Chris Goes To Great Britain

The Line by Mood Rings plays.

Chris Hayes has spent very little time in Great Britain. Most of Lacey’s haters have. It’s a common theme.

When he dies he goes to Britain. And God makes him shut-up and put-up with their personalities with no recourse other than to be silent or disappear.

He looks around. Eats out. By the end of the first night he wants to set fire to London. But he can’t. He’s allowed to disappear for a maximum of five minutes. If he gets too nasty he just disappears and then explodes.

He’s fine. Until… He tries to drive.

He explodes.

God takes him back to Ireland.

“Why do you hate the British so passionately?” asks God?

“They’re so stuffy!” says Chris.

“What else?” asks God.

“They’re…so…” he says.

“We should have never allowed you in the Illuminati. You have no idea what you’re doing at all.

And Lacey has said that and it’s true. And I’m saying this from the grave. Letting you in was arguably the dumbest if not one of the dumbest things we’ve done, and we’ve done some very dumb things over the years. I mean really we have, but it was maybe not the most evil thing we’ve done…but it’s arguably the stupidest.” says David Rockefeller.

“I have very little faith left in humanity, and I’m on the other side so to speak. Lacey spent the night being kind to people yelling at people who deserved it essentially, I think they deserved it because they were treating her like a piece of shit and then expecting her to kiss their fucking ass and then they confessed to her that basically they’re just street trash that made a big deal of themselves shaking their ass in music videos and singing.

…Chris you take the Illuminati – and a lot of other people do too – way too fucking seriously as do they. They don’t understand that there’s a class system and they have no idea what respect means. They don’t understand a great many things and I’m not gonna waste time talking about it, but let me tell you this Kathleen from the from Hell – because she was doing a little better. She was just making her way out through – tried to throw Lacey down the stairs. …Everyone was asleep and Lacey was reaching to get hair out of her mouth and she just about missed the railing and fell down the stairs at the very top. And that to Kathleen was just the best thing ever. What the fuck is wrong with the Irish? Why do you hate Lacey so much?“ says Lem.