The Swimmer by Max Richter plays.
“Why does MSNBC always defend assholes?” asks Casi.
“Like Mr. Blue?” asks David Kennedy.
“Yeah! If he’s anything like Chris Hayes…he’s obviously a pretentious person.” says Casi.
“Because we sympathized with Mr. Blue.” says Joan.
“Why?!?” asks Casi.
“Because he was one of us!” says Sarah Jessica Parker.
“A New York City elite liberal??” asks Chris Noth.
“Post 1990’s!” says Michael Rockefeller.
“Okay. I don’t understand why you would care. But I also don’t understand why the Illuminati is into sex. But…what is it about Lacey not caring way back in 2016 that floors you?” asks a perfume hater.
“Because I DIDN’T CARE!!!“ says Mr. Blue.
“Maybe SHE DIDN’T CARE!!” yells Pat Wilson.
“Then why was I so hard on my wife?!” asks Mr. Blue.
“You were mean to your wife?!” asks Pat Wilson.
“Yes!! She’s still reeling!” says Mr. Blue.
“She cared…until you proved that you were evil.” says Pat Wilson. “That started in 2016. Why is that so complicated? You’re obviously a narcissistic dingbat.”
“So…she didn’t want to compete because she still cared a little…and she was getting over him both?” asks Joan.
“Yes.” says Michael.
“So…Lacey just puts out?” asks Brian.
“To me. To Michael less so. But yes. …Mostly just to me.” says Lem.
“Why?!?” asks an actor.
“Because she’s mine.” says Lem. “She’s not at odds with me.”
“Write more!!” says Brian.
“Don’t tell me that you imagined what you’d want in a perfect wife and then you decided to be that to Jack?!?” asks an LA Times reporter.
“No that’s what I did essentially yes. I imagined Lacey and then tried to be that.” says Lem.
“And Jack was doing the same thing?!?” he asks.
“Yes, Jack was doing the same thing. I didn’t notice that and I don’t think he noticed me necessarily either. I think it confused him at times because I seemed a heck of a lot sweeter than I actually am…but he didn’t ask too many questions. I think he just thought I was gay and that it was just a gay thing to not make any sense at times. I think that if I was angry he may have actually been scared of me if I hadn’t been imitating her.” says Lem.
“So basically, you were just like a satirically gay man who really just seems almost like he’s trying to be a woman and like a butch bisexual man who’s obsessively trying to seem straight, who keeps pretending like the straight guy who is just a parody of homosexuality is psychotically gay, and in love with him?” asks the reporter from the LA Times.
Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift plays.
“Yes.” says Lem, sadly. “I wasn’t gay. But…my gay act was comedic at times.”
“Your mannerisms do seem pronounced.” says Taylor Swift.
“They were fake.” says Lem.
“OK but why didn’t anyone in the Kennedy family notice that? Because I don’t think they knew. Did they know?!” asks MSNBC.
“I knew. But I often couldn’t stand Lem. I sometimes I wonder ahh…in the last 24 hours mostly…if Lem got the idea that women should put out or rather, Jack got the idea that women should put out regularly from talking to Lem.” says Jackie.
“Hey that’s possible.” says JFK, suddenly confused.
“How did he give you that idea?! Because it is true that we didn’t really like…consciously admit that he was straight…so how did he give you that idea?” asks Jackie Kennedy.
9 Crimes by Damien Rice plays. As sung by Scott Fitzgerald and Janis Joplin.
“Is that good?!?” asks Miranda.
“It’s amazing!” says Lacey.
“He…told me. What to expect when I was married. …As a joke. But…I think the idea was that…you’d take sexual care of me.” says Jack.
“Automatically?!” asks Jackie.
Jack looks at her longingly. “Yeah. And…I heard his horny stories. Like what he wanted. From women.” he says awkwardly.
Jackie cries. “He told you he was horny for women?!”
JFK laughs. “I didn’t know or…and…I didn’t care.”
Jackie laughs. “He told he wanted to fuck women?!?”
Jack closes his eyes. Grimaces. “Yes. Possibly. Fairly frequently.”
“Why didn’t he?!?” she asks.
“He…thought he was gay. And I didn’t care. I slept with chicks for the both of us.” says JFK.
“So he got ass through you???” asks Jackie.
“Yes! Or so I thought. He might have been more innocent than I had hoped.” says JFK.
“JACK! That makes no sense!!” says Jackie. “How could a man ever be satisfied through you? They didn’t touch him?!” She thinks. “It had nothing to do with him!”
“But…he heard!” says JFK.
“And yet he wasn’t the one getting it!” says Jackie.
“You know you really are like my brother’s first wife! You really are like Joe!!! You really are like his first wife.
…I should have known that something like this would happen, but we have been so fixated on atheism for the last 200 years we’ve made ourselves week idiotic buffoons.” says JFK begrudgingly to Lacey.
“How long were they married? I don’t think it was longer than five minutes? But how long were they married?” asks Jackie.
“Three weeks? A month? Two weeks? Three years?” says JFK. “Four months?”
“And then she runs off!” says Jackie. “Why??”
“She screws Lem!!” says JFK. He is tortured by this.
“Yup! Or…who??” asks Jackie.
“Not Bobby!” yells Jack, enraged.
“True. Who?!” asks Jackie.
He cups his hands over his mouth. “Michael Rockefeller. Or…Harold Loeb?!?”
Lee Radziwill laughs.
“I wasn’t that bad!” says Harold Loeb.
“I think it’s nice she ran off.” says Jackie. She smiles.
Jack laughs. “Yeah. I guess. …God I loved you!” he says to Jackie.
“Or Louis!!” says Jackie.
“Was she really that involved with Elliott?!?” asks JFK.
Jackie nods yes. “Or your father.”
Jack looks concerned. “My mother might hate her more than I do.” He thinks. Then he laughs. Excuses himself.
Ted forces him back.
Midnight City by M83 plays.
“It’s Lem.” says Jackie.
Jack smiles in shock.
“So…did you expect me to to be Lacey?” asks Jackie.
“No!” he lies.
Jackie laughs. “Her body is…dirty!”
Jack looks worried.
“I think…she…was your adolescent fantasy. Yours and Lem’s.” says Jackie.
Jack looks awkward.
“Both of you are attracted to women. And you both pretended to be her. It’s so likely you were both fixated on her. Mae West? Rochas Femme? …You both were huge fans.
BUT she was never born.” says Jackie.
Jack looks morose.
“Lem might have thought of her. I never did.” says Jack.
“I doubt it!!!” says Jackie. “It would have been so much less awkward if Joe had actually been dating her!” She giggles. “Two nerdy boys…admiring an older, more sauve brother’s girl?!”
“Yeah! Okay that makes sense.” says JFK.
“It’s so ordinary, Jack! We’re just human.” says Jackie.
“And Lem wasn’t. He was…gay. Then he’s straight now. Never the expected!” says Jack. “But you know…why didn’t he just tell me he wanted Joe’s girl?!”
“He did!! In a way he did!” says Jackie.
“In a way.” says Jack. “I guess I didn’t like it.”
“No! You certainly did not!” says Jackie.
“He…just wanted sex.” says Jack.
“With women?” asks Jackie.
Jack nods.
“He was…mine. In my mind. Mostly, I thought so. I didn’t think twice about it. It might seem so. But I didn’t.” says JFK.
“He was never ours. Or yours.” says Jackie.
“Then what was I doing with my life?” asks JFK.
“What you wanted?” says Jackie.
“I was a terrible wife.” says JFK.
“It’s a wonder he didn’t die first.” says Jackie.
“Yeah. People lived longer. No Covid. No…serious illness dominated like today. Penicillin worked.” says JFK.
“The air was cleaner. The water was cleaner.” says Jackie.
“But I held a straight man hostage.” says JFK.
They laugh.
“How likely is that today?!” asks JFK.
“Not as likely…and yet more likely.” says Louis.
“No it’s less likely in a way. We know more about like what it actually means to be homosexual and we generally don’t think it’s a choice or that it’s like necessarily something wrong with you so much as just who you are and so it’s a lot less likely that somebody would think that they somehow were gay if they weren’t but at the same time in a way, it’s more likely because he will question that so much more now and so I could easily see someone thinking that they were for other reasons. I don’t think it would take someone’s entire life because people sleep around so much more than they used to and so I don’t think it would take Lacey for a guy to realize that like he probably really wasn’t you know gay. He might wonder if he was bisexual his whole life but I don’t think he would probably think he was gay his whole life.” says a Gen Z woman.
“Why did you guys support a man who was so determined to hate Lacey?” Edith Beale asks MSNBC.
“Well, because I think we thought that we were right.” says Chris Hayes.
“About what?!” asks Edith Beale.
“So much!” says Chris.
“Like what?!” asks Edith.
“Her attitude.” he says.
“What attitude?!” asks Edith.
“Her false sense of superiority. It’s RAGING!” he says.
“I don’t think she has any sense of superiority that’s false. She was far from superior in the past.” says Edith.
“Fine. Over me. Over people a little less wealthy than me.” he says.
“In the perfume community?” asks Edith.
“Yes and no. Everyone else thought so. My colleagues all thought so.” he says.
“You’re wrong. She was very humble.” says Edith.
“It’s only been since you started attacking her that she’s changed.” says Michael.
“How?!” asks Chris.
“Her family owns oil and you have a tenuous job in the public eye on MSNBC. Your fame is fleeting and not all that great and that’s all you have. Once you’re off television you’ll never make as much money again. You’re not Barack Obama. You can’t do a book tour. Her family has oil and a knighted author in their family tree. That upper class, old money attitude is what she was raised in. She can’t help that. Chris…that’s just how she was raised. She overlooked that her whole life until you started attacking her. All of you.” says Michael.
“She overlooked that?!” says Casi. “See that’s so patronizing though and pretentious.”
“It’s not pretentious. It might be patronizing, but it wasn’t intended to be patronizing. It was intended to be genuinely loving in an egalitarian way towards you and everyone else. She really thought you were her equals and just may be different in some way, possibly. All equals ultimately. It was only when people started attacking her that she started questioning that. You guys saw her blessings and then saw her attitude of kindness, and assumed that she was being a bitch. Not the other way around.” says Michael. He thinks.
“If she had any other base instinct to be a snob she still ignores it. If she didn’t ignore it she would be a heartless person at this point and she can’t be that heartless. Because that’s just not who she is and that’s good. Why do you want her to be heartless? That would harm you?” says Lem.
“We read you as poor!” says Casi.
“Oh really? How?” asks Lacey, sincerely confused.
Casi stares. “Umm…no.”
Lacey looks annoyed. Extremely upset Lacey silently seethes.
“It was a joke.” says Casi.
“What’s the joke? My foibles or her love for me?” asks Lem.
“Okay. So…she has to trust you. A lot.” says Casi. “Why did you give her love to Jack?!”
Lem screams. Only God can hear him.
“Should we write another post?” says Lem.
Creep by Radiohead plays.
“Yes!” says Casi.
Keen to Cross the Pond 