No

Hayling by FC Kahuna plays.

(Adult content below)

“In 2020 Lacey laid in bed and Joe who was then trying to make her his wife, Joe Junior that is, insisted that she should shut-up and be quiet so he could listen to the sound of her neighbors having sex. And she found that possibly abhorrent but she assumed the best of his intentions. But then she felt the presence of an entity in her room other than Joe Junior. So she said to Joe Junior, ‘What’s that?’ and he sat up and looked around.” says Louis Hill Junior.

Just A Lil Bit by 50 Cent plays.

“Then he said, ‘Just a second! Stay right there. I’ll be back! Don’t move!’ and he ran out of the room to go investigate or at least that’s what he suggested to Lacey that he was doing. He suggested to her that he was going to go investigate the other entity in the room.

But the other entity in the room was Donald Trump Junior. He had astral projected.

So…Joe assumed Lacey was a worthless bitch.” says Louis.

Later.

“Chris…did you star in a Wendy’s commercial?” asks Louis. “About coffee?”

“That…was…not…me.” says Diego.

“They found someone like me to mock me for having a stupid show.” says Chris Hayes.

“Or was that one of your body doubles?” asks Cheryl Hines, asks sincerely. “We are exhausted by you all.”

“Who!?” asks the body double or a man who looks like him who is Chris Hayes’s body double.

“All of you.” says Cheryl.

“Two coffees.” says Lacey.

“Anyway…Joe decided to sleep with Vanessa Trump or pretend to instead of asking the entity to leave.” says Louis.

Until I Grasp The Second by Mr. Meeble plays.

“I just assumed Lacey was a scumbag, ugly whore.” says Joe.

“Why was he there?” asks Louis.

“She can fight men off.” says Joe. “My mom never had boyfriends. And she’s extremely superior. So…” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“So you think your mother was never attacked by men because she was fighting them off?” asks a psychologist.

“Yes. Good, classy women can repel men. At will.” says Joe.

“Sort of. But…I doubt that’s entirely accurate.” says Jesus.

“Then all women are whores! Just waiting to get fucked!” says Joe.

“No. You’re supposed to find one and protect her. Like land.” says a Russian.

“That’s stupid!” says Joe Kennedy Junior sincerely.

“How’s that stupid?” asks Jack. “No luck, by the way. They’re all ignoring me now.”

“They’re all ignoring you? Okay.” says a dead gossip columnist.

“Can Lacey ignore you?” asks God.

“No. It’s scientifically impossible. Without you destroying the world.” says Jack.

“Yup. You violated Christ.” says Tom to Jack.

“Yes. But it’s just the nature of the situation. And I don’t care. People deserve it. And you just have to let them suffer. Those of us who are better in some way have to accept our superiority.” he says eating Cornflakes. “I’m extremely sexually experienced. But even before having sex with my mouth I was able to be supportive. I supported Lem by letting him suck my cock. And then I didn’t kill him. Like…it felt…like weird. But…that’s probably just because he’s straight.” He drinks the milk out of the bowl. “If he wasn’t straight?” Jack shrugs. “But…he was supported. I was kind. I was soo kind come to think of it. SO KIND.”

“You raped him if he was straight!” says JP.

“Yeah. So? It’s just rape. No biggie.” says JFK. “It’s not like falling into love during sex and then discarding that person once you’ve used them.”

“You did that to women all the time.” says JP.

“Mmm.” says JFK, doubtful.

“You were a horrible man.” says JP.

Jack smiles. “I don’t know. I think Lacey is just a normal woman. Right? So…like…they’re so much stronger.”

He stares at his father confrontationally.

“See…I think…they can take it. Men are like perfect. They’re this flawless combination of weak and strong.” says JFK. “Yeah! I’m INCREDIBLY proud to be a man today.”

“Yeah. Me too.” says Kick.

“No. You’re inferior. You always thought it was the opposite. But it’s so not.” says Jack.

“Jack…you got raped.” says Kick.

“So?” says Jack shrugging.

“Don’t you care?” asks Kick.

“No. You’ve got to be a badass.” says Joe Junior.

“Yeah. I’m starting to question monogamy.” says JFK sincerely.

“Wow! Yeah. See. That’s what happens when you rely on a woman.” says Joe.

“What about mom?” asks Kick.

“Mom isn’t reliable either. I just heard from Jesus that she can’t fight men off.” says Joe.

“Yeah. Men are so complicated.” says Jack.

“They’re just superior.” says Joe.

“No. They’re not. They’re men.” says Jack.

“Yeah.” says Joe, in sincere reverence.

“Jack…you got raped by a fraternity.” says Kick. “That fraternity raped my brother!”

“Not really. They just…taught me how to…be…more sexually strategic.” says JFK.

“You always were.” says Kick in admiration and pride.

“Yeah right! Those men last night…gave me…wisdom.” says Jack. “I learned so damn much! SO damn much.”

“Like what?” asks Kick lovingly.

“Just…how to make love but like…protect your body. See…Lem did it all the time. Probably partially by being straight. But mostly…I think he was just super strategic.” says JFK.

“Yeah. How? Tell us how.” says Joe.

This Wild Darkness by Moby plays.

“Please light my way!” sings Jack passionately like he’s in a musical, gesticulating.

“Love it!” says Joe Kennedy Junior, smiling.

“I’m gonna let the singers sing.” says JFK. He laughs. “It’s simple. We have to control our penis muscles.”

“Yeah. Like not get an erection.” says Joe.

“Yeah. Like…yeah? Or…sort of. Like…we have to…find creative ways to get sexual with our mouths without getting hard.” says Jack.

“You got hard?” asks Joe.

“Yeah. It was so friggin weird.” says Jack.

“Oh wow. Yeah.” says Joe. “So how to do we avoid that in our gay cases?”

“We have to use our knee muscles. And possibly our groin muscles?” says JFK sincerely.

“Lem didn’t get hard.” says Joe.

“Yah. And he was the strongest man on crew.” says Jack.

“So why men?” asks Joe.

“Because I refuse to cut off my dick.” says Jack.

“Yah. I agree.” says Joe.

“I’m loving that I’m me. And it’s sad. I’ve always loved my dick. It’s me.” says Jack.

“True.” says Joe. “So…how are you going to use your groin muscles?”

“I’m not sure. But I’ve emailed Jack LaLanne.” says Jack Kennedy.

“Oh. I have other guys!” says Joe. “Let me give you their names.”

“Joe…who are these guys?” asks Kick.

“Just dudes I met at the gym.” says Joe.

“When?!?” asks Kick in a panic.

“The other day. I joined a gym. It was a way to get hotter.” says Joe. “You know? Like…my core? Needs work?”

“Yeah. But…who are these guys?” asks Kick.

“Just some guys who started giving me their phone numbers.” says Joe.

“Yeah. Pat’s claiming you’re gay.” says Kick.

“They might not know about you and Kick?” says Jack. “We have to give them grace.”

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m cool.” says Joe, compassionately.

“So…those men are all gay.” says Kick.

“Fine!” says Jack. “I’m not worried!” He grabs the paper.

“Jack. What if they try to sleep with you?” asks Joe.

“Then I’ll suck their cock.” says Jack. “I can’t get pregnant.”

“It could hurt your feelings!” says Joe.

“Fine. Then I’ll be happy.” says Jack. “Like Lem on my wedding day. I’ll ROCK…ON.”

“Okay?” says Joe.

“That’s sus.” says Kick.

“Yeah. Sus. Not sis.” says Joe. “Have you ever realized how hot our cousins are? Or our sisters? Like…Eunice?”

“That’s not my roll.” says Jack.

“But they’ll exhaust you.” sincerely protests Joe.

“I’ll be fine. We’re dead already.” says Jack.

“Yah. Yah!” says Joe cheering.

JP walks up. “How did my darling children become such Nazis? I hear German and I feel…so much hope.” says Joe.

They all smile.

“We’re going to be Nazis. But PROUD Nazis this time. Let Herr Hitler know we support him.” says Joe. “Oh! Nevermind! I sent telegram this morning to let him know we support him.”

“Did you include Jack’s name?” asks Joe.

“Yah. He’s our US President.” says Joe. “And it’s about social class.”

“Dad…Scott FITZGERALD said it was about Lem.” says Kick.

“Yes. But Herr Hitler disagreed.” says Joe.

“Yah! I’m not going anywhere.” says Joe Junior to Kick.

“Okay. Well that’s weird. But I’m not really sure how…” says JP. “But I’m pretty confident it will be meaningless.”

“How?” asks Jack, crying.

“Because it’s just meaningless.” says Joe.

“Dad. Go to a fraternity and have your cock sucked by Kenneth and Aaron. It will blow your mind.” says Jack.

Later.

“See. This is why I’m Christian. Because I’m appalled by Jack. But I know he’s going to get what he deserves.” says Jonah Wiley.

“Yeah. You can’t argue with some people because they literally refuse to ever be wrong.” says Chris Hayes.

“Yeah. Lacey’s like that. We keep insisting she’s evil but she refuses to accept that truth.” says Erin Gloria Ryan.

“It’s okay. I’m just as messed-up.” says Chris.

“We’re supervising reality. I’m just waiting for her to find out.” says Erin.

And at that Lacey’s daughter takes off running down a busy street as Bobby cheers Cheryl laughs and gets high on pot while masturbating.

“Why did you run away?” asks Lem. He catches her as Mark does. Mark ran faster because Lem made him.

“The SMOKE!” yells Lacey’s daughter. And yes, there was a strong smell of pot in the air.

“Oh! Lem caught him?!? Yeah right! I’ll spend eternity running after his cock! It’s good shit. I just never had it yet. But she don’t lie!” says Bobby.

Later.

“I used Fen-phen.” says Chris Hayes.

“Because you were trying to lose weight?” asks Mary Kate.

“Yes.” says Chris.

Later.

“Oh my gosh! So did I. We’re ignorant peasant losers.” says Nancy Nieves, enraged.

“It’s a drug.” says Lacey.

Later.

“You set me up!” yells Jack at his father. “You said, ‘Lem and Jack are just friends.’” Jack cries. “But you didn’t mean it that way!”

“I meant it that you were dating and I was lying about it?” says Joe.

“Yes!! I sucked three guys cocks today. They’re all different. …HE WASN’T MY FRIEND!!” says Jack.

“Yeah. That ‘I doubted Lem but then I saw how he took care of my son.’ was code for Lem giving you oral sex too.” says Joe.

“Yeah. I knew you were proud of me.” says Jack.

“I wasn’t. I was disgusted. But I was protective.” says Joe.

“I’m God. Don’t worry. I’ll straighten it out.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior, sincerely.

“What do think of Kick dating Joe?” asks Jack.

“I think it’s…hot.” says Bobby.

“You know who hates it?” asks Jack.

“Who?” asks Lacey.

“The British.” says Jack, like it’s legitimately evil.

“Yeah. They would. They’re fools.” says Bobby. “We were trying to get Lacey’s kids taken away from her today. Or get her to write that. To make her sound white trash. …And it didn’t work. And I just got so frustrated. Like…why did they even bother to pretend to be human?”

“Why?” asks Jack.

“Because I’m pretty sure they were…aliens.” says Kick.

“Yeah. She’s more open now that we’re together.” says Joe.

“They weren’t aliens!” says Jack. “Toby is British. He’s definitely human. I saw his dick.”

“Jack! I’m not sure!” says Joe. “You saw his dick? I think you’re lying.”

“No. I sucked it today. He’s dead.” says Jack.

“He’s British?” asks Joe, trying to relate to Jack.

“He’s not Irish?” says Joe Junior. Then he throws up. “I’m repulsed by your interest in men.”

“Joe. You’re scared.” says Joe Senior.

“Jack…Kick and I might have to change our DNA TO BECOME NON-SIBLINGS!” says Joe.

“But then you’ll cease to exist?” says Jack.

“No.” says Joe.

“Why did Elizabeth run from Mark? Was she trying to run to Lem?” posits Joe Junior.

“Oh! Like because Mark is half Jew?” says Kick.

“Yeah. I think she was tuning into her white side.” says Joe.

“She’s Catholic. Or Episcopalian.” says Jack.

“No. She’s not Catholic.” says Kick.

“She’s been baptized into the Catholic Church and she’s Episcopalian. And a born-again Christian. I trust mothers…but I don’t trust women. Lacey is a mother. Those kids are Jewish when necessary and entirely white when necessary.” says JFK.

“Oh! That’s right! Your daughter married a Jew.” says Kick.

“I’m going back to Japan. FUCK YOU, KICK!” yells JFK. He throws the table at her. “I love Japan.”

Symphony No. 7 In A Major by Ludwig van Beethoven plays.

“I gave Elizabeth a talk about the dangers of drug use in her sleep.” says Lem Billings’s mother. “Lacey is One with Lem and so she is buried in his grave with him, but I am not ready for my granddaughter to be kidnapped or taken into custody by the Illuminati or anything or other, any other ill intent of anyone. I think she might have run because she smelled pot and I told her, ‘If you ever smell pot you and you know what it smells like because you’ve smelled it before in the car when you’re driving around and people are smoking pot, run!’”

“No. Lacey’s living daughter. People are smoking pot while driving.” says Dr. Billings. “And they smell it.”