Sacrifice

“You were supposed to be my sacrificial lamb.” says Chris Hayes to Lacey.

“We had nothing to do with it.” says Great Britain, India, China, Japan, Iran, South America, North Korea and Russia.

“We didn’t either.” says France.

“But I did?” asks Jonah Wiley.

“Yes. Because you’re our friend.” says Bobby, sincerely.

“I knew.” says Taylor Swift. “But I didn’t expect to be genuinely beneath her. Especially physically.”

“You knew it was her? Or you knew about the concept of her?” asks Bobby Kennedy Junior.

Brutus by The Buttress plays.

“Do did I.” says Audrey Hepburn. “It’s been common practice for a while. Stupid, vain, secretly ugly…VAIN women.”

“See. You were supposed to capitulate that you’re a hideous piece of human rubbish compared to Erin Gloria Ryan. Because she saw you and felt offended that you took pictures of yourself to look better than you do in reality both physically and socio-economically. One night comparing herself to you she wanted to kill herself because she had such a bad narcissistic ego burst. So she had to use heroin. So many of the women in our Illuminati were offended for her that we decided to sacrifice you for lying and making us all feel inferior. …I was just as hurt. So was Kate. Except…she worried we were wrong because she grew-up in wealth in Chicago instead of fake white people wealth in Wisconsin. …See…we’re heartless in a way and yet we’re also not. That’s Satanism.” says Chris Hayes.

“Huh. So…I’m not inferior. I’m actually superior to what I show people.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I hate her. She makes me see I was just skinny and annoying sexually.” says Audrey Hepburn. “I never bothered to truly compare myself to Grace Kelly because it was too excruciatingly painful. I’m a hateful bitch.”

“There’s a lot there.” says Lacey.

“Yeah!” says Audrey.

“Well…it’s not my problem.” says Lacey.

“No.” says Audrey, crying.

“Audrey. God saves you. Not me.” says Lacey.

“I loved Lacey’s interpretation of you. But you’re an annoying shrewish butch bitch.” says Truman to Audrey.

“You’re insane!” says Lacey to Audrey.

“Yeah. So!” says Audrey.

“So…you’re a hick.” says Lacey.

“My mother.” says Audrey.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “Or your father. Secretly.”

“Yeah okay. I’m shrewish, cold and mannish.” says Audrey.

“Why did you-“ starts Lacey.

“MONEY!” says Audrey.

“Okay. But…it’s weird.” says Lacey.

“What would you have thought of me back then?” asks Audrey.

“You’re violent.” says Lacey.

“I’ll KILL YOU!” she yells at Lacey.

“I doubt it.” says Lacey. “What the fuck is taking you so long, you stupid bitch?”

“I’m incompetent.” says Audrey.

“Why the HELL are you so sure about?” asks Lacey.

“I’m a malignant narcissist.” says Audrey.

“So you can’t figure out how to kill me?” says Lacey.

Audrey laughs. “Yes.” she admits.

“That’s sad. That’s Christianity. Not Satanism.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Okay. But they don’t understand that.” says Audrey.

“My goodness you’re exhausting though.” says Lacey.

“I’m not you.” says Audrey whimpering to Lacey. “I always wanted to be you. Like you. Not physically, necessarily. More your…goodness.”

“And strength.” says Audrey.

“Yeah. Not a peasant like your mother.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Audrey.

“Well…that’s sad. But I can’t help you.” says Lacey. “Attacking me or otherwise.”

“We copy people. Like Casi. And it’s pathetic. That’s Hollywood after World War II. …Find a way to lie and get famous. Use people’s souls, suck them dry and them make money and act like demonic leeches of society.” says Audrey Hepburn. “It scared me sometimes. But…I just…rationalized it.”

“Yeah. It’s dumb though.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. So…while Audrey talks to God and we realize she was a brilliant narcissist…” says Michael.