“I Did” by An Asian Woman

I did inspire the post by Jack Kennedy today.

I was bored by this shit.

If there’s reincarnation in the Bible Lacey is Scotia. And actually…men are very intimidated by her. In a way that they should be by Lem. She’s scary and cool…and I get it. But…he’s Constantine.

Why? It has nothing to do with Lem being gay. He wasn’t gay at all. And you know that.

It’s that…he’s…what? What is it?

Finally: “It’s that he’s a cuck.” says a living gay man.

“Lem…why did you give a shit about Jack at all?” asks a woman.

“I felt that was right.” says Lem.

“So you were nice…all those years…just to be a good person.” says a woman. “Okay. That makes sense. No. That fits the profile with your drug use too. You repressed a lot of emotion. Not in…totally self-annihilating ways though. I hope?”

“No.” says Lem.

“But you tried to be really nice all of the time.” says the woman.

“I did.” says Lem.

“I did. I had to be in my mind to be a good person. Yes.” says Lem.

“Why did you use Jack?” asks an American gay man, passionately.

“I didn’t…think that through.” says Lem. “I’m sorry that offends your delicate moral sensibilities so damn astronomically.”

Later.

“I’m pretty sure that’s bad.” says a living gay man.

“What’s that?” asks a straight man.

“Every basketball player on the Lakers and Nuggets has the same orientation as Lem Billings. Or at least a lot of them do.” says the living gay man.

“Why is that bad?” asks Casi.

“Because Casi…he’s flamingly straight.” says the living gay man.

“Yeah. They do seem straight.” says Casi. “I doubt they all are. But…they do have that vibe.”

“No! I know the one I’m watching is straight.” says the living gay man.

“Yeah.” says Casi.

Casi’s mom can be heard weeping over Lacey and Casi in the afterlife and their crummy lives.

“Hey! At least Casi got to be in love with a living man!” says her great uncle.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“So! That’s good.” he says with concern for both of them.

“It’s better than neither of us having that.” says Lacey.

“So I’m forgetting. Did we know each other?” asks Casi.

“Barely.” says Lacey.

“Just barely.” says Casi.

“How did you know I accidentally got addicted to heroin?” asks Lacey.

“I heard.” says Casi.

“When!?” says Lacey.

She closes her eyes. Thinks. “You were so prim and ladylike and…innocent. …At least, this is me…if there’s reincarnation in the Bible. …And I was 13 or so years older than her? No. That can’t be right. Was it 30 years? It was older.

Anyway…I was older. But I knew her. And there was gossip.” says Casi.

“How did they hear?” asks Lacey.

“You told your mother.” says Casi.

“No! My mother was dead.” says Lacey. “I’m almost sure she was dead.”

“Someone saw you?” says Casi. “You might have made a fool of yourself.”

“I was in China.” says Lacey. “Who saw me?”

“We’re wondering if you were just dead?” asks Putin.

“Those are creepy dates Casi.” says the CIA. “Did you kill JFK in a rage?”

“Because I knew he was evil?” says Casi.

“Yes.” says the CIA.

“Ask God!” she says.

“Umm…so you saw. She was…?” says the living gay man.

“She was…in a stupor. Close to dead. For a week or two.” says Casi.

“When did Lem figure it out!?” asks the living gay man.

“He was very busy with business. And he was trying to let her have her independence. …I think it got too much for him to tolerate and he was very concerned. So he decided to yell at her very sharply and force her to stop. And she…didn’t understand, poor dear. But she trusted him. She trusted him implicitly! So she stopped. Cold turkey. And she was fine. …But I don’t think she understood what it even was. I think he was curious and was rather furious with her about it. But…she was so unaware. She…almost died. …And I bet that’s why she got so drunk after he died. She was trying to bring him back in a rage. …He was FURIOUS.” says Casi.

“Casi…who were they?” asks a British woman.

Casi thinks. “By the way…don’t mess with the Christian theology. The Gnostics might have had something right…but not necessarily. And even if they did…it’s not safe. Don’t do it.

Who would they have been?

She was…a friends of mine’s niece? Or no? A local gossip’s niece? *she laughs* I knew a woman from her family.

Her mother was a Bowes Lyon? Lacey’s great grandmother was a Bowes Lyon? On her mother’s side? Or were they a British merchant family? …Maybe it was both. On her mother’s side!

On her father’s side? There was a sad family history. There was a great fortune. But I doubt she ever experienced almost any of the benefits of such a fortune. …Was she raised by her cousin? Or was it her grandmother? Or no? Her aunt? It was someone…who was very loving and yet also quite distant. She was a tragedy. But obviously a very sweet, pretty girl. Dark. Quiet. Very sweet. But she had a sadness about her.

And then she married and was very happy! Very happy. Big smiles.

*the woman smiles*

It was fun to see her happy. It gave you hope.

You know…I think I’ve been mad at Lacey for not being happy now.” says Casi returning to the conversation or being there the whole time depending.

“Casi!!” yells Marsie. “LEM IS DEAD!!”

“What!?” says Casi.

“LADY VIRGINIA? LEM IS DEAD!!” yells Marsie.

“Yeah. Lacey can’t be that happy!” says a reader.

“She can’t find someone!?!” yells Casi. “She’s such a pretty girl! Is she a homosexual!?”

“No. Casi…I doubt it.” says a living gay man.

“Then why can’t she find someone!? My goodness!” says Casi.

“It’s not that easy!” says a man in Scotland.

“Then why is she here!??” asks Casi, irritated. “If I’m reincarnated she’s not necessarily supposed to be here. But that’s God’s business. No…I know He has a plan for everyone. He loves everyone. But…if I’m a dead countess she’s supposed to be with Lem.”

“She’s actually superior to me. By birth. But…she didn’t have a title.” says Casi.

“Did you ever meet Lem?” asks Bobby.

“YES!!” she yells at him.

Then she laughs.

“Only if there’s reincarnation. Chill out.” says Casi.

“What was he like?” asks the CIA.

“He was very…pompous, reserved, terrifying…moody…intelligent. Intense isn’t the word to describe them. They’re just British. …I liked him. He was…a good man. But he wasn’t…safe to just ‘chill out with.’ …I can’t think what the Kennedys were thinking.” says Casi.

Later.

“No. They had no clue.” says the living gay man.

“Who did they think he was?” asks a perfume collector.

“Lem?” asks the living gay man.

“Yes.” says the perfume collector.

“Ahh…I mean- What does it say?” he says.

“I don’t know. I thought you might know.” says the perfume collector.

“Mm. No. I don’t.” he says.

“Isn’t that part of your personality?” she says, bitingly.

He looks uneasy. “I think…ahh- I’m pretty sure it was just that he was…happy?” he says sounding slightly scared.

“Oh okay. …So you’re not an expert?” she says.

“Ahh…no.” he says.

“Then why are you on here discussing it like you are?” she asks.

“I’m not. I’m just sharing what I observed.” he says.

She smirks.

Awkward silence.

“No. I just…I think he’s…” says the living gay man.

“ANNOYING!!” she says.

“Who? Jack?” says the living gay man.

“YEAH!!” she says.

“Okay. But that was kind of my point.” he says.

She smirks again.

“NO. I really am embarrassed.” he says.

She looks mad. “It’s personal to me.”

“Oh okay. …That’s sad.” he says empathetically.

“Yup. My first husband was the victim of sexual abuse. His kindergarten teacher. And…he was bitter.” she says. She cries. “You know…it took his mother and a counselor years to convince him he was still a little boy. And I cannot STAND the bravado and pomposity of your community. You’re arrogant.

Some people people really are that messed-up. And it’s…normal.

Sexual abuse is real.” she says, with fire in her eyes.

“What happened to your husband?” he says.

“He died of cancer.” she says.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” he says.

“Yeah. Whatever. Men like you are so content. You don’t have to care. So you don’t.” she says.

“I’m not going to argue with you.

So Lem reminds you of your husband?” he says.

“Yes.” she says.

“Would you like to shoot…Jack Kennedy?” he jokes.

She gets a wired look in her side-eye. “Oh my god! You’re drunk.”

“It’s just- Lem might have shot him. …You read this blog.” he says.

“Why the fuck…are you so condescending!?” she bites.

“I’m sorry. What?” he says, laughing.

“Why are you gay men so damn condescending?” she asks.

“Was I condescending?” asks Lem.

“Yes. But so was I.” says JFK’s residual energy.

“I think you all think you have a secret. It’s not a secret. I assure you. It is not…a secret.” she says.

“It’s part of our subculture.” says a gay perfume collector.

“So…Lem…why were you condescending?” asks the woman.

“Because I was actually angry.” says Lem.

“YES. I know. You remind me of my husband.

He was angry. But… You don’t seem violent. But he could be.” she says. “He used to go shooting. A lot. We have a gun collection in the basement still. …He just…wanted to get even.”

Flow by Crooked Colours plays.

“I didn’t realize what was going on until I was older.” says Lem.