Revolutionary Road

“Do men really attack you like you’re a man?” asks Islam of Lacey.

“I think they might.” says Lacey.

“That’s bizarre!” says Islam.

“It’s very disconcerting!” says Lacey.

“Is it because you wear pants?” asks Islam.

“Even if I wore a burka I think they’d still make that mistake.” says Lacey.

“Well this is the Illuminati, so we’re-I’m not sold on the idea that you’re not accidentally channeling your husband and that’s who we’re really talking to.” says a Muslim.

“Yes, but that’s very confusing because why are you addressing him and not me?” asks Lacey.

Later.

“Could he be insisting on it?” asks a Muslim.

“I’m gonna answer that question. I’m Harold Loeb at times possibly out of protection for her, but the way that it’s happening most of the time is completely inappropriate. It’s bizarre like a psychosis some sort of spiritual psychosis. Most people are-maybe mainly men…or maybe women and men both.” says Harold Loeb.

Later.

“Lacey once wondered if she’d been reincarnated from a man. What happened to that?” asks a lesbian from Messiah College.

“She was just confused.” says Lem.

“Confused by what?!” asks Ruth Beaver.

“It’s far too complicated to easily explain. But no. She’s not a man. She was never a man. She’s straight. Entirely straight.” says Lem.

“She’s really not that friendly intentionally?” asks Caitlin-the-comedienne.

“No!” said Lem.

“Why the hell did she think she’d been reincarnated from a man?!!?” asks a woman.

“Because misinterpreted something she was experiencing.” says Lem.

“What was she experiencing?” asks the woman.

“She was experiencing something supernatural.” says Lem. “But it wasn’t her being a man in any way.”

“I know.” says the woman.

“I know.” says another woman.

“I know!” says another woman.

“I know.” says yet another woman. “See…I’m queer. And everything you just said could mean she is queer.

“Not…really.” says Lem.

“Yes really! Yes way! She’s got a dick” says the woman.

“You saw her boobs developing before she started wearing a training bra. You also saw her in a swimsuit while the class took swimming lessons.” says Lem. “She looks nothing like a boy.”

“Fine. She’s not queer.” says the woman. “I just don’t get it.”

Straight No Chaser by Thelonious Monk plays.

“No. You don’t get it. …You know who else didn’t ‘get it?’ …Kate Winslet.” says Lacey.

“Kate Winslet is very smart!” says Justin Timberlake.

“She is.” says Lacey.

“Then what’s the beef?” asks Lem.

“Well…she was playing the role of a poor, white woman.” says Lacey.

“Except their house was a wealthy person’s house!” objects Selma Hayek.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Why…did…that make sense?” asks Lem.

“Because…” says Sam Mendes.

“They were supposed to be poor!” says Britney Spears.

“The job he had was a poor man’s job.” explains Lem.

“Was it?” asks Sam Mendes.

“Yeah!” says Lem.

“How was it?” asks Lacey.

“It was…too menial.” says Adeline Craft.

“A farmer’s job is menial. In a way. …But if he owns his own land and…makes good…or even good enough…he’s not going to be able to be poor.” says Ray Craft. “The land provides.”

“Amen!” says Thomas Jefferson.

“And Frank Wheeler was…from the working class.” says Lem. “Where did the money to buy that big house come from?”

“It wasn’t that big!” says Selma.

“It was big.” says Lacey.

“It’s a million dollars.” says Louis. “In Minnesota.”

“You couldn’t buy that house for under a million…easily. Almost anywhere in the US.” says Lem.

“Okay! But this was the 1950’s!” says Casi.

“Still…it wasn’t a cheap house!” says Lem.

“She’s right. The house doesn’t make sense.” says a woman.

“The house requires what salary, Lem?” asks Bernie Sanders.

“At least $40,000 a year.” says Lem smiling facetiously.

“For years.” says Adeline.

“Because the house was worth how much?” asks Bernie Sanders.

“$50,000?” says Lem. “What’s he using to pay for it?”

“That’s…creepy.” says Casi. Her eyes dart around the spiritual room. She starts laughing to herself. “You guys-“

“What?!” asks Bobby.

Casi laughs. “Have you calculated those numbers?”

“That house isn’t that nice!” says Bobby.

“Yeah! It is!!!” screams Frannie.

“What the fuck?!” says Bobby. “That’s a $500,000.00 house!” says Bobby.

“No. It’s Norwalk Connecticut house worth…a million?” says Lord Snotgrass. “Maybe $800,000. at least.”

Tangerine as performed by Coleman Hawkins & Ben Webster plays.

“It’s a nice house!” says Lord Snotgrass. “And…people don’t know how hard it used to be to buy a house?”

“Could the house have more than tripled in value?” asks Tom Ford.

“If Lem was gay. He’s hateful.” says Wobbly.

“Of who?” asks Lacey.

“You!!” says Wobbly.

“Yeah…I doubt that house was under $30,000.00.” says Lem.

“Why are we arguing with Lem?” asks Sam Mendes.

“Because he’s not my real dad!” says Wobbly.

“Why do you think he’d hate me?” asks Lacey.

“If he was gay?” asks Wobbly.

“Because he’s gay!” says Wobbly.

“That makes no sense.” says Lem.

“Yes! It does.” says Wobbly.

“How?” asks Lem.

“Because the sex club members?” says Bobby.

“Sex club members?” asks Lem.

“Yes! You were at the club!” says Bobby.

“What sex club?” asks Lem.

“The Ethel Room.” says Wobbly.

“The Ethel Club?” asks Lem. “Do explain.”

“It’s a sex club arranged by the Association of Maniacal Undershorts.” says Wobbly.

“You assumed I was a member?” asks Lem.

“Yes! Or honorary member.” says Bobby, disturbed.

“I doubt it. Explain more.” says Lem.

“See…the rules are…you can’t be good. Except on Easter. Or Christmas Eve. And you certainly don’t leave. It’s a once-Well…I like it. I have great sex!” says Bobby.

“Was JFK a member?” asks Lem.

“Yes. Probably. I’m a young member. But you were a member too. Right?” says Bobby Jr..

“How would me being a member make sense of I was straight?” asks Lem. “Wouldn’t it make more sense if I was straight, faithful and very judgmental?” He thinks. “And yet sexually demanding?”

“Yeah. That’s clear shot.” admits Bobby.

“How does it make sense if I was gay?” asks Lem.

“I don’t see the problem.” says Smobbly.

“The problem is…I would have to HATE Lacey. Why…do…I LOATHE her?” asks Lem.

“Because she slept with Jack as a teenager and he loved her more than you. Or…you’re just Jealous of her.” says Bobby.

“So she’s over him…INSANELY in love with me…and…I’m still mad?” ask Lem.

“Yes! Because he loved her more than you?” says Bobby.

“He doesn’t.” says Lem. “He got over her. Bored. Somewhat. And she’s not remotely interested, regardless.”

“So he would have loved you more?” asks Ken Burns.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“Really?” asks JFK.

“Yes! Because I seemed more obviously sexual to you.” says Lem. “Now…why would I be jealous? Joe barely loves her. I’d have known that. She’s dear. She’s sensible and sensitive. She’s very elegant…but…humble.”

“I might have been afraid of being like the drunken women I saw dancing on tables.” says Lacey.

“So…why am I being hateful?” asks Lem.

“Because!” says Bobby.

“Because why?” asks Lem.

“Because!” says Bobby.

“Your jealousy isn’t mine. I’m not you.” says Lem.

“Then there is no reason?” says Bobby.

“Yeah. So. It makes no sense.” says Lem.

Smoke House Blues by Jelly Roll Morton.

“Umm…so…if you were straight…” says Tom Ford.

“I’d be…right. Huh?” says Lem.

“Yeah. How did anyone afford a house back then?” asks Lacey.

String Quartet No. 5 by Philip Glass plays.

“They saved. They made more. Everything was truly cheaper.” says Lem. “They’d have lived in a suburban ranch house in Connecticut.”

“Where?” asks Lacey.

“Fairfield? Long Island? Like on Everyone Loves Raymond.” says Lem.

“So is the book nonsense too?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says Truman Capote.

“What revolution were they planning? Communism?” asks Lacey. “It’s a faux, pretentious, obnoxious propaganda piece?”

“Possibly?” says Lem.

“What’s wrong with the novel?!” asks George Bush.

“The economics of the Yates family doesn’t make sense.” says Lacey.

“True.” says George Bush.

“What else?” asks Barbara Bush.

“She doesn’t love him. Why?!” says Lacey.

“Because he doesn’t love her!” says Barbara.

“Then why are they married?” asks Lacey.

“Because she got drunk and got pregnant?” says Adeline.

“Then why do we care?” says Lacey.

Barbara laughs. “Because they’re so human.”

“Are they? I find them both obnoxious.” says Lacey. “They magically have money. Absolutely no strings attached. And then…they’re too dumb to have common sense?”

“Some adults in committed marriages don’t understand how pregnancy works.” says Richard Yates.

“Yeah. Why doesn’t she have the abortion sooner if she’s smart enough to have it on her own at all?” asks Lacey.

“Because she forgets.” says Richard Yates.

“No. She’s mentally-ill.” says Lacey.

“What would diagnose her with?” asks Michael.

“Is she inspired by Zelda Fitzgerald?!” asks Lem.

“No! That makes sense!” says Lacey.

Later.

“So his novel seems…silly.” says Truman Capote.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“I agree!” says Truman Capote.

“They’re…not real.” says Lacey.

“They seemed like…Ayn Rand cardboard people.” says Truman.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“What was he trying to say?!?” asks Truman.

“That abortion should be legal?” asks Lacey.

Truman laughs.

“Was there any other real point? The only other things I can think of are, 1. Houses are bad., 2. The suburbs are evil., 3. Chaos is not chaotic., 4. Men are either insane or or almost worthless., 5. Women are hunter-gatherers by nature., 6. Children are meaningless., 7. Good taste is dangerous., 8. Don’t commute., 9. Connecticut lied., 10. Cars are suspicious., and 11. Theater will save the world…if we let it.” says Lacey.

“I liked the cars!” says Truman.

“Oh! You think it’s that serious?” says Lacey.

“Well it is to these people.” says Truman.

“I keep getting the feeling that it’s somehow…a way people try to relate to me.” says Lacey.

Truman laughs.

“Like they think you’re trapped in the novel.” says Truman Capote.

“Yes. Do they have any idea how insulting that is to my intelligence?!” says Lacey.

“I don’t know I don’t even think they get why it’s insulting to- I think they do but they don’t at the same time.” says Truman.

“Is that really what you think? It really bothers me because I genuinely can’t figure it out. It’s just absolutely absurd. I mean, how do they not get it? That woman is a bumbling airhead or she’s basically a psychopath or a bitch or she is a dimwitted trailer trash nutcase. And I’m not one of those things. And that should be really really painfully obvious to people at this point. But it’s funny they think they’re being so loving and so nice and so compassionate. But they’re not they’re delusional idiots or they don’t know what they’re watching.” says Lacey.

“You mean the book not the novel. But you’re blaming the novel for the tragedy of the movie?” says Truman.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“They thinks it’s cute!” says Truman.

“Yes!” says Lem, exasperated.

“Of course I don’t even know if people really actually associate me with that woman but it’s just a sense that some people do. And maybe they don’t but I feel like if they do it’s just it’s so insulting because they do think it’s cute and that’s just gross. How is it cute?! I mean I get thinking that The Ghost Mrs. Muir and I have something in common. No, that’s not gross that’s not you know offensive it’s just true, but I really don’t actually have anything in common with that character other than the fact that I had an unplanned pregnancy in marriage and that it did create some problems for me, but it’s not the same as her life. I don’t think they realize that and it’s just so insulting.” says Lacey.

“If I had to live your life, I would have committed suicide. I would’ve overdosed on something by now.” says Richard Yates to Lacey.

“Why!?!” asks Lacey.

He cries. “Your life is terrible!”

“Yes, but I have kids and I’m sane. So how would you cope with those two factors if you were me?” says Lacey.

He cries. “I would’ve killed myself the first minute I knew what suicide was if I had to live your life. At probably age 15.”

“But suicide is wrong in most cases. There could be very rare exceptions potentially. But at 15 you could still live a good life, if you’re me. You don’t know that your life is totally ruined until you’re actually married and then you still have some hope. …I can’t tell if your empathy is real but it feels sick to me and perverted…and I wonder if you’re actually just sort of a bitch or if you’re weak or if you’re insane. I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“So my character is just not real?” he says.

“She is a trailer trash idiot. Or she is a working class intelligent woman who is losing her mind. I think someone like that may actually have accidentally killed themselves, but the key is that they grew-up so as intelligent and as cultured as they become they’re still vulnerable.

Their house is nice but probably not that nice. And they’re somewhat uneducated because you can’t tell me that a woman of the past who did know about abortion and who says it’s safe-at least in the movie she says it safe at first. You can’t tell me she would know that and then have the abortion anyway…unless if she decided to just abandon her children.

Umm…so she’s taking her child in her womb and herself to the grave and then she’s just abandoning her other two kids. That’s a heartless thing to do! She was a selfish, heartless, terrible person. So maybe that’s why her husband cheated on her? It was because she was a psychotic weirdo or she was a heartless bitch? I mean. Or she’s poor, and then she’s not committing suicide. She’s just ignorant of what she’s actually doing. The movie doesn’t make it clear which one was it? Was she mentally ill or evil or was she too uneducated to understand?” says Lacey.

“Evil.” he says.

“It’s funny how no one understands that nowadays unless they’re conservative. Everyone just thinks she’s the epitome of all perfection in women.“ says Lacey.

“No I’m starting to see your place because it it isn’t an unplanned pregnancy that she has an excuse for. No, she’s married. He’s not abusive enough for her to kill herself and those are her kids and no loving mother would ever just kill herself for no damn good reason if she has kids and then and then yeah it doesn’t make sense. No, you’re right that there’s no excuse for her other than the fact that she’s just evil and I’m the author and I actually agree with you now that I’m dead. I may not have thought that while I was alive…and I’m responsible for everyone thinking what I thought. But you’re right it’s not Catholic nonsense. And if it’s Catholic it’s not nonsense even if it’s Christian. Some people don’t seem to understand personal responsibility and then they use that phrase to attack the concept of self.” says Richard Yates.

“Why didn’t you just make her poor. More obviously poor? Why did you make her out to be so lovely in such an upper middle class or upper class way if you even did?” asks Lacey.

“You don’t believe me that I actually can try it you think that I’m lying or that they’re controlling me. And that’s not stupid.” says Richard Yates.