Mohammed Al Fayed

Turns out Mohammed Al Fayed and Queen Elizabeth II were who allowed Lacey to talk to Lem through the Holy Spirit. They possibly both agreed that she was wretched in her loneliness.

And…after Queen Elizabeth II died…it was Mr. Al Fayed who fought off…Wobbly and Chris Hayes from Lacey’s spirit whenever she tried to talk to Lem. Because Wobbly believes violently that Lem is gay and was gay. And Chris Hayes has a conspiracy involving Diego where Lacey is secretly in love with him and he needs to fend of her advances or else.

“Chris…I believe…Lacey is in love with you. She’s an evil home wrecker.” said Diego.

“He’s admitting to it!” says the Middle East.

“Why did he lead me to believe that?” asks Chris Hayes.

“He says…death. Death to America.” says the Middle East.

“Chris…why did you believe him?” asks the CIA.

“Because I loved his perspective on my wealth. He felt having money was what made class. …He didn’t believe in evil. He thought there were negative force fields.” says Chris Hayes. “He thought I was an elite genius. And my wife was…a goddess. …He hated…American excess. I had no idea…his…views were toxic.”

“Is that what he really believes?” asks the FBI.

“He also loved Woody Allen movies and dabbled in the occult.” says Woody Allen.

“I thought so?” says Chris Hayes.

“Did he read Lem and Jack??” asks Jill Biden.

“Yes! The UAE has gotten him to admit an obsession with reading historical fiction.” says the CIA. “He believes he’s talked with Lem and hears him saying he was straight. So he refuses to call the book anything other than fiction.”

“Who else has he talked to?” asks the FBI.

“The terrorists of 9/11.” says the CIA.

“In the Middle East?!” asks the FBI.

“Yes! He says they appeared to him in Dubai.” says the CIA.

“Where?” asks the FBI.

“In Dubai.” says the CIA.

“He’s in Dubai?!?” says the FBI.

“Yes!” says the CIA. “He was.”

Cover Bombs by Nomadic Firs plays.

“He’s doing well!” says the CIA.

“How lovely!” says China.

“So Bobby how do you feel about all of this?” asks the CIA.

“I think Lem was gay.” says Bobby. “Wobbly is my guardian Angel.”

“How?!” asks Joe Biden.

“He’s such a wild man!” says Bobby. “He is my hero. He says the truth.”

“He says stuff that is violent and hateful.” says Joe Biden.

“He’s…unfettered. I like…his raw emotion.” says Bobby.

“But he’s dangerous.” says the CIA.

“Yeah. So what? He’s…a good man.” says Bobby. “I’ve had him over for dinner and he was nice.”

“When?” asks Mary.

“Last year.” says Bobby.

“Okay. That’s weird. Because he’s wanted for murder in three states.” says the IRS.

“Yeah. But he likes to call my home his ‘safety zone.’” says Bobby. “Rock on! Rock on. Long…live…the free.”

More later.

“Turns out…the Kennedy Family controls the CIA through the capital of social influence. And so they get to bully the CIA from their family’s ‘bully pulpit.’” says Lacey.

“I told her that!” yells Diego. “My friends in Iran told me.”

Gasps.

“And…Bobby is psychotically fixated on Lem’s orientation out of jealousy and spite.” says Diego. “He is a very narcissistic, toxic man.” Diego thinks. “Lem was heterosexual. Bobby Kennedy is likely aware of that but doesn’t like it.”

“Are we going to war with Iran now?” President Joe Biden asks the CIA.

The CIA shrugs.

“We should see what happens right?” jokes Iran. “You mock how we treat women. But you are the effeminate toads.”

“‘Oh Bobby! Your family is magic!’” jokes Syria in imitation of the women who have slept with Bobby over the years.

“Hey! He sounds like Lem! …And I know that man is heterosexual.” says Iran.

The man holds his pinky up in the air. “Oh no! What will Jack think?! Maybe he will make love to me now?” he jokes.

The men laugh at the US and Jack.

“We have to do something about the Climate Crisis.” says Joe Biden between mouthfuls of a cookie.

“Who told you to bring up the Climate Crisis?” asks France.

“I wasn’t listening. But I can tell I’m talking to the Middle East.” says Joe Biden placidly.

“They’re talking about Kem.” says the LGBTQIA+ community.

“Oh…huh. That’s nice.” says Joe Biden laughing joyfully.

The Middle East listens.

“So! What do you say, boys?!” says Joe Biden flirtatiously.

The look nauseated and cold as ice.

“Hey! That’s okay. It’s been a rough morning for me too. Dammit…my house is a mess.” says Joe Biden. He laughs.

“What do you want to do to fix Climate Change?” asks the UAE.

“I don’t know. Got any good ideas?” says Joe Biden.

More later.