“Lacey Is Juicy” by a reader

(Adult content below)

Lacey…is juicy. Like…good juicy.

Men today don’t see it. But…after reading her blog…I can totally see it.

Lacey doesn’t “put out.” She’s someone’s…delicious meat, potatoes and gravy. To perfection. …You don’t take from that. It sustains you. You get lost in it. It gives you life.

Memoryhouse by Max Richter plays.

“Lacey. How many times a week do you and Lem have sex?” asks a reader.

“Six? Seven? Ten?” says Lem, frankly. “To be honest…aside from worrying about getting her pregnant…it’d have been no different while I was alive. When she dies…it’ll be the same but better.”

“Lem…you told me…that if you’re reincarnated…you made Lacey lose her baby by having sex too late in her pregnancy too brutally?” says Al Franken.

“If there’s reincarnation in the Bible…and maybe there isn’t…then yes.” says Lem.

“How the hell did you manage!??” asks David Spade of Lem.

Lem thinks. “That’s a great question if you’re trying to prove I wasn’t straight.

…It’s gross to you. But it’s reality. Sorry!

Umm…I ate too much. I drank. I practiced enormous restraint…

I told myself I wasn’t a nerd. I was just gay. You know? I had a place in the world where I fit in. …I had asthma and wore glasses and had a nerdy raspy voice…and was clumsy and awkward and painfully self-conscious…and too tall. And eventually balding. …But…I was “just a faggot.” You know? That’s all. I was just homosexual. No big deal!

How did I sustain myself?

I masturbated.” says Lem.

A few people laugh.

“But like really!??” asks a psychic.

“Yeah!! …I drifted off into my mind. And…made love to an extremely beautiful woman. Who was madly in love with me.” says Lem.

“For real!?” asks Tucker Carlson.

“Yeah. That sounds fantastic doesn’t it? …But it’s not. …I really…had her. In my mind.

…If I had had a wife…she would have had to compete. And few women could. …Which just made me think I was gay all the more.” says Lem.

“Wow!

So that was obviously Lacey. …If there’s reincarnation in the Bible?” says Tucker Carlson.

“Dude! You are always on!” says a Hispanic man to Tucker Carlson, admiringly.

“Thank you!” says Tucker Carlson.

“Yeah. You’re good television.” says the Hispanic man.

“Thank you!” says Tucker Carlson.

“Yes!! Absolutely!” says Lem. “She haunted me. Like I’m haunting her. …And we’re in love with each other from across the divide.” He thinks. “Or…I reached forward in time…and God is so loving…that he let me make love to her. Because He already knew. He’s God. He knew she was going to need me to love her that much, or rather…we should love each other that much to bring glory to Him. …Yes. My mind traveled forward in time…and I made passionate love to her.”

“When I think of Lem…he’s someone who could be that man. I can see this all being true.” says Newt Gingrich.

“Did we know him!?” asks the DNC.

“NO!” says Newt Gingrinch matter-of-factly. “His parents were Republicans. …Okay? …He grew-up in Pennsylvania. …To me…if you saw him kissing Lacey…you’d instantly stop thinking he was gay. …You might think he was bisexual. But…I can see it in my head. And…there’s no coldness, just hunger coming from him. …But I highly doubt he was bisexual. …Him kissing Jack seems forced. Whereas him kissing Lacey…is…very sexually charged.”

“Do you think he could have slept with Marilyn Monroe?” asks a psychic.

“Yeah? …But…he wasn’t…fake in that way.

Marilyn was super sexual. Right? But she was awkward herself too. …She wanted to portray an image of obvious sexuality. …But inside I have a feeling she was a very different person. And…she knew that, I think.

So she…could have? But I doubt it.

I have a feeling she…would have found it offensive. And I think Lem would have too. Although…I could see them being attracted to each other.

I really do wonder if she’s with Arthur Miller!” says Newt Gingrich.

“She has said she is.” says Arthur Miller.

“I slept with Red Fay. Possibly.” says Marilyn Monroe.

Marianelli: Your Hands Are Cold from “Pride And Prejudice” plays.

“So…I slept with him. And then three other men in the Kennedy Administration had an enormous crush on me. …But I possibly slept with Red Fay.” says Marilyn Monroe.

“Wow!!” says Tsar Putin.

“Yeah. …I was scum.

Not completely. …But enough.” says Marilyn. “Red was…so…brazen. And I felt…desperate for love. …He was…very aggressive. …And Jack didn’t say a word about it. If it happened. He had to have known. But…he was very quiet.”

Fickle Game by Amber Run plays.

“Why did you use Jack’s shit!?” yells Bobby Kennedy Senior at Bobby Kennedy Junior. “You know…I ran for US President too!”

“We didn’t- It was a mistake.” says Ethel.

Bobby Kennedy Senior cries.

“Hold on!!!” says a gay living black man. “You mean to tell me…you slept Red Fay. And then you didn’t expect Jack to be upset?!?”

“I wanted Red.

But…he was married. And…he seemed cold. Not as cold as Jack. But…distant.” says Marilyn.

“So you were hurt by Red?” asks a Millennial.

“He was mean. But lots of men were mean to me. …Arthur understood me. But I didn’t understand him. And…he was stupid at times. …He’s sorry. He’s profoundly sorry.” says Marilyn Monroe.

“So you should be known as Mrs. Arthur Miller?” asks Newt Gingrich.

“Yeah! I married a Jew.

A rich, brilliant…handsome…dark…sexy…profound man. He’s…my tragedy.

Jack and his family are really more of an afterthought. Arthur is the main character. …But…he ruined me. Accidentally. And he ruined himself. And we never recovered.

He was…my love.

JFK and Bobby…and Red…were…just…the result.” says Marilyn.

“The result of what?” asks Newt Gingrich.

“They were vultures.

Maggots.

…I was already dead inside. Arthur Miller killed me. …Not literally. But he…had my everything. He had me.

And then…he said he wanted to separate.” says Marilyn.

The Architect by Kerry Muzzey plays.

“Lem was an architect.

When I think of him that way…he does seem more straight. Isn’t that weird?” says Kerry Kennedy.

“Yeah. Because that’s who he really was.” says Joe Kennedy Junior. “I’m sorry you kids got so confused.”

“By what!?” asks Joe Kennedy I.

“All of us.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.