For about a year I, Cherilyn, dated a 30-something, aging, poor guy. He sexually took advantage of me.
How did he take advantage of me? He was sophisticated.
Lacey was there. I brought him to her parent’s house for a Christmas dinner party in 2000. There was a large vanillic cake candle constantly burning on her parents elegant coffee table. Their Christmas tree was up. Jim was gay and flamboyant and intelligent and intellectually gifted as per usual. I died about eight years later. But at the time I thought they were protective, good-hearted people.
“I’m so glad Jim met him!” I said at the time, imagining that by meeting him I would be more respected by my boyfriend.
So we all sat around and had intelligent conversations. But it was Lacey with her criticisms of Mozart who stole my boyfriend’s heart. Mozart was too restrained and unemotional in Lacey’s opinion and my PhD candidate boyfriend found that brilliant and insightful.
Jim, Lacey’s father (who raised her), thought it was bad form to call Mozart musically unattractive. In his own flamboyant way he tried to genuinely bully her using emotional abuse into declaring Mozart “fit.” But Lacey refused. And yes, my then boyfriend found her determination mature and intoxicating. She was also a gorgeous 15 year old. Very mature. And while he found her too young…he noted her beauty, regardless. Was smitten by her mind.
Except…he was my boyfriend. And…Lacey found him off-putting and gross. Genuinely. She had a minuscule amount of respect for him. His defense in her mind was that he was my boyfriend. And I was an old family friend.
And anyway…eventually we slept together, in a way. I gave him oral sex. And to me it was the beginning of our marriage. I truly didn’t believe I was being taken advantage of. I thought…it was just…the negotiation I was making with the 20th Century to finally get married and have a family. Sex is meaningful.
He was…cruel. Once he earned his PhD I was dropped. He acted as if I was shit under his shoe. He felt I was ugly compared to his prospects as a man with a PhD and perhaps he even imagined his students being sexually interested in him. Droves of sexually promiscuous Millennial women…throwing themselves at him.
…He wasn’t particularly attractive. But the power imbalance…felt very exiting to him.
I let him go. I had to. But it was devastating. It wasn’t just that he had hurt me. It was that he was such a different person than I had imagined. …Becca acted like I was about to get married. She was extremely excited for me. I took her opinion seriously. And…she encouraged me to put out for him. She did the extreme opposite with her daughter. Lacey saw through it…and did her best to come up with her own ideas…but I did not.
I planned my wedding with Becca. On the phone. After that Christmas dinner at their house.
I was going to have a Renaissance inspired wedding. I wanted to ride in on a horse. It was going to be very beautiful. And very dramatic.
And nobody asked Lacey’s opinion. Because she was a young teenager. And that’s as it should be. But…some Illuminati members would hold her responsible nowadays. Claiming at 14 or 15 she was morally responsible to share her thoughts. If you want to reorganize all of society back to the Middle Ages for real then okay. Otherwise, a 15 year old can’t be held to account in the same way as a 50 year old is in that exact situation. But…when I was crying on the phone it was Lacey who sat awake with me and tried to talk me out of suicide and self-destruction. It was Lacey who took on the task of clinical psychologist.
“Yes. She did that with me too.” says Kacey, Lacey’s friend growing-up.
“She did that with her parents. She did that with me. She was…always parenting people. Because they automatically expected her to. And they still all do. As much as she tried to put down healthy boundaries afterward. …But it wasn’t typical parental inversion. It was…something else, equally innocent on Lacey’s part.” says a dead psychologist.
Anyway…that’s all. I guess. He was…cruel. He used me. And I tried to move on.
Keen to Cross the Pond 