Rose Marie’s Baby

Suite From The Nutcracker Ballet by Tchaikovsky plays.

Red Fay stands with Bobby, brother of Rose Marie (called Rosemary) as they watch armies of black men from Africa run down the streets of Minneapolis. One man shoves him.

“Why are they here, Bobby?” asks Red Fay. “I thought Lem was bisexual. I mean gay.”

“You told Lacey you secretly wondered if he was straight!!” yells Bobby.

Red Fay laughs. Shrugs.

“You knew he was straight.” says Bobby.

“Well gee Bobby. Let’s not get cross about this. It’s fine.” says Red Fay, laughing.

Bobby eyes him. “YOU NEEDED TO TELL US!!” says Bobby grimly, yelling a whisper.

Red Fay shrugs his shoulders and walks off.

Bobby climbs in his 2023 black Mercedes Benz.

Alone in the car troops of black men from Africa climb around and over the car. They have work to do.

Bobby has decided to hide inside the car.

“It’s raining men!” says Lacey.

He laughs.

“I can’t fight with them. I’m not big enough.” says Bobby. “Truth be told. I just not physically big enough.”

Carmen Suite by Bizet plays.

“Where are they going?” Lacey asks her father.

“They’re going to St. Paul.” says her father.

“Oh the same path the rioters took!” says Lacey.

Later.

Got Your Money by Ol’ Dirty Bastard plays as Millennial white women spread their legs and try desperately to dance half as sexy as Lacey. Or as their grandmothers. They can’t. It’s pathetic. They’re hideous comparatively. And they didn’t even figure that out until their 30’s. Some still don’t know.

“So that’s what’s so weird about her?” asks Sheena.

“Yeah. She was weird right?“ says Shannon.

“Damn. I always just assumed she was a lesbian.” says Whitney.

“Yeah. She was so bookish.” says Mandy.

“Do we seem more bisexual and non-binary than her in reality?” asks Lisa.

“Yes.” says Vladimir Putin.

“But we assumed she was the lesbian.” says Britney.

“She is though. Right?!?” asks Casi desperately still trying to make fetch happen. She dances. Twerks.

“I mean assumed that right away too!” says Alisha.

The song ends.

“I’m gay!” says JFK. “Or like…I was. Kinda. Like…bisexual.”

They almost completely ignore him.

“Hey! I’ll be your gay friend!” says JFK.

They still almost completely ignore him.

Yeah! by Usher plays.

“Are these guys actually fondling you?” asks JFK.

“No.” says one of them laughing. She dances with JFK. But it gets weird.

“You’re-“ she walks away. She stops dancing and stares at him.

“What?! These are the moves.” says JFK.

And they are. He looks fabulous.

“Oh my god!” she says to her friends. “What the hell is going on with him?”

She dances with him. Suddenly all the girls try to join him. It’s synchronized for a while.

Then they all walk up to him and try to hug him. He hugs them. But they want to be held.

“Oh no. Sweetie I’m not your grandfather.” says JFK. “But thanks for the hug. Thank you!”

They leave. He sighs.

“I’m not a demon.” says JFK.

“Yeah. Well our daughters aren’t asexual freaks.” say white conspiracy theorists.

“Do you rape them?” asks JFK.

“No dad I don’t!” says a Boomer.

“Then how the hell are you objective? I’m not that biased. Get a clue.” says JFK.

“Damn.” says one of their mothers.

“No. You don’t get it.” says JFK. “You all are less sexy. WE created THE BOOMERS you idiots.”

“Oh.” says a white conspiracy theorist. “She’s just brilliant and far more feminine and fertile.”

“Yes. We WON World War II.” says JFK. “She’s a part of the Greatest Generation.”

“Jack…why…doesn’t she have more compassion?” asks a Boomer.

“Why? Your daughters treated her like shit. And yet…you’re all still expecting her to be YOUR MOTHER.” says JFK. “She knows. But she’s not loved. Nobody cares about her. They just expect her to constantly babysit. What the hell do you want me to say?”

“So she wasn’t conceived by demons?” asks a white conspiracy theorist.

“No! Not at all! It’s so obviously not that. Why would you ever even try to believe that? You’re hateful evil peasants in regard to Lacey. And I’m just warning you.” says JFK. “Maybe not everything or everyone but you are in relation to her.”

“What the fuck happened?” a white man asks JFK.

JFK laughs. “You think I know? From experience?”

“You don’t?” asks another white guy.

“I do and don’t.” says JFK.

“I know!” says Louis.

“Okay.” says a poor white guy. “Explain!”

Dr. Norm Wilson dances, drunk. In his spirit he dances in the space between them. He twerks.

Wanksta by 50 Cent plays.

Lacey snaps her fingers and shakes her wrist to cheer him on.

“Damn!” says Lem, jokingly but also kindly.

You Can Do It by Ice Cube plays.

“He gonna get those donations. For all the kids he’s going to make with the dick.” says Lacey.

“Nigger hit it!” says a dead black woman to him, teasingly.

“I’m not fertile anymore. Don’t worry.” he says. He laughs at what he perceives to be their stupidity.

The song ends.

“Player! You wanna talk about communism!?” he says.

I Got 5 On It by Luniz plays.

“I wanna know how Lacey was created.” says the white poor man.

“Okay.” says Louis. “It’s simple.”

“Lacey’s mother Margy, if Lacey is illegitimate is a combination of those two women above in how she looks. She was extremely lovely! Both of those women are beautiful Norwegian women. Lacey’s mother is an extremely beautiful Norwegian woman.” says Louis.

They look slightly cognitively aware of what he’s saying. And I doubt they’re actually stupid?

“Okay.” says Louis. “So! She was on a plane from New York City to Minneapolis or Minneapolis to New York City. As a stewardess. And she was young but an adult. 18 or 20? And he just…fell in love with her. It’s that simple.”

“How long were they sleeping together?” asks the man.

“8 years?” suggests Louis. “Probably about 8 years.”

“So they were a couple?” he asks.

“Yes.“ says Louis.

“Oh!” he says.

(Adult content below)

“Yeah. They genuinely were in love.” says Louis. “And they never created any children or they never did until Lacey was conceived.”

“But he was able to get an erection?” he asks.

“Yes!” says Louis, laughing. “I could get one too. Almost until the day I died.”

“NO!!” yells the poor man, enraged.

“You feel hurt?” asks Louis.

“You know socialism and good healthcare isn’t communism.” says Bernie Sanders.

“I probably agree.” says Lacey.

“Fine!” he says.

“Look. Do you understand that I still have sex?!?” Donald Trump asks him.

“Yeah.” he says, confused.

“I’m 77. Let’s say…I win. And in the last year of my presidency I conceive a child.” he says. “Or I meet someone!”

“And you carry on the relationship with this…20 year old for eight years.” he says.

“Yes!” says Donald Trump.

“How old was your daddy when he died?” he asks Lacey.

“My father was 91.” says Lacey.

“And you’re how old?!?” he asks.

“40.” says Lacey.

He laughs.

“So he was 88.” he says, laughing.

“Yes!!” yells Tom Banks. “Look! What do you want you pervert? A prostate examine? I’ll give you a prostate examine.”

“Like suck my cock?!” he says.

“No. No precious.” says Tom.

“You’re gonna rip my dick off?” he asks.

Howlin’ for You by The Black Keys plays as Dr. Norm Wilson attempts to do a moonwalk. He may be high on something at this point.

“I doubt it. But you might die of prostate cancer?” says Lacey.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because you’re being evil and pretending to be good. And wasting our time.” says Lacey.

“No. I just hate you and I’ve been trained in lots. And I know a lying person when I see one.” he says.

“About what?” asks Lem.

“Her portfolio.” he says, laughing.

“Oh! So since she’s lovable and beautiful she can’t be rich?” asks Lem.

“Yes. I ain’t never seen the combination. Not really. And…yet…I see Michael and he was…handsome, I guess. And his daddy had sex too.” he says. “And he seems…nice.”

“Yeah!” says Nelson Rockefeller. “I died having sex.”

“You did not!” says the man.

“No. I did.” he says.

“What the hell?!?” he says. He laughs.

“Yeah. Sex. People used have real sex 40 years ago. Sometimes. Not this pedophilic evil stuff…or whatever normal, sane stuff passes for sex nowadays.” says Nelson Rockefeller.

He cries.

West Coast by Coconut Records.