Creep

Creep by Radiohead plays.

“Truth is…I’ve been trying to get my voice heard. For a while.” says Lem.

Psychotic Girl by The Black Keys plays.

“If I was gay…I’m not now. And even so she could have seduced me. If I was bisexual she could have seduced me. Regardless…she could have seduced me.” says Lem.

Between The Bars by Elliott Smith plays.

“I love this song. But it’s also depressing. …But it becomes Jack singing to me. In Hell. Because it’s all a lie.

I want…her still…if she was ever my wife…to fuck her.” says Lem. “The pushing and shoving is entirely in Jack’s imagination. Lacey doesn’t roughhouse even.”

i’m yours sped up by Isabel LaRosa plays.

“I’ve tried to tell her how much I love her for years. And how we’re together forever. But she’s not able to hear it.” says Lem.

Nocturnes (2) For Piano, Op. 48, Ct. 120-121 by Chopin as performed by Arthur Rubinstein plays.

“And sometimes she feels my insecurity. I aged badly in some ways. …It’s hard for me to imagine her longing for me. But I can. And then I get so tempted to kill her. She can feel it. It’s like she’s being pulled out of her body.

But I always have my heart in Heaven. And she has faith in God. And so…I have to watch her weep…over me.

Over me.

And she feels bad for me. And then she examines me. And she sees me. And I leave her in awe. I’m exactly her ideal. And then she doubts she deserves me. So I lose her.

That’s how it’s been since she was a teenager viewing me for the first time. I was too perfect.

But now…that we’ve made love…

I as a ghost. Her alive.

A beautiful…lonely…longing…sad woman in her 30’s. Dead marriage. And me. Dead.

Me. Dead.

I think about her…and our love making…and I am tempted. It’s better when you are together. As you might expect.

But I do have the mercy of Christ. If I’m a ghost. To talk to her. To touch her.

But…I can’t hold her. Not enough. Not nearly enough.

And I can’t control her pain. I can’t control her fears.” Lem says. “Not nearly enough.”

“Can’t you try to see the other men as well…proof that she loved you?” asks Sarah.

“That’s what they are.” he says. “I just think…it’s…horrible. She doesn’t understand me. And it’s only in ways that would make her happy.”

“Are you actually slightly like young Richard Gere?” asks Paul Rudd.

“Yes! And Sidney Pollack. And…the little boy who played George Bailey in ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’.” says Lem Billings. “And George Peppard.”

“But he’s entirely himself.” says Lacey.

“If you are Lem…how does she stay alive for even 20 years?!?” asks Jonah.

“Yeah. It’s not easy. But we fight for our kids.” says Lem.

“So you get to have sex. But…it’s all on faith and through grace…in Jesus…because she’s terrified. Constantly. Of offending God.

And…you’re like a living man. And that’s…a lot to ask of both of you. Because you get…jealous.” says Jonah.

“I’ll be fine in Heaven if I’m wrong and it’s just a demon. If God allows me into Heaven. …I’m just worried. But…if he’s a man…then…”

“I’m Kate Spade! I’m practically appearing in her room! I’m soo vivid!” says Kate Spade. “Yeah!! She’s…tough!” she says. “She has a long vintage ranch mink. A few feet away from me. I LOVE IT. Actually it’s more me than her.” says Kate. She thinks. “It’s an awful life. But she makes it work. And…40 years really isn’t that long. Not as quickly as her life is going. And…killing her is foolish. Truly. She’s…not just dangerous. She’s…often correct. Accurate. Right. …And…that’s…so frustrating to see on this side.” She sighs. “Being dead is…life changing. …Suicide is wrong for a reason.” She cries.

More later.