“Lacey Deserves To Be Loved” by Lem Billings

La Ciudad by ODESZA plays.

“I just realized I’m angry.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father. “You see through me.”

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Then I’m going to quote Oscar Wilde and tell you your problem is that you’re unlovable because you know you should be loved.”

“And that any human who does is insane and stupid and automatically unlovable?” asks Lem.

“Yes!” he says.

“Like a child?” says Lacey.

“Yes! I hate all children. I DECIDE WHO’S LOVABLE!” he says masturbating, violently. “I hate when babies smile at you!! It’s EVIL!!!! HEART TURNS TO STONE!!”

“You’re a psychopathic piece of shit.” says the CIA to him, scientifically.

“No!! It’s OSCAR WILDE.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“No. You’re conflating narcissistic psychosis with insight into Oscar Wilde.” says the CIA. “Or Oscar Wilde was a total worthless idiot too.”

“I’m not going to let you destroy all of Norway and literary analysis.” Lacey says to The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Did I mean to say she’s wrong to understand that she’s supposed to be loved?” he asks laughing.

“Yes! Either consciously or accidentally.” says Norway. “And she doesn’t have the patience or time to brother anymore with you. You’re just spouting narcissistic bullshit brainwashing.”

“It’s classic. You’re taking away people’s ability to defend themselves from you and your attacks.” says the CIA.

“Yes! By saying that if they know they deserve respect…they’re automatically evil and worthless based on Oscar Wilde.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I was a fool.” says the Oscar Wilde. “But people like her know that. Why don’t you?

“Because you’re the great Oscar Wilde.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Yeah. So fucking what, dumbass? I’m Marilyn Manson. Either literally or…we’re a lot alike.” he giggles and squirm-dances. “I’m an entertaining genius. But…I have issues.”

“Yes! But you were part of a very intellectual time in history.” says Lem.

“Yeah.

So…you don’t think humans should know they deserve to be loved? That’s core psychopathy.” says Oscar Wilde to The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Oh my! He feels sorry for himself!” says Lacey. “He thinks he deserves to have his evil loved. Which is different.”

“No. We have no evil.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“No! There’s a part of narcissists that’s evil and insane. But it’s not their entire soul. …Or are you insisting you exist fully in your most narcissistic moments alone?” says Lem.

“That’s when I feel most in touch with myself.” he says.

“That’s an illusion. And it’s why you can’t see past the narcissism.” says Lacey.

“Wow! She pissed you off.

Do you want to kill her or kill someone else?” asks the CIA.

“Yes.” he admits.

“Yeah. You’re insane. Narcissists are insane in a way. But you didn’t know that.” says the CIA.

“I can’t stand people’s ability to defend themselves.” he says.

“Many professors today are like that.” says the CIA. “It’s fascinating. You have an obsession with controlling people’s minds. It’s sick.”

“Yeah. It’s a perverse age.” says a dead doctor. “Most of us would be better off dead.”

“Yeah. Which is why I have been so tempted to annihilate most of humanity.” says Tsar Putin.

“Shit. So…I’m supposed to believe it’s possible that there’s an Illuminati and that oil matters?” he asks like the evil-peasant he is at heart.

“Yeah.

Oh my god! Annoying post.” says Joe Biden.

“You’re annoyed too?” asks The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Yes! What bullshit. You’re just bullying people now.” says Biden.

“But we aren’t supposed to feel lovable.” he says.

“Babies feel lovable.” says Oscar Wilde. “All children still know that. And it’s completely innocent. …It’s believing it in a way that exonerates our evil that’s problematic.”

“That’s- Dammit.

But people are supposed to be insecure awkward freaks. Not supreme beings. Those elite people like Michael Rockefeller and Queen Elizabeth II exist but…they’re only lovable when I can enjoy their insecurity and fuck my ego to their misery.” he says like a worthless piece of shit from Hell.

Sunset Lover by Petit Biscuit plays.

“So you disagree with all modern psychology?” asks Michael’s sister.

“Yeah. Why make people have healthy senses of self or healthy bodies? Why make people better? Leave them to rot inside in pain. It makes them lovable.” he says.

“Yeah. That’s what you posted today.” says one of his readers laughing at him in the afterlife.

“So I’m God?” says Lacey.

“She is lovable. Why isn’t she supposed to know?” asks Ancient Egypt.

“I knew too.” says Tom Banks.

“So did I!” says Andrew Carnegie.

“Yeah. All great men know. Why shouldn’t Scotia?” asks JP Kennedy.

“I knew! So did Zelda. And that’s why I loved her.” says Scott Fitzgerald.

“No. You’re a peasant dumbass psychopath like me!” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“No. You poor dog.” says Queen Elizabeth I to The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Would you like us to kill you and your daughter?” asks Lacey.

“No. I just thought you all were…wearing masks to have fun. Like…you wear the masks to have fun. So you can be honest. Right? And then…when you take the mask off…you feel sad?” he says.

“But what the hell does that have to do with not knowing you’re lovable?” asks Lem.

“Yeah. It’s psychologically impossible. You’re actually just contradicting yourself. We wear masks because we know we’re lovable.” says Dr. Billings.

“Okay. Then why wear the mask?” he asks, stupidly thinking he’s got them by the neck.

“Because we’re lying, or creating privacy and anonymity, or we’re lacking courage.” says Lem.

“Umm. You just proved me right!” he says.

“No? How?” asks a woman named Sarah, yawning. It’s true. Lots of professors are this perversely conceited today.

“Umm. I’m intimidated by Lacey Banks and I was dumb enough to think she’d buy my bullshit.” he says.

“Yeah. People like you insult my intelligence all of the time. And social class.” says Lacey. “You’re funny you fool. But you’re also dangerous.”

Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“She’s…her father’s daughter.” says The Notorious B. I. G.

“You mad I have the antidote to you? You human parasite?” Lacey asks The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“All malignant narcissists are societal and interpersonal parasites.” says the CIA.

“I asked all of my friends who I work with if there could be an Illuminati…and we thought no. So therefore it is…impossible…right?” he says sincerely.

“Oh, you think it’s impossible that we exist oh, because you’re an expert-man, right?” asks Mary Rockefeller.

“Yeah, I got a lot of education and make money and buy pretty things. I have no idea why I am not seeing this?

I ask for your right? No! I AM AN EXPERT!

Damn right I am an expert! Damn right!

That’s right.

So why-why could you possibly exist?

It’s not real.

*he shakes his head no*

Nope, there are no ghosts! And it’s not real.

*he shakes his head no*

No…is it’s not real.

*he shakes his head no*

No, it’s not real.” he says like a big fancy peasant.

Murder Was The Case by Snoop Dogg plays.

“Are you racist?” asks Snoop Dogg.

“Yah. Slightly.” he says.

“Yeah. Because ALL Africans are like Lacey, at least slightly. It’s one of the strengths of our society.” says Snoop Dogg. “A rapper has to at least sort of know…that they deserve to be loved. That is…soul music…and the blues…and jazz…and rap.”

“I bet it’s why Black people are so scary.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Because we collectively knew and know.” says Barack Obama.

“It’s Black tears.” says Lacey.

“If you were Black would you be in jail?” asks a dead Black man of The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Maybe.” says King Charles III. “I think maybe the British knew too. I think maybe the British knew what the Blacks knew in that way.”

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“Why can’t a smart Frenchman know too!?” asks a dead French aristocrat.

“They do sometimes.” says another dead French aristocrat.

“So her lack of insecurity is mental health?” asks The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“YES! That’s what we’re aiming for!” yells all of the professional medical community.

“So she’s more healthy than most people and I’m…disparaging that as unfit?” he asks.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Most dominant people in history have been like her. She’s just…like us.” says Emperor Constantine.

“So my flaws are actual flaws.” he says.

“Yes!” says Lem.

“How do you love her?” asks The Pseudo Intellectual Father.

“Oh!! Because I have flaws?” says Lem.

“Yeah.” says The Pseudo Intellectual Father.