“I’m Just Gonna Be Nice” by That Woman

That’s me.

I’m considered extremely attractive by my husband. He’s so into me.

I’m from Ohio.

“Burning by Yeah Yeah Yeahs plays for…bears. Not teddy bears but the dumbasses who can’t stop attacking Lacey.” says Lem.

No. You can’t do that to me!!!

“You don’t even know me!!” yells Lem.

You’re right. Wanna see my tits?

“Yes!! Please!” says a demon impersonating Lem.

And a few minutes later she rips off her shirt and shows her boobs to the demon Lem. She believed he was real.

“This is so typical. And so blasé.” says Lem.

“Yup.” says Skippy.

“My Nesheim family has to take care of Becca…when she’s dying. But…I get the oil.” says Lacey. “She just redid her will.”

“She’s trying to really screw you over.” says a dead psychologist.

“Yes! She is.” says Lacey.

“She knows you don’t hold grudges. You don’t get even. And she’s trying to make you feel confused and hurt as she’s dying.” says Lem. “She’s not stupid. You’re being viciously attacked by an expert.

The idea is to create a void.”

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“I almost died.” says Curt, Lacey’s first cousin. “I had a horrible heart attack today. And I’m in the hospital.”

“I know. I saw you on Facebook.” says Lem.

“Why are they killing us!?” says Curt, exasperated.

“I’m fine!!” says Becca.

“We traded her heart problems with your heart, Curt.” says a dead Kennedy, who still exists.

“Why are you keeping Becca alive?” asks Curt.

“So Lacey can’t inherit money. We don’t want that. She’s a liar.” says a dead Kennedy.

Curt cries. Then cracks-up laughing.

“You know if you killed our entire family that would be really scary. Why don’t you just shoot me and all of my kids and my husband and my grandkids and Curt and all of his family while we’re in church?” says Sheri, Lacey’s first cousin.

“Because then you’d be happy.” says an evil man.

“Yeah! That’s true!” says Sheri in a patronizing and apologetic voice, both.

Later.

Lacey is told the truth about her neighbors by Lady Diana Spencer.

“That’s hopeless!!” says Lacey.

“So…he’s…being killed…to keep Lacey from being safe.” says Skippy Handelman.

Later.

“Yeah. But if you say it to the wrong people it sounds ridiculous.” says Lem.

“What significance is there?” asks Skippy.

“She’s safe.” says Lem. “The oil is in her name.”

“So they’re killing people strategically. Even if the strategy makes no sense.” says Skippy.

“Yes!!!” yells Matthew Nesheim.

Curt laughs in the afterlife.

“Okay. But…if I die…” says Curt.

“Yeah?” says Lem.

He laughs. “It’s weird!”

“Yeah.” says Lem.

“Why are they being so weird!??” says Curt.

“Yeah. It’s over me.” says Michael Rockefeller. “Look…if anyone ever comes back saying they’re me don’t believe them. But basically I…was…supposed to marry your cousin, Lacey.”

“Oh. Okay. Because she’s Tom’s daughter. Yeah. And three days ago they talked to your spirit and realized that you were going to help Lacey find out the details of her DNA of her father Jim dies. Like take a DNA sample. When he dies. So…they felt you were a threat.” says Michael.

“What happens to Lacey’s brain when she makes mistakes?” asks Dmitry.

“She’s being attacked.” says the Illuminati.

“Then she’s scary.” says one of her haters.

“So fricken what!?!” yells Casi. “You bitches want a piece of me?! Come get it!!”

“But Casi as far as we know you’re poor. And we like poor, insecure people. We love them.” says a woman in Hollywood.

“Truly insecure?” says Casi.

“Yeah.” says the woman.

“Why?” says Casi.

“Because you feel safe.” says a woman.

“Why!?” asks Casi.

“Because…it’s cool?” she says.

“Yeah. Okay. But…since when?” asks Casi.

“Since I felt jealous.” says Erin.

“Of Lacey?” says MSNBC.

“Yeah. I used demons and narcissistic buddies who have a lot of power in the Illuminati to control the masses.” she sticks her tongue out and pretends to be cool.

“Are you feeling cool right now?” asks Lem.

“Constantly!” says Erin.

“No. But for real?

I’ve asked them questions like this for over 8 years now.” says Lacey.

Erin laughs. “My demons are telling me to ignore you. But that’s not something I’ve ever admitted outright.”

“No. You’ve never admitted it out loud.” says Lem.

“You’re a fucking moron!!” yells Erin, out loud for the first time.

“Actually he’s right Erin.” says Lacey.

“No. He’s not. I’m an fucking professional writer.” says Erin.

“You suck shit. You’re a narcissistic bitch from a hood!” Lacey yells into her ugly face and rips apart her spirit and soul for eternity if necessary. Then turns her teeth into nails and sucker punches her vagina until she bleeds to death repeatedly for eternity. And then stabs her in the brain repeatedly for eternity if necessary. In the afterlife.

“That’s my literal eternity?” she stupidly asks.

“Erin do you exist? Or are you just an ego and sadness?” asks Lem.

She cries feeling incredibly and profoundly sorry for herself and no one else. As usual.

“Erin. I’ll have fun torturing you. You’ll wish you’d never been created. I can’t find one reason why you should have been other than a tiny shred of you that hopefully still belongs to God. Pray that you don’t go to Hell. That’ll be worse. You’re a boring, shrewish, untalented hack who uses people’s stupidity to look cute by making dumb overplayed 1990’s feminist jokes.

You just read bullshit. Regurgitated bullshit you’ve heard before.

But because you’re a ‘normal person’ who got unusually lucky…you take your tired act way too seriously and feel genuinely PROFOUNDLY IMPORTANT.” says Skippy’s mother.

“That’s not true. I’m sorry. I’m sorry your mom is a bitch.” says Erin.

“That’s an interesting response.” says Lacey. “Let’s back up. What does my mother have to do with it?”

“You’re feeling hurt. And taking it out on me.” says Erin.

“But I’m the one talking to you.” says Skippy’s mother.

“But- She’s the one attacking me.” says Erin.

“No. God is.” says Skippy’s mom.

“No. She is. She’s jealous of me.” says Erin.

“Nope. I’m not attacking you because of my mother.” says Lacey.

“You would say that if you were a peasant. You sound like such a peasant.” says Erin.

“Nope.” says Curt.

“Yeah. I don’t.

And you failed.

Try again.” says Lacey.

Erin scoffs.

“No. Try again.” says Lacey.

“You blackmailed me because you…” says Erin.

“That makes no sense.” says Lacey.

“Do you have sociopathy?” asks Lem.

“Close.” says Erin.

“Yup.

Can I be honest? I don’t really want to bother with torturing you. I’m sorry. I was mistaken and I rarely am? Well…maybe about this sort of thing. But…it’s just…too obnoxious. And honestly I wish you’d just not be so fucked-up. Like…maybe that tiny shred of you could just be you. Okay?

My righteous anger was and is possibly quite pure. But…no. I’m going to just have to let God deal with you. I can’t be bothered. No offense.

And you know…what bothers me most is that the people around you didn’t know that you were useless to rely on. Your opinion of me in this absurdist dystopian situation is so suspicious in 2016. You hated me for seemingly no reason at all.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” says Erin.

“Mmhmm. So why? Why does everyone blindly support you?” says Lacey.

“Because I’m a cheerleader. At MSNBC.” says Erin. “I was considered a top cheerleader.”

Later.

“Yeah. She was very popular.” says Diego. “Very sexually active.”

“What did she do?” says Lem

“She fucked most people who were looking for a good time.” says Diego.

“Yup. They looked the other way whenever and wherever. No concerns. They were just cool with everything and anything she did.

Why they went so far as to let her get away with literally ending the US is beyond me. But I don’t think they understood. I unfortunately think MSNBC in 2016 didn’t just cause the first Trump Presidency.” says Brian Duffield in the afterlife. “They are…astoundingly stupid.”

“Yeah. But that’s not it.

It was allowed by the entire Illuminati.” says Lacey. “Not directly. And there’s a good argument to be made for certain people and parties and organizations…but…it’s a widespread issue too.”

“Yeah.” says Brian.

Broken Belief by Bob Moses plays loud.

“They frustrate me too.” says Greta.

“They’re not…meant to be taken so seriously. But…people do. And there are no other options.” says Lacey.

Later.

“Greta it’s a disaster.” says Lacey.

“Did you take MSNBC seriously or not?” asks Greta.

“Only slightly. And yet entirely. It’s…all about interpretation. So…I’d use them to get my news. But I’d have to decode them first.” says Lacey.

“That’s how you found the Illuminati.” says Greta.

“Very insightful!” says Lacey.

“Yes. Because she was decoding it all.” says Lem.

“Yes. My psychological state was such that I was always digging for the real meaning.” says Lacey. “How many other people are like that?”

“Billions. But they aren’t oil heiresses or brilliant or Lem Billings’s wife…and whatever else is there.” says Greg Boyd in the afterlife.

“Why can’t you just leave her alone?” asks Ron Craft. “What real reasons do you have?”

“It’s their egos. They’re just obsessively egotistical people.” says St. Augustine of Saint Augustine, Florida.

A while later.

Lacey turns the whole fallen world into a giant flower, if God ever created her a goddess. In God’s timing. And yes, through a series of tornadoes, massive earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, bombs, and asteroids. Of course. And of course it’s all in the works and dependent on the salvation of humanity in Christ. So the deaths have to be constructed methodically with God’s timing and intervention.

If she’s not a ‘goddess’ from an pre-ancient civilization that existed before humans did…then perhaps it’s all just exasperation expressed to Christ, and…Lemmers.

Why is Lacey so frustrated? Because of all of it. Years…and years…of endless…torture. No. She’s not schizophrenic.

And tonight after reading about her cousin’s severe health scare…after another cousin’s suicide just a month or two ago…and the fact that her legal mother who is possibly very evil is holding on to life in her 70’s even though she’s ceased to give a shit about anyone who she should care about…as she has a heart condition that could cause her to have a heart attack or stroke and die any minute…withholding mineral rights that would be a huge inheritance in a way…it’s too much. Lacey has to keep her kids away from the wretched women who raised her who gave her the impression that she was being loved like a normal kid would be…because she’s realized after becoming an adult with kids of her own that her mother never made sense. Her mother who raised her is exceptionally intelligent and well-bred and educated enough to think to use feminism and Christianity to molest Lacey very covertly. Lacey always felt uncomfortable but her mother never sexually touched her so it was easy for Lacey’s mother the way she did it to seem like a feminist.

(Adult content below)

Lacey’s unscathed and pure. Because she’s been a very sincere (born-again) Christian since age 3. And she’s mentally very resilient and tough. So that’s also how her mother who raised her got away with it until Lacey had her own kids and realized that the ways she was raised were bizarre at times. And so through a series of flashbacks she realized that by comparison her mother was inappropriate. For example where her mother would make tuna fish sandwiches and make weird comments and sexualize the situation to creepy degrees and Lacey would make her best effort to be a good child and discuss tuna smells being like a vagina in intelligent terms in a horrific conversation, Lacey just makes tuna fish sandwiches and watches to make sure her kids are finishing their food. And then thinks, “Hmm. No. That conversation about vagina smells wasn’t just her sense of humor.” It was over the line. How weird.

And that’s not the worst thing she ever did but it was that sort of thing. Things that seemed normal at the time from the perspective of a child who was experiencing them. People make tuna fish jokes in television shows. Kids at school make tuna fish jokes.

She’s a cold blooded person. And it was shocking to realize that she was so heartless at her core potentially. I’m not heartless possibly at all.

And then tonight I was sitting here writing this and I was being demonically attacked into choking on a jelly bean by aspirating it into my lungs…and I prayed to God to let me die if He wanted to. I’ve never stopped fighting like that before in my life physically. Usually I fight to cough it it up when the Illuminati attacks me…but tonight I prayed to die because it was a jelly bean.

The evil Illuminati, should it exist, decided to kill the Nesheims because they were afraid of their power back in 2008, possibly. And it’s shocking to be dealing with them. They’re so foolish.

I’m still technically alive. But I thought, “If these people really are that stupid…I’m going to let it work right now. I’ll take my kids with me. And I will. And then Mark too.

Because…I’m mentally too annoyed…and I’m tired of seeing my husband through the Holy Ghost. Not that I don’t love the Holy Ghost but I’m sure God understands that it’s easier to see my husband in person. I’m so over the evil. It’s getting so old.

And after reading about my first cousin’s potential death it was too far. I’ve never done that before. But too many people are dying.

anemone by slenderbodies plays.