Enough Already

Corinne by Metronomy plays.

What actually went wrong? Let’s actually get somewhere with this thing about Joe Kennedy Senior.

The song plays.

“He was a criminal.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

Elliott Roosevelt picks up a cigar and smokes it.

He sits with his blond locks slicked back, sexy, seething and mysterious.

“Except…I was straight.” says Elliott, smugly.

“So was I.” says Lem.

“I knew that. Possibly.” says Eleanor Roosevelt.

So what went wrong?

“She was trying to write a novel about it when Joe Kennedy Junior threw her down the stairs.” says Elliott.

“Yeah!” says Tsar Putin, menacingly.

“I’m dead because we went too far.” says Ivanna to Donald.

“Be careful!!!” warns Lacey Banks, quickly in terror.

Love and War by Fleurie plays.

“She’s mine.” says Lem about Lacey.

“But…did it have to be that way or did it evolve?” asks Lacey. “Like Swedenborg suggested.”

“Joe…did you lose her?” asks God.

“That song is sarcastic.” says Joe Kennedy Senior. “And poetic.”

“Lacey is the lily at the funeral.” says Elliott.

“I’m not always at funerals.” says Lacey.

“Then what flower are you?” asks France.

“Joe was a criminal.” says Lacey. “You can’t handle hearing more? How pathetic!! …He…was…a….criminal.” She thinks. “I’m a fucking wool sweater. You bitch. …If he ever had me…he lost me…because he was a criminal.”

“So you have no flower?” asks France.

“No!!! FUCK YOU!!” yells Lacey.

“So you have no flower!?” asks France.

“No!! Nothing suits me. Get over it!!” says Lacey.

“No flower suits you?” asks a woman.

“No. They’re all so simple.” says Lacey.

“So you’re non-binary?” asks a curdling asshole.

“No. I’m more of a woman than most women alive.” says Lacey.

“What about roses?” asks Chris Hayes.

“Elsie Hill took all the yellow roses before she died. …My mother who raised me hordes red roses.” says Lacey.

A black woman laughs. “What about…lotus?” she asks.

“I’m white. But thank you.” says Lacey.

“Oh dear God. We literally have never allowed her to have her own flower. Ever.” says a Boomer.

“No. You’re misunderstanding flowers. And women. Or…that’s your evil? And why it could be the end of the world?” says Lacey.

“What smells have we ever allowed you?” asks Africa.

“None.” says Lem.

“It’s made me quite stealth.” says Lacey, trying to be cheerful in Christ.

“ I think we’re thieves. I think we’ve been feminizing women that aren’t feminine for so long that we’ve stolen all of Lacey‘s beauty and that way One can still see it. It doesn’t affect him remotely. He’s way beyond that but I highly suspect things got very bloody because her soulmates were supposed to have understood her a bit better, and probably even other men, I say this with a with faith in Christ as a transgendered woman but place is not transgender. OK she’s a woman she’s always been a woman, but that’s where people need to stop because you’ve stolen from her and if I’m actually a woman you still for me to possibly but even if that’s not the case I empathize because I thought that’s what happened to me, OK so just stop because she’s clearly says she’s straight and you’ve stolen her femininity, and it actually really does piss me off on a personal level.” says Caitlyn Jenner. “ you haven’t stoner community femininity is perfectly intact, but how about this lens able to make love to her because he sees it and he’s like oh she’s fine there’s nothing wrong at all and it’s very possible that because of who she is that as an aristocrat, she can wear any flowers. She very well damn wants, they’re not living in such a silly Identix stupid way, which is human and sane but I think people like to think of people in categories and so it’s hard for other people who aren’t more of us to Craddick possibly like myself to some degree at this point in my life to fathom her because it’s like how could she be so above everything she’s a feminine woman who’s doesn’t even need to be categorize she’s just feminine yes she is. She’s just a five minute OK that’s wonderful. That’s where you can’t change things because we’re not really got in my opinion at all that being said, I am a size with people who can’t quite get it, we need her to have a flower you need to be able to relate to her fine I don’t know what to say because I think there’s is desperately awful as it is there may not even be a flower that perfectly suits her I think if there was one, it was probably a rose but I have a feeling women have been stealing roses and that we don’t really know what they’re supposed to smell like as much anymore. How about that? Um, how do you know I wonder through other women like her if she’s reincarnated in Scotland, who could relate because the history is long. This is not a new conversation that way if she’s reincarnated actually tweed made a fragrance called. I’m sorry Linn Parikh made a fragrance called tweed that actually smelled like wool but that’s too manly for her so people could wear it. My daughters could wear it but that’s not something that a lot of people could wear them so maybe she’s not really a wool sweater either but I think she was trying to figure out where she would fit and I don’t think that’s the dumbest thing. I think there’s part of her that is like a wool sweater but then what flower smells like that?”

Later.

Wallflower by Agnes Obel plays.

“I’ll be a violet!” says Lacey.

“Too late, we took em’!” say not-straight women.

“That irritates me because that’s the closest flower there is to my personality and it doesn’t suit the two of you at all. I’m seeing two lesbians and it’s suits neither of you. And that’s my flower and I didn’t give you permission to use it at all. That being said, I’ll just give up violets.” says Lacey. “With the caveat that I still claim violets by Serge Lutens and Floris.”

They scowl at her with perverse heartlessness.

“What about lavender?!?” asks Lacey, cheerfully.

“We took that one too!” says a gay man.

“That’s fine. I’m just-I’m desperate.” says Lacey.

“We told you you seemed desperate once when you were in your late 20s before you married your legal husband and I don’t think you were desperate in the way that we wanted you to be to feel better about ourselves. Did you start seeing the dead at that point?” he asks.

“Yes, I did actually once when I was very sick. That was after I almost was hit by a car. I started interacting with a dead person, and it was a very short-lived discussion because he told me that my soulmate had died long ago and that he wasn’t him, but that-but that he had another woman to sort of be with.” says Lacey. “So he had to go.”

“ you know there’s a lot of assholes who are gay who want to make you jack or make Lembcke right now in this conversation I like that you’re choosing to ignore that because you know better and then I fear for you because yeah they’re men and they’re very violent they absolutely hate you and it’s for no damn good reason it’s for no good reason at all there’s no reason to hate you at all.” says the gay man.

“ I know you’re having a hard time with it too but you’re trying to overcome it. Um, are you all insane she just kill you all or can you guys get over yourselves?” asks Lacey.

“ I think we take things narcissistically and we need to just to back off because you’re right we’re dumb as fuck and this conversation at this point I’m sorry that we took lavender if it should be yours and if we took it and it wasn’t yours you’re welcome.” says the gay man.

“ oh, someone else would’ve taken it anyway don’t worry.” says Lacey, flippantly.

“ what about daffodils?” asks a Republican man of Lacey.

“ no it’s not quite right I love daffodils I love Narcissis it’s a beautiful flower but no it’s in stock quite right.” says Lacey.

“ what about what about lily-of-the-valley?” asks the Catholic Church.

“ I know I’m too warm for that. I love that flower but it’s it’s not really me but thank you.” says Lacey.

“ oh, shit you’re not a lesbian at all, and we probably stole them from you what about roses?” asks Casi of Lacey.

“ Cassie I can’t wear to brows or rose anymore because of you you literally because we’re both women I can’t wear that anymore. You know why because it wasn’t good enough it was flawed to begin with and then you ruined whatever there was there. It wasn’t just you sweetie. It was tons of bitches.” says Lacey.

“ the rose really isn’t your flower?” asks a florist.

“ nope and neither is geranium hibiscus and I have never smelled a flower that smells like me when I was a little girl. I smelled a little bit like daisies, but I don’t smell like that anymore and I never really probably really did carnations don’t really work either.” says Lacey.

“ what about peony?” asks Nancy.

“ both that and Gardenia are such bitches.” says Lacey.

“ honey suckle oh no?” asks a 1930’s film star.

“ no I had to be perfectly honest with you. I didn’t have a flower that suited me well either the only flower I could wear with any regularity was rose or I piss people off.” says Queen Elizabeth II. “ I could I could wear rose Lacey can’t wear Rose and have people go to angry at her. When she versus she can wear hair for some reason people love smelling pears on her they like smelling orange blossom, pear, and vanilla. Everything else pisses people off.”

“ I don’t think anyone really Heather has loved her and I think you people are very slow that’s what this is. She was never loved by a mother she has no mother and Rita and Coco Chanel are gonna have to get over it they failed miserably to reach out to her and be loving, if they if they’ve tried in someway and it succeeded good on them but that means they fucked up because they’re just entirely obsessed with appearances. I am more mature Holzer than they are at this point this conversation and I’m hardly her mother people need to stop asking Lacey to make them feel better, everyone needs mom. Everyone needs a dad. I think that something Christ is gonna have to heal in the whole fucking world if he has to because Mary the mother of God try talking to her and she was a total fucking bitch and I’m not sure if that was because she actually is what in the Catholic Church is insane, or if it was a horrible discussion but I really wouldn’t keep going there. Do you know who you know who is the turtle to her you cheap whores queen Mary of Scots who kill people she actually has been somewhat maternal towards Lacey, so have I Rita if you give a fuck congratulations.” says Eleanor Roosevelt.

“ so literally bloody Mary is maternal towards Lacey and one of her favorite fragrances was bulls blood does that smell good at her?” asks a gay man.

“ to be perfectly honest yes it smells sexy on her and I know what you’re picturing her in a slaughterhouse still looking sexy as hell walking out and then a man still desperately wanting to fuck her which actually is possible by the way, so don’t flatter yourself if you think you’re being clever.” says Bloody Mary.

“ am I was an asked you and I’m sure you think I’m psychotic him and are actually you’re right I am slightly did we just like throw Scotland under the bus to try to be friends with the British?” asks an Irishman.

“ oh, you didn’t become friends with the British dear. They still hate you it wasn’t real. You were sodomizing them and now they’re making you into fools.“ says Lem. “And now they hate you rightfully. And you’ll be wiped out. To Hell?”

“ we’re not all like the Kennedy Islam eight and I think your wife knows that him and honestly him I don’t know what to say other than that right now.” says an Irishman.

“ you can’t talk to her anymore you can’t literally and symbolically you’ve cut that off. She has no more faith left in you, so if you’re innocent, it’s God defending you not her anymore or me.” says Lem. “ listen if you read this blog and you genuinely wish you could reach out and talk to me. God knows that, but the people that were talking to you are vile and you’ve been vile to her to if you’re who I think you are not quite seeing your face I think people like you tend to make too many assumptions about people if there’s anything human about you at all.”

“ but I know her better than you do love and it’s not right it’s not right!” yells Ireland to Lem.

“Even so ‘we’re’ in love with Lem. We’re Scottish and we’re dry as bones. In that way we’re not really Irish even if you do understand us in a different way than he can without God’s help.” says Sean Connery.

“I actually understand her better than you guys do. She’s my rib and I prefer her over the Irish. It’s not even worth talking about. I love the Irish, but she loves you more than I do actually. But that’s something that I don’t-Well that I don’t necessarily relate to you on on a personal level, but that’s fine. I don’t think I need to, and it really would be more of a mysterious sort of beauty that she possesses because- Be careful you’re-you’re-you’re trying to raise Jack from Hell at this point practically so watch out.” says Lem.

The Real Slim Shady by Eminem plays.

“Why does she need a flower?” asks Eminem.

“Because all real women have have flowers.” says the GOP.

“Like witches float?” asks Eminem.

“Yeah?” says a gay man in the GOP.

“You’re being a bunch of hypocrites.” says Eminem.

“I’m not confused.” says Tsar Putin.

“Why?” asks Queen Camilla.

“She doesn’t need a flower. Bill Gates hates flowers.” says Tsar Putin. “I have gardens.”

“Song of Solomon.” says the American south. “You’re losing your minds. She’s just a woman. Calm the fuck down.”