Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles plays.
Bobby Kennedy Junior walks in with a swagger. He flips his suit coat over his shoulder.
“Hey Lem. Let’s go.” says Bobby.
“What’s that Bobby?” asks Lem, stupefied.
“The CIA cursed Lacey at a meeting before she was born. They cursed every child of Tom’s using a blood sacrifice. So it’s really easy to attack her. …It wasn’t just Jack. So I decided to use their evil so I can have some good.” says Bobby.
“Well since I am playing along with us and I am actually straight and I might be killing you again tonight…I’m going to say, ‘What’s that Bobby? I’m confused. Jack didn’t have anything to do with it?’”
“No Jack didn’t have anything to do with it. Jack didn’t have anything to do with the night that I have planned for the two of us. I have to be honest with you. I don’t really know what he had planned for the two of you and your future but…I have a lot planned for our future and I’ve looked forward to it my whole life.” says Bobby.
“Oh wow! Are you my son or my lover?” asks Lem Billings.
“You’re my lover.” says Bobby, shaking in anticipation and intense fear.
“Why are you so scared then?” asks Lem.
Bobby quivers in his beet red face. “I’m feeling your sexual tension.”
“What does it feel like?” asks Lem.
“You feel…heavy…on my body.” says Bobby.
“Right now?” asks Lem.
“Tonight?” says Bobby.
“When?” asks Lem.
Bobby swallows with some difficulty. He shrugs. “After we chill.”
“Oh! Shoot-up?” asks Lem.
Bobby laughs. He smiles and looks at Lem fondly, like they have some secret confidence between them.
“I don’t use heroin.” says Lem.
“I don’t either.” says Bobby.
“Then when are we going to use each other’s bodies?” asks Lem.
Bobby looks upset. His face drops. “We aren’t using each other’s bodies.”
“Then when do we have fun!?” asks Lem.
“We make love tonight!” demands Bobby, open-mouthed and offended.
“Why?” asks Lem.
“Because you’re my soulmate.” says Bobby.
“Huh. I didn’t realize you loved me!” says Lem.
“I’ve always loved you!” says Bobby.
“Since when?” asks Lem confused.
“Lem!” says Bobby suddenly upset. “YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS!”
“Bobby. Go kill yourself.” says Lem, sincerely.
“What? You want to kill yourself because- No! I mean- You want me to kill myself to come screw you?!?” says Bobby, losing control of his mind.
“Oh wow!? Like right now!?” says Lem.
“Lem! It’s time for us!” says Bobby, he suddenly walks up to Lem and tries to embrace him. Lem puts him in a stranglehold and uses one of his arms to almost twist off his head.
Bobby lays on the sofa. His blue stretched-out neck looks bizarre. His skull is covered by his pale face with closed eyes.
Lem then leaves.
Later Lem sees Bobby again.
“Lem…now is our time.” says Bobby.
“Oh shit!” says Lem.
“Yeah. That’s right. You put your penis up my ass and poop comes out if I don’t cleanse first.” says Bobby, in an attempt to be seductive.
“Have you cleansed?” asks Lem.
Bobby rolls his eyes. “I mean…way to be a bitch. But yes! Of course!” says Bobby. “I’ve got this completely covered.”
Later.
“So what did you think of the movie?” asks Bobby.
Lem is asleep on the sofa.
“Lem!?” says Bobby.
Lem is sitting there with his mouth open. Head resting on the back of the sofa.
“Lem!” says Bobby. He lays on top of him. He wants to finally have sex. They watched The Lion King together. Lem made popcorn and sat feet away from him and they watched the film.
And at that Lem disappears.
Reappears behind him. Stabs him.
Bobby comes back.
“That was weird dude!” says Bobby, looking concerned.
Toxic by Britney Spears.
Bobby worries Lem has become toxic.
“Lem I love you.” says Bobby.
And at that Lem cuts off Bobby’s head.
Lem goes into his kitchen to make a salad to eat.
Bobby walks up behind him.
“Lem…why are you here?” asks Bobby.
“I’m making salad.” says Lem.
“Oh.” says Bobby.
“Yeah. You want some?” asks Lem.
“Yeah. Can I have a juice?” asks Bobby.
“No. I didn’t offer you that.” says Lem.
Bobby stands and watches Lem eat a salad.
Lem gets annoyed. So he shoots Bobby in the face.
Lem eats his salad. He finishes. Begins cleaning dishes.
Bobby re-emerges. He’s not wearing anything.
After Dark by Mr.Kitty plays.
“Hey Lem. Let’s masturbate together.” says Bobby.
Lem shoots him.
The song stops.
Bobby re-emerges just as Lem has loaded the dishwasher.
“What was that!?” asks Bobby. He grabs a handful of nuts and throws them in his mouth.
“You’re sexy.” says Lem, with a smile.
Bobby smiles like they’ve been having hot sex all night. But in reality they’ve been…well…in the same room…and Bobby has been eating and watching Disney movies…and getting literally killed.
DARE by Gorillaz plays.
Bobby walks up to Lem like he’s walking in slow motion. Lem let’s him get close to him. Lem smiles.
Bobby gets an erection because he believes with his voluminous hair and psychotic self-confidence that he’s about to have hot sex for the first time in his entire life.
“So! It’s show time.” says Lem. He places his hands on Bobby’s shoulders and pushes him backwards towards the living-room.
Bobby looks down suddenly slightly wondering if something is off.
“Hey! I need you in the living-room.” says Lem.
Bobby goes into the living-room.
“Are you trying to start a war between Italy and Great Britain Chris?” asks Lem.
“Yeah. You are. So was Casi.” says Chris Dodds. “We started attacking her in her childhood.”
“Why?! We get along with her father.” says the Italians of America.
“Woah. There was a real Italian mob.” say the Italian people who attack Lacey. They’re incapable of understanding?
“Yes. You didn’t know that?” says an Italian mafia leader.
They look stunned.
“Why am I at war with you?” asks Lacey.
“We just got the sense you were?” they say to Lacey.
“I always trust my gut.” says Chris Dodds. “Not facts.”
“Did Jack start that rumor?” asks a fallen angel in horror.
“Yeah. He did.” says another fallen angel.
“So we heard in our subconscious from Jack that she was at war with Italy?” asks Chris Dodds.
“Yes!” says a man.
“Why…did he…start that rumor?” asks a gay man.
“Because he thought it was funny. And more likely he thought it was true. Or could be true if he just started a rumor. …Given her father.” says a man.
“But he wasn’t at war with us!” says Al Capone, in shock.
“No. But…I’m not sure Jack understood that.” says a woman.
Getting back to Lem.
Bobby sits naked, on Lem’s sofa. In the the dark. He stares straight ahead. Shifts uneasily.
Lem has disappeared and Bobby knows that. Bobby looks around the apartment for Lem. He even looks in drawers.
Later.
“That bastard.” says Bobby.
“Oh my God! You have sex with him, didn’t you?” say most living liberal Americans.
The Sweet Escape Gwen Stefani plays.
“I had them play that song.” says a man holding a balloon.
“Why?” asks Bobby.
“Because I’m pulling for you, buddy.” he says.
“Yeah. You slept with him.” says a female singer.
Later.
“No. I didn’t.” says Bobby. “I looked around. And I didn’t find any condoms. Or…any trace of Lem. I’m not sure…but I think I just fell asleep.”
“He’s not there? But he actually is?” asks a woman.
“No. He’s not here.” says Bobby.
“Then why are we all obsessed? There’s no love story between any Kennedy and Lem.” says the American female singer.
“But he’s still here! And we’re making love!” says Bobby. He opens a can of beer and he laughs. He drinks the beer.
“Bobby. Where?” asks an American female singer.
“Okay. So…in the context of this blog post…nowhere. But…in my mind in the past we made love. And we still are.” says Bobby.
“So you imagined it?” asks the singer.
“Yeah.” says Bobby.
“Then when?” asks the female American singer.
“In my mind!!” says Bobby, laughing. He thinks the singer is crazy.
“Where…Bobby?” asks the singer.
“In my mind. Okay. It’s a place.” says Bobby.
“No. It’s not.” says the Illuminati.
“See…no. You wouldn’t understand. But I’ll try to explain. As an associate in The Ascended Masters Program at the Illuminati…I’m kind of a force to be reckoned with. Okay? Let’s keep that straight.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.
“Okay.” says the CIA.
“Look. This is how it works.” says Bobby.
Can’t Get You OUT OF MY HEAD by Kylie Minogue plays.
“I see someone I want and I lust after them. And then I fuck them in my mind.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior. “And then…well…they become mine.”
“How?” asks his first wife.
“It’s an instant thing. Because I’m an Ascended Master in training. I can…lust after a woman and then-“ he snaps his fingers. “It’s an instant process. They become mine.”
“They don’t have to consent?” asks Lem.
“No.” says Bobby.
“Why not?” asks God.
“Welp.” says Bobby, as he throws his feet up on a coffee table and places his arms behind his head. “I’ll tell you…it’s easy…but you won’t like it. I’m in control…of EVERYONE.”
“How?” asks NBC.
Bobby is still naked and he’s seemingly never had sex with Lem. Ever. And Lem was heterosexual the whole time.
“I…am…ahh…” he laughs. “I’m-“. He laughs. “I’m…”. He laughs. “I’m…a…KENNEDY.” he whispers.
“Then what happens?” asks Lacey.
“Then you’re in awe.” says Bobby.
“I’m not anymore.” says Lacey.
“Why MRI?” asks Bobby.
“Oh! You’re- Huh.” says Lacey. “You’re dumb. God bless you.”
“What happened?” asks Bobby. “Where did our power go?”
“What power really though?” asks Lacey.
“We had power!” says Bobby.
“Kinda.” says Lacey.
“Well! What happened to it?” asks Bobby.
“I’m not entirely sure. But the US is in serious decline.” says Lacey.
“No. Don’t say that.” says Bobby.
“But it just is.” says Lacey.
“But you shouldn’t say that.” says Bobby.
“So…what can you do?” asks Lacey.
“With my Kennedy power?” he asks.
“Yes.” says Lacey.
“Umm…I could get elected.” he says.
“Maybe. Joe couldn’t.” says Lacey.
“Don’t being that up!” he says. “That was a bitter moment.”
“Yes! But that’s when you all crashed and burned.” says Lacey.
Bobby laughs, upset.
“No. That’s when your family name really started to die.” says Lacey.
“When my older brother lost?” asks Bobby.
Bobby is still naked.
“Yeah.” says Lacey.
He looks upset.
“Yeah. You all destroyed it. For yourselves.” says Lacey.
“Are you mad?” asks Bobby’s older brother Joe.
“Yes. I’m furious.” says Lacey.
“Sorry.” says Joe, Bobby’s older brother.
“ I am not even going to ask what happened or why you all did it to yourselves because I’m too angry. I really was in love with your oldest brother. I mean your oldest uncle that Joe I was in love with Joe. OK it’s complicated. We’ve never really talked about it because you’re too busy arguing with everything I say I hope you don’t and then I’m in shock so I think why did he stop arguing all the sudden no I really was in love with Joe Junior absolutely passionately about him Bobby, and you all ruined that in 2016 for eternity I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not but that was right around the time Pat Wilson died. I am loves twin flame seemingly but I really was in love with your uncle. I just thought it was possibly one of the most perfect band ever live I really dead arm and might’ve been a little bit of a misunderstanding. I think he probably lied to me but I was very much in love with him him and I’m still in shock to find out how much I was lied to because I’m pretty sure Linn was straight and I don’t think Jack was saying, and I think he’s been haunting me my entire life starting rumors with Italian people and I don’t know what the hell he’s been up to I mean come to find out I am Lem’s’s twin flame and that’s creepy because truthfully, I think I might have found him more attractive than Joe, your uncle, but that’s saying something because I really I really did I really did think your uncle Joe was just literally one of the most perfect man to ever live. I’m not exaggerating, and I think he kind of enjoyed that, and then how lame one of the only man I’ve ever thought was better looking than him, potentially ever I’ve ever seen, which is also saying something turns out to be straight, and then I’m being constantly haunted and harassed by your uncle Jack is beyond me, and then beyond that I was supposed to have first seemingly been in love with your grandfather, sweetie. I am very connected to you in a way that you never seem to cognitively understand.
My ancestors started this country yours did not. I’ve been here for longer than you have you’re in my country. This is by country if it exist at all in your in invader, got it OK?
So it’s my rules not yours that matter.
Only fucking reason anyone gives a fuck about you and your families because of my fucking country that I fucking started so you’re fucking welcome. Why are you kids are a scrawny sweetie I don’t think I was ever in love with you I mean I could be wrong. I don’t think I don’t think you 70 to get it. I’m really not an uptight person I’m stuffy and I’m a hottie and I’m a very strong Christian but I’m not uptight And I don’t understand it. You really are scrawny I mean it’s sweet when I think of the fact that you just look like your dad, but why would you think that of huge buff man would be in love with you? Why did anyone think that it’s insane it makes some sense that he’ll be in love with Jack, but that their personalities as much as they seem to laugh together, weren’t really actually compatible at all, it’s just the whole thing is bizarre and there’s like a light possibility that maybe there could be some sprinkles of love between them and and and Jack but it’s it’s really kind of a stretch and then turns out Lawrie is not even at all seemingly no, it’s just it’s shocking I’m sorry I’m in shock. You are one of the first people I talk to you in the illuminati and you were actually quite comforting to me and I feel bad for you because I can’t figure you out. I love to try to help you but I can’t figure out how to help you Bobby because you seem, insane and evil and you’re obsessed with my husband essentially at this point, and I don’t think there’s anything happening between the two of you out. I really doubt it I doubt it the way that I can sort of sass through things the way that I can sort of organize things in my head I I don’t see any possibility, but if I try, I can sort of worry about it um and then I think OK and then how does this work and then that’s where I get frustrated because it doesn’t necessarily work at all to be honest I keep writing about things and every time I do it I realize more and more how bizarre it is that anyone thought that anything could be happening between especially between you and That I know it’s getting bizarre because I did not anticipate a lot of this and if it’s him it’s very strange because I have a very strong sense that love loves me, and that I can’t experience parts of that because gay men have crossed my entire physical body Why why did they do that? Why did they cursed me? Why would you need to hold me back like that if Len was gay at all or do all good gay men worry that there’s some hot woman somewhere and that if they don’t curse her, but all gay men will be seduced in which case there are no gay men they’re just insane then why do we give a fuck about gay rights at all? They’re nuts.
They’re one of the whole most destructive lecherous Vampira groups of insane people to ever exist. They are the Jews, so what if the holocaust just killed all of the homosexual‘s? We’d all be better off so that the Nazi should’ve focused on the homosexuals and no one else if they just go around cursing women all the time because they’re terrified that they’re all gonna be seduced by them do you understand what I’m saying if they do that they’re probably not seen and they’ve been very destructive in the last 50 years.
So are they doing that or not? Because why can’t I experience loves love for me I just felt it tonight, but it was like it was being withheld from me and I kept seeing all these swords out of all these gay men who had somehow pledged loyalty to Lem’s and Jack before they fucked each other, why the hell would they do that? That’s bizarre how are they do that it’s insane why are they obsessively attacking me if Lennon is attracted to men at all, that’s perverse what are they so scared of they’re scared of them becoming aroused to the point of passion and exhaustion with his desire for me that he’ll fuck me, they’re terrified that all experience his love for me and that he’ll fuck me that’s insane that’s absolutely insane.” says Lacey Banks.
“ have you had one gay man have a really genuinely normal conversation with you about what’s happening other than Kevin Spacey and possibly Anderson Cooper?” asks Russia.
“ no I haven’t they’re all psychotic.” says Lacey.
“ they are all psychotic psychotic It’s. It’s like they wanna reason with her and listen to what she has to say hi but then they can’t. Which worries Lacey they don’t even exist. They’re all just nuts.” says Lem.
“ no proof that Linn was even gay. Wikipedia says that it’s all up essentially if there’s anything in anything that’s ever been written those suggest that it would it would’ve been acknowledged.” say gay men.
“ why acknowledge that I wasn’t gay at all I really wasn’t at all I really wasn’t at all. I wasn’t nuts, but…I wasn’t gay at all.” says Lem. “ I just wasn’t that I wasn’t bisexual. I wasn’t pansexual I was straight and when I say I was nuts what I mean is that it’s not like I was crazy, but no sense. You could say. It was insane to go around acting like I was gay, but I wasn’t actually insane. It’s just extraordinarily tragic.
“ did you just help us sort that out because I can sense that there’s a gay wizard who’s trying to be helpful in which case thank you apparently you can still do that if you can do that why can’t you people get elected? Are you having an issue of succession?” asks Lacey.
“ yeah, I mean if nothing happened with him he might’ve been straight if I’m not straight I might’ve felt a little led on by the entire thing and hurt or am I just feel hurt now and you think it’s funny don’t you because my wife hung her self and my first wife went insane to and slept with Michael my brother so you think it’s kind of funny to see me embarrass myself once and for all, what happened with you and Joe?” asks Bobby.
“ I think he was sleeping with people in purgatory and lying about it a certain level and then 00 I started falling in love with F Scott Fitzgerald, and that was after my marriage with my husband, who I’m legally still married to was falling apart, and then I think he was trying to sort of work his way back into my heart and then Pat died and you guys started attacking me actually that’s reversed. You guys started attacking me and then Pat died so I was talking to Diego for maybe four or five months and then Pat died. I worry that you killed Pat because you were trying to kill me and this is where it’s sad but you know I am when I was first talking to all of you. I told Diego that Joe had told me that I was Pat Wilson, reincarnated and I’m not but he told me that. And I don’t know why he would tell me such a thing right off the top of my head but I think I think he was trying to deal with something and I worry though that when I told Diego that that’s why Pat died, was because he literally thought that somehow, even though it seemed like he was talking to me That he was actually talking to Pat Wilson I think the illuminati might’ve tried just killing her first to see if I would go away because they couldn’t believe that they were talking to some random person who discovered them on Twitter basically what Instagram Twitter psychically so I think they killed Pat Wilson first And then that didn’t work oh, who wearing that? I actually descended into purgatory with her and that’s why I thought it wasn’t health where she went is awful it’s hell but it’s pretty awful but I started calling up to God you’re saving, and then things gradually got better I don’t know that I deserved however, to go to Purgatory I at least that part of purgatory. I worry that something went terribly wrong. It’s just an absolute mess but what happened? I suspect I have just been Pat Wilson to be honest I would probably end up with them anyway, but I worry that it was Pat Wilson, really that did actually break us up.” says Lacey.
“ did she use the illuminati to tell you that she had Joe first and then he loved her more?” asks the Illuminati.
“ yes I am why by the way, did they think that he wasn’t in love with her in his latest biography from 2015 I don’t see evidence for that. I worry that they were in shooting that there was a miss representation of something in the Kennedy family, but then that would’ve been lame, seemingly not Joe and Pat’s, Joe is very reticent with every woman, but it seems like somehow, even though I don’t think he loves Pat the way that he loved me. I don’t think that he can get over her It’s or some thing it’s like even though he loved me more it doesn’t matter because he’s just that in love with Pat Wilson or she’s Pat Wilson or something it’s like all bets are off when it comes to Pat Wilson for Joe Junior I guess I don’t know and yeah it was devastating but I get over things with gods help I get over things.” says Lacey.
Harvest Moon by Poolside plays.
And at that Bobby lights Lem’s house on fire. It’s quickly put out. But before it’s extinguished the flames dance around his naked body. He smiles.
“Bobby. Just because homosexuality isn’t necessarily fake…doesn’t mean it’s allowed in Heaven. So be careful, sweetie. Men are wonderful. But you need to worry about your eternal soul more. God can forgive you. But…don’t…assume anything happy.” says Lacey.
“Okay.” says Bobby.
“Look. I’m dating ghosts. And I worry for myself. I really do. …But…I’m trapped. So…I’m not sure what else to do. Everyday. And you’re doomed too potentially. But I bet you’re incapable of not loving men…if you do. It’s ruined your life like it ruined Jack’s life? So…you’re stuck in a way too. You need to pray. Daily. Not just about your supposed sex addiction. But about trapped life. You poor thing. I’ll let you go.” says Lacey.
And at that with Lem’s apartment doused in foam Bobby…goes off to get dressed. And after that he wonders to the Illuminati, “Did Pat Wilson really separate them or did you?”
“Diego did. Really. He hated her.” says the CIA.
“Huh. So…you all hated her. And are responsible because it’s your family. That being said…I’m worried Diego did it and everyone supporting him.” says Illuminati.
“Yeah. They did. And I supported it.” says Bobby.
“He fucked me.” says Lacey.
“WHO!?” yells India.
“Joe Kennedy Junior. He just did it. I had no response. But because he’s a ghost…and we were in love…he somehow managed to do it. I doubt that’s possible while you’re alive.” says Lacey.
“I handled this day poorly.” says Lem.
“Yeah.” says Lacey.
“Lacey tried to completely ignore him. She did. She just sat there eating Doritos. But he couldn’t resist. It only lasted about a half a minute to a minute.” says Lem.
“It was fascinating. I wish him well.” says Lacey.
“So that’s what happened with other men?” asks Lem.
“Yes.” says Lacey. “In part.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” says Lem.
“Why are we here?” asks Lacey.
“Yeah. You think I fucked Bobby and you actually got fucked by Joe.” says Lem.
She gives him a look.
“I’m not sure if we can be…alone tonight.” says Lem.
“I’m sorry he can do that.” says Lacey.
“I caused it by accident but not because I slept with Bobby. I don’t think killing him worked. And…I think Joe just wanted to make love to you.” says Lem. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Why…did you have to assume you were gay!?” says Lacey.
“I had no way to feel honorable.” says Lem.
“
Keen to Cross the Pond 