The Civil War

“We’re claiming that she’s not a sacrifice.” says the Illuminati.

Crickets chirp.

“You know…given her family history…it was bad bad bad to try to sacrifice her if someone was.” says 3/4 of the Illuminati. “Imagine Michael Rockefeller as an Illuminati sacrifice if he parents didn’t love him. I have a feeling they did. But…imagine if they didn’t.”

They think.

“Your wife is the only person who has a problem Chris.” yells Jeb Bush.

“I think it’d be similar to this.” says Lem. “If it was Michael. If his parents didn’t love him and chose to sacrifice him.” He stares at the Illuminati. “That’s scary. Isn’t it?”

“Yup!” weeps Lacey’s mother who raised her. “This is what I was thinking. They’ve got her thinking some crazy stuff.” She’s very folksy.

“Did someone in the Illuminati talk to her parents and get permission?” asks Michael.

Ted Bundy laughs.

“Close to it!” says Ted Bundy.

Casi nods her head.

“Do how’s it going?” asks Michael.

Smile Like You Mean It by The Killers plays.

“Seven years later we’ve caused a historic global pandemic, World War III…a mild case of an American Civil War…and we’re fighting off a banking crisis.” says George Soros.

“Umm…so…have you guys tried to sacrifice her?” says Lem.

“Women are falling down stairs. Some die and some likely have very slight permanent-in-life brain damage.” says President Donald Trump.

“I’m not committed to it.” says President Joe Biden.

Which one is the actual US President?

“You’re not commuted to what, dad?!?” asks Hunter Biden laughing.

“A lot!” says Joe Biden laughing.

His wife laughs.

“So…are you cool with giving up the US Presidency?” asks a Trump supporter.

“It’s mine!” yells Donald Trump.

“It’s ours.” says Joe Biden.

“You’re finishing off my term?” asks Donald Trump.

“And you started mine.” says Joe Biden.

“Are you two in a duel?!?” asks Frannie.

“Let’s say that that’s what it amounts to!” says Joe Biden.

Ashes To Ashes by Warpaint plays.

“So what’s going on, Kate? Does the Civil War exist?” asks Lem.

Kate laughs. “We’ll see. It’s not our war. Or is it?”

“It’s our war.” says a British aristocrat from the late 1800’s. “But they don’t understand Christianity.” He prays for the Duchess of Cambridge. Princess Kate. “Be careful.”

“What happened to her earlier?!” asks a Minnesotan.

“They’ve been viciously attacked lately. Psychologically.” says a British aristocrat from the late 1800’s.

“So! How’s it going? Murdering her? How’s it going?!” Lem yells at the Illuminati.

“They hate Lacey.” says Diego. “But they can’t fathom how Kate Shaw Hayes being at all evil.” says Diego Blue.

“Why do you all love Kate?” asks Lem.

“I’m sorry but…America is the problem.” says Islam.

“Why?!” asks Lem.

“Because they hate you.” says a Muslim cleric to Lem.

“I’ll tell you why!!” yells Dr. Bill Cosby. “They don’t like our side.”

“Yeah. The south.” says Lem.

“Did we lose the point of our side when we even slightly took her parents offer?” asks Joe Biden.

Michael Rockefeller smiles. “You took up her parent’s offer?! Wow. Didn’t notice!” he says sarcastically.

“Not completely!” says Lem.

“Even a little is dangerous.” says Michael.

“You know I tried to imitate Kate Shaw Hayes but I just couldn’t do it.” says Frannie Franken.

“You’re too short.” says Harold Loeb.

“Well. Honestly, this isn’t America anymore. You guys destroyed the country by being off the charts hateful to Lacey.

Her peers that she knew before you all attacked her were hateful to her in this country but this attack is psychotic because she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. Kate Shaw-Hayes is a pedophilia-tolerating, bitch. People keep telling us that she’s so kind and loving but she’s not.” says Red Fay.

“She’s extremely sweet.” says Lem about Lacey.

“They hate that.” says the Muslim cleric.

“No! Kate Shaw-Hayes secure in her man-“ says an Rihanna.

“Woah! Was the George Floyd Riot on behalf of THE SOUTH?!?!?” asks a Black Lives Matter activist.

“Bitch, yes.” says a Sioux woman.

“So was the January 6th Insurrection though. We’re diversifying. And we’re trying new, better ways to make sure we get our point across.” says the American south.

“I’m…intrigued. I might go for it.” says Frannie.

“So the riot was racist or not racist?” asks Candice Olsen.

“Both.” says the American South. “Why are they burning ‘their own neighborhood’ in both cases.”

“Yeah. It’s the south of both black and white.” says another American Southern. “We understand that not everyone is one color.”

“So is Zelda Fitzgerald taking turns with Robert E. Lee?!” scoffs NBC.

“What if she is?” asks Scott.

“See. Now I feel torn. I was going to side with nobody. But now…I like…the south a little.” says Woody Allen.

“I suppose all of the Kennedys are on the side of the North?” asks Ace Ventura.

“Mostly.” says Hemingway.

“I like both sides.” says the leader of North Korea.

“Me too.” says Lacey.

“How do we enlist?” asks a male reader.

“Answer my question. How well is their partial sacrifice going?” asks Michael Rockefeller.

“Not well.” smirks a man in the American South.

“Go from there.” says Michael.

“Like she’s tough!? And in the right.” says the Southerner.

“Do you know that? I do.” says Michael.

“If you push people too far…you’ll wish you hadn’t. Take that as a warning.” says Zelda. “Yeah. They’ve taken a lot. But…you don’t know.”

“Kate Shaw Hayes….why are you so sure your husband actually cheated?!” asks NBC.

“Because he’s said so.” she says.

“Chris…astral projection? Yeah it’s in your heart. But…what is that?!” asks Vanessa. “We saw an image of Lem Billings being used to lure Lacey in to fall in love with you. She was sensing HIM. You’re clearly handsome and interesting to watch…but…I’m really sold on the idea that it was him.”

Later.

“We’ll explain more tomorrow. It’s so likely it was a demon or one of us four men. Sorry.” says Lem.