I hate most living people today. I hate you!
Why!? Because you’re WORTHLESS!
“Hey. Suck my cock!” whispers Bobby Kennedy Junior, laughing.
BOBBY. YOU WANNA SHOT!?
Bobby laughs. “Lem I know you. I know you’re incapable of loving a worthless woman like her! SUCK MY COCK, Buddy.” says Bobby oozing with confidence.
“Bobby are you serious? Because I really think Lem is angry.” says the CIA.
“What!?!” says Bobby.
“No. He’s really mad.” says the CIA.
“Why!?” says Bobby. “He’s a gay man.” he says seriously.
Bobby. You want heroin? You’ll feel so much better.
“Don’t say that!!” yells Bobby, sincerely.
Why!? Remember all the fun we used to have! Why do you need to be alive anyway? Right!?
Listen…after the election get your hands on some of the best fentanyl you can and shoot-up. You deserve it. Right?
“Yeah!” says a kid who died from the measles.
“The kid wants me to use heroin!?” asks Bobby pitifully crying over himself.
“Sure do!” says the kid.
Bobby. It’ll be fun! It’s new and improved! You’ve never really tried it. …Lacey has. Lots of people have. Why haven’t you? Are you chicken?
Bobby stares.
Bobby…if you keep harassing me…I’m gonna lose it! See…you should shoot up…feel good…and come join the party on the other side.
“Yeah! Come join us!” says Mary Richardson.
“It’s fun. Lots to do.” says Michael Lemoyne Kennedy.
Bobby…I could suck your cock so much better if you were dead! Right? Just like how I died over Jack. …I was smart! And if you’re smart like your ol’ buddy Lem…you’ll join us.
Come on! You know I’m not straight. Right!? You know me! I was obviously gay.
So don’t wait! Join us.
“There is no afterlife.” says Bobby.
Stuff of nonsense. You know better. You talk to dead people all the time!
“Lem I’ll get you for this!” says Bobby.
No! Not until you cross-over. Come on! Have a little fun.
“It’s a good way to go.” says Philip Seymour Hoffman.
“Yeah. Not bad at all.” says Robin Williams.
Just think of all the fun you’d have! You could get a hold on everything and control everything… Why…you’d beat the shit out of your brothers. They’d feel stupid. Damn quick.
“Lem!” whispers a pedophilic man in the Illuminati.
“Huh?” says Lem.
“Yeah. You were straight.” says the pedophilic man.
“Yes.” says Lem. “I was.”
“Kay! Umm…it’s just hard to believe someone did what you might have done.” says the pedophile shrugging. “And you’ve hurt Lacey.”
“Yeah. I know.” says Lem.
The pedophile sighs. “Shit!”
“She’s mine either way. And that seems to be what bothers the Kennedys most.” says Lem.
“Yeah! It’s amazing.” says Stephen Seay in the afterlife.
“He’s my counselor if I’m not going to Hell.” says the pedophile.
Later.
“Listen. Lacey knows me. It’s gonna be hard to fool her using my voice.
Lem wasn’t really gay. He took on a gay persona to get through life. Because it made sense to him. But it wasn’t real.
Lots of people take on intricate personas. Most people don’t alter themselves in that way, but Lem wanted to be…good. And he felt it was more honest to act gay than to act…normal.” says Stephen Seay in the afterlife.
“That’s extremely unusual.” says Cheryl Hines.
“Yeah. It’s a little unusual. But he’s not alone.” says Stephen Seay.
“It’s impossible!” shouts Satan.
“No. I faked it.
But regardless I have her.” says Lem. “Who would she be with anyway!?”
“Me!” says a demon.
Lacey laughs with God.
“No. Who!?” asks Louis Hill Junior.
“No one!?” says Diego.
“Why!?” asks James from Bronski Beats.
“Because she’s an icky poopypants.” say her haters in their spirits, laughing.
“When?” asks JFK laughing with them.
Later.
“I pooped my pants once when I had diarrhea.” says Lacey. “As a child.”
“See! You’re a loser.” says JFK triumphantly. He’s being serious.
“Psst. Lem. …Gay men don’t understand me either.” says the pedophile.
“I’m not a pedophile. But that’s an interesting idea.” says Lem.
“What is it?” asks the pedophile.
“I’m straight. But in order to sound gay…I had to curb my sexual urges.” says Lem.
“And it comes out in your voice.” says the pedophile.
“Yes. …Gay men can maintain the gay falsetto. I couldn’t. I go in and out of it. Because it’s an act.” says Lem.
The pedophile laughs. “Yeah. Your routine is all over the place. I’ve met several gay men like you. You did a nice sampling.”
“I couldn’t figure out how to be myself.” says Lem.
“Yeah. We damaged you.” says the pedophile.
“Why is it that you understand Lacey and I?” says Lem.
“Because we made your psychology. So we see through the bullshit that other people don’t.” says the pedophile. “We made you two screwed-up people according to them.”
“I don’t think of us as screwed-up so much as devastated.” says Lacey.
The pedophile nods. “Yeah. I know.”
Later.
“I was straight. But Lacey’s too much an intellectual to be that way.” says Lem.
Later.
“Lacey. Why do you believe Lem was possibly gay?” asks Bobby Kennedy Junior, smiling. He’s apparently been counting on Lacey to be aware of some loophole that he and everyone else in his family can’t account for.
Lacey thinks.
VHS Dream plays as King Oliver laughs lovingly at Lacey.
Wearing Estée Lauder Youth Dew and worried Lem doesn’t like her recent purchases Lacey sits and thinks.
“No! She did well.” says Lem.
King Nelson nods pleasantly in approval.
“Lacey. Why did you think and do you still think Lem might be gay!?” asks Joe Kennedy Junior in increasing panic.
Lacey thinks.
“It’ll come to her. Wait a minute.” says Athalia.
“Because…I’m living in Great Britain in my mind.” says Lacey.
“FUCK!!” yells Joe Kennedy Junior.
“What does that mean!?” asks Jack Kennedy.
“I hear from God consistently that Lem was heterosexual. But that’s hearing from God in a fallen world. So…I make allowances. And in Great Britain you’re guilty until proven innocent. So…Lem is gay until proven otherwise. And that’s American to you because you’re all also innocent until proven guilty. See?” says Lacey.
“Fine. Those are fine principles dear. But…what evidence is there? Or what other logic are you using?” asks a Republican.
“See…she talks to ghosts. And…it’s what I told you.” says the pedophile from before.
“Lem is too convincing and she’s hurt?” asks. Tucker Carlson.
“Mostly I’m just hurt. And it’s personal.” says Lacey.
“What’s the logic?” asks Don Lemon.
“That I’m unlovable. And I’m not. But that’s how I’ve been treated. So it’s stuck in my head.
And that I’m an idiot somehow. Even though I’m not. But again you all insist on it.” says Lacey.
“So basically we’re full of crap!” says a living woman accusingly.
“Whoah! Back-off!” yells Lem.
She cries in self-pity.
Oh Devil by Electric Guest plays.
“Why did you think Lacey had some stellar logic?” asks Louis Hill Junior.
“She’s unusually intelligent and gifted with logic.” says a living woman.
“Yes! But why now!?” asks Jerome Hill.
“Why would now be an exception?” asks a reader.
“Because it’s her heart. She’s not a robot.” says Louis.
“So you actually slept with her.” says Bobby to Louis Hill Jr..
“Yeah. He probably did! Neat right!?” says Tucker Carlson.
“Louis. How do you actually do it!?” asks Dr. Moritz, sincerely.
“So Tucker Carlson is like Scott Fitzgerald. They’re outliers. And they work. But they’re on opposite ends time-wise.” says a perfume collector from Canada.
“Maybe.” says Louis’s sister.
“So there’s an Irish aristocrat from the 1800’s who the rarity like her legal husband?” asks the reader.
“Yes.” says Irish aristocrat.
“You must be a fascinating man.” she says.
“I am! Thank you!” he says.
“It’s easy. God let’s us.” says Louis. “Or we’re not real.
Logistically? Well. That’s God’s business but some of us figure it out a little better than others.
Harold has. Lem intuits sex. Incredibly well. But Harold understands all of it based on his genius. …I’m mediocre but I have a profoundly good connection with her. Partially because I’m buried nearby and I grew-up within walking distance of her house. I know her neighborhood. …And witches aren’t wrong about that. That’s based on observations they’ve made over centuries.
Elliott is…off the charts. But if there’s an Illuminati he’s very well acquainted with everything. He’s kind of an expert.
How do we do it?
Our world collides with your world. Our realm. And we reach out. If you’re 2D God allows us to reach our hands into the page.
We recall it all. We were once 2D too. And we recall your feelings. We are 3D while we’re in the fallen world. We just don’t know it yet.
That’s my quick answer.” says Louis.
“What’s up with the all black in NDE’s?” asks a the pedophile from before.
“That’s people’s brains shutting off. But they’re still hanging on. It’s like a comma. Or sleeping at times. Or anesthesia. …You’re not going through the death experience.
There are few real NDE experiences and most of them have brain damage. A smaller few do not. And those people are often confused by what they experienced.
Maybe a handful of the famous ones are real.” says Lem.
“Lem. Do we interrupt you and Lacey having sex to prove to ourselves that we’re right?” asks Kate Shaw-Hayes.
“Yes, Kate. Almost every time!” says Lem.
“Bobby. You know that’s proof he was straight. Right?” asks a reader.
“Shush. I’m hearing voices tell me why Lacey really thinks Lem might be gay.” says Bobby.
“What are they telling you now?” asks Tucker Carlson.
“That…she’s aware of his homosexuality. But they lie. Because they’re trying to get back at Joe and Jack. By pretending to be in love.” says Bobby.
“Then why are they having sex?” asks a reader.
“Yah. Good question!
Ahh…well. That’s gotta be where he’s not Lem anymore or something.” says Bobby.
“Bobby. You know that’s shady logic.” says a reader.
“Mmm. Is it??” says Bobby.
“Yah!” says a reader. “You’re nuts, honey.”
“Fuck you!” says Bobby, acting incredibly hurt.
“Bobby. You brought this on yourself.” says a reader.
“Whatever!” says Bobby. He laughs.
“So…why can’t you clear Lem of his charges?” asks Joe Biden in a moment of lucidity.
“You would have made a good US President 20 years ago!” says someone to Joe Biden.
“Yeah! Dammit.” says Joe, sadly.
“Why the fuck did Obama have to go first?!?” asks a reader.
“Right!? Well…he’s…cooler than me I guess.” says Joe Biden. “And they wanted to win.”
“Damn dude. I’m sorry. You got old, man!” says a Millennial empathetically.
“Did someone ask something?” asks Lacey.
“Yes. Joe did.” says the pedophile from before.
“Hmm.” Lacey thinks. “I honestly don’t know. I think…it’s really just what I said.”
“It’s entirely based on us.” says a reader.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“Hmm. So you think he could easily have been straight. But you need our what?” asks a reader.
“I need to reach a level of certainty that I’m not at. Because if I don’t reach it it could harm me or someone else, possibly.” says Lacey.
“So…because of your parental role you’re used to making decisions that way. Intriguing.
But…what if you know more?” says the woman.
“Yeah. I’ve considered that too.” says Lacey.
“This is where I can’t stand you.” Michael says to Lem. “I’m like Lacey. Enough.
You can’t expect her to give what she truly has none of.”
“It’s why you seem like an ass.” says Louis to Lem.
“Her opinions are made of gold.” says Lem. “They’re…made for war. They’re rock solid.
But…she has no other opinions. She possibly has no real ‘opinions?’” says Lem.
“So there’s no way you weren’t straight?” asks Fox News.
“It’s impossible. It’s impossible I wasn’t straight.” says Lem.
“So…us dragging our feet is destroying the world for liberals. But conservatives didn’t even mean for this to happen?” asks Tucker Carlson.
“You didn’t. …But…people have never listened to her enough. Not really. So…it’s long overdue.
Goodnight. I’m sorry I accidentally lied to everyone and acted gay so damn well.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 