Oops.

“ we got into an argument last night with Lacey because we told her that we thought she was a pig in 2016 because we thought she was sleeping with many men when turns out there was seemingly nobody that she was sleeping with other than occasionally her legal husband it was a disgusting, insecure embarrassing accusation against her that we’ve lived to regret.” says India in the Illuminati. “ but she’s an extraordinarily beautiful woman, and we couldn’t believe that someone that beautiful would be so profoundly alone, and I loved it was confident it was comforting to think that something was happening instead of what’s actually happening.”

Silence.

“ oh, so basically, we’re going to go through all of the men that we thought she was with, and the reality of what actually was happening because it’s actually slightly funny in a very dark way.” says India.

1. There was a man who she knew who are who is reading this blog from Ireland used the pen name treat Williams he commented once and they started talking. They exchanged emails and 2014 or 15 and we assumed that that was an ongoing relationship which was really stupid, but that was our assumption. What was the reality of it Lacey?

Reality: he made me cry once, and I cry I mean, I was devastated because he was a bully, and I think he might’ve been insane. We exchanged four messages, and I poured my heart out to him, and he told me that he basically was sick of listening to me and then bullied me and scared me and so I stopped talking to him and then he contacted me once and told me that he was on a medication that was working for him and wondered if I was OK he said all right what the fuck is going on with your blog him and that was the last I ever heard from him so he told me that I was a horrible person. He might’ve probably because he was mentally ill and then I didn’t hear from him for maybe about a year and then he messaged me out of the blue and said I’m on a new medication and it’s really working well for me. What the fuck is going on with your blog and I was like I don’t know it’s really weird I don’t know I’m scared and that was the last I ever talk to him and that was in 2016.

*India laughs*

2. Yeah, that last one was obviously just a guy who was reading your blog and you could’ve been close, but it ended up being a complete dud maybe just even as friends and it didn’t work out then there was another guy who we read you as having some sort of Phone by the way, no you’re right it was like four or five times you ever spoke to that person and I don’t think anything overly sexual ever happen between the two of you in any capacity reflect everything you rejected you slightly when you were just trying to express that you had some attraction to him then there was another guy who he was married if you went for a hike with.

Realty: yes, I went for a hike with a guy who is married once with a group of relatives, and we spoke old to each other directly for like 510 minutes, and I think he noticed me and thought I was attractive, and I noticed him that he was tracks, if you slightly resemble them but he was married and that was the last time I ever saw him or had anything to do with him at all

3. Oh, OK let’s keep going then we also thought that there was this like exorbitant number of men who you slept with from like bars and stuff.

Reality: I have never gone home with anyone that I’ve ever met at a bar in my entire life anyone I’ve never had that experience I’ve never given my number to anyone that I’ve ever met at a bar either or gotten a number from someone it from a bar I’ve never met anyone at a bar that I’ve ever had a relationship with of any sort romantically sexually there was a woman who I met who I thought was straight who I was friends with for a while on Facebook but I thought she was straight and nothing ever happened between us. She was just fun to talk to you. I didn’t know she might’ve been bisexual, but nothing ever happened and I thought she was straight as I think I thought she was mostly straight. I just say I related to her like she was a straight platonic friend.

4. We read you as going to bars and getting drunk. Who was that with?

Reality: I there was there were a couple of bars near our apartment in Seattle, and on more than one occasion, my husband, my legal husband and I would go and I would drink and he wouldn’t. I don’t know if I really got drunk, but I was definitely tipsy. I mean I was holding long deep conversations with him, and it was sort of like a neighborhood bar, that was sort of like a dive bar that we were sometimes go to and get food and we sit there and talk and my mother who I thought I could trust at the time we take care of our son, which is so awful but I didn’t realize that she was abusive at the time so I thought it was safe and I don’t I like to think nothing too terrible happened I’ve you know I always asked our son afterwards. How did it go and he was little but I have a feeling he probably would have told me yeah I probably need to check out with him as he gets older, but he remembers I. I don’t know I would like to kill her if she did anything to him actually I would like some more than kill her. I’d like to torture her to death, probably smashed her skull in and make her brains come out of her mouth and then bring her back and do it over and over again possibly for eternity.

5. But you were just drinking with your husband like that was just your husband. Okay.

Umm…We read you making eye-contact with men? But nothing happened. Okay.

Umm…you never met men at grocery stores?

Reality: Nope. No men at grocery stores.

Later.

6. Men at grocery stores? Or city parks?

Reality: Nope. I almost never talk to strangers in situations like that.

7. Men at parties?

Reality: No. I don’t go to parties.

8. You went to one work party at your husband’s job. And you met no one. Okay.

Umm…no online dating?

Reality: No. No online dating.

9. You knew a few guys online on Instagram who you almost got into relationships with. Or did in one case briefly. But otherwise no.

Umm…you were a rare beauty but men never pursued you even if they hit on you. Okay.

Umm…no guys from college or high school.

Reality: No. I have lingering male friends from high school or college, but otherwise no.

10. Wow. Umm…no distant cousins.

Reality: Nope.

11. Ghosts!?

Reality: I didn’t know if it was real.

India smiles.

“Lacey…you had one relationship with Scott. Okay. Maybe you flirted with who?!” says India.

“Joe Junior.” says Lacey.

“And okay.” says India. “Did you think you were a pig?”

“Yes! When I slept outside of marriage…I felt that way. And have ever since.” says Lacey.

“That’s sad. But I understand.” says Queen Elizabeth II. “We felt that way.”

“Why!?” asks a gay man.

“Because…it is wrong. And it is serious. And…it’s a matter of purity.” says Lacey.

“Yes! Which is why I felt ruined when I was molested.“ says Lem. “I started using drugs partially because I was beginning to realize I was straight.”

“Why!?” asks a gay man.

“Because I felt hopeless.” says Lem. “With free love…and the coming of age of the Kennedys…I started piecing it all together.

Those boys were around the age I was when I was molested. And it hit me how vulnerable I was. And I really realized I’d been completely taken advantage of. It just wasn’t reciprocal.

And then…I started realizing how much I wanted to sleep with women. Not promiscuously but…the clothes were so…loud. And I started to realize I was messed-up.”

“Messed-up how?” asks a woman.

“When people were more prim…I could fool myself into feeling normal. As if everyone was as…sexually repressed as me. Like people just aren’t that sexual. Not really. But when sec became mainstream…I felt awkward. In social situations I no longer felt…adult and sophisticated or knowing. I felt clumsy and backward and gross. …Like why was everyone so…sexual?” says Lem.

Louis Hill Junior laughs.

Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones plays in 1969.

Lem sits at a party smoking. He looks around the smoky room.

A woman wearing a short miniskirt bends over her boyfriend, giggling. A man dances a drunken version of The Twist with his girlfriend in a corner.

“I want to give you my cock!” yells a man loudly across the room to a woman who won’t stop laughing. They’ve both gotten high on pot.

Under My Thumb by The Rolling Stones plays.

“I felt…stupid.” says Lem.

“Lem! Can I fill up another drink?” asks a drunken host.

“Yeah!” says Lem. He holds out his glass.

“I had no idea what the fuck to do.” says Lem.

“Why not talk to men?” asks a gay man.

“Because that wasn’t the idea.” says Lem. “Prior to the so-called Sexual Revolution…men who were gay didn’t expect sexual tension to be as authentic and instant. So you could chat with them for hours before they felt cold. …After the Sexual Revolution they’d light my cigarette and we’d make eye-contact and they’d feel…nothing from me. And I’d smile and smoke politely. But it was…asexual. It was…boring to them and then they’d move on.

So…I was alone. I didn’t want to hook-up with men. So…I was left looking at women in short skirts like a idiotic loser.” says Lem.

“So…it went from pretense to instinct.” says a Boomer.

“Yes!” says Lem. “Except…some people already were instinctual. I just wasn’t one of them. Because I was…decent and I thought I was gay.”

“Fuck!” says Bobby. “This is too real.”

“Yup!” says a reader.

“Sweetie…I think Lem might have been straight.” says Salem.

Bobby thinks.

“What did you do!?” asks a gay man.

“I got drunk. Went home. Slept.

And then I started using drugs. And I didn’t have to worry about it.” says Lem.

“You used drugs to escape socially awkward situations?” asks Courtney Love.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Sad. Huh?” says Elisa Lam.

Hey Jude by The Beatles plays.

Gimme Shelter as covered by Merry Clayton plays.

Lacey walks up to Lem at the party in 1969.

Lowers her face to his.

He smiles. Laughs.

“Hi.” she says.

He escorts her out. As per usual.

“How many times have gay men made y’all meet each other?” asks a reader.

They smile.

“No. Literally how many?” asks a living gay man.

“300.” says Lacey.

“And she always goes home with him.” says a gay man.

“Is it slightly different every time?” asks a gay man.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“ do you know if that’s true I no longer believe the illuminati is as intelligent as I thought it was because that makes absolutely no sense you people sincerely read them if you exist and you should know by now that it’s not going to change.” says a gay male reader.

“ what is so scary to all of you about Lem being straight other than the fact that not all of you can read that on him psychically?” asks another reader.

“it implies that Lacey knows things that we don’t know and a lot of us have a hard time with that it’s become very political people who side with conservatives tend to give him the benefit of the doubt and think it’s most likely that he was straight and people who are liberal are very divided some people think it’s absurd to think he was straight. Other people are still thinking that it’s like that he was gay, add it. It’s probably political more than we want to admit.” says the Illuminati.