Nani Nani Boo Boo

“Do you ever post perfume, or like anything that you don’t actually still own?” asks Casi.

“Other than food that’s processed through my body and one bottle of Lucien perfume, no. Everything that I post anywhere is something that I currently own.” says Lacey.

“And you update it?” asks Mira.

“Yes I do.” says Lacey.

“There’s nothing you don’t know and that you have posted to your Instagram account?!?” asks a hater.

“Other than food? No!” says Lem.

“Actually, there’s one shirt from J.Crew that got worn out. But other than that I can’t find anything.” says Lacey.

“I just can’t believe that.” says Mira.

“Why can’t you believe that? Do you want her to give you another tour of her closet and you get pissed off and feel sorry for yourself again?” asks Lem.

“Yeah.” says Mira.

“Why?!?” asks Lacey.

“Because your better than us.” says Mira.

“Let’s just say that’s true. Why would you want to keep seeing my same stuff?” asks Lacey.

“It’s just fun!” says Stephanie.

“Why?!” asks Lacey.

“So huh. Do you get tired of it?” asks a hater.

“Tired of what?” asks Lacey.

“Your stuff?” asks the hater.

“No. But I’m sentimental.” says Lacey.

Aghast, “Okay. That makes sense.”

“Outside of her closest friends and me…she has huge fear of being boring.” says Lem. “We’re working on that in our relationship.”

“Makes sense!” says the hater.

“I hear you Lem!” says a perfume hater. “Boring people are great partners. You just have to gain their trust.”

“Are you boring?” Dmitry asks Lacey.

“When she’s happy she’s sweet, nurturing, quiet…extremely reliable and consistent. Stable. Difficult to find fault with. …For a long time everyone has thought that I was Jack’s great love. And it might seem strange that I would actually wanna spend eternity with someone totally different, but he wasn’t just my experiment. He really was my mistake. And…a great number of the problems in his administration, and in my life were caused by the fact that someone lied to me who’s name is Jack Kennedy. And I got in very serious trouble because he’s nothing like Lacey and he is the opposite in many ways…and it was a terrible match. Not only was I not gay at all he was a terrible match for me. I’m sure it was very exciting to be able to see us together because we were so awful together. It was beautiful and exciting to people but it didn’t work. He didn’t make me happy. …It is still a problem for him. And no it was a total disaster.” says Lem.

Silence except for summer bugs, a record player and cars in the distance.

“Is she extremely mellow?” asks Dmitry.

“The most mellow person I’ve ever met.” says Lem. “When she’s happy.”

“That makes sense of Chanel No. 22.” says Mira.

The jazz plays.

“I hate her!” says Mira.

“Why?” asks Casi.

“Because she hates you!” says Mira, smiling lovingly at Casi.

“EWW!!” yells Casi. “You’re disgusting!”

“Why?!? We’re only on your side.” says Cafe Fleur Bon.

“Why do I want your help or attention?!” asks Casi.

“Because we’ve sided with you?” says the majority of the perfume community.

“I love it! But…it’s…not real. And you’re all kinda dumb.” says Casi.

“We’re not dumb!” shouts Dmitry.

“Seriously?! I might just be crazy. That’s never occurred to any one of you?!” asks Casi.

“You’re not crazy. We’re alike.” says Mira.

Dmitry laughs.

“How are we at all alike?!” scoffs Casi.

“You bitch.” says Mira.

“You’re the dumb bitch! She KNEW I hated her. You all pretend to be so moral and kind and legitimately rich!” says Casi. “You’re weird!”

Mira mumbles to herself.

“Okay! Casi why…do you care?!” asks Dmitry.

“What? Care? Okay. This game. The bullshit game. To waste time while you realize you’re a fool.” says Casi.

“Why did you all take her side?” asks a perfume hater.

“Real reason? I wanted her to leave my husband alone. And I’m jealous. And narcissistic.” says Mira. “So is Dmitry.”

“She was very threatening?” asks a hater.

“Yes! A lot of people were. But she was one of the most annoying.” says Mira.

“How much are you worth net?” asks Casi.

“Not much.” says Mira. “Well…”

“You’re hearing this?!?” asks Casi of Lacey.

“Possibly, to some degree.” says Lacey.

“How much are you worth?!” yells Casi.

“Why don’t you go ask Lacey.” says Dmitry.

“We don’t talk.” says Casi. “I haven’t had any communication of any sort with her since 2019.”

“We’re not sharing our net worth!” yells Dmitry.

Casi laughs. “You’re ignorant peasants. You’re worth the same or less than me.”

“Probably the same. Right?” says Mira.

“Wow! Your whole persona is fake.” says Casi.

“Maybe we sided with you out of solidarity.” says a David in Scotland.

“Yeah. But what did I do?” asks Casi.

“Shit on her grave!” says David, laughing.

“David! Why is that safe?!” panics Casi.

“Because of the bubbles. Razzamatazz!” says David in Scotland.

Just A Lil Bit by 50 Cent plays. David dances like he’s drunk at a wedding reception.

Casi nods her head to keep the beat and cheer him on.

“He’s a nice boy!” yells his father, mortified.

Dmitry laughs and runs off.

Then realizing he shouldn’t leave his wife he returns.