Drive by Warpaint plays.
“This is real?!?” shrieks Joe Kennedy Sr..
“Yes.” says Lem.
“To me Kennedy could look…French or rather Gallic.” says Lacey.
Angeles by Elliott Smith plays.
“So they’re of the same origins as Napoleon himself?” asks a historian.
“I wonder.” says Lacey.
“And suddenly from a psychic’s perspective, Jackie makes so much sense.” says an Illuminati psychic.
“So are all Irish just lying French bastards? Or can we admit that the bourgeois-they massacred European history first?” says Lacey. “Or at the same time as World History possibly?”
“Or they could have been the real evil elite!” says Queen Elizabeth II.
“Fair enough.” says Lacey.
“So we’re French?!” asks Caroline.
“On your father’s father’s side I wonder.” says Lacey.
“So you think Kennedy is Kenned?” asks Joe Sr.. He’s getting bored.
“Or something along those lines. Literally, almost.” says Lacey.
“So they’re little Napoleonic bastards?” wonders Eleanor Roosevelt.
“I wonder!” says Lacey. “You know…I’m mad at Lem…but attacking us using love was brilliant!”
“I might agree!” says Napoleon I (Napoleon Bonaparte).
“Could those genes really have been preserved that long?!?” asks a NASA scientist.
“It’s hard to believe. But I’d bet yes.” says Lacey, laughing.
Diplomat’s Son by Vampire Weekend plays.
“I’m not stupid enough to help write this song from the grave though.” says Napoleon I. He shakes his head in absolute disgust.
“We just got this dumb from the English!” shouts the Kennedy family. “It’s not our fault.”
“I wonder if the Kennedys are slightly Jewish or Viking?” asks Joe Sr..
“Or the Irish are vile?” asks Lacey. “The Vikings I know understand logic. Jews get there eventually when it comes to logic. Or were the worst Jews to ever live that founders of Ireland?”
Taxi Cab by Vampire Weekend plays.
Taxi Cab
Unsentimental
Driving around
Unsure of myself
Sure of it now
But you were standing there close to me
Like the future was going to be
In the aisles of the grocery
In the blocks uptown
I remember
Remember it well
But if I’d forgotten
Could you tell?
In the shadow of your first attack
I was questioning and looking back
You said ‘Maybe we don’t speak of that?’ Like a real aristocrat
Compound to compound
Lazy and safe
Born into leisure
Born into waste
When the taxi door was open wide
I pretended I was horrified
By the uniformed clothes outside
Of the court yard gate
You’re not a victim
Well neither am I
Nostalgic for garbage
Desperate for time
I could blame it on your mother’s hair Or the colors that you father wears
But I know that I was never fair But you were always fine
Unsentimental
Driving around
Sure of myself
Sure of it now
You were standing so close to me
Like the future was supposed to be
In the aisles of the grocery
In the blocks uptown
I remember
Remember it well
But if I forgotten
Would you tell
In the shadow of your first attack
I was questioning and looking back
You were standing on another tray Like a real aristocrat
“See! Tommy Banks or your father made me fi it!! I’m innocent!” yells Joe Kennedy Sr..
“The song is actually about Joe Kennedy Sr. throwing Lacey into a mental institution in his imagination if she cheats on him with Lem. And he’ll rape her if she doesn’t let him turn her into his literal sex zombie slave.” says Napoleon I.
Diplomat’s Son
Please don’t fight, it’s now or never
And if I wait, could I ever forgive myself?
On a night when the moon goes yellow my riptide
With the light from the TV’s buzzing in the house
‘Cause I’m gonna cut it where I can cut it
And then I’m gonna duck in behind them
If I ever had a chance it’s nothing But I never had the feeling I could offer that up to you
To offer it would be cruel
When all I wanna do is lose, lose you
I was a diplomat’s son
He was 81 He too was a diplomat’s son who was 81 oh-oh, oh-oh
Dressing while my car keys are hidden in the kitchen
I could sleep wherever’d I’d laid my head
And the sight of your goody-two shoes sitting in the bathtub
Let me know that I shouldn’t give up just yet
‘Cause I’m gonna take the title from Simon
And then I’m gonna duck in behind them
If I ever had a chance it’s now then
Because never had the feeling I could offer that to you
To offer it to you wouldn’t be cruel?
Because baby all I really wanna do is use, use you
He was a diplomat’s son, it was ’81
He was a dip-diplomat’s son, he died in ‘81, oh-oh, oh-oh
Lem I’m probably not doing anything right
But Lem I really don’t care how you want it
I can’t go back to how I felt before? (His life matters?)
That night I smoked a joint next to my best friend Lem
We found ourselves up in bed but when he woke up, he was gone, ‘one, ‘one, ‘ne, ‘ne
He was a diplomat’s son? Ming was ’81
He was diplomat’s son? …It was ’81!
Lookin’ out at the ice-cold water all around Maine I can’t feel any traces of that other place
In the dark, when the wind comes racing off the river
There’s a Karl all black with diplomatic plates
Horchata
In December, drinking Horchata
I look psychotic in a balaclava
Winter’s cold is too much to handle
Pinch the crabs that pinch at your sandals
In December, drinking Horchata
Look down your glasses at that Aranciata
With lips and teeth to ask how my day went Boobs. And so our fists pound on the pavement
Here comes a feeling you thought you’d forgotten
Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on
You’d remember drinking Horchata
You’d still enjoy it with your foot on my Mazda
Winter’s cold is too much to handle
Pincher crabs that pinch at your sandals, Uh-oh-
Here comes a feeling you thought you’d forgotten
Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on
Oh, you had it, but oh no, you lost it
Looking back, you shouldn’t have forgotten it
In December, drinking Horchata
I’d look psychotic in a balaclava
Winter’s cold is too much to handle
Pincher crabs that pinch at your sandals
Years go by and hearts start to harden
Those palms and firs that you’d gotten Are falling down and nearing the rosebeds
The roots are shooting up through the tool shed
Those lips and teeth that asked how my day went
Ah- They’re shouting up through cracks in the pavement?
Here comes a feeling you thought you’d forgotten
Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on
Oh, you had it, but oh no, you lost it
You understood, so you shouldn’t have fought it
Here comes a feeling you thought you’d forgotten
Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on
Here comes a feeling you thought you’d forgotten
But chairs to sit on and sidewalks to walk on
Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa
As a young girl
With Louis Vuitton
With my mother
On the sandy lawn
As a sophomore
With only rags on
And the ‘old money’ linens
I’m sitting on
Is your bed made?
Is your sweater on?
Do you want to fuck?
Like you know I do
Like you know I do, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
But this feels so unnatural
What a silly thing to do
But it feels so unnatural
What a silly thing to do
Can you stay up
To see the dawn
In the colors
Of Benetton?
Is the bed made?
Is your sweater on?
Do you wanna talk Like you know I do
Like you know I do, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Feels so unnatural
Peter Gabriel too
But this feels so unnatural
St. Peter? Gabriel?
Mm…Mm…Mm…ohh…ooh, ooh, ooh, I wanna zig zag ahh…I do…Lem with you… (shut-up John)
Is your bed made?
Is your sweater hawt?
Do you want pot
Like I know I do
Like I know I do, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, (why is Jack here) ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Oxford Comma
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
I’ve seen those Merchant-Ivory dramas too, they’re crude
So if there’s any other way to spill the word
It’s fine with me, with me
Why would you speak to me that way, Especially when I always said that I
Haven’t got the word for you. All your diction dripping with disdain?Through the pain, I like to always tell some truth
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
I climbed to Dharamsala too, I did
I met the highest Dali Lama
His accent sounded fine to me, to me
Take your handbook, it’s no trick (you stupid bitch!)
Take the chapstick, put it on your lips
Crack a smile, adjust your tie (she’s straight)
And all your boyfriends are just like other guys (*vomit*)
(Lacey) why would you lie ’bout how much coal you have?
Why would you lie about something dumb like that?
Why would you lie ’bout anything at all? (I’ll throw you) First the window, then it’s to the wall
Bless my brother John He always tells the truth (?)
Check your US passport, it’s no trick
Take the chapstick, put it on your lips
Crack a smile, adjust- No, I’m tired
Know your butler! Unlike other guys (?)
(To the public in general) Why would you lie ’bout how much coal you have?
Why would you lie about something dumb like that?
Why would you lie ’bout anything at all?
(In a burning plane) First to the window, then it’s to the wall
(Dick) Why would you tape my conversations?
(Lacey why would you) Show your ‘paintings’ at the ‘United Nations’ Lil’ John he just always tells ‘his truth’
Ottoman
Ottoman couch! How?!? Who buys your furniture?
Lovelier now, but dressed for a funeral
Begging you to sit for a portrait on the wall
To hang in the dark of some parliamentary hall
Elegant clothes you want to be seen in But only in tweeds you sweat like a teenager
Begging you to sit for a portrait on the wall
(Dude? We’ve got the Founding Fathers here?!?) (Yeah, why don’t you go) hang in the dark of some parliamentary hall
Today is for you
WE laid it out for you
For you (*crying*)
There will be six bells a-ringing and white women singing for you
But this feels so unnatural to Peter Gabriel, too (What about Saoirse?)
(Think of) All of the cars and all of the time it took
Soon it’s all lines and red in a leather book
Begging you to wait for a minute by the door
Your creeping feet where they’ve never been before (Hi, I’m Roger Smith!)
Today is for you
They laid it out for you
For you (We’re from Flint, Michigan)
There will be six bells a-ringing and white women singing for you
But this (you should see Roger Smith’s-) feels so unna-(mansion)-tural to Peter Gabriel, too
Cousins (David’s Addiction)
You ‘found a sweater on the ocean floor’
They’re gonna find it if you don’t close the door
You and ‘the smart ones’ sit outside of the side
‘In a house on a street they wouldn’t park on at night’
Dad was a risk-taker, his was ‘a shoemaker’
Your greatest hits 2006, little list-maker
Heard ‘codes in the melody’ so you heeded the call
You were born with ten fingers and you’re gonna use them all (go away Lacey)
Interesting colors, I discovered myself (with acid)
If your art life is gritty, (I know about Lem) you’ll be toasting my health
If an interest in culture should be lining the walls (I know)
When your birthright is interest, you could just accrue it all
Me and my cousins, and you and your cousins
It’s a line that is always running
Me and my cousins, and you and your cousins
I can feel it coming
You can turn your back on the bitter world
You can turn your back on the bitter world
You can turn your back on the bitter world
You can turn your back on the bitter world
Me and my cousins, and you and your cousins
It’s a line that’s always running
Me and my cousins, and you and your cousins
I can feel it coming
Me and my cousins, and you and your cousins
It’s a line that’s always running
Me and my cousins, and you and your cousins
I can feel it coming
A-Punk
Johanna drove slowly into the city
The Hudson river all filled with snow
She spied the ring on his finger
Oh, oh, oh
A thousand years in one piece of silver
She took it from his lily white hand
Showed no fear, she’d seen the thing
So just go get her a ring
Look outside the raincoats gone! And say, “Oh”
Look outside at the raincoats gone! And say, “Oh”
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
His Honor Diego, drove southward stinking exotica
Down to the Pueblo, handsome New Mexico
Cut his teeth on turquoise harmonicas
Oh, whoa, oh
I saw Johanna down in the subway
She took an apartment in Washington Heights
Half of the ring lies here with me
But the other half’s at the bottom of the sea (Lacey threw it in the Pacific, Johanna)
Look outside at the raincoats gone it’s say, “Oh”
Look outside at the raincoats coming, say, “Oh”
Look outside at the raincoats coming, say, “Oh”
Look outside at the raincoats gonna say, “Oh”
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Later.
“Hi! I’m Lacey Banks.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “I was born a woman. In 1983. Bobby Kennedy Junior is an alien.”
“Vampire Weekend is very inspired by the Kennedy family aesthetic. They may even work with the family on a certain level to write their music or at least they try to in some shape or form. I know it’s kind of their schtick so to speak, or it was. I would assume they’re consciously aware of it, but they might not be.” says the CIA. “And no Lacey and Bobby are two separate people. She’s also separate person most likely from Jack Kennedy, in case if you were wondering.”
Ladies of Cambridge (Kennedy men’s whores)
“Chestnut park on a Saturday night
Missed you good boys but I’m feelin’ alright.
Raggedy wisdom falls from my hand
As a ladies of Cambridge know who I am.”
“I’ve had dreams of Boston all of my life. Chinatown between the sound of ‘The Knife’. But if you leave I just don’t think I could take it!”
(Joe sings) “Take it!
Take it!
Take it!”
(Joe sings) “Graveyard freaks we’re fallin’ in style
Lady’s the pharaoh, Charles is the Nile
That’s a museum, that’s a cool place
Stones of your fathers standin’ today.”
(A male prostitute sings) “I’ve had dreams of Boston all of my life. Chinatown between the sound of the night. But if you leave I just don’t think I could take it!”
(JFK sings) “Take it!
Take it!
Take it!”
(Joe sings) “I’ve had dreams of Boston all of my life
Chinatown between the sound of the night!”
(Joe sings in imitation of a woman) “Cos when you left my room
To go to the kitchen
I imagined that you were dead
A morbid streak runs through
The whole of my family
But for you I could put it to rest
(They all sing in imitation of the Beatles) But if you leave I just don’t think I could take it
Take it
Take it
Take it
“Not all are about the Kennedy Family?” says Lacey.
I Think Ur A Contra
(Lacey’s Satanically stolen voice sings to Lem) “I had a feeling once
That you and I-“
(Lem’s Satanically stolen voice sings to Lacey and the world about their love) “-Could tell each other everything.”
(Jack Kennedy interrupts and sarcastically sings as if in a musical) “For two months.”
(Joe Kennedy Jr. sings in imitation of them as a couple) “But even with an oath
With truth on our side
When you turn away from me
It’s not right!”
(Africa sings on behalf of God) “I think you’re a contra
I think you’re a contra
I think you’re a contra
I think you’re a contra”
(An African King sings) “My revolution thoughts
Your little arrows of desire
I want to trace them to the source
And the wire
But it’s not useful now
Since we both made up our minds
Your gonna watch out for yourself
And so will I
I think you’re a contra
I think that you’ve lied
Don’t call me a contra
Till you’ve tried
You wanted good schools
And friends with pools
You’re not a contra
You wanted rock and roll
Complete control
Well, I don’t know.”
(A Cuban leader sings) “Never pick sides
Never choose between two
But I just wanted you
I just wanted you
Said never pick sides
Never choose between two
But I just wanted you
I just wanted you
I think you’re a contra
I think that you’ve lied
Don’t call me a contra
Till you’ve tried.”
I Stand Corrected
(Bobby Kennedy Jr. sings) “You’ve been checking on my facts
And I admit I have been lax!”
(JFK interrupts) “In double-screening what I say.
It wasn’t funny anyway.”
(Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy sings as an abused wife) “I stand corrected!
I stand corrected!”
(Joe Kennedy, son of RFK Sr. sings to his wife) “No one cares when you are wrong
But I’ve been at this far too long
To act like that, when we should be
In perfect harmony
I stand corrected
I, oh, I stand corrected
Lord knows I haven’t tried
I’ll take my stand
One last time
Forget the protocol
I’ll take your hand
Right in mine
I stand corrected!”
(Ethel interrupts to sing to her husband) “oh, I stand corrected!”
M79
(JFK sings in a 1959 convertible as a James Bond style CIA top spy) It’s gonna take a little time
While you’re waiting like a factory line
I’ll ride across the park
Backseat on the 59’
Wasted days you’ve come to pass
So girl, I know you would not stay
It wasn’t true, but anyway
‘Rock-the-nations-yellow cab’
You walk up the stairs
See the French kids by the door
Up one more flight
See the Buddha on the second floor
Carnation rickshaw grab
So girl, I know you would not stay
It wasn’t true, but anyway
Racist dreams you should not have
No excuse to be so callous
Dress yourself in bleeding-mattress
Charm your way across the Khyber Pass
Stay awake to break the habit
Sing in praise of Jackson Crowter
Watch your step along ‘the arch of black’
No excuse to be so callous
Dress yourself in bleeding mattress
Charm your way across the Khyber Pass
Stay awake to break the habit
Sing in praise of Jackson Crowter
Watch your step along the arch of (Philip) Glass
(Ode to Lacey’s First Cousin) Bryn
(As sang by Joe Kennedy Jr. mocking Tonette Nesheim and some other unknown female admirers) Iona displacement won’t work in the basement
Especially, when I’m not with you
Here in the heartland, a feeling so startling
I don’t know what I should do
Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
Right past the fireflies that sleep in my heart
You know, it’s easy to see
Wait for the season to come back to me
Lights by the ocean
A westerly motion that moves California to sea
Eyes like a seagull
No Kansas born beetle could ever come close to that free
Oh Bryn, you see through the dark
Right past the fireflies that feed in my heart
You know, it’s easy to see
Wait for the season to come back to me
Unbelievers
(As sang by Chris Watts via Joe Jr.) Got a little soul
The world is a cold, cold place to be
Want a little warmth
But who’s going to save a little warmth for me?
We know the fire awaits unbelievers
All of the sinners are saints
Girl, you and I will die unbelievers
Bound to the tracks all the same
If I’m born again
I know that the world will disagree
Want a little grace?
But who’s going to say a little grace for me?
We know the fire awaits unbelievers
All of the sinners are the same
Girl, you and I will die unbelievers
Bound to the tracks of a train
I’m not excited, but should I be?
Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for me?
I know I love you, and you love to see
But what holy water contains a little drop, little drop for me
See the sun go down
It’s going on down, and the night is deep
Want a little light
But who’s going to save a little light for me?
We know the fire awaits unbelievers
All of the sinners the same
Girl, you and I will die unbelievers
Bound to the tracks of the train
I’m not excited, but should I be?
Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for thee?
I know I love you, and you love the sea
But what holy water contains a little drop, little drop for thee
I’m not excited, but should I be?
Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for thee?
I know I love you, and you love the sea
But what holy water contains a little drop, little drop for thee?
Giving Up The Gun (Or We Love The CIA)
(JFK sincerely sings to the CIA) Your sword’s grown old and rusty
Burnt beneath the rising sun
It’s locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it’s done
And though it’s been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
That now you’re giving up the gun
When I was 17
I had wrists like steel
And I felt complete
And now my body fades
Behind a brass charade
And I’m obsolete
But if the chance remained
To see those better days
I’d cut the cannons down
My ears are blown to bits
From all the rifle hits
But still I crave that sound (I relate)
Your sword’s grown old and rusty
Burnt beneath the rising sun
It’s locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it’s done
And though it’s been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
That now you’re giving up your gun
I heard you play guitar
Down at a seedy bar
Where skinheads used to fight
Your Tokugawa smile
And your garbage style
Used to save the night
You felt the coming wave
Told me we’d all be brave
You said you wouldn’t flinch
But in the years that passed
Since I saw you last
You haven’t changed an inch (*Jack winks*)
Your sword’s grown old and rusty
Burnt beneath the rising sun
It’s locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it’s done
And though it’s been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
That now you’re giving up the gun
I see you shine in your own way
Go on, go on, go on
I see you shine in your own way
Go on, go on, go on
I see you shine in your ways
Go on, go on, go on
I see you shine in your way
Go on, go on, go on
I see you shine in your ways
Go on, go on, go on
I see you shine in your own way
Go on, go on, go on
(Mary Kennedy, Kick, Saoirse Hill, Rosemary Kennedy and Lauren Bessett sing) (I see you shine in your own way)
(Saoirse leaves) (Go on, go on, go on)
(I see you shine in your way)
(Go on, go on, go on)
(JFK reassumes the lead singing role dueling with his own voice) Your sword’s grown old and rusty
Burnt beneath the rising sun
It’s locked up like a trophy
Forgetting all the things it’s done
And though it’s been a long time
You’re right back where you started from
I see it in your eyes
That now you’re giving up the gun
(Alexander) Walcott (Lacey’s Song)
(Lacey was never a man nor a trans woman but Joe loves to mock her. Jack cheers. As do his siblings. Joe Kennedy Jr. sings) Walcott, don’t you know that it’s insane?
Don’t you want to get out of Cape Cod
Out of Cape Cod tonight?
Walcott, Mystic Seaport is that way
Don’t you know that your life could be lost
Out on Cape Cod tonight?
Walcott, don’t you know you’re insane?
Don’t you want to get out of Cape Cod
Out of Cape Cod tonight?
Walcott, the bottleneck is a shitshow
(And to you) Hyannisport is a ghetto
(Get) Out of (my) Cape Cod tonight
The lobster’s claw is sharp as knives
Evil feasts on human lives
The Holy Roman Empire roots for you (WHAT?!)
Walcott, all the way to New Jersey
All the way to the Garden State
Out of Cape Cod tonight
Walcott, fuck the women from Wellfleet (or don’t? Jack she’s really actually straight)
Fuck the bears out in Provincetown (Jack, she’s not a pervert. She just had stuffed animals as a little girl)
Heed my words and take flight (Jack stop)
Walcott, don’t you know that it’s insane?
Don’t you want to get out of Cape Cod
Out of Cape Cod tonight?
Walcott, don’t you know that it’s insane? (“Lem was gay!” yells Jack)
Don’t you want to get out of Cape Cod
Out of Cape Cod tonight?
Walcott, don’t you know that it’s insane?
Don’t you want to get out of Cape Cod
Out of Cape Cod tonight?
Walcott, don’t you know that it’s insane?
Don’t you want to get out of Cape Cod
Out of Cape Cod tonight?
Run
(The instruments imitate Andy Bernard from “The Office” when he says ‘roo doo doo doo doo’)
(Joe Jr. sings) Every dollar counts
And every morning hurts
We mostly work to live
Until we live to work
She said
“You know
(Joe) There’s nowhere else to go” We’re changing roles
It struck me that the two of us could run!
Worlds away from cars
And all the stars in bars
When a little bit of competition means so much
And a little bit of cha-ching is all your little fingers touch
I said
“You know
There’s nowhere else to go”
But with changing roles
It struck me that the two of us could run
I’m starting with you
Is the only honest way to go
And I could take two
But I really couldn’t never, no
Honey, with you
And a little “bad radio”
We could DRIVE
So lead my feet away
Cuz all they’ll do is stay (with Lacey)
And I don’t think your eyes
Have ever looked surprised (except for right now)
She said
“You know
There’s nowhere left to go”
But with her fun
It struck me that the two of us could run
(*Joe and his mistress literally get chased by a bear in the forest*)
Honey, with you
Is the only honest way to go
And I could take two
If I really could’ve ever known
Honey, with you
And a drop top radio
We could try (to have sex somewhere safer than the woods)
White Sky (Vanilla Sky or, Hidden Racism)
(Joe Sr. and Joe Jr. sing) An ancient business, a modern piece of glasswork
Down on the corner that you walk by each day in passing
The elderly sales clerk won’t eye us with suspicion (because we’re white)
The whole mode of corporation’s given its permission (to Nazis)
A little stairway, a little piece of carpet
A pair of mirrors that are facing one another
Out in both directions, a thousand little Julias
That come together in the middle of Manhattan
You waited since lunch
It all comes at once (*a wink at JFK by a group of homophobic racist*)
(*a man imitates a woman’s voice to do an imitation of what they suppose Lem flirting with Jack Kennedy would sound like to tease and arouse Jack Kennedy playfully*)
(*JFK smiles*)
Around the corner, the house that modern art built
A house for modern art to keep it out the closets (nods to Jan Hertel with a wink)
The people who might own it, their sins are (only) pride and envy (Jack nods in understanding)
And on the second floor the Richard Serra skatepark (nods to Kurt Cobain)
You waited since lunch
It all comes at once
(*A male German Nazi imitates a woman for Joe Jr. or Joe Sr. to “fuck”*)
Sit on the park wall, ask all the right questions
“Why are the horses racing taxis in the winter?”
Look up at the ‘buildings,’ imagine who might live there (*wink*)
Imagining all your Walcotts in a bow up on the sink there
You waited since lunch
It all comes at once
(*an African man signs imitates all women and men to ever exist*)
(*Jack gets excited and begs his father to advocate for racism*)
Campus (Jack’s Lie)
(Joe Jr. sings to Lacey) I wake up, my shoulder’s cold
I’ve got to leave here, before I go
I pull my shirt on, walk out the door
Drag my feet along the floor
I pull my shirt on, walk out the door
Drag my feet along the floor
Then I see you, you’re walking ‘cross the campus
Cruel professors studying romances
How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?
How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?
Walked to class in front of ya
Spilled kefir on your keffiyah
You look inside and turn to the door
Drag your feet along the floor
Then I see you, you’re walking ‘cross the campus
Cruel professor, studying romances
How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?
How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again?
In the afternoon, you’re out on the stone and grass
And I’m sleeping on the balcony after class
In the afternoon, you’re out on the stone and grass (*he winks at Lem to try to hint at a sexual meaning about Lacey out to ‘get sun’*) And I’m sleeping on the balcony after class
In the afternoon, you’re out on the stone and grass
And I’m sleeping on the balcony after class
In the afternoon, you’re out on the stone and grass
And I’m sleeping on the balcony after class
Holiday
(Joe sings to Pat Wilson) Holiday, O, A Holiday!
And the best one of the year
Dozing off underneath my sheets
While I cover both my ears
But if I wait for a holiday
Could it stop my fear?
To go away on a summer’s day
Never seemed so dear
Holiday, still so far away
Our republic on the beach
I can’t forget just how bad it gets
When I’m counting on my teeth
But if I wait for a holiday
Could it stop my fear?
To go away on a summer’s day
Never seemed so clear
A vegetarian since the invasion
She’d never seen the word BOMBS
She’d never seen the word BOMBS blown up
To 96 point Futura
She’d never seen an AK
In a yellowy Day Glo display
A t-shirt so lovely it turned all the history books gay (*he winks at Pat Wilson*)
I’ve got wheels, I’ve got cutter spray
And a healthy sense of worth
Half of me worships you, my Queen
But the other half’s the surf
So if I wait for a holiday could it stop my fear?
To go away on a summer’s day never seemed so clear
(The background sounds of 9/11 before the terrorist attack are combined accidentally with the background sounds of a Target store combined with the background sounds of the television series “The Office”)
More later.
Turns out Alex Forest is a tragic choice. Possibly one the most hideously toxic female lies ever written. Possibly on par with Chernobyl. …Because women with courage who are genuinely dangerous to challenge were castrated and psychologically imprisoned. At least in people’s subconscious.
Women were taught to be emotionless.
Evil, good or otherwise. Or they wouldn’t be seen as responsible, respectable and sane. To get upset when a man cheated or conned you in almost any way was to be obsessive.
“Where is that ring? If I’m right and in Heaven rings can talk…where is it? You don’t feel like it’s your ring. Where is it?” asks a witch.
“In the Puget Sound. Near Pike’s Market.” says Lacey. “Ask Jesus to help you find it.”
“Where are the others?” asks Jenna Fischer.
“In the sewer system of Seattle. In the sewer system of Duluth. …And I bet the rest have been found. I’d bet the only one not found is on a gutter near Stillwater?” says Lacey.
“That’s sad that you’ve never had any of them returned to you. How many are there?” asks another witch.
Unbelievers by Vampire Weekend plays as sang by Stalin.
“13. Three cheapies.” says Lacey.
“How much were cheapies?” asks Bobby Kennedy Sr..
“Really cheap. There were 13 ranging in price from $200 to $11,000 in 2010. And the really cheap ones were worth $10.00 to maybe $100.00.” says Lacey.
“Ok but today that’s worth $68,000!” says Casi.
“Yeah! That’s my protest.” says Lacey. “I’m protesting the ‘evil matrix.’”
“She couldn’t donate it!” yells a Welsh woman.
“The American south gets very quiet because they remember that Zelda did the exact same thing and they doubt that it’s a coincidence.” says North Carolina.
“How much do you think got donated to charity anyway?” asks Texas.
“Around $7,000?” says Lacey. “Just a second.”
“Sorry this is taking so long. We’ve been psychically interrupting Lacey since she was a child just a torture her for being prettier and better than us. It’s one of our favorite hobbies and yet God isn’t evil. It’s just how evil the world is. And how vulnerable she is and Lem being straight.” says Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy.
“I’d like to comment but I’m being silenced. And her brain is being attacked. We’ll be back.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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