Cheating

Paris by Else plays.

(Adult content below)

“How does one cheat?” asks Lem of Lacey.

“You simply don’t care.” says Lacey.

“I could never cheat.” says Lem. “Really.”

“I could. To a point.” says Lacey. “You caused that.” She thinks. “You and millions of other evil men.”

Lem thinks. “So it’s revenge?”

“It’s a feeling of being deeply unloved by God.” says Lacey. “And resorting to violence. To claw at his…fatherly…face.” She thinks. “To draw blood. Just in case He cares.” She thinks. “That’s not revenge. That’s fighting for hope in the shit-hole you created.”

“Fine!” says Lem. “Fair?” He drinks a glass of water with lemon. “But how does it function? Why could you sleep with someone else? I don’t get it.”

“Because men lie!!!” says Lacey, exasperated.

“About what?” asks Lem.

“How good sex is.” says Lacey.

“I lied about how bad it was?” says Lem.

“Exactly. And you gave your heart away.” says Lacey. “You don’t think your heart means something to me?!? How pedantic should I get?! Right?!”

“True. Go on.” says Lem. “Except…it didn’t work. You gave your heart away and it worked.” he says to Lacey.

“Maybe I did it because you did it. And I find that deplorable.” says Lacey. “You should have known it was pointless. That’s a reflection on me and our love.”

“I didn’t know about you.” says Lem.

“You should have known?” wonders Lacey.

“I really didn’t.” says Lem.

“Your excuses mean little to me.” says Lacey. “I slept with other men because that’s all that men allow for.” She thinks. “Quit making me so pathetic. I’m…DANGEROUS.”

“One tiny mistake and I’m toast?” ask Lem.

“My kids are mine. Forever. Unless God says otherwise. But…I am…dangerous.” says Lacey.

“I am too.” says Thomas Banks, thoughtfully.

“I needed her.” says Lem to God. “There!” And at that he punches Thomas Banks in the face. Thomas smiles, laughs.

“You LOSER!!!” Lem yells at Thomas Banks.

And at that Thomas picks him up and carries him to a chair. Places him in the chair.

“I’m sorry.” says Thomas Banks, lovingly.

Lem spits at him. Like a child.

Thomas opens his mouth to talk, and at that Lem cries.

“I’ll have to fix it! And I will!” he says cheerfully. “Don’t worry!”

Then he excuses himself to fix it.

“I didn’t want to hurt him. Just…make my point.” says Lem. “And I did. …Now! That being said…Lacey…what EXACTLY happened?!” asks Lem.

Lacey thinks.

“I don’t think you understand? I just throw my feelings away.” says Lacey. “Or put them in a box, so to speak.”

“Because you don’t think they’re valid?” asks Lem.

“Yes!! Very possibly.” says Lacey.

He laughs. “So you put them in a box.”

“Yes. Away.” says Lacey.

“And then what?” asks Lem.

“And then I listen. And if I hear a potential mate for eternity I listen more.” says Lacey. “And then I investigate politely.”

“That’s not very fun or satisfying for you or romantic.” says Lem.

“No! But we’re almost on plan z now.” says Lacey.

“I pursued her.” says Michael. “I’m a huge exception.”

“Okay. True.” says Lem. “But that’s still depressing.”

“Of course! Of course! Oh well!” says Lacey.

I’m Sending You Away by M83 plays.

“So you’re scavenging for something nice to exist for for yourself.” says Lem. “Not just love to give but…something nice for you.”

“So then I just…move on.” says Lacey.

“And…how did it feel to move on?” asks Lem.

“Cumbersome.” says Lacey.

“Was it exciting?” asks Lem.

“No. What’s exciting about it? It’s boring.” says Lacey. “It’s work. But…it’s pleasant to get to know people.”

“So there was no joy in it or some joy?” asks Lem.

“Slight bit. But…purely one sided.” says Lacey.

Save Your Tears by The Weekend plays.

“I’m getting angry.” says Michael.

“So you didn’t think anyone was falling in love with you?” asks Lem.

“Possibly not.” says Lacey. “But men don’t fall in love with me. And that’s on them.” She thinks. “You can’t make men fall in love and you can’t do a thing about it. It’s not my problem.” She thinks. “How is it my problem?”

“Because they think they’re in love.” says Lem.

“That’s their problem to a point.” says Lacey, like a ‘badass.‘

Lose Yourself by Eminem plays.

“So their fake tears aren’t your problem. Fair. But…so you see it as ‘their problem’ if they want to price themselves higher?” asks Lem.

“That’s on them. Capitalism.” says Lacey. “It ain’t my rules. You watch your own neck.” She thinks. “Most living men are heartless pieces of shit far too often to bother.” She thinks. “I’m just being real. You can prove otherwise. But you better prove it. You know? You’re the genius generation that let it get this bad?”

“So you think men don’t exist?” asks Lem.

“Isn’t that the point of your whole DAMN life?” asks Lacey, playfully to encourage him.

“I loved Jack my whole damn life?” says Lem to mock evil. “Yeah. …No. It wasn’t.”

“But then what?” asks Lacey, confused.

“Then…I realize you were…just trying to take care of yourself. Okay…but what happened when you made love?!” asks Lem, trying to brace himself.

“Can I just say as a psychic, because I’m trying to imagine if a dead husband of mine from a previous life was actually my soulmate and somehow we just didn’t end-up together in this life…because I am not a dogmatic freak on that issue and I think it’s possible that we might be separated from our twin flame for a life, and it amuses me to imagine the questions he would have about everyone I have dated, and…I just want to point out that that’s what we’re forcing these people to do…on a blog. That’s a lot to ask of people Mr. Blue. I hope you’re aware of that.” says an Illuminati psychic.

“It’s a relief.” says Lacey.

“A relief?!?” asks Lem.

“Yes!! It’s like…safety.” says Lacey. “From your…violence.”

He laughs. “They seem like the threat to me!”

“But they’re not to me.” says Lacey.

“We didn’t take sexy pictures in the snow with Jack to smash her heart into living Hell to a cheerful but almost braindead choir of her nieces and nephews she never meets.” says Michael Rockefeller. “While Joe cheated. Ethel got high. Jackie lied. And…her father made her die inside.”

“You did, Lem.” says Louis.

“Our souls…feel like an escape.” says Harold. “From HELL.”

“Yeah. Makes sense.” says Lem. “What happens after they’re a relief?”

Half Life by Sneaker Pimps plays.

“I don’t know? I guess…we had sex?” says an Englishman in bewilderment, on Lacey’s behalf.

“How accurate is that?” ask Lem.

“Pretty accurate.” says Lacey.

Lem thinks. “You are very attractive.” he says to Lacey. He thinks. “More than that. …I suppose…they made all of the first moves?”

“Yes!” says Lacey.

He cries. Wipes his nose.

“I don’t think you know…how much I cared.” he says to Lacey.

“About what?” asks Lacey.

“You being with me alone.” says Lem to Lacey.

“But do you even care?!?” asks Lacey of Lem.

“Okay! So did you think about me while you were fucked?” asks Lem of Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“No.” he says. “Well that couldn’t have been very nice for them.”

“They didn’t know.” says Lacey. “And that was my problem!” She feels hurt. “You can’t expect me to have no love?!?” She thinks. “It’s like you’re trying to turn me into a groveling, dying peasant!” She thinks. “Wasn’t Jack’s ass enough for you?! No?! That’s your problem!”

“No. It’s my problem.” says Lem.

“How is that?” asks Lacey.

“Because they wanted you. And I allowed for it. And…yet…I’m also being silenced.” says Lem.

“How am I supposed to amend for that?” says Lacey.

And at that Lacey starts possibly trying to communicate with God in hieroglyphics with her hands.

“I can still hear you!! And I WON!!!” yells Jack.

“You can’t understand hieroglyphics!” says a Scotia.

“Yes I can! Lem will help!!!” yells Jack bitterly.

“Lem was straight. And still is.” says a Scotia.

“So what?!??” says Jack.

“How are you going to get him to help you?” asks Scotia. “He understands that he’s not gay now.”

“I’ll wear a bra!!!” yells Jack.

“You did that at Choate to try to turn him on. And it was…sad. You don’t have boobs. He had to imagine them.” says a Scotia.

“I’ll wear it again!!!” yells Jack.

“She likes boobs!” says a meth addict Jack. “Not him!”

“No! He likes them.” says a Scotia.

“Then my dad lies.” says Jack.

“About what?” asks a Scotia.

“You can’t have anyone.” says JFK.

“Your father told you you could have anyone?!” asks Lacey.

“Maybe.” says JFK.

“That’s not true. He might have thought so. But…it’s not.” says a Scotia.

Jack thinks.

More on Jack later, possibly.

“You want to know…when she betrayed you!” says Harold Loeb.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“She might not have.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

They sit at Mickey’s Diner. Eating fries.

“She really might not have.” says Scott.

Lem slowly eats a fry.

Totally unrelated, Jack walks off in his own Purgatory. He throws his stuffed bra in the woods in irritation and defeat. It’s taken by angels. He walks around bare chested in shorts in some embarrassment and sadness but with a strut nonetheless.

Back in Lem’s Purgatory.

“What happened when she…made love?” asks Lem of Lacey.

“I’ll get back to you.” says Lacey.

More later.

Later.

Half Life by Sneaker Pimps starts again.

“I think I’ve been too rejected.” says Lacey to Lem.

“What happened?” asks Lem.

“With who?” asks Lacey.

“Elliott!” he says.

“With him all I had to do was surrender. Same with Joe. The rest was just…loveliness. Generic sexual loveliness or them. It’s them, you know. …Umm…and then…with Harold…it was…the same. The same with Louis. The same with Michael.” says Lacey.

“That’s very dull.” says Lem.

“No! Because there’s the always the chance they might love me. And…I loved them.” says Lacey. “But that’s…all I have.”

“So nothing life changing?” he asks.

“Never. Sex is a joke thanks to you. Remember?” says Lacey.

“A joke?” says Lem. “What was it supposed to be?”

“I’m a master of all their moves. I’m brilliant in bed. Remember? …No. It’s nothing like that that’s wrong.” says Lacey.

“It’s in your head too.” says Lem entirely just to Lacey.

“Yes.

…But…love-making was supposed to be about bringing together atoms. Tiny, invisible particles…flying into circles…like autumn leaves on a pavement caught in a twist… And they rise…and fall…and meet…and blow away…into shapes. And then we bow to God. In ecstatic wonder.

Love-making is a union. It’s…like climbing up…further and further in joy until you find…God. …Michelangelo had that wrong. We never touch God’s hand. We are mere clay. Mere salt. And He moves us like pieces of dirt…into form. We’re…His creation. And…His glory is revealed in our genuine love.” says Lacey. She thinks. “Love-making is supposed to be about making…eternal love.”

Ancient Egyptians dance in gloriously perfect unison to Midnight City by M83. It looks awesome.

But still…Half Life by Sneaker Pimps plays uninterrupted.

“It’s Heavenly.” says Michael to Lem about the Egyptians dancing. He watches.

“It’s just sex.” says Lem to Lacey.

“What is?” asks Lacey.

“No. Don’t say that.” says Lem. “Say…”. He thinks. “There’s nothing to say.”

She stares.

“Are all my accounts overdrawn?” he asks at the diner. He’s been sitting there the whole time.

Late Night Talking by Harry Styles plays in the background for Jack in his bra. At Choate. In Lem’s mind. Lacey gives him a matching set. Lavender. Lace. Victoria’s Secret circa 2004.

All we hear is Half Life playing on.

Then she goes all out. Does his makeup circa 2004. Gives him a wig. Huge…bleach blond. Super straight.

“Is he making you horny?” asks Lacey, dryly.

“No.” says Lem.

“Yes. They’re all empty.” says the man to Lem.

“That’s what this makeover cost.” says Lacey. “Everything.”

“Take a look!” says Joe. “You practically bankrupted yourself? No? You’re broke!”

Flowers And Silence by Sneaker Pimps plays.

Jack stands there. Paris Hilton hair. Socks stuffed awkwardly into his lavender lace Victoria’s Secret set bra. His penis not tucked…because why? No shaving. Love Spell drenched. Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse a shade too dark. Darkened brow. Foundation on lips. Thick Lancôme Juicy Tubes on lips. Bright Nars blusher on cheeks. Thick mascara on curled lashes. Huge crystal stud earrings.

“Was that worth everything?” asks Lacey of Lem.

“You touched him tenderly. Bent over. And sucked. …All systems go.” says a dead British scientist.

“Oh no!! NO!!! He…bent over because he was confused! And he touched Jack tenderly because he was confused! And he sucked…because he was…confused.” says Michael Rockefeller.

In the background Jack’s limp, squeezed dick in the panties looks awkward.

“And Lacey is confused. …Lacey gets confused.” says Michael. “You know who wasn’t confused? Me.”

Lacey worries.

“I was never confused.” says Michael.

“Neither was I.” says Louis, empathizing with Lem nonetheless.

“Nor was I.” says Harold. He glares at Lem.

“Did it feel good?” asks Lem of Lacey about making love.

“Yes. …It’s just sex?!?!” asks Lacey.

“No. It’s not. …What did it feel like?!?” yells Lem.

“Are you just mocking me?” asks Lacey.

“No!!!” yells Lem sincerely in horror.

Michael dances to the chorus of Low Five by Sneaker Pimps. Louis dances. Harold dances. All looks glorious. They’re brilliant.

Suddenly Jack in his makeover is onstage. By himself.

Let It Happen plays for him to dance. But only God sees him to the song. We hear Low Five.

He looks…hilarious. Not intentionally. He has terrible rhythm as himself. And it’s a badly matched song. The wig has to be adjusted. …Glue is quickly applied. It doesn’t dry. Oh well?

JP Kennedy claps to cheer him on. It’s awkward. Then he goes onstage and tries dancing himself to distract the audience.

“It felt lovely.” says Lacey to Lem. “It felt like this. These men are amazing men.”

“And did you find yourself in the presence of God?” asks Lem.

“Yes. But that’s also meaningless now?” says Lacey. “I’m mere me.”

Lightning Field by Sneaker Pimps plays.

“Why did you say only you gave head only to protect Jack’s feelings then?” asks Lacey.

“Dear God, Lem. I’m sorry!!” says the man who started that rumor.

“Yeah right! This can’t be eternity!” says Betty White in disbelief.

“I see what you mean.” says Lem to Lacey. “Because I lied.”

Another Nocturne by Chopin plays.

“I lied. I lied to myself.” he says. “I thought it was…bad at the time…but then…I thought it was…good. And I told myself it wasn’t happening because he was a liar. Because I just couldn’t believe it was that bad. I figured…as bad as it was in Germany…to be on the receiving end…that it wasn’t…a problem. I could…handle it.” says Lem. “Except, I didn’t realize how bad it was. As bad as it was and as much as it made me want to die I never really understood that.”

“Quick question: are all gay men since Jack, in the last 100 years very roughly, borrowing from Lacey sexually?” asks a psychic.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t like the answers to.” says a Scotia.

“Stealing!!!” says Nils. “Not borrowing.”

“Great!” says a Salem witch, sarcastically.

“And if you’d been there I’d have realized.” says Lem. “All I’d of had to do was stare at you for a moment.”

“Fine! …No not fine! Yeah right!” says JFK. He thinks.

6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps plays.

“Let’s compete!” yells Jack. “You should see her in this. At my age! 17! And then me. Whoever gets you hard by just looking wins!” he says with vicious intent.

“How old am I?” asks Lem.

“EVERY APPLICABLE AGE!” yells JFK.

“Lacey wins.” says Lem.

“No!!! I do.” says JFK.

“No.” says an angel.

“What?!?” says JFK.

Jack thinks.

“Fine! Her in the bra I actually might have worn at Choate.” says JFK.

“Same age?” asks Lem.

“Yes!!” yells JFK.

“Lacey wins.” says Lem crying.

Aghast, “Her in men’s lingerie compared to me and Bobby Jr..” says JFK

“Her.” says Lem. He laughs, finally.

“What?! Why?! It doesn’t fit properly.” says JFK.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s topless.” says Lem.

“Fine! Both of us naked!” yells JFK.

“She wins.” says Lem.

“What about me…having sex…with…a beautiful, curvy blond?!” says JFK.

“Versus what?” asks Michael. He laughs.

“Lacey…having sex…with you Lem…as the people you would have been in your last life.” says JFK.

“She wins.” says Lem.

“Then why did you lie?” asks Jack Kennedy.

“I had nothing to compare it to.” says Lem. “I was virginal. And…ugly. And I had asthma. And I was poor. …Go look at us.”

“You weren’t that poor.” says JFK after fake looking.

“Did you even look!!??” asks Lem.

“No!!!” yells Jack.

“LOOK!!!” yells Lem.

“You sick pervert!” yells Jack at Lem. Then he weeps. Stumbles. “You-NOOO!” he wails.

Then stifling his tears Jack watches. He looks a bit like Dana Carvey and Chris Elliott.

“You’re not Karrie.” Jack says in denial.

He looks around the room. Tries to rape them. It doesn’t work. They don’t even know he’s there.

He can’t affect them.

Bitter, outraged and…sad…JFK…walks down the gravel road outside their house.

“Was I straight?” asks Lem.

“If reincarnation is in the Bible?” says JFK.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Yeah.” says JFK, tersely.

More later on JFK, possibly.

“What…was I thinking? I just didn’t think you’d…want me. Or exist. Or both.” says Lem to Lacey.

“So you lied about how bad it was?!” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem. “I tried to avoid it with Jack. But I also thought I was gay. So I believed that as bad as it was…I was primarily not doing it because Jack was in denial. But in truth…I thought that because I was in denial.”

“We ruined history!!” yells Jack.

“No. You possibly just gave me Lacey. Or…what’s true is true. Either way you have to listen.” says Michael.

Half Life by Sneaker Pimps plays once again.

…

Sea Of Love by Phil Phillips & The Twilights plays.

“I have no idea why I’m here!” says Lem cheerfully to Jack in 1962.

“I’m going to let you pick out my next secretary.” says JFK.

“Fine!” says Lem with concern.

“You know what we talked about. She needs to be my type.” says JFK.

“Yeah. I’ve got you covered.” says Lem. He smirks.

“Yeah! Great. Say, later tonight should we have steaks?” asks Jack.

Lem thinks. Pushes up his glasses. “Yeah!” Lem looks ebullient.

“Alright! Say…not too tall!” says Jack before quickly darting off.

“You got it, Jack!” says Lem.

A few minutes later a secretary escorts Lacey Banks at 25 into the room.

“Pretty as heck!” says Lem to himself.

Lacey sits down. Smiles.

“Hello. Mr. Billings?” she says.

“Hello!” he says grinning.

She smiles.

He opens his mouth wide. It’s his old signature wide captivating grin.

She, on a whim, takes her foot out of her shoe and runs her toe up his leg while staring into his eyes.

His smile disappears. He suddenly looks serious.

She looks serious.

Shaking, he tries to grab a cigarette and match. He can’t light it.

“I don’t think I can-Why did you just do that?!”he says tersely.

“I was overcome by your blue eyes.” says Lacey calmly.

“This is a professional interview.” he says.

“Have I ruined my chances?” asks Lacey.

He closes his eyes. “No!” he yells.

She sits-up straighter.

“Alright. What experience do you have?” he asks.

“I was secretary for two governors in the last four years. I’m very good with most everything except for the smoke.” says Lacey. She laughs. “It’s actually lovely that you couldn’t light your cigarette.”

Lem laughs. He stares down at the table between them. He looks back into her eyes. “Now. What experience do you have?”

“I just told you.” says Lacey.

He laughs. “Say…why…did you do that?”

“With my foot?” asks Lacey.

He looks concerned. Serious. “I…have to wonder if you are…a flirt?” He smiles knowingly, suspiciously.

“No. I’m not. It’s just you. You’re so tall and you have such blue eyes. I’d actually rather have a date with you than be hired.” says Lacey.

“Well, I suppose…-Tonight?” he says.

They look into each other’s eyes. She runs her foot up his leg again.

He licks his lips. Furrows his brow.

“Let’s go now.” he says.

“Where?” asks Lacey.

He thinks. He smiles. Looks concerned. “My place.” he says.

“Where?” asks Lacey.

“My house.” he says.

“Here?” asks Lacey.

“No.” he says.

“Alright.” says Lacey.

“Let’s go.” he says.

And at that he escorts her out of the White House.

At a hotel.

Against a door, “What are you doing?” Lem confrontationally asks Lacey.

“What are you doing?” asks Lacey.

Piano Concerto No. 23 In A Major K. 488 by Mozart plays.

“I’m horny, I guess.” he says in his unusual voice.

“That’s not what I’m doing.” says Lacey.

“Then what are we doing?” he asks.

“I can’t tell you. You’ll just think I’m insane or naive.” says Lacey.

“Hey!” he says, as he pushes himself against her.

“I’m not a slut.” she says looking into his eyes.

He closes his eyes. He kisses her head.

“Lem. Why are you hurting me?” says Lacey. “I’m daring but I can take rejection.”

“Rejection?!?” he says. He scoffs.

“Yes. See…I’m one of those silly people who thinks they can fall in love at first sight.” says Lacey. “And right now I think I’m in love with you.”

“You are.” Lem says to Lacey seriously.

“But you aren’t in love with me?” she says.

“Yeah…well…I might be in love with you.” says Lem to Lacey. “Look!” he kneels down to her. “I am in love with you.”

“Oh.” says Lacey.

He stares at her. Smiles.

“Let’s go lay down. I’m exhausted.” says Lacey.

“If we lay down…you’ll get pregnant.” he says.

“Will you marry me?” she asks.

“If you get pregnant?” he asks.

“Yes.” she says.

“Yeah. You know…you shouldn’t have to ask that.” he says.

“True.” says Lacey.

He lays down next to her.

“You know…I might be homosexual.” says Lem.

She turns over and in her pencil skirt, on her side. She rests her knee and head on his body. In the dimming light of their Virginia room.

“Can I hold you?” he asks turning to face her.

“If you love me.” she says.

And at that he begins to make love to her.

The next morning…as per usual…they’re married.

…

Autumn Music 2 by Max Richter plays.

As per usual.

As…always.

“You didn’t understand how much I cared.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Or who I belonged to.” says Lacey.

“You belong to me.” says Lem as if wounded.

“I can’t hear that.” says Lacey.

“You belong to me.” he whispers in her ear as if dying.

“Then why?” asks Lacey of God. “Or what?” The God of the Bible.

“And as her heart beats on…we pull at her.” says Michael. “Calling her away.”

Lem cries.

“You can’t thank God enough for using our ignorance for His glory. If reincarnation is in the Bible.” says Elliott Roosevelt. “And if it isn’t…convince her that she’s yours or one of us will.”

“So you thought of me even while it felt lovely?” asks Lem.

He smiles.

Lacey looks sad.

“Yes. I think I did. …Sadly or not.” says Lacey.

He smiles. Laughs.

“I only ever enjoyed trying to love when I imagined you. You don’t have to believe that.” he says.

“When you imagined I was there?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. I’ll try not to kill you.” says Lem.

More later.

Richter: Autumn Music No. 2 by Max Richter plays.

“Jack tried to pervert your words.” says Lacey to Lem.

“It’s what would have happened.” says Lem.

“In 1962 if I’d been there?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. Almost exactly. It’s shocking.” he says.

“How do we keep coming together so quickly?!” asks Lacey.

“Neither of us hold back. Let’s try again.” he says.

“It just makes it feel so unreal.” says Lacey. “Like I’m just imagining it all.”

…

It’s Jack’s wedding. Lacey is a guest.

Lem dances with Jackie. Then he wanders off. Lacey decides to follow him out of curiosity.

She follows him to his car.

He stops and turns around. Looks at her quizzically.

“I just saw you and wanted to say hello.” says Lacey. “I wanted to introduce myself.”

He smiles politely. “Oh hello.”

“I’m Lacey Banks.” she says extending her hand.

And at that he picks her up and and begins making love to her.

“How is that possible?!” asks Lacey.

On Reflection by Max Richter plays.

“You’re not Jack.” says Lem.

The song plays.

“We’re like magnets.” he says.

The song plays.

“Let’s try again.” he says.

…

It’s 1978.

Lacey walks across his living-room and places herself in his embrace.

He closes his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

Within ten minutes they’re ms