The Irish

High Road by Cults plays.

I’m Minnesota in the winter the air gets cold. And this song sounds dramatically different.

Why?

It’s almost as if it turns into some sort of space ship. Yes. Space ship.

It’s weird. Really weird. Most of Lacey’s childhood she could sense it and it mildly terrified her. But now it’s fine. It’s lovely.

And at that Lacey has Hell masturbate all Irish men and chew off their wives heads…if necessary in Heaven. And then Hell chews of the men’s heads…if necessary.

“Why?” asks an Irishman.

“Why?” asks a demon.

“I’m asking you why you ain’t getting me off.” says Irishman.

“I did.” says the demon.

“I didn’t feel it.” says the Irishman.

“That’s not how it works.” says the demon.

“How does it work?” asks the Irishman.

“Umm…it’s special.” says the demon.

“What if I reject it?” asks the Irishman.

“Then you have to go to Heaven.” says the demon.

And at that Joe Kennedy Junior is put through a meat grinder by Al Capone, if necessary. Only if necessary.

“Sorry I fucked your wife.” says Joe to Lem.

“Well we’re sorry though that we even laid eyes on your Kathleen.” says Lacey. “We were in the same room as her on occasion.”

“We never had any sexual contact. Don’t worry.” says Lem.

NDA by Billie Eilish plays. It about a fool from Ireland signing an NDA after having sex with a demon. Hopefully it’s a farce.

“Are you a demon?” asks an Irishman of Lacey and Lem.

“No.” says Lem. “I’m not a demon.”

“Are the Irish obsessed with you, Lem?” asks a reader.

“I actually believe it or not would’ve never guessed that, and I still don’t think they are. They do seem to have some sort of axe to grind against me. I don’t know why. There’s something incredibly creepy about it and Lacey and I are trying to fight right now to find out what the Hell is going on.” says Lem.

“I would lay next to you in the White House after you masturbated me and gave me oral sex and I tried to cuddle with you and you didn’t like it and I could never figure out why but that’s not the point. The point is that I would tell you in my sleep and I just assumed that you knew. You know Katharine Hepburn is part of the problem but I don’t think that- I don’t know if it matters or not. I think it’s more that I told you in my sleep and I have no idea why you’re confused.” says JFK from the past.

“Am I connected to chickens? I’m not a chicken, but I feel weirdly like someone’s connected me to animal cruelty, or something has?” asks Lacey.

“That’s interesting. I would not have guessed that one.” says Louis.

“What else do you feel weirdly connected to?” asks Lem.

“The safety of the ocean. The safety of the sky.” says Lacey.

Hayling by FC Kahuna plays as Micheal and Lacey jump to knock down the Twin Towers. After the smoke got too bad. It was Michael’s idea.

“Oh my God!” says a woman. “They’re using her.”

“Who?” asks Lem.

The woman stares at him.

“It was to be helpful.” says a terrorist.

“You know them?!?” asks the woman.

“I’m dead.” says the terrorist.

“Did we help?” asks Lem.

“Yes!” says Michael. “She did.”

“I made someone’s death easier?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Michael.

“Good.” says Lacey.

Save Me by Jem plays.

“Who saves you?” asks a woman of Lacey.

“God. But…as that’s happening…I’m not sure.” says Lacey. “I’ll die eventually.”

“And this is why you shouldn’t be in the Illuminati.” says David Rockefeller to Chris. “You trapped her in a living Hell.”

“And I helped him?” asks The First Maid.

“Yes.” says Lem.