“I Have To Laugh” by Mrs. Joe Kennedy Junior (a.k.a Pat Wilson)

Were Before by Cults plays.

Lem was straight.

He looks so straight to me here.

And here.

And especially here.

And here.

You all don’t seem to see it, but I do and I always did. And I just…didn’t…care.

*Pat laughs*

When I died I was shocked to discover I still existed. I was hopeful but not optimistic. It was bliss just to realize that I was going to be a part of God’s creation for eternity. I had no intention of ever being sad again.

Do I sound like Lacey? …We are a bit alike. You know who else she’s like? Athalia Ponsell and Edith Beale. And what do you suppose we all had and have in common? Joe Kennedy Junior.

This guy:

Joe has a type. But he’s smart. And his “type” isn’t just a look. It’s a personality.

Lacey and I have a natural affinity for each other…and I’m a snot. But she’s always liked me. And I can’t help but like her. I just understand her. And all of the women Joe ever fell for have that commonality. We all understand each other better than most people understand us. We’re all…vicious and/or victorious. We don’t take any guff! We’re all unusually beautiful…but also lovely. And earthy like a spring day. I love our aesthetic.

Edith is the craziest. Lacey is the best looking. I’m the most glamorous. Athalia is the most glamorous too though. But I was a…Lady.

None of us are at all conformists. Or are we? See. We don’t even conform in that way. …Lem we’re all naturally rebellious and daring and difficult and…free. Lacey’s brave. Athalia is shrewd. I was bold. And Edith a rare and memorable. …No. I like his taste in women.

I get along with Lacey the easiest.

When I died I didn’t give a damn. Well…I did. But not the way some people do. I was determined to be with Joe. And I…have to laugh.

Lacey is also the sweetest.

She gave in. She let go of Joe so easily. And he was most hung up on her of anybody. But she moves on so gracefully and so sincerely and forever. I wasn’t expecting her to get over him that easily but I was sad…and scared and overwhelmed when she did.

She’s not supposed to hear us? Yeah. Well. She does. And Joe had been wooing her for years.

Here’s where I have to really laugh though.

…Lem…is straight. And Lacey is so pretty and so sweet and so smart…and so mellow. She’s a very intense person with those hot brown eyes that can drive painlessly sharp swords through your soul when she looks at you. But she’s also so breezy and gentle and innocent. So cheery and kind. So quiet and tenderhearted. …And Lem is straight. She’s curvier and sexier than Grace Kelly but they’re both pristine beauties with small bones. *I laugh* …And I wanted Joe.

The end chorus to the song plays.

I was never going to stop…until he was mine. I love him. And I loved him.

I know Joe Kennedy Junior. I understand him. Better than anyone. I know his darkness and I know his pain and I know what’s grand about him. And I love all of it. I love him.

We drive each other batty. I sleep with other men. And he sleeps with other women. And we have epic fights. And when he died I was devastated…but I remarried and lived into my 100’s. And he died younger than JFK. I’m proof that love can hurt but…when it’s real it’s PROFOUND. True love.

Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones plays.

*smile*

Joe belongs to me. And someday when he comes to his senses and gets a bloody clue…I’ll belong to him. Until then I hurt him and struggle with my own demons. And it’s grim and ugly. But…we can’t get over each other.

Lacey slept with other men because she understood and she understands…that I’m REAL. *I smile again* Some people are ours and it makes sense to our souls but not necessarily to others in a certain sense. Psychologically it has to add up. But…on paper Athalia or Lacey look better with Joe. I’m a little awkward looking. But…Joe loved me. He just did. And as much as Lacey couldn’t understand…when she knew…she just gave up. Lem…she really loved Joe. But…she’s great. And she knew. *smile* Please don’t blame her for understanding that other people matter. Because that’s all it is. She just doesn’t want to take you from anyone else. That’s all. Really.

It’s horribly sad. Isn’t it? She shows-up so late and everyone is already taken, in most cases forever. And through no fault of her own. Lem…she’s brave. And she worships God. Don’t be shocked if Emperor Constantine falls in love with her if there’s no reincarnation. You don’t think a man like that wants someone almost exactly like her? And you acted gay so convincingly. Every day gay men psychically attack and worry and rage and chat with her spirit. Every…damn…day. And…so naturally…she was taken by the idea that Louis was a better bet. Why wouldn’t he be? Or Michael? And Harold? …Lem…it’s possible to misconstrue your statements to take them to mean that you passionately and deeply and eternally loved Jack Kennedy in some mysterious way. …Lacey doubts that. Because she’s wise and intelligent. And gifted. Sometimes she reminds me of Joe. But…sweetie…she doesn’t know. She simply doesn’t know. I can’t understand why you don’t have more empathy for that feeling. It’s misery. …I felt very strongly that Joe and I loved each other but I had that challenged savagely by his family. And I doubted it slightly myself at times. Not as much as her though. She doubts so well.

You know what is is? She has to get everything exactly perfect. You included. No. She doesn’t want to mess up. She’s brutal about it. And…she’s never been much loved. Has she. Huh? …You can’t assume she was rejecting you. Ever. Not really. It wasn’t cheating ever necessarily so much as…genuine confusion. Give her sweet, fragile, but extraordinarily tenacious and bright mind credit. Give her a bit of credit. She’s unusually intelligent and good. And healthy. But she’s not you. …She’s clever. She’s brave and she never gives up. She’s…wild and beautiful and impossible. But she’s also her not you. And she simply lost track and got dizzy and mixed-up and she floundered a little. Really. I highly doubt you understand how silly it all is.

Lem they always came on to her. Or she had the impression she was with them, possibly forever. And she simply got confused. Her love with you matters because you love her. How many times has she asked you, “Who do I belong to?” Pleadingly. As if she’s a poor lost kitten in the rain.

*Pat lights up a safe cigarette*

Lem…she’s failed to be a man. That’s all. She loves you more than anything and everyone else? Yes? But you told her that. And now it’s her only waking thought. You were right. *Pat laughs* But you had to help her understand that. She just didn’t know. Lem…that’s being with a woman. And she’s unusually good and strong and valiant but she’s also a woman. You can’t expect her to know what you do. Men nowadays can’t handle that anymore. Can you?

She doesn’t break like a little girl. She bats those brown eyes, goes blank and looks as if she could float away. Light as a feather in the breeze. And sure she watches her back…but that’s different isn’t it? That’s war. This is love. And they are actually very different. And goodness knows Constantine wins in a battle with Scota. She be good on a horse and have wielded enormous power and had great agility for a woman…but it looks like figure skating not a war movie. If she’s Lacey, that is. Or if Lacey was Scota that’s what it would have looked like. It’s…effective warfare…but…also…very pretty. Sweetie…she fights pretty. And maybe that’s a good argument against reincarnation for Scottish men.

She fights pretty. Lem…she fights pretty. Queen Elizabeth II was the same. They’re brilliant but she needed Philip. And Lacey is equally…lost without…love. Try to understand.