Turns out…Lacey’s childhood molester was possibly a an extra psychopathic person for molesting her. Of course all molestation is wrong. But the people who molested Lacey…ruined things for poor people coming after them.
“Chris, you’re a rich peasant.” says Red Fay. “And so is Erin.” He thinks. “And Casi turned herself into evil, basically worthless street trash.”
“Unless they are determined to be extremely sincere, pious Christians.” says Jackie Kennedy.
“How did that happen?!” asks Lem patronizingly.
Lots of chaotic noise in the background.
“Because the Illuminati or Satan or both inspired Casi to call Lacey garbage and then when it didn’t work because she isn’t garbage…they kept trying to hang on to it. Because they needed that insult to work for their plan to attack her to stick.” says Lem.
“She isn’t garbage.” says a poor woman about Lacey who got kicked off a plane for attacking a flight attendant.
There’s a disturbance.
“Why did you need her to believe she was street trash, Chris?” asks the woman who was kicked off of the plane of Chris Hayes.
“Because that was Diego’s plan.” says Chris.
“Are liberals still excited about opening up the borders?” asks a Republican, sarcastically. “We don’t really know these people.”
Moments later.
“Diego was not my boyfriend!” says Chris Hayes. “I’m 100% straight.” He’s being sincere. He may be lying, however.
“When did Diego concoct a plan with you Chris?” asks the CIA.
“Yesterday?” says Chris Hayes, drunk.
“Okay, Chris.” says the CIA patronizingly.
“You’re gonna have to be serious.” says Kate Shaw-Hayes.
The Shaw-Hayes clan has a quick private meeting.
“I hate sex!” says Kate Shaw-Hayes, also drunk now.
“Don’t say that!” says Chris Hayes to his wife. “Aww! Sweetie! Don’t say that.”
Kate laughs at her husband holding a beer. He looks hurt.
“Diego has left both of us heartbroken.” says Chris.
“Umm… So! …Diego what was your plan?” asks Joe Biden thinking Diego will automatically answer him.
“He’s not spoken to us since this morning.” says the CIA.
“What?!” asks Joe Biden, confused.
“He’s not spoken to us since this morning!” says the CIA.
“Diego is a wild bird.” says Kate smiling.
Chris crumbles to the ground weeping. “Diego. Why, man? Why?” he asks forlornly.
“Because! I wanted you to be happy.” says Diego suddenly.
“Okay. So Diego gave you both the impression that Lacey…was to be viciously bullied?” asks Casi. She feels uncomfortable.
Kate Shaw Hayes nods her head in tears as she too crumbles to the ground.
“What the heck?!” scoffs Casi.
“Oh shut-up!” screams Chris as Casi.
“No, I’m just going to take this as a lesson.” says Casi.
“Yeah! You and Diego?!” screams Chris.
“Eww!” says Casi in self-defense.
Kate looks disgusted.
“Diego was so excited handsome!” says Chris Hayes.
Casi looks nervous.
“I never slept with Diego Blue.” says Casi.
“No. I doubt it. He only slept with celebrities after meeting the Hayes family.” says Mexico.
Casi seethes.
“Whatever. He could have slept with Casi.” says Chris Hayes.
“I don’t even know Casi.” says Diego, indignantly.
“Fine!” screams Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “FINE!”
“I need you to listen! I wanted the Chris Hayes Show to revitalize modern television.” screams Diego.
Kate Shaw-Hayes cries.
“Diego…why did you think…labeling Lacey as garbage would help you?” asks the FBI.
“Because! She seemed rude to me.” says Diego. “Until I made a fake profile on Instagram and pretended to be a perfume collector from Nevada. I had three perfumes.” he says. “Blue by Chanel, Dior Homme and Stetson.” He thinks. “By the end 2018…I realized she was possibly genuinely nice…but it was too late. And by 2020 I started to reorganize.”
“So Diego is hot?!” asks Bobby Kennedy Jr. enraged.
Ethel prepares her ego for one last battle.
They heat up their egos and then cool down for attack.
“I’m hot!” yells Diego.
“I’ll smoke em out!” says Bobby sincerely. “The Muslim terrorist.”
“I’m Jewish!” yells Diego, indignantly.
“Antichrist!” whispers Ethel Kennedy to her son, to advise him.
Bobby laughs with a sense of sudden superiority.
“Diego. Why did you think Lacey was rude?” asks Jenna Bush.
Diego sighs. “I don’t think I understand Norwegian-American culture.” Diego explains.
Rick Steves sighs now too. “I had to explain a few things to Diego in 2021.”
The CIA is exasperated.
President Joe Biden is napping.
“I knew she was being fake nice.” says Diego Blue. “So I thought she was being secretly mean.”
The Illuminati freaks out.
“But…I started talking with her and I realized she was a sad, lonely woman instead.” he laughs like a sexy man of the world. “Poor woman.” says Diego. “I had found love. And I had no love to give her. But…I knew she was so sad.”
“Oh Diego. Why do you love us so?” asks Kate Shaw-Hayes of Diego.
Diego cries.
Then he disappears.
“Diego! Diego!” yells Selma Hayek, but he’s quiet now.
Kate weeps.
Road To Perdition, Film Score by Thomas Newman plays.
“Kate I’m going to need a list of everything Diego planned with you two. …And I’m going to need to see his diaries.” says the CIA.
“Wait! I thought Lacey was a pedophilic monster!” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“Did you see evidence?” asks the CIA.
“No! But she knows Jack was a pervert. And she was molested. And Diego told me she was.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“So you don’t understand that molestation doesn’t make you a pedophile?” asks a psychologist, horrified.
“What?!” yells Joe Kennedy Jr..
“You don’t automatically become a pedophile by being molested.” explains a group of legitimate experts both dead and alive.
“Oh. Whatever. Okay. …But what about the rest of it?” asks Joe Kennedy Jr. self righteously.
“Yeah! See. Jack did have serious people-problems. Lots of them. But…we love on Jack. Our surprise!” says Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy, clapping her hands to seem grand.
“No. A person who can identity the signs of abuse can be able to identify someone who’s been abused. And the warning signs Jack displayed of being a sexual predator were real.” says the CIA and FBI.
“So she’s not going to get caught on that one?!” asks Joe Kennedy Jr..
“It’s narcissistic to accuse her of it, potentially for holding your brother accountable. And no. It’s not evidence in her case at all.” says the CIA.
“What about…Diego?” asks Joe Kennedy Jr..
“I lied. I made that up!” says Diego Blue to Joe Kennedy Jr..
“Why?!?” yells Joe Kennedy Jr..
“Because I wanted to get rid of you.” says Diego to Joe Kennedy Jr..
“Yeah. Whatever.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“Why?!” asks Joe Kennedy Sr..
Road To Perdition, Film Score by Thomas Newman plays.
“So you have a problem with Lacey?” asks Joe Kennedy Jr..
“No. My only problem was you, you spoiled, blind ape.” says Diego Blue to Joe Kennedy Jr..
Joe Kennedy Jr. laughs. “That’s funny. You’re hateful. I’m not.”
“Look! I started to feel sorry for her in 2016. So I tried getting her shot on a sidewalk in downtown Seattle. But everyone was too chill. …It wasn’t like Los Angeles.” He thinks. “I haven’t spent much time in Seattle.” he says casually. He thinks. “Anyhow…I…ah…listened to you fucking…Betty Grable.”
Silence.
Master of None by Beach House plays.
“I mean…there was…no way. On her birthday. Those tears.” says Diego crying inside himself. “And I saw her! And…I thought, ‘Never again!’” says Diego fuming. “And so I thought, ‘Joe…will…pay! He will pay too!’”
“Why was it so upsetting to you in relation to Joe?” asks Selma Hayek.
Diego smiles sadly. He laughs. “Because! …He was claiming immunity. Spiritual immunity.”
“Immunity from what?!?” asks Selma.
“Immunity from the disease of her sadness.” says Diego. “Joe thought her sadness was gross.”
“Not all the time!” protests Joe Kennedy Jr..
Midnight City by M83 plays as Bobby Kennedy Jr. dances in pleated pants at 5 ft. 9. He believes he’s immune from sadness too to some degree?
“Poor Mary.” says Cheryl Hines, disdainfully.
Joe Kennedy Jr. laughs. “I don’t think…you get it, Diego.”
“Oh! I don’t understand?! Yeah right! Loser! I understand fully. …You don’t really love her.” says Diego. “And it was making her sadder than I could stand.”
“So you decided to get rid of me?!” asks Joe Kennedy Jr. crying.
“You know. You’re a faggot!” screams Diego Blue at Joe Kennedy Jr.. “You wanted a husband who let you fuck chicks like Lem let Jack. Not Lacey. Women have needs!”
“This isn’t happening!” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“Diego says it is!” says Diego. “Listen. You like women. I understand. But…she wanted love.”
“I wanted sex!” screams Joe Kennedy Jr. at Diego.
“So did she.” says Diego. “But you were too busy!” Diego scoffs. “You’re not omnipotent.”
“I’m not impotent either!” jokes JFK on his brother’s behalf.
“Listen…you can’t claim to be kind. Not really.” says Diego.
“I was just trying to have fun.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“I don’t care, Hoe Jr..” says Diego Blue.
Silent rage from the Kennedy Family.
“I decided to torch Central Park. And I was thwarted.” says Diego. “And then Canada and Hawaii are on fire? …I will never be thwarted again. …Don’t keep using my sexual orientation against me.”
“What is your sexual orientation?” asks George Bush, exasperated.
“I like to call myself…indiscreet.” says Diego Blue.
“You get aroused by being inappropriate?” asks a pedophile.
“No! Not inappropriate. Indiscreet.” says Diego. “Some call me queer. Some call me bisexual. I call myself…indiscreet.” He thinks. “I’m not…a pervert. With children. I am…indiscreet with adults. …I LOVE YOU KATE!”
“Diego. I’m married.” says Kate Shaw-Hayes.
“Kate. You are…not safe. Goodbye for now.” says Diego Blue.
“Oh my god! That’s so icky!” says Jennifer Garner to Kate Shaw-Hayes. Then she cries.
“Diego rejected you.” says Chris Hayes.
“Yes! Of course. Bourgeois, basic-bitch, misogynist asshole.” says Diego Blue.
“I love her!” whine two other mildly beautiful Gen. X bimbos in Jennifer Garner’s defense.
“I hate her. She’s too prissy.” says Diego.
“I hate myself!” cries Jennifer Garner.
“Not as much as your ex-husband.” says Diego. “Look, I can’t kill him. Stop begging.”
Diego smiles at Jennifer. “I like to see your face when you cry. It’s so natural.”
“Diego. Don’t kill Ben Affleck.” says M6.
“But he has her insane?” says Diego.
“She’s not insane. She’s a violent covert narcissist.” says the CIA about Jennifer Garner who wants to kill Lacey for being superior to her and bursting her narcissistic illusion.
“I still think Ben Affleck made her crazier.” says Diego Blue.
“What if she’s abusive?” asks the CIA.
“Then you want me to kill her?” asks Diego Blue.
“No!” shouts the CIA.
“Why not? She’ll be herself but as beautiful as she wants to be in Heaven.” says Diego.
“Because she’s possibly a malignant narcissist.” says the CIA.
“Oh. Well…I believe God can forgive us.” says Diego.
“She has kids, Diego.” says the CIA.
“She’ll be prettier and more feminine looking. And extremely beautiful and not just good-looking.” says Diego. “She is good-looking. But but not quite beautiful. I’ve seen her in person. And…we don’t get along. I cannot make love to her. …In Heaven she will look perfect Jennifer Garner. No more sad tears. There are many Diegos in Heaven.”
“I don’t want a Diego.” says Jennifer Garner.
“FINE! Lots of sexy Ben Afflecks who fuck women!” says Diego.
“He fucks women.” says the CIA.
“No! She’s miserable! What did they do?” says Diego. “In Heaven…prissy Catholic women who have never been kissed…are kissed.”
“She’s not Catholic.” says Joe Kennedy Jr..
“She’s not?” asks Diego.
“No!” says JFK.
“Then why is she like your Ethel?” asks Diego.
The two men stare at Diego. Aghast.
“Ethel and Jennifer are equally genuinely beautiful. They both have huge personalities and huge advantages…but…also huge flaws.” says Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “I loved Ethel.”
“Why can’t you love her more?” asks Diego.
“I like prissy women.” says Bobby.
“I don’t.” says Diego.
“I do. They’re so…meticulous by nature.” says Bobby. “They try so hard to be perfect.”
“So how can I destroy Lacey?” asks Jennifer Garner.
“You can’t. Your potential psychopathic jealousy of Lacey’s superiority…all about you and your evil.” says Lem to Jennifer Garner.
“I am not controlled by anyone. I just tried to rake Lacey because she keeps telling me and other women with mannish faces and bodies who have been popularized in the media since the 1940’s that we have mannish faces and bodies that have been popularized in the media since the 1940’s.” says Jennifer Garner like it’s a literal Federal Offense.
“It’s okay! In Heaven you will actually be sexy!” says Diego Blue to all those women. “You don’t have to threaten men or desirable women make them fuck you.”
“I thought it was sexy!” says Louis.
“What is?” asks Diego.
“They look…vulnerable.” says Louis.
“Louis! I love you!” shouts Diego.
“No. Diego. I’m not attracted to men.” says Louis. Louis thinks. “I love…a beautiful but…fragile dove.”
“Like your last wife? In your mind?” asks a man in the FBI.
“Yes!” says Louis.
“Am I prissy?” asks Jennifer Garner.
“Yes!” screams Bobby Kennedy Jr.. “GET OVER IT!”
Zurna by TroyBoi & Jon Casey plays.
“I’m a lot like you. Maybe you will be happier in Heaven.” says Pat Wilson to Jennifer Garner. “But don’t die until you should.”
“I LOVE DEATH!” sings Diego Blue shaking his ass.
Be Together by Major Lazar plays.
“I knew it. Lacey thinks Jennifer Garner and her are best friends but she is super close to her in supernatural superpowers so… She’s got that going for her. Right?! …God help me I’m hilarious!” says Bobby Kennedy Jr..
Keen to Cross the Pond 