Unbelievers by Vampire Weekend plays.
“Are there dead men having sex?” asks the poor white man from before. “Forget the gloss of this blog. Are they for real?”
“Yes.” says Satan.
“Yes!” says Michael Rockefeller.
“With lots of women or just Lacey?” he asks.
“Lots of women. We have been for hundreds of years.” says a dead man. “It’s an old concept. But…maybe it’s scarier now.”
“Why do you do that to people?” JFK asks him.
“It’s sex!!! And they fall in love. And when they die they tend to marry us…so to speak…or…it falls apart. But it’s some hope.” he says.
“So it’s not an orientation?” asks an actress.
“Okay!! Let’s grow-up!” says a perfume hater. “There’s lots of people who choose to be in non-traditional relationships. And the difference between what’s nonsense and what’s not is the difference usually between right and wrong.”
Silence.
“So…I’m a bisexual. And Jack was. And…apparently if Lacey is incredibly limited in her options among living men…then…God may have allowed her to be with dead men.” she says. “Isn’t that nice? So she’s not alone!”
“Yes!! But why is she so alone?” yells the poor white man.
“She’s not our type.” says the woman. “And honestly…let’s be real…pedophilic issues are harming people, and there’s global warming, and kids are suffering, and so much more.”
Later.
Sodus by Cemeteries plays.
Later.
Jack Kennedy is possibly spooked-out by a ghost. It doesn’t scare Lacey at all. If that was indeed him she’s shocked that as a ghost he’d get scared. Possibly it was a ghost from a very different time.
Later.
“We can’t find the hotel in Penzance.” says Lem.
“Where you came on to her??” asks a man.
“Yeah.” says Lem.
“Oh wow!” says Dr. Norm Wilson. “We’ve gotten waaay off topic.”
“So! What’s so great about communism?” asks George Floyd.
He stands and stares.
“Why the hell are so curious?!?” he yells.
“You just said we were way off topic.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.
“Alright.” says Dr. Wilson, drunk. “It’s…just…”
“Yeah?” asks Scott Fitzgerald.
“It’s nice.” says Dr. Wilson.
“How?” asks Zelda.
“Well I dunno. It’s kinda…clever.” says Dr. Wilson.
“How?” asks Zelda.
“Geez!” says Dr. Wilson.
“Is communism your secret?” asks Louis.
“Yeah. Kinda. You should take my class.” he says.
“Why?” asks Lenin.
“You don’t know communism!” says Dr. Wilson.
“Oh! You know communism better than the communists?” asks Lem.
“Yup! You gotta have it!” says Dr. Wilson.
“You know what’s terrible? There are horrible people conspiring to destroy the world right now who believe in communism. Far more than you do. And while they have murderous, HELLISH plots to steal people’s kids and make us all slaves…for their delusional, sick empire…you have the intellectual tools to totally dismantle their evil. And all you can do is treat you mind like a vagina in the Red Light District. What price do you require?” asks Lacey. “You’re drunk. What more do you require?”
“You didn’t take my class!” he says.
“Ahh! And in your convoluted world…what price is that? What is that to you?” asks Lacey.
“That’s not a-“ he pauses. Thinks. “You’re more of a communist than me.”
“Yes. At heart. But I don’t think it can work.” says Lacey. “And unfortunately that does matter.”
“Why??” he asks.
She thinks. “It’s far too emotional.”
He looks extremely disturbed.
“It’s a very romantic idea.” says Lacey. “But it’s not sane.”
“Capitalism is good!” jokes Bernie Sanders.
“Well fuck you too?” says Lacey to him.
He laughs.
“You little bitch? What’s so damn funny?” asks Lacey.
“It’s not good.” says Bernie.
“No. What a gross thing to say.” says Lacey.
“It works?” says Ivanka.
“Can we say that?” asks Lacey.
“No.” says Donald Trump.
“No. It’s not really all that functional. But it’s…definitely a thesis.” says Lacey. “And it’s not entirely dysfunctional.”
“What’s functional about it?” asks Chris Hayes.
“It filters out rubbish. Everywhere.” says Lacey. “Not perfectly. But some.”
“Yeah. It’s our only filter.” says a Jew.
“Our only clear, recognized one.” says Lacey.
“What happened to ‘under God?’” he asks.
“Yeah. Excellent question coming from you.” says Lacey.
“Well?” he asks.
“Huh. Did they mistake communism for secular humanism?” asks Lacey.
“Or some vicious secularism?” he asks.
“Yeah!” says Lacey.
“Communism was Godless. But…that’s where it’s insane.” says Lacey. “I wonder…why they zeroed in on that?”
“Almost like a silent Holocaust.” says Bernie Sanders.
“Yes! Very much so. Although without the death.” says Lacey. “And so far mercifully without the separation from families.”
He nods his head yes.
“You know…the pandemic was…good at separating us all.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.
“Oh! Say…wanna do your explanation for why you’d be a good US President?” asks Lacey.
Later.
“I’m ahh.” says Bobby.
“Yeah!” says Lacey. “Stop before you start lying.”
“I’ll explain communism!” says Dr. Wilson.
“Go for it!” says Dr. Rhea.
“It’s a way of dividing power equally between all of God’s subjects.” says Dr. Wilson.
“A way of potentially doing that if it was plausible.” says Lacey.
“Then what is plausible?” asks Norm.
“We don’t know yet. We’d be working on it. But I think we got derailed.” says Lacey.
“Goodnight.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 