The Cordelia McPherson Show Tonight

“I think people read your blog and start to think that they’re you.“ says Chris Hayes.

“That’s true. There’s a woman who is possibly trying to compete with Lacey probably because she thought Lacey was bragging when she wasn’t bragging at all she was just explaining reality.” says Lem.

“I brag. I’m not really good-looking but I take good pictures sometimes sort of and I like to brag. I didn’t realize that that was actually sort of dysfunctional- No, that’s not true. I did realize that. Oh, damn you’re just better than me even though I’m Russian.” says a dumbass woman to Lacey.

“You’re disgusting looking compared to me. There are so many flaws with your face and your body. I don’t photograph well and you’re sort of a shit version of me. Do you want me to keep kicking you in the face or could you just get some sort of brain?” says Lacey to the dumbass woman reading her blog.

The woman erupts and starts speaking in peasant broken English. It’s obvious that the woman comes from a very low class family, but is somewhat pretty, and doesn’t realize that an aristocratic woman who’s better looking than her, but bares some resemblance, may find it incredibly insulting that she would be so vain us to think they’re in the same league in any capacity, potentially at all.

The peasant woman erupts in more yelling and screaming, trying to figure out the cognitive explanation for why she feels like she’s so fucking correct and right, but she still has to have some explanation for the fact that what is being said makes sense. Then being somewhat Catholic, she stops and thinks and realizes that she thinks she’s a Scottish aristocrat even though she’s Russian and that’s actually insane because Lacey’s not Russian at all. And that she is Russian…and Lacey is not. Oh dear God.

“I am desperately trying to save my ego, and that seems to be all that I am obsessive about at all in life. It’s just my ego.” says the woman. “Does that scare you?”

“Extremely. And it is like I said, do you have a brain? I don’t understand why you’re so obsessive.” says Lacey.

“I know and in Heaven I will probably look like a better version of myself. So if I’ve had a happy life, you’re right, I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with my ego either if I am.” she says.

“Exactly, it really is stupid. There’s got to be an afterlife. It really is so stupid when women do that to themselves.” says Lacey.

“I don’t think you know-

No, you’re right it’s a petty, meaningless argument if we’re both going to Heaven someday. We’ll both be happy and if I’m happy and I’ve had a good life and I’ve been loved by men what’s the difference? So thank God.” she says.

“ I am might not necessarily look that much different that I look right now and having I have some flaws but they’re not really all that pronounced so in that way I don’t have that much to look forward to when I’m dead but I think that’s part of the reason it’s so hurtful, and that it irritates me so much because I’ve been totally fucked over. My life is like a living hell to some degree even though I’m in is in person and I love my family and the one thing that I have that’s at all like heaven is my beauty and then women like you cannot stop competing with me finish your first sentence.” says Lacey.

“ I don’t think you know how bad it is no really I don’t think you know how bad it is.” she says.

“ How bad is it?” says Lacey.

“ no you’re better looking than me a lot better looking but I photograph well um there’s not that much of a similar there’s a slight similar but not that much. I need to stop competing with you and trying to steal your identity and that way in my head, why would I do that if I’m not a terrible person?

I it’s bad I try my best I really do what you’re seeing is someone who is happy and healthy and normal at and so far as my life is fun doing the best that I can do for myself.” she says.

“ do you lack? Is it a social class thing and you just lack awareness because in the United States, that’s a thing there are plenty of people who are wealthy, who just have terrible taste so even though they could do far better, they choose not to because they don’t know or art is that like you’re actually like artistically gifted and you just can’t?” asks Lacey.

“ your thing if there’s reincarnation, you’re just like you’re Russian, but you’re not Russian boy that must be confusing. I am know you admire me, but you keep saying no I’m not you in a respectful way. You’re right, but I might see your perspective slightly which I’m sure is very creepy because there’s probably no genetic explanation for it.

I think that is dammit. Why can’t I just say it it it’s I’m slightly poor it’s it’s really not that I’m covering for. I don’t know what misunderstanding of art or something. This is really the best I can do.” she says.

“ are you suffering in someway?” asks Lacey.

“ no I’m not suffering. Well, not really know that I’m not suffering. I am not starving. I’m not I am not dying of a disease. There’s nothing like that I am. I’ve got television, a phone healthcare some good perfume to smell clothes that are kind of stylish and probably a somewhat decent job and I might have a boyfriend, so why am I so angry at you for being an aristocrat?” she asks.

“ I is this an old discussion?” asks Lacey.

“ and how when did this one up from?“ she asks.

“ 1917 you might not have actually been OK. You might’ve been starving in 1917 and you might be very angry and then you’re getting confused and making it about your beauty in your head?” says Lacey:

“why did it say 1817?” she asks.

“ oh the phone changed it I was saying 1917 and the phone changed it. I’ve said that on my blog many times I just changed it back to 1917.” says Lacey.

“Why the fuck are they doing this to you?” she asks.

“ it’s terrifying I don’t know.” says Lacey.

“ I think I might be trying to help you and I’m saying this is what it was but I wonder if it’s not it’s the wrong I’ve got the wrong country or something?” she says.

“ do you know what the sad truth is? You could be getting confused for a reason because it doesn’t entirely not make sense.” says Lacey.

“ why are they so greedy?” she asks.

“ are you happy?” asks Lacey.

“ yeah, I actually am pretty happy.” she says.

“ I think that’s why I don’t think they know how to be happy in that way that’s why they’re greedy. They can’t be given any amount of money and you know communism doesn’t really work but I I don’t know that America ever made a good argument against because I don’t think they really understood necessarily why it doesn’t work in context of other countries.” says Lacey. “ And it’s you know it’s sad. I have no idea what happened to United States I hate I have no idea. I don’t know what happened to our psychology. It’s disgusting to me because I do love Americans. I do love my country but I don’t know why were so tragic that we can’t just be happy.”

Later.

“Oh so here’s the problem we were having a discussion with a really fascinating person, potentially in the future or the present from Russia him and then the illuminati start to realize that Lacey’s not in touch with her actual feelings about almost anything in life and they couldn’t handle the reality of that so now we’re having some serious communication technical issues.” says Lem.

“ she’s not Russian anymore than I am. I look like your ex boyfriend or husband. Whoever he is I look like him, but I wasn’t Russian either.” says Harold Loeb.

“ oh my God you do!” says a woman.

“ if if if you’re interacting with the person I think you’re interacting with on your Instagram you do look like him and Lacey look slightly like her but there’s like a there’s there are differences. And you’re in- And you’re not Russian at all Harold?” asks the CIA.

“ I know my my family was not Russian. We were the Loebs and the Guggenheims you’ve heard of them. I’m sure. No, they’re not Russian.“ says Harold Loeb.

“I think it’s a compliment to be compared to Russians, but I’ve had people do that to me at least twice in my life randomly.” says Lacey.

“ oh, it’s not an insult!” says the Russian woman.

“ I know, but they don’t seem to know that it actually really makes things awkward.” says Lacey.

Harold nods in agreement with Lacey.

“ why am I so stubborn the league with them? I don’t want to be I actually agree with you. Why can’t I just trust you that you have like anything good about you at all cause I wanna hate you and then I want to sing baby I’m just far better looking and she doesn’t realize what a piece of shit she has compared to me and if I post pictures, she’ll finally get it.” says the woman.

“ why did you come to the conclusion that they were so right about everything?” says Harold. “ if that’s even what’s happening.”

“ because they’re so nice they’re so nice and you’re not nice and that way at least not anymore and actually you probably always shit yours have been a crap. I have an ego problem you know the funny thing is though there there’s still something to what I’m saying Lacey I’m just gonna back off for a second and realize that I have an ego problem and I like to be better than other people and you’re actually so much superior to me that I can barely handle it but it’s stupid it’s just stupid if I if we both have been happen probably not supposed to be quite as much of a diehard competition fan.

You know here’s the thing I have to say it why do they think it’s an insult?” asks the woman.

“ because in their mind, Russia is a poor country, and then you’re inferior to them.” says Lacey.

Harold Loeb nods in agreement with Lacey.

The woman laughs. Covers her mouth.

“ I know it must be nice not having to deal with them on a daily basis having to live with them having to be with them I love being in America but it really is annoying and it’s nice that you don’t have to deal with them isn’t it? I’m happy for you and I mean that.” says Lacey.

“ hey if there’s reincarnation hi! why didn’t you help my people more? why the fuck didn’t you do more?!?” she says to Lacey.

Lacey thinks. “ I think we didn’t want to take them out of their country.”

“ no you make a very good argument for there being reincarnations somewhere in the Bible. It’s interesting and you’re not even trying to.

Like you really felt that way? Like you really felt that way that they were just wanna be there!?” she says.

“well first of all rescuing, a herd of aristocrats was not necessarily the safest or easiest thing to do just the logistics of it. It was exhausting proposition. And we were fighting a war. We were exhausted to begin with.

Oh, so there were some possible limitations logistically on that part that on that counsel, though beyond that beyond that, we just we didn’t think it was honorable on their part or ours or is it just it seemed it seemed as though they want to just die there, because the Romanovs really love their country The aristocrats really were in love with their country and not a creepy weird way and so we thought with a rather just die and not in the middle of some fight somewhere else or in some room somewhere 30 years later holed up somewhere miserable out of their native environment like a zoo Just let them die in their country, surrounded by their own beautiful possessions and the love that they had, and have.

But then, at the same time, no effect there probably could’ve been some mistakes made and I don’t know that I was involved in them if I had anything to do with it, I I obviously am incredibly incredibly remorseful incredibly sorry.” says Lacey.

“ why do you look like us and so does Harold?” she asks.

“ oh actually that’s probably a fascinating discussion because I do a people of said I look Russian and I am I’m not Russian am there Hass to be some genetic explanation I don’t know what it is. Harold was a German I might be somewhat German as well and possibly somewhat Prussian, so I don’t know if I am Russian from like 7/38 century yeah I’m probably Russian from and probably in a sense I don’t mean that literally though but I’m probably Russian in like the seventh or eighth century so before you were Russia and before we were as stable we were essentially the same people potentially so we’re sort of we’re kind of in the same crowd genetically.” says Lacey.

“ Yeah OK and so the cross is over to Great Britain and Scandinavia that’s interesting. The Celts really are different than us. Aren’t they?” she says.

“ there were people living on an island on the island of Ireland. If I’m not mistaken before a lot of other people showed up, and I don’t know where those people came from. It’s fascinating, but no, it’s not a way to diminish people. Here’s the thing we depressions the Germans, the Polish, probably the Germans probably the Swedish to some degree maybe the Danish to slightly and maybe the Norwegians and the finish although maybe not so much the finish believe it or not I think that we really are sort of the same people very slightly genetically and then who did better who did worse to be honest it’s that’s a very potentially very frustrating conversation to me because we did better and you did better to, so why the fuck are we arguing about it?” asks Lacey.

“ no and I feel like my individual family and my people did pretty well?” she says.

“ relatively speaking they weren’t failures you’re not part of the aristocracy and I am that’s not going to change in this conversation so I’m going to have to stop talking to you. We share some similarities but I am superior to you if you want to talk about with superior I can do that but it’s gonna probably make you hate yourself until you’re in heaven, so why don’t you stop because it’s kind of gross.” says Lacey.

“ there is a conspiracy that you did something to me is that does it have any validity?” she says.

“ no that’s insane. At least it is between you and I between you and I it’s a joke I think I have no clue how I would’ve done something to you. It’s almost like we came from the same crowd and like what 400 BC oh damn so in like 400 BC we were kind of in the same crowd we’re not related necessarily, but we were sort of the same crowd and Bob about 400 BC and then after that we just sort of waved at each other for hundreds of years just waving no I have interaction just waving. I and then my people did better than yours because I’m superior to you genetically and I didn’t think you’d be that upset about it is to me it seems sort of strange.” says Lacey.

“ I know that I had that upset about it so we were kind of in like the same region and your people are superior just did well in survival of the fittest, but we did fairly well at and then we just kept waving at each other and I are just like yeah why are we fighting all the sudden this is sort of strange.” says the woman.

“ exactly!” says Harold.

“ I kind of don’t think it makes sense for us to be fighting either. I think I’m actually happier than you even though you’re superior to me which makes me feel bad for you and then you think you’ll be fine in heaven where are we even fighting it really is almost like I’m supposed to if I have a conscience to feel sorry for you because it’s like how the hell did they do this to you, but then that’s probably a very long discussion and actually it might feel personal to me because it’s like you know you’re not inferior you’re superior to me and possibly to them from my perspective and I actually feel angry on a personal level and I think what the fuck how do they steal this woman’s happiness to such a dramatic degree?

And we’re in the middle of a war where that is the premise of our war and you support me and you see my argument and I think that’s why I have to stop and realize that I’m talking to potentially oppression aristocrat you’re right, it doesn’t make sense to get into an argument with you because you’re not at at at at your not my fault and then you’re saying to me why are you sitting with that? Why are you siding with the Americans?” says the woman.

“ exactly and as you’re saying this to me, they’re desperately trying to suffocate me potentially Andrew my day because they don’t recall that couple of days ago we had a conversation where if I die I’m literally going to try to try to destroy the whole earth possibly because if there’s been current Carnation, I am I am Scotia so we had that conversation yesterday but they’re narcissists so they go right back to some degree to where they were a few days ago because they’re cognitively stubborn and capable of excepting the reality because they’re maybe not creative thinkers because they’re too evil and they keep citing with Satan and Satan can’t you know create anything so then they stop being able to have rational, progressive thought and they get stuck in one place because they’re evil, so why are you siding with them?“ says Lacey.

“ because I still want to be accepted by them. They’re cool in my mind and that’s what’s stuck in my head.” she says.

“ well here’s the thing you’re very strong you’re safe in Russia and you’re happy you have some beauty so I think you’re fine but be careful because it seems like you have a character issue and I’m sorry I can’t police you from Russia while I’m in the United States still going to have to back off.“ says Lacey.

“ yeah, that was sad because I think Lacey was thinking she’d be more loyal in her subconscious to her own people.” says Harold Loeb.

“ and that is depressing because she obviously had some instinct to follow you and be friendly to you and it hurt persistent matter and then the minute that you have any sort of peace of mind, the illuminati decides to take that and try to poison her brain to attack you which is very disheartening because she’s Russian and she really should know better but the fact that this could be a real conversation is testament to the fact that she’s Russian you’re right and she’s safe in Russia.” says the CIA.