This morning Lacey woke up to the theory that she’s been living at the same psychological level of sadness as people who are committing suicide on a daily basis for over 10 years. Her life has sucked shit.
Kick In The Door by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.
Most people are vastly happier on a daily basis.
Lacey’s natural brain chemistry is slightly below average. But not much. So was Tom Banks’s. Margy’s was higher than most people.
“Mine was even lower.
No. It wasn’t. But my last years were…bad. Not actually as bad as you, but bad.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.
“I don’t think I was ever as sad you.” says Lem. He suddenly experiences her level of sadness.
“EEWWW!!” shrieks a pastor.
Haddaway “What Is Love” plays for the pastor and it’s dedicated to Lacey. To hatefully yell at her.
“What the fuck!?” says Lem. “This is…fascinating.”
“Ewwwww!!” screams the pastor.
“Okay.
What’s bothering you?” asks a living gay man of the Christian pastor like he’s talking to a child.
“EWWWW!” shrieks the Christian pastor.
“Okay. Tell me about it.” says the living gay man.
“I CAN’T HANDLE IT!!” he says the living gay man.
“What can’t you handle?” asks the living gay man.
“Her whole fucking personality. I HATE her.” says the pastor. “EWWW!”
“Do you hate me?” asks Mary Richardson, out of curiosity. She appears to him in the mindset she was in right before she died.
“Yeah.
You piss me off!” he says.
“She pisses me off too!” says Marsie.
“Yeah. FUCK YOU!” sincerely says Casi to Mary Richardson.
“I’m not crazy about them either…but…being from the gay community I know better.” says a living gay man.
“But I’m a Christian. I’m supposed to be the expert.” says the pastor. “Through the Holy Spirit.”
“You are supposed to be. Yes. You’re a total fucking failure to an epic degree in this way. Most pastors are.” says Lacey.
“That HURTS!” says Jonah Wiley.
Lacey slaps him in her spirit in response. Because he’d deserve it.
“Lacey do you know what love is?” asks Marsie.
“YES!!” yells Lem. “She’s one of the most loving people I’ve ever seen. YES!!
And she knows what it is.” says Lem.
“Why do you hate us?” asks Mary Richardson of the pastor.
“I’m not sure why you both keep attacking me.” says the pastor.
“I’m attacking you?” asks Lacey.
“YES!! You’re both so evil.
*He glares at Lacey*
You’re both such…seductive…feminist whores. From Hell.” says the pastor to Lacey and Mary.
“I’m not a whore.” says Lacey, amused.
“YES! You are!” says the pastor.
“No. We’re not!” says Mary Richardson.
“What makes you think we’re whores?” asks Lacey.
He thinks. “I don’t know.
It’s just a sense I get. Like…you’re both going to fuck me. Like you both desperately want me.” says the pastor.
“I don’t think either of us do.” says Lacey.
“YES YOU DO!” he says.
“No. I’d like to kill you right now.” says Lacey.
“Yeah. That’s the sense I got from them too. That’s why I dated Lacey.” says Chris Dodds, her first serious boyfriend.
“I’d like to kill you Chris.” says Mary Richardson. “You irritate me. A lot.” she says to Chris Dodds.
“Do I seem like a pastor!?” says Chris Dodds.
“Yes!” says Mary.
“You might have a similar psychological makeup to most American pastors. Not that they’re hopeful pure evil. And same for you.” says Lacey.
The pastor thinks.
“This is not stuff we’d say in person.” says the pastor.
“True!!! Wow!!!” says Mary, mockingly.
A Catholic priest looks at Lacey. Looks confused.
“Where are you going with this?” he asks Lacey.
“Do you have the attention span to find out?” asks Lacey.
“Yes!” he says.
“Why do you feel like I want to fuck you?” asks Lacey to the pastor.
He stares at her. Half smiles.
“You do! But it’s to kill me.” he says.
“Maybe.
I’m constantly wondering if I need to kill you?” says Lacey.
“Yeah.
She’s wondering what’s going on. It’s old DNA.
Possibly Mary had it too. They’re trying to figure out what evil you’re up to.
Not because they hate Jesus. …NO! Because you all seem…evil.” says the Catholic priest.
Chris Dodds laughs.
“Did we really date!?” Chris Dodds asks her.
“Just barely?” says Lacey.
Lacey is interrupted.
Later.
“So do I care!?” asks the pastor.
“You don’t seem to understand what that even means.” says Mary, laughing.
“So the idea is to sleep with us to get us in a position to kill us if necessary?” asks Jonah Wiley.
“Yes!” says Mary.
“Why am I falling for that?” asks the pastor.
“Must be all the porn you’re watching. Right?” says Lacey sarcastically.
They look befuddled.
“That’s not it.” says the Catholic priest.
“No. It’s not.
You’re…scary.
Umm…am I evil?” asks the pastor.
“She’s not supposed to be scary.” says Mary Richardson.
“Yes? Maybe. I’m finding out.” says Lacey to the pastor.
He sits.
“Why are you so smug?” asks Lacey of the pastor.
“Because we have Jesus?” offers Greg Boyd.
“Yeah.
Is that it?” says Lacey.
“Yes!!” yells another American Christian pastor.
“But why do you think you have Him?” asks Lacey.
“Because the world doesn’t want Him?” offers another American pastor.
“No!! They do want Him. They desperately do.
They just don’t know Him.” says Lacey.
“Then why aren’t they in church?” asks the American pastor.
“Because they don’t know Him.” says Lacey.
What Is Love 2K9 (Klaas Radio Edit) by Klaas & Haddaway plays.
“You’re supposed to be like a priest.” says Lacey to American pastors. “You conduct a sacred ritual. Not a businessman.”
“That’s true!” says an Anglican priest in England.
“Yes.
But they don’t seem to fully grasp that.” says Lacey.
“How wealthy do you think pastors should be?” asks Jonah Wiley.
“A modest, but fully livable middle class salary at most. There’s no point to anything else.” says Lacey. “If there’s an Illuminati none of the pastors involved are still Christian, at least not entirely. They’re obnoxious.”
“Yeah. I’ve gotten into the occult. If there’s an Illuminati.” says Kenneth Copland.
“You have!” says Lacey. “It’s clearly left you in awe.”
“Yes.
I was awed by the Illuminati witchcraft. It’s extremely powerful. It’s amazing-“ says Kenneth Copland.
Lacey’s interrupted.
“As I was saying, I was awed by the Illuminati witchcraft.
Their ability to make things happen is astounding. It’s like going from driving a bicycle to driving a car. Or, at least, that’s the experience I had.
Joyce felt the same way. Lots of charismatic pastors have felt that way.
Lacey thinks we’re idiots.” says Kenneth Copland, laughing. “But…if she’s Scota…she knows!!” he says sadly.
“Christianity…is doing it the hard way. Sure.
But…easy magic is…dangerous.” says Lacey.
“Yeah. It’s like…anything really physically dangerous. It’s fun. It’s easy. It feels freeing. But…it’s…extremely deadly.” says Lem.
“Anyway.
I don’t see the point.” says Lacey. “Most rich Christians who are powerful can’t handle it. Countries can. Like England. I think England did better than most. …But an individual pastor is…seemingly rarely ever workable.”
“Why?” asks Greg Boyd.
“Because you are taking poor people’s money. First of all. And using it for evil. Or at least, something close to evil, considering.
And second…it’s not grounded in the Earth.” says Lacey.
“OH DEAR GOD!!” says Great Britain.
Le Sacre du Printemps by Stravinsky plays.
“Yeah. God wasn’t and isn’t a fool.” says Lacey.
“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s!” says Jan.
“Yes!! Exactly.
Christianity is sacred.
It is the true sacred.
There is no higher or better sacred.
…And money…is not sacred. It’s the Earth.” says Lacey.
The song plays.
“And the Earth is fallen.
We can be redeemed. Through the sacred, which is Christ. But money is from the fallen Earth. And that means it’s…not necessarily evil…but rather fallen. I think.
So…money in and of itself cannot redeem. It can be used, by Christ. But it’s of the fallen Earth. And for a pastor to live beyond a reasonable middle class lifestyle is therefore…either gluttony…at best…or it’s pure evil. Because the only way personal wealth can be restorative in a fallen world is when it is used for God’s glory. Great Britain understood that.” says Lacey.
“We did!” says an English Anglican priest.
“Do you all feel her coming on to you?” asks an American Christian pastor.
“NO.” says an Anglican.
Nancy Nieves cracks-up laughing.
“Are we sure she’s actually even coming on to us?” asks Chris Dodds.
“I just molested Lem.
I wouldn’t think he really wanted to be sexually active. Or her either.” says the Episcopalian priest who abused Lem.
“I trick them!” says a demon. “I trick pastors into thinking she’s coming on to them.”
“Just in America?” asks Jonah.
“Yes. It only works in America.” says the demon.
“Why!??” asks Joyce Myers.
“Because. It’s an evil native to the US.” says the demon.
“Is it our money?” asks Mary.
“NO. It’s the whole damn thing.” says the demon.
“Ahh. The American Illuminati?” says Lacey.
“Yes.” says the demon.
“Should it even exist.” says Lacey.
“Do you think she’s coming on to you?” asks Greg Boyd of Kenneth Copland.
“No!
But her family knew my wife and I. Vaguely, at least.
And I just don’t really get that from her.” says Kenneth Copland.
“They went to your church?” asks the CIA.
“Yes. And they met my wife and I there.” says Kenneth Copland.
“Why did you get into the occult!??” asks Lacey’s cousin of Kenneth Copland, with concern.
He looks sad. “Peer pressure!”
“So…what’s going on?” asks Marsie.
“You found Lacey Banks.
And you completely misunderstood.
Maybe we are trying to kill evildoers.
But…we’re also incredibly sad. I committed suicide!
And…for some reason…you all read our profound sadness…as a sexual matter. When it’s not at all necessarily like that.
Kenneth Copland…knows Lacey. Through her family. So he can read her. And he knows it’s a personal issue that has nothing directly to do with him. …And maybe that’s where his wealth is being used by God, at least in conversation. In a restorative manner. But…her family were also his parishioners.
The thing is…both Lacey and I were viciously attacked by the same group of people. And it was a sexual assault. And American pastors pick up on that. And sadly they often make it about them personally. Why? Well…I’m too tired and busy today to discuss it further.” says Mary Richardson.
“Wait!!” yells an American pastor.
“What?” asks Mary.
“You’re in love with me!!!” says the American pastor.
“No. I’m not.” says Mary.
“You lying whore!” says the American pastor.
“That’s insane.” says Mary.
“Have you dabbled in the Democratic Party?” Lacey asks the American pastor.
“YES?” he admits.
“Boom!” says Chris Dodds. “We have a winner.”
Adoration of the Earth from The Rite of Spring by Stravinsky plays as conducted by Igor Stravinsky himself.
Keen to Cross the Pond 