Egyptian Sex With Harold Loeb IV

Electric Love by BØRNS plays.

“Alright. …So…it’s just…ritual…agape love…and their love.” says Lem. “And…what do you do with the love they cultivate in you after you’re no longer with them?”

“Try to give it back.” says Lacey.

“Then…you’re free?” asks Lem.

“Yes! And if they’re honorable so are they.” says Lacey.

“Right!” says Lem. He laughs. “But you’re wounded?”

“Yes! I have been. …Ideally nobody would be.” says Lacey.

“Exactly!” says Tsar Putin.

“So the idea isn’t to get attached?!” asks an American peasant, in confusion.

“No!! No! …It’s far more complex.” says Lacey.

“I mostly seem to get it.” says Tsar Putin.

“Twilight of the Elites was a biased bunch of nonsensical bullshit. And a hoax.” says Jennifer Aniston.

“Or is it brainwashing?” asks a dead Rockefeller.

“Regardless, I don’t think I get it.” says Lem. “How did you have sex with them!??”

“Because it still counts!” says Tsar Putin.

“Yes! I did fall in love.” says Lacey.

Tsar Putin nods and smiles.

“But it’s gone now!?” asks Lem.

“Yes! …It has to be!” says Tsar Putin, in confusion. “Well…almost entirely.”

“He hangs on to it some for good measure.” says Lacey.

“He exercises caution.” says a dead Russian Tsar of the 1700’s.

“So you had it. And now it’s gone…because of me and my love for her. …But it was real. And some men hang on to morsels of it to reactivate the love with Lacey for good measure.” says Lem.

“Yes!! With Jesus’s help.” says Louis Hill Junior.

“Lem you look very evil. Even if you’re not. And that’s evil too.” explains Tsar Putin.

“But your love with her is…just…there.” says Lem. He closes his eyes. “And I have to deal with it.” He thinks. “The Kennedys screwed me over in the afterlife, so to speak.” He thinks. “I don’t think Lacey and I deserved this. I really don’t.”

“Possibly not! I’m none too pleased either.” says Tsar Putin.

Awkward silence.

“Who cursed Lacey!?” asks Tsar Putin.

“Huh!?” asks Lem, jokingly. “Yes! Every man she loves is automatically given astronomical amounts of affection from women. And it’s perverse. …And some men like Lem can handle it. Tsar Putin might be able to too. But…other men might flounder.”

Electric Love by BØRNS (and Abbie Gamboa) plays.

Jonah Wiley farts as a diabetic from too much candy and “candy.”

“Poopie-kaka” says Jonah as he passes out from what he claims on Instagram is Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

“Jonah. Fart louder. It’s just spiritual warfare.” says Jesus, to mock Jonah’s vile vanity if he deserves it. Otherwise it’s Lacey?

“Jonah…what did you experience from Jesus?” asks Lem.

“An overwhelming warmth. Tingling. A feeling of flying? A relaxing sensation. Comfort. …And then I passed out, slightly.” says Jonah Wiley.

“That sounds like spiritual heroin.” says a dead Sackler.

“I’ve never used heroin.” says Jonah.

“But a lot of people in your social class have nowadays.” says Casi, in concern.

“Jonah. I’m a little worried that wasn’t Jesus.” says Lacey. “Maybe He’s used it for the good. But I don’t think it was necessarily Him.”

“They call it being slain in the spirit.” says Jonah.

“Yeah. But…why would He do that? It’s too sexual.” says Lacey. “Usually. I mean…maybe? But…I’ve experienced it. And it’s…not…necessarily innocent.” says Lacey.

“Shit!! It’s spiritual sex.” says a southern woman.

“I’m sorry. It’s gross.” says Joe Kennedy Junior. “You can be loving…but…being so greedy and withholding is…vile as a man.”

“What happened!?” asks a psychic.

“I wonder if his energy circled around and knocked him out perversely. What he does is controlling?” wonders a woman.

“But it was so exciting!” says Jonah.

“Well…maybe you have unconditional love for yourself.” says Lacey. “And are you in good relationship with God or not?”

“I might.” says Jonah.

“Then…maybe He was laughing at you with yourself in Heaven.” says Lacey. “If you have a sense of humor about yourself in Heaven and are being vain.”

“Okay. But then why don’t I go to Heaven when I die?” asks Jonah.

“Because…I’d bet not all of you would go there?” wonders Lacey. “But you become more united with yourself as you draw closer to Heaven?”

“The person God created.” says Jonah.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “Something along those lines.”

“So you simply couldn’t be with me alone.” says Lem to Lacey.

“Are you attacking me?” she asks pleasantly.

He thinks. “No!!” he yells.

“Then why are you attacking me?” asks Lacey, confused.

“Because you’re not cool enough, baby.” says Lem.

Fighting back tears, “Are you serious?” asks Lacey sweetly and patiently and sincerely.

Lem weeps? No. No, he does not. And at that Jack gets mad and dances to Rain Down by Delirious.

Lacey dances with him. She used to possibly dance to this exact song. Except to her as a child it was about warfare and some vendetta. And she felt compelled to get involved. She assumed the lighthearted chorus was cover for illegal activities necessary for Christ. Jack Kennedy assumes it’s sexy and he sexually dances and fights God a bit with it.

“Enough of that.” says Lacey, growing tired of the song.

Be Thou My Vision as sang by Nathan Pacheco plays.

“It’s the best I could do. Most actual worship music has been too defiled by demons of narcissism in the last 40 years or so.” says Lacey. “This is pretty close to the way it’s supposed to be sung.”

“I agree!” says Baaj.

“You hurt me. I’m sorry.” says Lacey to Lem.

“What’s this man’s orientation, Lacey?” asks the Pope.

“Bisexual?” wonders Lacey.

“So! All bisexuals are heroes!!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior sincerely with wide-eyed with glee and wonder.

“Don’t listen to Forever. His ego and bad taste and lack of discernment comes through in that song and it’s tragic.” says Lem.

Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays in Lacey’s church service after the necessary arrangements, so to speak.

“This is my worship music.” says Lacey Banks Billings. “It’s closer to the hymns than you think. Or at least it is to me.”

“That’s The Gospel.” says Whitney Houston.

“Yes!! Praise JESUS!!” says Lacey.

Kick in the Door by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“So I wasn’t crazy to read the Bible while I was high.” says Whitney Houston.

“No! That was sane.” says Lacey. “And brilliant.”

“Why?” asks Whitney.

“Because God cannot…be defeated. Period. Ever. End. Final. Sold. Done.” says Lacey.

“It’s so dark.” says Jonah.

“The drug sales?” asks Lacey. “Yeah. But…it happened.”

“Yes!” says a dead black man. “It did.”

“Yes!! And it matters. It matters.” says Lacey.

“Because it wasn’t just wrong. It was…perverse. And a cruel lie.” says Lem.

“Mmm. Don’t mix black history with us that way.” says Lacey.

The song plays.

“Yeah. It’s not gonna work! I don’t…play. At least I don’t think so.” says Lacey.

Nothin’ by N. O. R. E. plays.

“I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression.” says Lem.

“How long has it taken you to say that? And do you care at all? You’re VILE.” says Lacey.

“QUIT TELLING US TO CALM DOWN!!!” yells Lem at America.

“I agree. I ain’t getting my dick sucked by Abbie Gamboa.” says Jesus. “Hell nah!”

And at that the evil editing this blog in the afterlife gets beaten to a bloody pulp.

Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“Aww. Abbie seems nice.” says Chris Hayes, hopefully sarcastically.

Abbie walks by black Jesus and looks weirdly offended and awkward. Head hung low.

“Hey Jesus!” she says, flirtatiously staring at the ground.

“Do I know you?” asks Jesus in a Cadillac.

“I thought so?” says Abbie awkwardly, cringing to seem cute and amiable.

What Up Gangsta by 50 Cent plays for all the exhausted gangsters today who mean well.

“Abbie…do I look like I want your…love?” asks Jesus.

She hangs her head down. “No? Like…worship and love as a child. But not as a…wife.”

“You took the analogy to Hell.” says Jesus. “I wasn’t bad looking. But you’re…evil. Honey…you…ain’t shit compared to me. Why would I want yar ass?”

“You can’t save me and then fuck me?” asks Abbie.

“When do I get off?” asks Jesus.

Abbie shrugs. “I mean…your father loves me?”

“He ain’t never fucked you.” says Jesus.

Abbie thinks. She begins dancing in place, dumbfounded. “Dammit. Okay.” she says.

“You’re his daughter through my sacrifice if you accept your salvation. And it’s like the sacrifice of a human husband for a wife but it’s not…the same thing exactly.” says Jesus.

“My ass can take it!” says Abbie Gamboa.

“You genuinely think a GOD could have sexual relations with you?” asks Jesus of Abbie Gamboa.

“Ahh…but you’re not God. Your father is.” says Abbie Gamboa. “You’re His Son.”

“I’m God. It’s a head. Like a clover. ☘️ See! Saint Patrick explained this. We don’t fuck each other. We run it all together.” says Jesus. “It’s like the leadership of a company or a country. Except we’re all one. We’re the three in one. Because I’m God. …No, I’m not a lesser God because I’m The Son.”

“Crap!” yells the Catholic Church. “You all don’t know that anymore?”

“So I’m trying to fuck GOD.” says Abbie.