For Straight American Liberals

2Wicky by Hooverphonic plays.

Lem was mostly likely straight. Hang on to your worries…but be careful. You might just want to hurt Lacey and sleep with Lem to spite Lacey.

Why do you hate Lacey so profoundly? It’s mysterious to her.

In the meantime, Bobby Kennedy Junior has been given more truth serum.

“ I just want to talk about all the moments that I experienced where I am realizing that Linn was probably straight and how weird they were. Yeah they gave me a truth serum yeah my kind of gives you a buzz makes you feel a little woozy but it’s late and I’m tired and I couldn’t sleep very well last night so I’m just kind of chatting. Yeah whatever it’s therapeutic.

Well, you know honestly who even reads this blog is just like Joe‘s first wife’s lambs wife’s blog she just won’t shut up about us so I’m gonna just fucking tell you stuff.

OK so here’s how it fucking worked. You’re curious don’t lie.

Are you shot heroin sometimes into my arms and legs with the idea of trying to probably kill me but he was doing that seemingly because he thought I was an awful bastard. He didn’t want me to die and go to hell in my 60s I killed my wife Cheryl knows that and she loves me anyway. I know people don’t believe that but I did I mean I dumb as dirt so simple I just told her to kill her self and she did because she was so in love with me and hopeless. She was massively in that shed psychotic depression shut, the whole fucking world was ending and I just was like fuck just kill yourself just do me a fucking favor and kill yourself so she did.

It’s funny though, because Cheryl doesn’t seem to realize she was the reason why or if she does, she’s more evil than me. It makes me kind of scared at night.

I do you think if I was president she plot to have me killed. I doubt it she’s too stupid but then again and me saying that she might take the challenge and try to kill me and then that just means I get to go be with my last wife, who was really hot by the way sometimes she was really good looking she was dark And just like really beautiful I was so in love with her at times so Cheryl kills me. I’m just gonna go hang out with Mary.

Anyway, getting back to what happened to New York I would always just get high and then die inside practically one time I wondered why alarm was giving me so much heroin and then I started to wonder if he was trying to kill me I thought it was really weird. Maybe he really was just trying to kill me.

I know it is weird he did have a magazine collection. I’m pretty sure, but for some reason even though he had new copies, I always just assumed that it was related to Jack. That was how I rationalize I thought, while Jack was here because Jack used to come to his apartment sometimes, but I didn’t think I just thought it was Jack, but he just collected those magazines because of Jack I never realized he was renewing the subscription, or if I did, I thought it was because it was like a shrine to Jack, it’s not funny at the time I just thought this is here because of Jack. He’s so obsessed with him that he’s still reads playboy.

*laughing*

I kept them very neat. They were very they’re very neatly capped. That might’ve also been why I assumed it was because of Jack. They were in a very neat pile. I don’t think he would’ve read them if Lacey was alive I still think they were just there because of Jack, and for conversation.

But I I don’t think so and I really honestly don’t think they would’ve been there. If Lacey was alive he was really depressed. They probably were make it in his sink. His house was a mess. I mean it was clean, but it was also a mess.

Yeah, he walked around in a robe and in shorts but I think that had something to do with you Hefner and I I’m at the time I I might’ve thought that too and thought it was sort of cool. It was also really hot in his apartment at times that was annoying.

Oh stupid.

Why wasn’t Mary there jackass?

And Mary had been there. We would’ve just laughed and said fuck that shit she was cool that way. I should’ve told her to hang herself. That was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.

Are someday I would brush my teeth, and no there were flies in his apartment. Do you know he only used his gay accent when he was sober when he was high, he sounded sort of deep in mean and cold, as ice kind of like he was trying to kill me or something.

I sort of like he was in the CIA trying to take me up. I was some part of some secret organization trying to kill people I have a new Siri that line was in the CIA and they were trying to kill me using heroin and I thought it was real clever, because it was my idea.

You know, I won’t be honest if you’re trying to kill me know if I have me run for president because it was my idea.

I shouldn’t of killed Mary. She would’ve figured that out somehow more distracted me you would’ve done something stupid but we would’ve had me running for president. I just got bored with her people are boring. I hate my uncle Jack sometimes loser. Why do you kill my dad if you did if he killed my dad I’m glad he’s in hell I just hope it’s hot enough.

I think I am going to end up being on a tree somewhere when I’m tired I want my ashes scattered in the tree. trees are good.

I don’t want to know what happen with Lacey and Joe at least not for a while.

Mom, if this is real, don’t tell me someday when I’m dad and your dad until I’m ready to know because I don’t wanna deal with it. It’s just too awful.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha I am I’m probably gonna think I was gay again, but I really hope I don’t go to hell.

Oh, let’s just say this like this I never saw them disappear for hours with a magazine because she was too busy shooting me with heroin. And when he didn’t shoot me with heroin, I don’t know where you was probably wandered off somewhere there’s times I blacked out and I don’t know where he was for all I know he was having an affair with Lacey behind my back just like you did with my uncle, why do people cheat

No I was 1416 or 17 maybe even 20 at the time that I was thinking that stuff and I took myself very seriously I still do and I really might’ve thought we were in a relationship. I really might’ve thought he was madly in love with me, and it is devastating at a certain level to think that he was cheating.

And I don’t know how my mom live with that feeling that’s terrible makes you want to kill him I mean what the hell what the hell dammit. that bastard.

I know I can’t handle it because it’s just too sad that’s like how do you end up in this committed relationship that you don’t discuss and then you end up getting cheated on shit Mary that’s what I did to you.

Oh, that bitch is sleeping with my fucking father. I kill her, but she’s already dead, but let me tell you something someday when I am dead she’s gonna get in your phone that was my property not my fathers. It’s violation.

I’m going to sue my dad when I’m dead as soon for a lot of stuff. That’s only if I don’t go to hell but if I don’t, I’m gonna sue my dad. I’m gonna sue his ass off bastard.

What the fuck did he think leaving me with lame fucking billings at me. I was never in love with me and Maria ends up getting hang because I don’t know how to keep my shit straight and then he fucks her when she’s dead I’m gonna rip his head off and sue the shit out of him.

But knowing my dad, he already knows that I guess I did tell Maria to kill her self or you can’t see into peoples hearts yeah fine I don’t know though and I think that was a little far.

I must’ve really hurt him if he thought he had a right.

Is it just me or is it weird how the dead or far more fascinating than the living?

See, that’s the kind of shit that scares me if I had something to do with it that I am in trouble. I but I am not my uncle Jack. OK I’m really not my uncle Jack. I should have had the realization that when a man has a stack of playboy magazines that he’s subscribing to he’s probably not gay, especially when they’re next to his bed, or a bed in the guestroom that I didn’t use he kept them in the guestroom but I think he was the one reading them Parle jerk. I really don’t think he would’ve use them know if Lacey was there, which sounds like a crazy thing for me to say about people but I really actually doubt it I think he just was really Mad he must’ve been lonely for that sad I never realize what a crusty old man he actually was to me obviously not to Lacey but to me I kind of think he was a little bit of a crusty old man just as well I’ve been living somewhere in some fishing hut Dying of alcoholism in the 70s instead of some wife who died of some thing in the 50s never had any kids and I wondered with that life have been preferable or the one that he had that still would’ve been a shitty life. No they see no family just some sad morose wife and playboy and beer and fishing.” says Bobby.

“ yes that would’ve been preferable. I hope you don’t go to hell, but no Bobby that would’ve been preferable believe it or not.” says Lem.

“ it wouldn’t be to me I can’t understand that I can’t understand why I need to live in a fishing hut or cabin or something by yourself just drinking all the time and fishing reading playboy if your wife is that I mean that’s lonely that’s so gross.” says Bobby.

“ it’s not to me it’s cozy and sad as I would’ve been it would’ve been better. I have a feeling I would be probably a lot a lot more aware of how to deal with Lacey.” says Lem.

“ what do you mean by that?” says Bobby.

“ I would’ve had more time to think and I would’ve been sober and I would have been just looking at playboy out of desperation Bobby I would’ve been analyzing so many other things, and I would’ve realized what it means to be a woman and be beautiful and I had some analysis of that already, but it would’ve been a lot deeper have a feeling some of those women probably looked sad that was before they altered everything I know some of them probably looks pretty awful in their eyes and I would’ve noticed that and I would’ve that crap. That’s a beautiful woman, but she looks really depressed and it would’ve bothered me, and then I would’ve had to grieve my wife all over again and then I would’ve thought you know she was that beautiful, but she was never that depressed and I would’ve thought she was so beautiful when she was happy because women are they’re very beautiful they’re at their best when you make them happy but they have to be made happy to look at that beautiful Audrey that’s not something you can easily give yourself which is a lie of the 20th century.

So then, if I saw Lacey, I would’ve realize she’s not making herself unhappy, and yet she still so beautiful, and I would’ve started the whole entire process of talking to her completely differently because there’s a profound amount of sadness in her eyes, but she still extraordinarily beautiful, even in her eyes When she looks at it when she’s trying to hide her emotions, she looks dead even on camera, but when she looks at you, it’s extraordinarily beautiful it could be taken be terrifying to or can be a fascinating him but no I wouldn’t have thought that my wife is the most beautiful woman or necessarily even my soulmate And see that I would’ve thought what OK so there’s a part of me that’s not satisfied as a man oh well and then when I died, I would’ve thought wow Lacey really is the full package, but then why didn’t I take the thought of her more seriously while I was alive And I don’t know maybe what I live through was preferable but I worry that it would’ve still been better because it would’ve been a more pertinent conversation. Not too many women have a twin flame who thought he was gay and had David Pitts write a novel about it not a relatable experience even though I think Lacey finds it extraordinary and bearable, I don’t think that’s necessarily some thing that most people anticipate and so it probably would’ve been potentially better for her to have had a more normal experience of having a twin flame who just had a bad marriage that wasn’t that bad but just wasn’t that great.” says Lem.

“ why are you telling me this if we’re not friends?” says Bobby.

“ oh, because you’re curious and I think I thought somehow that it was a wise idea to tell you is it fascinating what do you think of it?” says Lem.

“ is sound straight. It’s really annoying listening to you.” says Bobby.

“ what do you think of it though?” says Lem.

“ I am mad at you. I’m mad that you had a playboy magazine in your house or are you cheating on my mom?” says Bobby.

“ oh well, your mom wasn’t there and I was an idiot and choosing to do that in front of you. I’m sorry.” says Lem. “ and at the time I didn’t think of you as a son and I thought of you with some other person‘s little boy all right I just didn’t think that through. I somehow knew you weren’t likely to look through them, but I still just didn’t think that through and I’m sorry, I wasn’t cheating on anyone believe it or not I was I am very stupid and so is Bobby I wish I just killed myself in the 60s.” says Lem. “ or ask someone to kill me. But that’s gods business a sore throat because that’s just my feeling on the matter that might not really be it was moral or right or just what he would’ve wanted him. I’m sorry though that I gave you the wrong message with those magazines about what it means to be a man.”

“ you didn’t entirely somehow, because somehow I just know that being a man means being lonely and fucked up.” says Bobby.

“ yeah secretly lonely and fucked up, huh?” says Lem.

“ yeah why the hell did my mom send me to you? I really did subconsciously start. Thinking of you as my dad.” says Bobby.

“ there was probably some convoluted reason I’m not happy about it either. I don’t think of you as my son but I don’t want you to go to hell and Lacey is worried about you and to be honest it is very much like a knot so I’m sorry I should’ve just left the country or something I shouldn’t of tried messing around and stuff, I felt very sold on the idea that I was helping people by killing you but it’s too convoluted and I was probably not my right mind when I came to that conclusion in the eight I should have just been allowed to leave the country someone should’ve told me to leave the country but they didn’t and I cared I cared about the United States so damn much” says Lem.

“ you don’t care anymore?” asks Bobby.

“ no I still care but because Lacey is old Dutch money and they’re suspicious of the entire rackets. It has become my little pet project him and it’s something I tinker with in the garage so to speak and it drives me batty if I can’t fix it I don’t. I’m gonna do with it, but I might still be trying to fix United States.” says Lem.

“ did you want me to see those magazines?” asks Bobby.

“ I did in the sense that I wanted you to realize I was straight. I did not want you to see them in the sense that I wanted you to see them so to speak.” says Lem.

“ why did you want me to know that you were straight?” asks Bobby.

“ because I didn’t want you to keep believing the bullshit which does make me wonder if I actually did care about you a little bit but it would be in a very similar way to how Lacey cares about you and I’m not sure it’s sort of like wake up people are lying to you and your family.” says Lem.

“ OK but love did you put those magazines out so that I would see them? Did you ever have the thought Bobby will see those and you’re OK with it?” says Bobby.

“ I know I never wanted you to see them. I never was OK with it. I think it went about after the fact that I thought well if you saw them that’s good they’ll figure out a street or I wonder if I had that brief thought subconsciously, and then just was busy with some thing and didn’t think of it like I put them there and it was cleaning and I thought whatever if he sees them he’ll figure out I’m straight anyway and I was walking down the hall as I had the thought and it just never got processed in my brain that I am that you might see them. There was a genuine accident.” says Lem.

“ the Ku Klux Klan just perpetually manifested in Lacey‘s bedroom, dressed in their clan apparel on behalf of Becca CA, and supposedly to help you or they’re not convinced that they don’t seem to be the evil members. They seem to be very protective of her because they usually show up when someone’s being very hateful him know how many they practically walked. They appeared near her radiator and then they actually walked like a normal living person over to the side of her bed to help her figure out some thing but even be a black member of the Ku Klux Klan I’m not sure it might not be too but they were very helpful and I would say that’s the most clear full body operation she’s probably ever seen and I don’t know if you noticed but she’s not the least bit shocked by it I mean they literally walked from one side of her room over to her bed Bobby that’s how real this has been to her that’s how real I am as a ghost and I think you should realize that I really I’m sorry, but I was straight and it really was an accident if you saw my magazines and to be honest with you I am I’m amazed she’s she just wasn’t there’s just like she saw them and they just walked right by and I think there may be were two of them. One of them thought it was hilarious her reaction she just just was not the slightest bit surprised I am so, what are they look like well basically just like dead people you know they’re kind of see-through she was like she saw a partial well actually no no she saw full body operation once of her grandmother or someone else in a car because I got you of no this was startling.” says Lem.

“ it really wasn’t that startling I’m sorry Lem.” says Lacey.

“ so Matthews dead Bobby is coming to grips possibly with the thought that line was straight and killing him and Lacey is in full by the Friday operations of Ku Klux Klan members who seem very friendly and probably sort of like protective older people I have a feeling that they’re probably people who died over old in the 60s man and I don’t know even where they’re from are they from Minnesota or are they from the south or are they somewhere from the the Midwest like Kansas or something? I kind of wonder if they’re more from Kansas that’s interesting-“ says Maria Seay.

“ I will I still don’t know why Harold Phyl, not with Brett Ashley I have to assume that it’s because she was invincible or some thing and he was not willing to let go of his search for hidden treasure him. That’s a little insulting to me as a person though so that concerns me but I trust that even if I’m not with him and he needs to apologize for some thing or I need to apologize that will be able to do that without being together, oh also I’m worried about lab because I’m worried he’s going to try to talk to me about his wife that never was and it’s going to go terribly awry. I’m gonna be very hurt so let’s just briefly have that conversation Lem.” says Lacey.

Toto “Africa” plays.

Later.

So…seemingly…Chris Hayes…channeled Louis Hill Junior’s sister.