Obtuse

“How did you not realize I was giving up Michael to be with you? There are lots of beautiful women with large breasts and I considered them in regard to you when I asked for you love. And I prefer you. And you prefer me? Maybe I’m more perfect than you? Fine. But I am giving up something to be with you. Why did you put me in this position with Jack? To me that is so incredibly self-centered and self-aggrandizing on your part.” Lacey says to Lem.

“Lacey is an ugly bitch!” says JFK.

“Imagine that man staring up or down at you.” says JFK with confidence.

“As compared to supple breasts, and those brown eyes staring up at you? I would much prefer to be nailed in the ass by the hardy above. I mean, tits and eyes on a woman. Eww!” says JFK, accidentally admitting homosexuality.

“This man is average med boring. But still, DAMN!” says JFK.

“My sister had a a hot body. She is the perfect epitome of a 10 when it comes to a woman. That’s Eunice. As evidenced by her hot husband. I mean hello?! Like…if Lem was really interested in women, he would’ve fucked Eunice or another one of my hot fucking sisters. I mean shit! If people are fucking idiots?” says JFK.

“Lacey looks cheesy here but don’t you think that her body is curvier than your sister’s?” asks Lacey of JFK.

“She’s perfectly proportionate and yeah she’s far curvier except Eunice did have-I think Eunice had arguably-I think Eunice had curves in her waist and hips. But no overall Lacey is far curvier.” says JFK. He thinks. “Hey except Lacey is wearing padding.”

“Padding?” asks Lacey.

“Oh she doesn’t have a gut and she’s not really fat but she’s extremely curvy by my standards and probably just curvy, by a lot of men’s standards from what I’ve been told. But then that indicates me that she’s likely wearing padding.” says JFK.

“There is no padding. Her bra is lightly lined, but it’s not padded. The lining is to protect her nipples from showing because that’s inappropriate. It’s not padded though. So where is the padding?” asks Lacey.

“In her hips and her breasts! In her legs! See…it’s just a total fucking lie.” says JFK.

“Where is the padding in the hips?” asks Lacey.

“You’re wearing a skin suit and your face is made of plastic and you’re an alien from Mars!” says JFK sincerely to Lacey.

“False! You’ve seen me in person and if you’d actually looked, you would know that there’s no plastic or skin suit. That is just what I look like! Point of fact.” says Lacey. She refers to her swimsuit photo and video on Instagram. Then her actual, real, permanent Earthly body.

“Nah! That shit be real!” says JFK.

Hype Me Up by Wiz Khalifa plays.

“Nah! See…I gotta see my man. He got you caught!” says JFK to Lacey.

“How am I ‘caught?’” asks Lacey.

“Don’t confuse me!” says JFK. “I forgive you down your sins, son!”

“I’m not your son!” yells Lacey.

Usually the Kennedy family and JFK would spend decades violently trying to prove that Lacey is Jack’s son but JFK is getting caught at his lies.

“Fine. But I’ll rip off your head or shake your ass in my bare sexy hands!” says JFK who was known as a sexual predator against women.

“You lose.” says Lacey.

“How?!? Explain it!!” yells JFK. “I demand it based on the US Constitution.”

“I already have. I highly suspect.” says Lacey.

“I have sexy! I have sexy!!!” says JFK twerking into exhibitionist exhaustion for the Nazi guards who are unaroused and tired themselves. They’re hoping he passes out within an hour.

Beautiful by Snoop Dogg plays in Auschwitz for Jack to dance to. The point of contention is that Jack claims he can arouse men by being naked dancing. Men who can be with other better looking men beyond his height and face. And so far the Nazi guards are just falling asleep at turns. Some have to stay awake to keep running the camp.

“Isn’t Lacey short?!?” asks Jan with optimism for his narcissistic ego.

“No. She’s 5 feet almost 7 inches tall. She’s perfect.” says Lem. “She’s really just that curvy.”

“Would you call her elegant?” asks Jan in a narcissistic huff.

“Yes! She’s the epitome of sexy elegance.” says Lem.

“Isn’t that a fugly?!?” asks Brian Duffield, shaking his ass.

“How?!?” asks Lem.

“Because she’s smiling fakely like Mandy Moore!” yells Brian Duffield. “Otherwise there’s nothing objectively wrong with her body.”

“Because this is her only genuine photo ever taken with her actual facial expression as an adult.” says Lem.

“Or this.” say Lem.

“This could have been a good photo but was wearing braces on her teeth.” says Lem. “She’s not happy enough to smile.” He thinks. “She’s never been loved.”

“Then that makes her poor!” says JFK.

“Or poverty stricken?!” says the American middle class of every economic bracket, begging.

“No. She’s just not happy.” says Lem.

“I don’t care!” yells Eunice Kennedy Shriver in violent rage and defiance on behalf of America.

“You don’t have to care Eunice, even though you should, but if you’re going to make a rational, intelligent argument, you have to include the fact that that’s all it is.” says Lem. “She only acts fake nice and happy because you demand that of her upon penalty of death in this country.”

“Fine but then she can’t smile pretty in her pictures, and our smiles win by virtue of us being loved, and her being completely abused, and abandoned.” say the entire Kennedy family proudly.

“I think she falsely loves people. Caught-ya!! Caught-ya being evil, ya dumb bitch.” says Jack Schlossberg.

“I don’t falsely love people.” says Lacey. “Quite the opposite.”

“She’s not a fake person. Reread what I just said.” says Lem.

“Now…no. My sad beauty intimidates you in your corny, American-bullshit-smiling-photos.” says Lacey.

“That’s a stunningly beautiful woman. She doesn’t need to show her perfect teeth.” says Monet.

“Perfect is relative and relational.” says Monet.