A Silly Joke

“This blog…is my sex blog.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr., drunk slurring his words and stumbling.

High Road by Cults plays.

“I also count it as my food diary. I’m trying to lose weight.” says Bobby.

The song stops.

“How is this your food blog?” asks King William The Conqueror of Bobby Kennedy Jr..

Ashes To Ashes by Warpaint plays.

Ann Curry farts into a machine. The makers of the film “Parasite” including Bong Joon-ho, of course, have decided to bottle Ann Curry’s poop into a perfume.

Chris Hayes shakes his ass. “I’m jealous.”

“They’ve decided to make casts of my dick!” says Matt Lauer cheerfully.

“With the ugly south out of the way…we can really live!” says Ann Curry.

West End Blues by King Oliver’s Dixie Synchophants plays quietly as a hint of humor. It’s an allusion to the film “Blue Jasmine.”

“Why is this blog a blog about your sex life?” asks King William The Conqueror.

“Because I’m a magic penis!” says Bobby tripping on acid.

“Is that what you see?” asks King William the Conqueror of Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“I think we should just kill her!” screams Kate Middleton (the Duchess of Cambridge, etc.) about Lacey. “It’s just so mean that she points out that I have this frame, subconsciously, that’s not curvy and really skinny and that my hair is super thick because I wanna be better than her and everyone else.”

“You know if she doesn’t submit to your authority Katie baby…I’ll just take her ass for the both of us! Her blog is about my sex life!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“Ahh…Kate…why were you concerned to that degree of certainty and animosity?” asks M6.

“Do you wanna be honest with you?” asks Kate. “Because I am part of a non-MurderCast section of the monarchy. Otherwise known as the anti-monarchists, that see it as our day job when our real job is to just be superior…like I’m in the Illuminati and that’s my real identity. So…and her brilliance scares me because I feel really sorry for Mr. Blue. Because he’s so poor and being from a poor family that was actually aristocratic in its own way I refuse to acknowledge that because I want to feel morally superior to Lacey and I don’t want to have to deal with the reality of who I really am in comparison to her. So I just feel sorry for myself and then shut up and then feel sorry for Mr. Blue because he’s a peasant and he’s my little peasant. I like to see him as my little ego, he’s my alter ego and she’s been mean to him. How dare she! It just makes me cry!” says Kate.

“Kate how is she so socially beneath you? Because you’re still claiming that she’s way beneath you.” says Kate.

“Because I’m a paper plate and patterned napkin heiress.” says Kate.

Lem laughs.

“Kate…how is that superior to oil?” asks the CIA.

“Because it’s paper!” says Kate, indignantly.

“How did we end up in the north with all these pale face niggers?! …I just wanna throw that out there.” says a black American woman.

“How is oil inferior to the proud product of paper? Paper streamers, paper plates…napkins…colored plastic balloons that actually do use oil…but whatever. Umm maybe they don’t. So never mind. I am losing track of what I’m saying. The point is…how do we make plastic balloons? …Umm. How about if you explain to us, Kate, how that’s superior to just owning the oil itself.” says M6.

“Lacey‘s family actually owns the oil in the ground?!??” asks Casi.

“We LEASE the land out in a sense. It’s still her property.

“The oil in the ground belongs to the family, so yes…her family owns all of the oil…and that’s how it works in a sense. The oil companies are actually her tenants. Yes that’s correct Kate, I, & Chevron and Shell and any other major oil company and any and every one connected to her can call her our landlords. I am a mere paltry renter on her property and her family‘s property.” says the head of BP.

“I like to imagine…that it’s possible to destroy property rights…and pretend to use in the Illuminati and sex magic and Satanism to do so.

‘WE owned the oil the minute I fucked it with vagina!’ I say like a perverted freak. …But…in reality…my dear friends in the Kennedy family and the British Royal Family of Great Britain let me pretend that that means something real. And I love it, but I actually do understand that that’s just an imaginary thing. The increase in violent crimes against children they like to idiotically label ‘child sex’ doesn’t increase the likelihood that we’re gonna destroy property rights.

The Bush Family does not cognitively understand. The royal family’s struggle. Frankly a lot of intellectuals who call themselves intellectuals and maybe are not struggle with the concept because they’re dumb as fuck…and they don’t really understand what property rights even are on a business or any other level. They lack boundaries. They lack a lot common sense and are narcissists. They’re total idiots. No, they really don’t understand how dumb and caustic and tragic they really are.” says the head of Chevron.

“How do you not understand the oil in the ground is their oil?!??” asks a PROFOUNDLY exasperated CIA.

“Because in the magical fairyland that we exist in which is totally delusional on a certain level. And I violently struggle to admit that. I still can’t believe it it’s delusional. All the world belongs to us and Satan.” says Kate.

“Bobby doesn’t think science matters you guys. Bobby doesn’t think science matters at all. He thinks that he’s God or a God or something. I don’t know what he even thinks theologically. He doesn’t even think about anything theologically. But you know someone like Kate science doesn’t matters. To her it’s not real?” says Meghan Markle.

“Paper is out of style, Meghan. Why are you siding with Lacey?” says Kate.

“Because I understand what oil is Kate. I get the concept geopolitically.” says Meghan Markle.

“Kate, your mother had to sell that. And it was never worth trillions of Dollars. The British Royal Family isn’t even worth as much as the Nesheim’s oil potentially.” says CIA.

“But there’s wheels on those like oil pumps! Right?! And they take the oil out of the ground through the pumps with the wheels!! They suck it right out of the ground! …And isn’t that just the end of their ownerage?!? I mean the oil beneath those wheels that’s connected to itself and eventually reaches the pumps makes all the oil TECHNICALLY OUR oil?!?” asks President Joe Biden sincerely confused.

“No, legally that’s impossible Joe!! The oil and the pump and the wheel. Those are all separate things. The oil and the pump are two different physical things. It’s exasperating how dumb you people are. The oil is part of the land. It belongs to the land itself. It’s a part of the land. It’s like a tree on the land or a house on the land or the land itself. Legally, it is considered part of the land because that’s just reality.” says Harvard Law School, Emory Law School, NYU Law School, Yale Law School, Standford Law School, UCLA Law School and The University of North Dakota School of Law.

“Why did you guys call yourselves that? That’s not the proper way to address all of you?!?” says Kate in a bourgeois panic.

“Those are not improper ways to address us. And it indicates clearly who we are. And I think that you’re exaggerating the importance of pedantic details in the mind of Christ.” says Satan.

“I don’t think she made any mistake.” says Emory Law School.

“So you actually are Emory Law School?! You’re not Emory University School of Law because I was sure she would get that wrong!” says Kate.

“You know maybe Kate, the liberal US media isn’t the best friend you thought it was and they’ve been your enabler because you got bullied and they made you feel better about yourself.” says Lem.

“Okay fine. But if I admit that paper plates that my mother sold got us rich and then I just sort of have slept my way to the top and that I’m sort of a catty two-faced bitch…it makes the whole British Royal Family seem like crap!” says Kate.

“Whatever! They are not your friends. The people who brainwashed you into thinking that your title didn’t mean anything are not your friends. And you’re probably not that different than our Megan. OK? I don’t know why those boys married two bourgeois bitches but that’s between you and them. I’m not actually going to judge the entire British Royal Family based on that because of this blog. This blog is their defense. …I think it’s kind of sad. It shows that there are huge amounts of family dysfunction.

That being said, how do you guys not understand that the oil is like her oil. It’s legally in their land. It’s a part of the land. Like..like a like a landlord owns the land?!?” says Casi.

“Because they’re using magical thinking because they’re too stupid and poorly educated to comprehend the concept in an honest way even to themselves.” says Harvard Law School.

“We’ve been making you guys seem so much smarter than you are…for probably close to 100 years if not longer.” says Matt Lauer in representation of ALL US MEDIA TO EVER EXIST.

“That’s why we own you!!” shouts Chris Hayes.

“But that’s not legal.” says Diego Blue to Chris Hayes, sincerely to correct his inaccuracy.

“Why not?” asks Chris Hayes sincerely.

“I thought we were fine!!” shouts Athalia Ponsell.

“You were slaughtered!” yells a psychic.

“Because…I was…weird. Right?!?” says Athalia. “I mean I’m not that loving. Umm…I’m kind of loving. But… This is really scary. Even for me. It’s scary to watch you all.” says Athalia Ponsell.

“Oh my God Athalia, are you OK?!!?” says Kate in horror.

“Umm…I’m going to repeat myself. I just don’t understand how we doing on the oil end because we own the land and we own all of you!” says Chris Hayes.

“Chris you’re right. Man…you’re 100% right buddy. Maria? Ahh…you know? I mean it’s not a perfect world. And if they understood that we legally own the entire world they will be nice to us. But you know as the legal genius that I am…they don’t understand.” says Andy Lack eating carbs like a pig.

“See what Lacey doesn’t comprehend is that the Illuminati owns the US.” says the entire Illuminati. “It’s a multinational corporation. There are no more countries as a concept and we refuse to entertain anything else. Because we’re intellectually complicated because we’re too dumb to understand. OK? So to us the concept of a country ceased to exist a good 10 to 20 years ago because we just couldn’t comprehend it.”

“So then there are no countries that are owned by anyone. Like the land itself is the country and the people in it the companies are the countries themselves are legal entities. Let’s use the word entities. So the countries themselves are separate legal entities? Is that actually very subtly written into international law or is it imaginary law?” asks Louis Hill Jr..

“Umm…no I mean there’s no US Constitution. It’s not real. And there are no property rights that are real. The truth is all businesses essentially don’t exist. …It’s just complete anarchy, legally speaking based on Illuminati law and my expertise.” says Kate. “Which means the Magna Carta doesn’t exist either and essentially we don’t even exist legally as entities. There are no human rights or you don’t have to legally do anything. And that’s just the reality of it. So then there you go! Okay, that’s my that’s my prediction is that nothing-nothing is legally binding. You can do whatever you want anywhere at anytime and it means nothing. I guess do whatever you want from wherever you want. Do whatever you want! I don’t know? Umm…because that’s what they tell me you know?! My people actually are loving! WE ARE LOVING!!! ..I am in the same super uber intellectual genius group as everyone else in the Illuminati. I have an art history degree from an elite British University…and the truth is…I’m an expert and I’m just telling you. I am with you people! I want-I love you. I LOVE MY FANS!!” yells Kate Middleton.

“There’s no way out of this for any of us. You just decided that there’s some business organization that owns all of the world and now we have to legally prove to Lacey that that’s not true or we lose control of every fucking piece of everything! Money doesn’t make any difference. We’ll have food shortages everywhere and all countries will cease to exist. You just created the end of the world intellectually, Kate, so maybe you should have slowed down and answered their question about why paper was superior a while ago.” says M6. “Only superior in your imagination by the way, because Kate the truth is, it’s not. You were peasant in Great Britain, regardless of what your egalitarian capitalist family represented otherwise, compared to Lacey, before you married into the British Royal Family.”

“Because that’s all hogwash, what you just said Kate. Not M6. They were right. Based on moral principle that Lacey and I understand legally, you don’t Kate. There is US soil. There is the US, legally. It it’s own legal entity, and therefore the oil is theirs until it leaves the land.” says Emory University and Emory School of Law.

“Do you think her weak peasant brain handle this summary? You will help fuck her huh? You skid-row sluts. You you dumb ass idiots. The UVA law school refused to get involved because of my hot ass and let me tell you something…I’m not being sarcastic or silly. This is the Illuminati! I really just-You…you know I don’t get your fucking idiots who run your worthless, piece of shit school. I don’t get you! I don’t get you fucking idiots.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr. sincerely.

“Bobby…they just saved the United States of America possibly from like nuclear extinction or other horrific things. That doesn’t matter to you?” asks the entire US Government.

“Listen, I don’t know what you assholes are up to. OK?! We did our time! Buddy…we did our time.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr. with great superior smugness. “All I’m saying is…that ahh…we’re fighting a climate war, we’re fighting a climate EPIC event. IT’S…go time.” Bobby laughs at his self-perceived humor. “It’s…time…to…GO!” he says in imitation of a warlord from Star Wars.

“I think I watched too much The Office.” say all Millennials. “It’s making me sick to watch you freaks now. You ruined it. You’re all too stupid for the show’s humor to exist in reality. It was funny in our minds only when you people had at least average overall intelligence. Now I’m realizing that I’m average the current Illuminati is basically retarded, at best. Like…you’re so dumb you don’t even see it.”

“Let’s hear more about your epic climate crisis.” says NYU School of Law to Bobby.

“I have a lot of psychics who I work with and the spirit has been telling me lately…that ahh…there’s going to be rain.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr. seriously. “I work with pigeons.”

“Pigeons?!?” asks Standford Law School.

“The work I do with pigeons is top-secret.

Joe Biden pays me about $30,000 a year alright. So those are my oil proceeds. You know?

Man.

What…pieces of shit people can be at times. Right?! …And thinking that $30,000 a year means something is so white trash. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just nothing. I am one of the wealthiest men to exist. …But I work with pigeons.

And…full disclosure….sometimes I fuck them…sometimes they fuck me. Yeah. Okay. Sometimes…I put them up my ass and poop them out. And then I listen to their spirit.

I listen and they say, ‘No pets! Mean!’ And…I mean the world is going to end.

I think to myself, ‘Any other person I’ve ever had sex with is usually automatically so attracted to me and in love with me. They plead with me to you know…get married the minute that I even you know, consider that I could possibly be with them…so I’m just I’m just you know…I’m just kind of confused about…you know…why people don’t hear the screaming of the pigeons the way that I do.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr., acting heartbroken.

“Oh my gosh, you are such a different breed Bobby. It is so cool to be your friend!” say all Native Americans. Many sincerely and lacking self-awareness.

“Ahh….thank you for understanding, almond my sexual connection to the feathery kingdom.

…I see them as my sex gods. Each and every pigeon that I fuck. Some days when I shove their heads up my ass I bow down and say, ‘I bless Mother Nature!’ I bow down and then I say, ‘Wow! I thank you great spirit for blessing us with the entities above!’ because they fly over my head and you know I feel suddenly like I want to fuck a pilot. And what is a pilot? A pilot is a person who flies a plane. A pilot is someone who maneuvers an airborne device…and that is a bird. You and I all understand that birds are the greatest pilots to ever exist.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“Man Bobby, you are a legend! Bobby…you are seriously being roasted!” say almost all bourgeois but well-intentioned living men.

“I’m being roasted? Non?!

…Huh…

I don’t know what you’re talking about. …The thing is…bestiality is quite popular in the Illuminati. The fact that I don’t touch their genitals is how I reconcile it with nature…although there’s times I’ve made exceptions as we all have. There are more intense bestiality fans some are more into it than I am.

I am one of the most evil men to ever exist…although not evil…to ever exist. It’s very confounding! I am I’m a paradox…wrapped in enigma…in the shell of a paradox…with paradox doves flying around the shell, and the truth is…I am very lovable. Lacey is not lovable…and that makes her a peasant…which means that the United States of America doesn’t exist anymore…because the oil is actually not in their land.

Love was gay! OK?! When Lem was gay it was…evil…but…we tolerate it.

We TOLERATE IT!

…Or if he was bisexual…he was more in love with JFK than he could ever be in love with Lacey. There’s no way anyone could ever love her. Anyone to suffer my Uncle Joe must be a SAINT!!

Umm…and if Joe loves her then we all hate her and then there’s no way that Joe is ever in love with her…but if Joe is in love with her and then they’re together…then we don’t want to be with her…and we don’t think she should be with him…because she’s insane.

She’s INSANE.

And there’s no way he would ever be with her. Insert any man to exist.

The truth is…pigeons…like being shoved up one’s ass. I asked them. Umm…no because I am a bird lover…and I want to get everything you can out of life…so I’ve fucked midgets. Once I fucked squirrels. I fucked a deer. It was dead. But by my car. And then I heard it it say, ‘I and I thought.’ No…it’s go time. Fighting Sioux of the DAKOTA TERRITORY…it’s go time. Are you asking me to fuck you? Because…I HAVE. I fucked your penis and pussy through the breeze. I’ve fucked your penis and pussy in the past few lifetimes. I’ve fucked you in my…” says Bobby.

He grows quiet.

“Why so quiet?” asks Lem.

“Lem! Some things are SACRED!” yells Bobby Kennedy Jr. with all of his heart he has left.

“Huh. What’s sacred Bobby?” asks Lem.

“Lem. Unlike you…I understand. That time I had with the pigeons was sacred.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “I’m not about to kiss and tell. Even my other lovers.”

“So what you’re saying is that sex is meaningless and yet it’s divine and it’s what we have with all creatures…and no one consents to it and we all just get fucked and that’s a glorious thing…and so therefore I am. Well Bobby you’re really impressive. I I just I am so in awe of all of the depth and character and valor that you have shown in this item life. This sunset, sunrise journey. This life, this moment that we have together.” says Cheryl Hines with a dreamy voice.

“If you wanna fuck me up the ass you sure can!” say a few Native American women.

“You know, I don’t tolerate that kind of infidelity in my marriage!” says Cheryl Hines.

“I just assumed you had an open marriage.” says one of the Native American women.

“No I don’t have an open marriage! I don’t have an open-I don’t have an open marriage! No that’s a lie.

…He is the most faithful man I’ve ever met in my entire life! And the truth is sweetie…I am part of a group of women who never get cheated on. Men don’t cheat on me. No…they don’t cheat on me. I am not someone that anyone would ever cheat on. That’s damn near impossible.

I mean it might’ve happened a few times. I’m human. See…but I just I am so shrewd. I’m so brilliant. And I’m so special that I just know how to carry myself like a lady and then they just know that…and they see that…and they respond to it.” says Cheryl Hines.

“But he cheats on you with the women. I’m almost positive.” says a Sioux woman.

“No he doesn’t share me with anyone or anything. No…I mean I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. He was in some strange relationship with a woman who is mentally ill. And they had kids together, I guess. And it was because they just slept together like a few few times. Like 10 times, probably? Like…their entire marriage. And then they got divorced in their hearts the minute that they knew I existed.” says Cheryl Hines sincerely.

To Stay by PLÜM plays as Bobby Kennedy Jr. moves across the room to meet Cheryl Hines.

“Hi!” said Bobby Kennedy Jr. to Cheryl Hines.

“Hey.” she said, instantly in awe of him.

“And that was AFTER I met my twin flame.” says Cheryl Hines.

“What was it like…being…that…POWERFUL over a man?” ask BP.

“The world is my oyster. Men have always gravitated to me.” says Cheryl grinning perfectly.

“But they ignore your obvious flaws.” says Louis.

“I have no flaws.” says Cheryl.

“No flaws.” says Lem. “Wow. You’re hideous. But…men are brainwashed in America into sexual guilt.”

“And now they created one of the ugliest generations in adulthood to ever exist. Timothy was the best we could do.” says Hollywood.

“I’m pretty!” says Dylan.

“But you’re too old.” says a Real Housewife.

“That’s not true. I’m only 26.” says Dylan.

“Oh my gosh. Dylan that’s sad. If you’re a woman. You were born a man. But you at an 8 if you’d been born a woman is the best we can do?!?” says a Missouri man.

“You’re a 2.” says Lem. “If you’re a woman. You’re stuck at a 2 until death.”

Dylan laughs. “Oh my gosh! You’re flirting?!”

“No and we’re done talking to you because we can’t figure out if you’re too faced or not. But we’ll pray for you and we wish you well Dylan, sincerely.” says Lem about him and Lacey. “I’m not intimidated by men like you and Jack Kennedy anymore will all your bullshit. Or I’m not intimidated by your narcissistic personality disorder if you’re a woman.”

“I hope Dylan isn’t as evil as she has occasionally seemed.” says Lacey. “Or he.”

“NEVERMIND!!!” yells Lem.

Silence.

“I can’t trust you enough to leave you alone. You’ll just start scaring her into thinking I’m cheating with you.” says Lem. “Dylan…I’m not gay. I’m straight. And I maybe always was? Huh?”

Waves by Koresma plays.

“Hey, Bobby why do you fuck twelve other women?” asks Cheryl Hines. “I mean…I know you only do that to clean your penis.”

“It’s my cleansing ritual.” says Bobby.

“Yeah. You feel your spiritual energy at about a three and I need to raise my energy to a soul level 5 or higher to fuck you.” says Cheryl.

“Yeah. Huh.” says Cheryl.

“It’s my way of altering my state to join with you.” says Bobby.

“Huh. Bobby. You’re brilliant!” say 500,000 women.

“Am I?” he asks, stupidly.

“Yeah! You genuinely are cleansing your penis.” they say.

“I believe…my best sperm should be used up quickly. And then my better sperm should be saved for Cheryl.” says Bobby. “I…have an artistic tendency to go optimum grade fuel by using the first two stages by sleeping with five women. And then in stage two we sleep with 10. Often a few times a week. And it’s followed by a resting period of two months where I read God’s Word. Then I rinse and repeat.” says Bobby. “I don’t know. It’s my method. Don’t copy me. It’s officially offensive.”

“When do you fuck Cheryl?” asks Frannie Franken.

“When my mode is on go time.” says Bobby.

“How about when you’re aroused?” asks Dmitry.

“I don’t. I don’t aroused.” says Bobby.

“Why?” asks Dmitry.

“Because it’s not the way I let my mind function. I get intrigued.” says Bobby.

“What intrigues you?” asks Jeffrey Dahmer.

“They are…so energetic.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“Loving?” asks Jeffrey Dahmer.

“Yes! It’s my cup of tea.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..

“I helped Diego Blue set all insults to be taken as narcissistic insults she pays people. I just wanted everyone to experience what I had to live through when she thought she was in love with me…because she’s insane.” says Chris Hayes.

“But Diego tricked her into thinking that you were talking to her and honestly I don’t even know if she liked who you really are. I mean…you’re a happily married man and I have no idea why a woman who is in love with someone else would even be paying people insults that were narcissistic?” wonders a rich woman in the Illuminati.

“Because it insulted my marriage.” says Chris Hayes.

“It insulted your marriage? So how great of a marriage do you even have with Kate? Chris her only insinuation was that you were cheating with someone who you worked with. So how serious of an accusation is that?” asks the rich woman.

“How?!? Well…I mean that wasn’t her only accusation. She also insinuated that one of my coworkers was a heroin addict or no that was, that would be what we intuited she was thinking. She never insinuated that. I guess they’re only real you know violent attack was when she said that I had a bad marriage. It just really hurt Kate and my feelings to think that one of our viewers would think we had a bad marriage. I mean that’s really offensive. I’m extraordinarily offended.” says Chris Hayes.

“That’s really not offensive at all. You work in a situation publicly where people think things like that.” says the Illuminati.

“Umm I think it’s especially offensive with her, considering the fact that that she was insinuating that I was in love with her. I would never be in love with her.” says Chris Hayes.

“Why?!? That’s a very violent response considering the situation.” says the FBI.

“Because I have fence around my soul! She’s a fucking nothing and I don’t wanna hear, ‘Chris, the Diego!’ was involved. It’s a really sad thing when a woman who’s beautiful thinks that just because someone’s talking to her telepathically that it was being sincerely tracked by a star like me. I mean I’m a star. I’m a really big deal. …Why would a fucking little nobody from Instagram with a perfume collection think that I would give a fuck about them?” says Chris Hayes.

“Well let’s just examine that whole class structure for a moment before I accept what you just said. Because you’re forcing me to accept that and it feels a little off to me. Sorry.” says Lacey.

“So you think that that’s bullshit?” asks Chris.

“It concerns me. You could just be a narcissistic asshole who doesn’t understand love. And I have a feeling you’re a little narcissistic to be honest because it’s just such a narcissistic response. It’s such a lack of empathy in my perspective. But beyond that, I don’t think you understand how social class works. See…your insinuation, and I have maintained this for seven years, is that I am very far beneath you socially. I am not far beneath you socially. I’m actually your superior, potentially. What I think you are confused by is that you’re a star. Of course you’re not that big of a star, but you’re a star you know. You’re a big deal star. Which is a what star is. Chris you’re a star. You’re a famous person and because you’re famous, we’re not in the same league in that way, but that’s not social class. People can be famous for really dumb things. If you wanna talk about hard work, I think you could argue that I’ve had a difficult life and I’ve worked very hard in my own way and you’ve been torturing me for seven years. The problem is, you have no leg to stand on to feel superior to me, other than the somewhat meaningless distinction of being famous.” says Lacey.

“I went to Brown, but that might not mean that much. OK? You’re right I might not actually be wealthier than you in reality. My education doesn’t mean that much. My job hasn’t really placed me socially above you either that much either and the only distinction I have is that I’m famous, and apparently to me that means that if someone isn’t famous, they should be careful thinking that I would be interested in them, because to me, apparently, that’s a huge deal and anyone that isn’t famous is inferior to me in my mind because it’s like, you know, I’m a huge deal. I’m extraordinarily proud of myself for what has happened to me in my life be it through chance…but I like to think of it as kismet and that I am somehow divined for this role because of my humility and genuine love for people and candor and graciousness. My lack of interest in hearing this until to this moment is because I thought you were madly in love with me and a bunny boiler…because it seemed like you were disinterested, and I took that to mean that you were interested and really playing like…obsessive hard to get.” says Chris Hayes.

“I know I’ve made it extremely clear that I am not interested!” yells Lacey.

“But that just sounds like frightening obsessive interest to me because you’re so angry!” says Chris Hayes.

“You’ve been obsessively stalking me and harassing me and trying to kill my family to defend yourself in your eyes for seven years and I’m not attacking you.” says Lacey.

“But you were so like in love with me at the beginning and it feels like there’s a part of you that hangs onto that.” he says.

“You have absolutely no right to be that obsessed with some tiny little fucking shred of interest that I might have in you that in your self-obsessed, narcissistic evil-peasant mind means something.

And I have a feeling that you think that you’re defending yourself because, ‘You never know what I might do!’ But you’ve had the CIA psychologically profile me, and if they have a brain, they should know that I am the last person that would give two fucking shits about you and your family right now in any sort of obsessed way. …I wish you well, but I honestly have no clue why I have to keep talking to you. …It’s totally unhealthy, toxic, insane and psychotic. What do I have to use to get you to understand that I am not interested in you, and I haven’t been for years at all. If you’re sensing something psychologically, that’s my business. I don’t need to explain my brain to you in such a fucking minute way.” says Lacey.

“I’m confused how the bro code applies in the situation because honestly you kind of sound like an obsessive woman. So why do you think she’s obsessed with you? I have a feeling she doesn’t watch your show and she doesn’t even look at your picture. I don’t even think she thinks about you and that bothers you and it bothers other people and then you sense something that she’s hanging onto possibly that’s her emotions about what happened to her and the fact that you’ve done some profoundly psychotic shit in narcissistic response to what happened. You sound like a bitch who doesn’t know how to leave a man who you hooked-up with once alone. You sound crazy.” says a guy reading her blog to Chris.

“I’m not going to dignify that.” says Chris Hayes.

“He’s not going to dignify that truth of that.” says Diego Blue. “I will. …He’s lazy.” He thinks. “He doesn’t want to explain to his wife what actually happened. He doesn’t want to tell her that Lacey’s probably not interested and never has been. He doesn’t want to tell himself that. He doesn’t want to think. It’s too irritating to him.”

“That’s all?!?” says Glen Close.

“Yeah. Possibly.” says Chris. “I’m also pretty sure it was weird that she knew it was real.”

“But it was real!” says Dmitry.

“I have no idea how she would know. She’s not supposed to be my equal.” says Chris.

“She just was that smart.” says Diego.

“But she’s that innocent!” says Chris.

“So what?! She’s smarter than you!” yells Lem.

Chris Hayes ignores him.

“You’re gay!” yells Diego at Lem on behalf of Chris Hayes.