to have to tell you this David, but it’s very hard yes to get off on the Kennedy man’s penis.” says Pat Wilson.
“Well there you have it, David, all the evidence you need if you ever wonder why your wife’s not happy. Your Aunt Pat is here to inform you. It’s definitely something wrong with your body.” says Lacey.
“I don’t think I ever had that problem.” says David.
“You never got married?” asks Lacey.
“No I maybe did. I just never had that problem.” says David.
“Well, that’s good. Apparently you have. Apparently you have caused a bit of a problem. Let’s be honest, Lem did you just never attack him because you knew at the end of the day that he was too smart?” asks Lacey.
“That might’ve been why or it could’ve been partially because he was so damn scrappy. Aren’t you gonna ask me more questions about what I do? I wasn’t done talking yet.“ says Lem.
“I’m curious, yes go on. I’ve never experienced this with you, so I am fascinated by what it is that you do with these people.” says Lacey.
“Well darling basically what I was trying to say to David who’s still listening, essentially you get an erect penis. Go in there compare shape, size and all that and if you lose you walk out in disdain of yourself and that’s the end. And if you win, you emerge victorious.” says Lem.
“So then there’s no interaction of any sort that’s touching of any sort or anything like that?!” asks Bobby Kennedy Jr. giggling.
“Well you were there! Isn’t this is what happened?! When you were prepping yourself for your interview, you let the cat out of the bag. If this isn’t what happened I’d like to know what it is you think did happen between us. I was apparently fixated on you according to popular media stories, so please explain to me what happened.” says Lem to Bobby Kennedy Jr..
“You came on to me one night!” says Bobby.
Awkward silence.
“Go on! Go on.” says Lem.
Long awkward silence.
“You came on to me! …Actually, I came onto you! Actually…my wife Cheryl thinks something happened!” says Bobby.
“So what happened? What happened?“ asks Lem.
Minutes later.
“You reached inside of my pants-“ starts Bobby.
“Why would I do that? What did you have in their?“ asks Lem.
“I would think you were looking for my socks I guess.” says Bobby.
“That’s a very strange thing to have in your pants. Why did you put socks in your pants?” asks Lem.
“Well, I guess that’s just what I had in there.” says Bobby.
“And why would I have wanted your socks? I have plenty of socks.” says Lem
“What we’re talking about sucks? You mean socks? Socks isn’t the same thing?” asks Bobby.
“No it’s not the same thing socks are a clothing item that you wear on your feet made of cotton or wool sometimes polyester. There are different kinds of blends. Quite fascinating. Sorry I am on at a bit of a lark in my brain right now. It’s socks! No…no they’re not the same thing.
I am offended actually by your stupidity but no, there’s there’s a difference between socks and socks and socks. I was not looking for your socks.
I already knew I’d win because we we had warfare. I’m gonna stop calling it sex. I looked in the dictionary and Dave is right it’s a little too wobbly of a definition to call it sex. So I’m gonna start referring to it as penis warfare. We did penis warfare for 24 hours. I won, you’re a lot smaller than me. I almost guarantee it. You’re…you’re considerably smaller than I am.” says Lem.
“OK so we had penis warfare and I touched you and you touched me. I touched your penis, you touched mine. We both came and we had great sex and it was amazing. So you know…we’re saying we’re open! Woohoo! Lem…we’re lovers…and it was amazing.” says Bobby.
Moon by Kid Francescoli & Julia Minkin plays.
“You know that’s a really stupid sex scene but it also never happened.” says Lem. “The whole thing I was just talking about with your brother was a joke because I never saw you naked and if I did, I wasn’t attracted to you. Bobby we never had any sort of sexual contact at all. You don’t seem to get the point of what I’m saying or if you do, I don’t think you like it very much.
OK you have a smaller penis than me and I think it’s possible that you and I got into a bit of a war and I should not have taken you that seriously. I really think I maybe should have just killed you or I should’ve just given-up at an a certain point, I did just give-up and kill myself most likely but I was wonder if I should’ve just killed you. I could have I could’ve given you an overdose if I really wanted to. At least I could’ve tried. I’m sorry but to me you were and are an absolute menace to society. I’m glad you have your kids. But that’s the only reason why I wouldn’t do that, and if you’ve ever helped anyone and it’s meant something to God that’s good but to me you’re a menace to society.” says Lem.
“Pat there really is actually a lot of umm…evidence to suggest that they’re full of it because why would Lem sleep with a man with a very tiny penis? Lem was a complete pervert or I don’t think he was ever interested in men.” says Lacey to Pat Wilson.
“Joe doesn’t have that small of a penis!” says Pat Wilson.
“Pat, you were married quite a few times you’re lying through your teeth.” says Lacey.
“Fine you’re right, it’s near impossible to get off. But we worked at it.” says Pat Wilson.
“know I slept with his father, and at least one of his brothers.” says Lacey.
“Yeah and that’s not like you, but I know it’s hilarious, but it’s also not like you.” says Pat Wilson.
“No, have to just laugh about it because it’s absolutely revolting.” says Lacey.
“Oh and I’m not even gonna ask you what that was like actually, I did just ask you what that was like but I take it that my problem isn’t just mine. I am dead. It’s not just Joe’s problem.” says Pat.
“What is that linked to genetically? I don’t wanna sound like a Nazi, but does it tend to coupled with other traits? I’m curious, it’s concerning to me.“ says Lacey.
“It could be linked to narcissism, possibly chemical dependency. Umm sometimes a low IQ. Umm…an inability to complete tasks and narcissism. I just would love to move beyond all of our flaws that we had while we were alive, but it’s harder than you might think for some people and, if there’s Purgatory people should be more scared of death in a way that they’re afraid of God.” says Pat Wilson.
“Yes, the Holocaust just didn’t function very well as a concept, did it.” says Lacey.
“Getting back to my penis war. I did start this conversation. Umm…Bobby Lacey has slept with me and unless if you want to claim that you have an abnormally large appendage for men in your family I don’t understand why I would be sleeping with you either. When I was a grown man, of 50 or 60 years old, I would have known how to pick and choose penises, that would feel good in my butt if that’s what I wanted. Jack and you both have dicks that are too small for you to be any good in bed. There’s nothing arousing about your penis Bobby in regard to size most likely, or your father’s. I don’t know that I’ve seen yours, but no a small dick really isn’t actually arousing if you like penises. Bobby…the men in your family aren’t Elliott Roosevelt. You couldn’t keep a man or woman interested if you tortured them too much unless they had something wrong with them, they were being held hostage, they were perverted, or they were sexually totally ignorant or they were in love with you. Because you’re all narcissistic and narcissistic lovers are rarely good long-term lovers. Why would I have stayed unless I was perverted or straight and confused? …I wasn’t upset enough at Jack’s wedding.” says Lem.
“You know…that is a good question. Were you perverted?” asks Pat Wilson.
“No!!” says Lem.
“Where’s proof?” asks Lacey.
“The way I addressed the kids.” says Lem. “I showed no interest in being perverted.”
“Yeah! But…if Lacey was there.” says a reader.
“I wouldn’t have thought of her as being a teenager at 17 and older.” says Lem. “I wouldn’t have known why she was with those kids.” says Lem.
“You don’t really have penis wars?” asks an Illuminati man of Lem.
“No.” says Lem. “I was mocking evil.” says Lem.
Later.
“Goodnight.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 