I am going to interview Lacey Banks, and she’ll edit this post later.
Where did you grow up?
“In West Bloomington, Minnesota.” says Lacey.
Do you have any idea why Bobby is terrified to stop to the reality that Lem was trying to kill him?
“To me he seems like a whiny stubborn little bitch. But I am hopeful that it’s really just some sort of paranoia that no one‘s ever loved him, and that he doesn’t even exist.” says Lacey.
You know, I did analyze you once.
“ when was that?“ says Lacey.
it might’ve been in 2016.
“ so why have you use any of that analysis to understand what’s going on at all practically. Or was your analysis just that faulty?” says Lacey.
“why the hell did you think I was Michael? See my answer that question-I don’t know if my analysis was accurate, but it might’ve been totally inaccurate actually and I have to deal with that reality.”
Later.
“The US possibly has to have its missile system reinstated. Because you seem mentally unstable.” says Tsar Putin.
“Fine with me.” says King Charles II.
“Why do we even bother with the US anyway?” says France.
“Well we have to try to get along with them.” says King Charles II.
“I’m being serious, your majesty.” says France.
“So am I!” says Greta Thurnberg. “I side with King Charles II.”
“So do we.” says Canada.
“Actually…I am being serious. I can’t stand the US.” says King Charles II. “I love them as people, but they’re too often a horrible country.”
“They’re offensive?” asks Germany.
“They’re rude!” says King Charles II.
“They are!” says North Korea.
“Well…they try. Sort of.” says Iran. “But do they even exist?”
“That’s debatable.” says King Charles II.
“It really genuinely depends.” says Lem.
“Well…we still do.” says Tsar Putin.
“Yes.” say a great number of countries around the world.
“I like them. They’re fun.” says China.
“They can be.” says Tsar Putin.
“Hmm. Yeah. I don’t think we care as much as we think we should.” says Angela Merkel about the world in regard to the US.
“I could sense that most of my life.” says Lacey Banks.
“We did we start losing interest in the US?” asks Tsar Putin.
“I’m sorry. I may have sounded a bit too political. I simply mean to be human.” says King Charles II.
“Oh of course!” says Iran.
“We understood!” says Greece. “You’re losing you tongue and being…emotional. Except you’re a very cerebral man.”
“Indeed.” says King Charles II.
“I am sorry if I put my foot in my mouth.” says North Korea.
“We just didn’t know you have eight long range missiles capable of destroying huge numbers of people.” says the US.
“Well…see…I was under the impression that I wasn’t expected to tell you.” says North Korea.
“Why?” asks the US.
“Because…as much as it’s the Illuminati and…we share lots of information and make great memories…I’m sort of…like…the leader of North Korea. So…” says the leader of North Korea.
“Dude!” says John Krasinski. “I’m getting high tonight. Don’t ruin my buzz!!” he yells randomly.
“This is why we find you rude.” says King Charles II.
“Yes. But I’m used to it.” says North Korea. “It’s okay. It’s just their vibe.”
“But you have eight long range missiles.” says King Charles II.
“Yeah. But…I don’t- I don’t think they knew.” says the leader of North Korea.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” says Lacey. “I think it made me mad.”
“Because it’s so obvious. I know.” says the leader of North Korea.
“It is!” says Lacey. She fumes.
“We’re hurt.” says the U.S.
“No. You’re not.” says North Korea.
(Adult content below)
And at that Elsie Hill flashes her vagina like the possibly ugly retarded ape gold digger she was? Or no? It’s actually mildly unclear. Hopefully not? But…she’s…a complicated historical figure.
“So…do you worry?” asks North Korea.
“About what?!?” asks Joe Biden.
“Like…umm…that…it might get weird?” asks North Korea.
“No! It’s not weird. What are you talking about?” asks Joe Biden.
“Nothing.” says North Korea.
“Look. I thought we had thing.” says Joe Biden.
“No. Don’t be that way.” says North Korea.
“You’re so chill. Dude. You lied.” says Joe.
Moments later.
“Joe. We never had sex. Why are you talking like we did?” asks North Korea.
“How do you know that?” asks Joe Biden.
“I keep track. I keep recordings.” says North Korea.
“No. No!” says Joe, narcissistically offended.
“Stop harassing everyone with your penis Joe!” yells Germany.
“That’s mean!” yells US President Joe Biden, with grave sincerity.
“Joe. People keep track.” says Poland, sadly.
“I never do!” says US President Joe Biden.
“Well…I do.” says the leader of North Korea, kindly. “I’m sorry.”
“Right. So! That’s sad. Hey! How about…Joe…goes to bed and sleeps?” says Russia.
“Because I’m the god damn President!” says Joe Biden. “I have kids to-“
“Kids to what?” asks North Korea.
“We sell them! Okay! Because our gold is low.” says Joe, drunk. “It’s like really low.”
“Why do you need gold?” asks North Korea.
“Because! It’s like…a thing.” says the Fed Chairman.
“Huh. Yeah. But…why? You have gold in the country.” says North Korea.
“Yeah. But mining it is hard work.” says the Fed Chairman.
“You could do it though! And you have lots of missiles!!!” says the leader of the North Korea.
“Yeah. Okay. We have missiles.” says President Joe Biden.
“Yeah! See! It’s okay!” says North Korea.
“No. It’s not! Because I need recognition, player.” says Chris Hayes.
“In what way?” asks North Korea.
“Lacey needs to die.” says Chris.
“Why?” asks Joe Biden.
“Because of what she does!” says Chris.
“What does she do?” asks Chris.
“She pretends to be a big deal. And I find it morally unacceptable.” says Chris.
I Will Shout To Jesus’s Cock by Hillsong (a private Illuminati edition) plays as Chris Hayes runs around his basement in his boxers trying to do praise dance moves to win the heart of God. He’s desperate. And worried. And in an attempt to rectify himself in the universe he decides to try his hand Charismatic Christianity. But it’s a rather…New Age…Illuminati type of Charismatic Christianity. So he is doing a bridal intercession dance as a queer man.
“I haven’t shaved! Sorry!” he says to God. “Look…I’m in a really bad situation. Just hear my heart.”
He takes out a flag, and tries to do spiritual warfare as a Charismatic Christian would. At one point he jumps up and down. Cheryl and Bobby have attempted this style of Christianity as well.
“It’s okay. Chris, I made up with Zelensky.” says Joe Biden.
“Oh. You’re talking to the dead?” asks Chris.
“No. He’s not dead. The Iranians called him. They had a connection. He’s fine.” says Biden.
“How do you know it was him!?” asks Chris.
“I didn’t. But the Iranians called him.” says Biden.
“So…the Iranians called him?” asks Chris Hayes.
“Yes! They did.” says Joe.
“Do we get along with the Iranians? Are they likely people? Are they one of our crowd?” asks Chris.
“Ahh…they have lots of power. I just listen and try to keep my cool. And then not let them boss me around.” says Joe.
“Wise. Good for you. But…sugar…do they like us these days?!?” asks Chris.
The phone clicked.
It was a rough night. Or has been so far. Chris was too jealous to interview Lacey. But he also wanted to do exercises. So he combined the “praise time” with dancing to be efficient. Thing is…he was panicking because North Korea was upset and so was Russia and so was Joe Biden and the US (sort of). By not interviewing Lacey he started a chain reaction.
What’s the problem? He can’t handle the Nesheims. He cant. He just…cannot.
Kids With Guns by Gorillaz plays.
Chris needs a new worship song.
“May I suggest, Day of Reckoning by Hillsong?” says North Korea.
Day of Reckoning
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! I said ‘Hey!’ Your lips are glossy, my ass is bossy. I need a love like no other. You understand my soul, lover, ultimate controller of my weary soul.
Give me it! Give me it! Baby of God now! Give me your love now! You have a beautiful cock.
I have you in me. You said it first. Because you are first. Forever, and ever.
Give me it! Give me it! Baby of God now! Give me your love now! You have a beautiful cock.
Hey, who said we hate you? Not me. So, why would I lie? Because I’m weak. And I need your love.
Give me it! Give me it! Baby of God now! Give me your love now! You have a beautiful cock.
It’s time for a revolution! It’s time for a new constitution! It’s time for a new day.
Give me it! Give me it! Baby of God now! Give me your love now! You have a beautiful cock.
So Jesus, why are you so shy? It leaves a tear in my eye. Baby of God don’t make me cry.
Give me it! Give me it! Baby of God now! Give me your love now! You have a beautiful cock.
Let’s live! You live in me! On the inside, on my inside!
Hey thanks Jesus for salvation. You really get me.
It sounds like a combination of God’s Not Dead by Newsboys, Toxic by Britney Spears, and something by Depeche Mode or Billie Eilish or both.
“Why did you recommend that?!?” asks Chris.
“Because…it’s your style.” says North Korea.
“How?” asks Chris.
“Chris, you- Ahh…I heard you were doing bridal intercession.” says North Korea.
“Yes!” says Chris. “But I’m not interested in a commitment.”
“With Jesus?” asks North Korea, in concern.
“Hey! Sorry for going in your yard!” say a group of Americans to North Korea, apologizing sincerely.
North Korea smiles and nods, politely.
“Look. I’m not going to get into it.” Chris says finally.
“Hey. It’s 4? 5? Go get sleep.” says North Korea.
“Are we still using oil?” asks Chris.
“Who?” asks North Korea.
“The West.” says Chris.
“No.” says North Korea.
“Oh. See. Nobody told me that.” says Chris.
“Well…I can tell you lots of things. Why don’t you start asking me what’s going on before your broadcasts. And I’ll let you know.” says North Korea.
“They just have me read off of a teleprompter anyway.” says Chris.
“Okay. Well…I can help you add the right nuance.” says North Korea.
“So…why didn’t we know you were so powerful?” asks Chris.
“Umm…well…” says North Korea.
“I knew!” says Bill Gates.
“Yeah. I did too.” says Russia.
“Did Zelensky know?” asks Chris.
“You mean does he know!” bites Bobby.
“He did. But he was told to ignore it.” says Zelensky.
“I didn’t kill him!” says North Korea.
“We know.” says Japan.
“But I know what the US is thinking.” says North Korea.
“You don’t think I killed him?” asks Russia.
Apparently they don’t. They think North Korea killed Zelensky. If he’s dead.
“How?” asks Lem.
“You’re such an idiot!” says Chris.
“How?” asks Lem.
Later.
“Look. It’s like this. North Korea is the country Joe had nightmares about in November. When Zelensky felt distant. And he felt instantly like his love with Zelensky was…getting…cold. So…he felt…based on his zodiac and his nightmares…that…his spirit guides were trying to communicate with him that Zelensky cheated with North Korea. …And I suspect…he…indeed was killed by North Korea because he was…also cheating with Diego…and Iran forced North Korea to kill Zelensky because they wanted to get at Diego. And Diego…was in love with Zelensky.” says Larry David.
“I like women!” says North Korea.
“That’s so outdated.” says Joe Biden. “Sad!”
“What about Jill?” asks Lem.
“What about her?” asks Joe.
“She’s a woman.” says Lem.
“Yeah. So what? She identifies as a non-binary.” says Jill.
“See!!” says Joe.
“I’m right. Lem is gay.” says Bobby. “I just had a dream he was fucking me.”
“Wow! Like…a wet dream?” asks Russia.
“No. I don’t have wet dreams.” says Bobby. “Remember?”
“You’ve never had a wet dream?” asks Russia.
Later.
“Bobby…has inspired moments.” says Cheryl, half awake. Exhausted.
“See. She’s my wife.” says Bobby.
“Yup! So.” says Cheryl.
For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield plays for the Boomers who sadly thought they had a theory about “the man.”
“Who was the man?” asks Lacey.
“He’s a traitor!” says Bobby.
“To who?” asks Lacey.
“Us.” says Bobby.
“Who’s he betraying us to?” asks Lacey.
“Us.” says Russia.
“I always thought it was deeper.” says Lacey.
“So who is the man?” asks Lem.
Later.
“The man is the establishment. Dow. DuPont.” says Lacey. “Great Britain.”
“So! What if I killed JFK!?!” says Lem.
“No. Because you were gay.” says Bobby, laughing. He’s sincere.
“So when do you become the man?” asks Lacey. “Or do you all just avoid becoming adults and men to never become the dreaded ‘MAN’?”
“They killed us Vietnam.” says a Boomer.
“Yes. …So why didn’t you kill them?” asks Lacey.
“Because that’s too complicated.” the Boomers.
“And you didn’t want to become The Man?” asks Lacey.
“What if we had!?” asks a Boomer.
“Yeah! You’d have had to be successful. And right. And intelligent.” says Lacey. “What would you have attacked?”
“What should we have attacked?!” asks a Boomer.
Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones plays.
“Capital Hill. The White House. …My father thought that, anyway.” says Lacey Banks. “Don’t forget who you’re talking to.” She thinks.
“And do what!?” ask the Boomers.
“Bull them over. Tanks. Guns. The whole nine yards. Take prisoners. Demand a new country or restart the old one.” says Lacey. “Tear up the constitution. Literally.”
“And then what?” asks someone.
“Just be cool. Keep what works. Discard what doesn’t.” says Lacey.
“What about communism?” asks a Boomer.
“That’s risky. See…you just took over the US. And the USSR is communist. You can’t be communist unless you really want to be communist. Do you actually like communism. Don’t be childish. What about socialism?” asks Lacey.
“That’s dull.” says a Boomer.
“Yeah. But you just took over a country.” says Lacey.
“That is a lot of work.” say the Boomers.
“You’ll get exhausted if you go at too much. Just be cool. …Just don’t loose power. And then bring order as democratically and peacefully as possible.” says Lacey.
“Yeah! So…the Civil War. But Boomers.” says Patton. “Make sense?”
“It’s not that complicated.” says Lacey. “Truly.”
Awkward silence.
“Why didn’t you all do that?” asks Lacey.
“We…” they start. Lacey hopes they figure it out someday.
“I’m sorry we didn’t.” say the Boomers.
“Yeah. It’s disturbing.” says Lacey.
“So we’d be a socialist, capitalist, rich, stable, democratic country? But better than this?” asks a Boomer.
“Yeah. Like Norway. But…America.” says Lacey.
“Seriously. Like Norway?” says the Boomer.
“Yes.” says Lacey Banks.
“So you expected us to be normal adults who would take care of a country bitch?” asks the Boomer.
“Are you trying to be schizophrenic spirits to make me think that I’ve gone crazy again?“ says Lacey.
“Oh yeah, I mean you piss me off. I’m not a Boomer. Well I’m part of a group of Boomers.
I was a really fucking big deal. I’m a rockstar and Larry David is my friend and he got me to say this to you because the truth is, I think you’re heartless whore…and I’m clearly- I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about but…I just I just can’t believe after everything that my generation did for you’re Generation that you’re so fucking Carlos about it. The truth is I probably have an IQ of a worm compared to you and as I’m saying is I’m realizing that and I should probably just shut-up but I don’t want to shut-up because I’m a rockstar. Oh my God!” says a former drug-addict, loser, womanizing, Boomer singer. You tell him he has the IQ of a worm and he gets hurts because his brain is so fucking slow. Some people like him end up being serial killers, but in America because his parents loved him and he’s white he became a rockstar as a Boomer. And, “Drug buddies with Robert Kennedy’s son!!”
“ You guys you don’t have a point you think you’re sophisticated but I don’t think you are lots of countries like France have revolutions every few hundred years not all countries but quite a few countries do it would’ve had to be a problem but I don’t think your people knew how to mobilize I don’t think you knew what you were really angry about. Don’t think you really understood what was going on and I think you were scared and hurt by your parents by each other and I think that’s sad because it shows that this country and away failed before then, because we shouldn’t of been so intellectually weak but we didn’t know how to restart. Does that make sense Week we should’ve been able to figure out how to press the restart button on ourselves. We were partially inspired by France to start this country intellectually our origins are somewhat French. Even England had several different revolutions and stayed England. We could’ve had some thing like that, but we didn’t really have one you claim you had a sexual revolution I don’t know really exist. I think there was a shift, but I’m not sure if it was actually of revolution in any sort of positive sense, and if it was at all, how is that even really political? Unless if you start trying to pull everyone around by their genitals. We’re more than just our our genitals, and I don’t know if the Boomers have ever fully understood that they seem very fixated on their own private parts and everyone else’s, including their kids. You, you don’t seem like you were capable of running the country and at least you understood that, but then you were supposed to after your parents died in elections and I don’t see a lot of evidence for you people being particularly good at that now. You people were given a job which was to take over the country when your parents died and I don’t think you’ve done a very good job but truthfully, I don’t think you knew how to do it before than either because your parents generation they really were screwing you over Vietnam was being fought stupidly And you were being sent to slaughter, and there was no excuse for that. That’s just a fact Vietnam was a con job to some degree and it might’ve actually been when some people like Louis started using drugs because they became totally disillusioned with their own country might’ve been when Louis start using drugs when lab started using drugs, because, it they felt as though they didn’t know what to think about the entire country because they realize that Vietnam was just a pointless con job. It was just a pointless criminal war, being run by people who lost their bloody minds in my opinion. That’s the thing, sweetheart I might be your mothers age genetically, and because of this ilumiNATTI experience, I’ve become very maternal towards you and Bobby can’t except that because I’ve tried to tell Bobby tonight, that if Landon actually have sex with him, no matter what was sad when you were there love wasn’t gay, seemingly, I am not Jack and I think maybe Lem was straight and was trying to kill him and I don’t think the boomers understand that because it’s scary to think that Lem was trying to kill him but I could explain that to you from their perspective because I’m sort of one of them, but you’ve never really asked me that question.
Your narcissistic it’s actually sweetie and you have yet to seemingly realize that cognitively so you want to attack me and somehow pretend like I’m the one who’s unaware of myself, but I think you’re on aware you’re very flippant and disrespectful to me in a real way, because I think you’re from a time of red secularism And you think it’s somehow very cool to act like there’s no God and nothing matters and you should just be a total asshole because there’s no tomorrow and there’s no afterlife or some stupid shit like that. But that’s the problem that’s probably you’re probably still in your convoluted way trying to have some sort of revolution but that’s not a real revolution. You’re you’re being stupid and peasant like an proven to me that the whole American concept was flawed potentially from the start.
You guys needed to have a revolution like I said, lots of countries have them. If you’d had one properly, you would be able to prove to me that your generation could handle taking power. But you know you cut me off I was saying some thing that was probably pretty perceptive and I’m tired and you’re keeping me awake and you’re being very stupid.
I’m getting a sense that I’m not just talking to a Boomer I’m talking to a British rockstar who’s dead who sings I need to just go to bed and stop trying to explain everything to the Americans. You need to let my own phone use my words on my own block or you gonna destroy capitalism and your own existence so at least until you’re dead and possibly for eternity so stop thinking you’re so smart you’re possibly really dumb if I’m talking to a child
Oh, but as I was trying to say that needs to be said France has had many different constitutions
Keen to Cross the Pond 