Sometimes people are stupid.
Dance The Night (From Barbie The Album) by Dua Lipa plays.
Gay men are looking tired. Why? Because psychically they’re being beaten to a bloody pulp by Lacey Banks. Why they decided to side with David Pitts is beyond me. His book is idiotic. Bless his heart.
This song is actually about them. Poor stupid men.
“Baby, no chance!” a gay loser says to Lacey, narcissistically assuming as per usual that Lacey wants him.
“Sweetie she’s not coming on to you.” explains Zelda.
“Yes, she is!” he says.
“You’re keeping the party running huh?!?” says Ernest Hemingway, brightly.
“Maybe I just don’t like intellectuals.” he says, thinking. “Because I don’t like your energy either.”
He thinks.
“See in all honesty I’m just kidding myself. I either want her to be coming onto me because it flatters my ego or I secretly want her to be coming onto me because then I don’t have to feel bad if I tell her I’m gay because I’m not gay, possibly entirely, and I kind of like the thought of being a Republican and being married to some wealthy heiress, who wants me to fuck her every couple of months or something…and then I have a husband on the side who I have liaisons in Tahiti with. I think that actually sounds kind of sexy and dangerous and glamorous but then that’s where am I just delusional because. I don’t think that’s what she would even want. In the right Zelda. …She’s not coming on to me at all, Zelda. Ernest, you are implying that, regardless if a woman like that would even exist or if I even would be happy like that myself…umm…that the Democratic Party is using gay men?” asks the gay man.
“It’s not just the Democrats. They’re all using you and you’re exhausting yourselves, pretending that Lem was gay or even homosexual at all necessarily.” says Hemingway. “We don’t want your pity darling. I’m Ernest Hemingway. Who the fuck are you? She’s an incredibly gorgeous woman. You are being narcissistic..and it is a bit much at this point. I’m sorry to be so harsh.”
Mr. Jelly Lord by Jelly Roll Morton plays.
It’s 1956 and Jack Kennedy is in Vermont with Red Fay and Lem and Jackie Kennedy. Lem is dressed in tight clothes to show off his muscular frame. Red Fay and Jack are picking raspberries together and Lem walks by looking awkward, as if he can’t walk in his pants. His gait resembles marching through snow.
He stops to say hello to Jack, the man who he believes is his husband. He smiles.
Jack looks salted and thirsty…but also cruel. As if he’s in the mood to be vicious. Red Fay pounces.
“Hi.” says JFK laughing at Lem with Red.
“Hi!” says bespectacled Lem. He’s really trying to be a good husband. He waves smiles.
“Hi Lem!” says JFK, laughing. Grinning.
“Well, I guess I’ll pick some berries then. You doing okay with your berries?” asks Lem.
Jack smiles patronizingly yet also completely genuinely in response.
And at that Lem walked off, trying not to feel rejected. Still marching like he’s walking in snow.
Once Lem was far enough away Red scoffed and said, “Why is he here?!”
“He gives head!” said JFK, giggling, losing himself in giggles.
“Oh you like that?!” said Red Fay, grinning.
And I Love Her by Kurt Cobain plays.
“No!” shouted JFK, upset but nervous.
“We’re in love!” said Red Fay very quietly to JFK.
JFK looked stupid and happy and thoughtful.
Red, being bisexual and possibly genuinely in love with JFK, was aroused.
In The End by Linkin Park plays for Red Fay and JFK as they passionately make love, with Red leading the sexual event. And Jack was more than happy to throw Lem off a cliff.
In 2023:
“I just didn’t want to love Lem.” says JFK. “I demanded he be there when people bothered me about him, but I also was…distant to him at times and…I frequently stabbed him in the back. The scene you just read actually happened on different grounds in real life. It actually happened. Almost exactly. …Red mocked Lem and I went along with it and betrayed Lem completely as a person.
It bothered me…because Lem had helped with my back. But I…was so into Red. And…I didn’t give two shits about Lem…maybe ever, in a way.”
“Too bad Lacey wasn’t there.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 