Skippy Handelman Explains

Flow by Crooked Colours plays.

“Where’s Joseph?” asks Lacey.

“Of Egypt?” asks Skippy Handelman.

“Yes!” says Lacey, brightly.

“Here!” says Skippy.

“Alright. Can you explain something to me.

Do I look like the image I see in the mirror? I’ve consistently seen it since I was a child.” says Lacey to Skippy.

God allows him to see the image she sees and the one he sees, etc..

“You look like image you see in the mirror. Except you look better than that.” says Skippy.

“That’s not what the dead and the living have told me my whole life. Jack has always tried to tell me I look exactly like him but stupider. He evens manifests beneath my nose when I’m not looking at myself to fool me. …But he can’t actually possess me. So I know it’s a lie. But I’m so profoundly harassed I’m getting too confused not to clear this up.” says Lacey. “Lem isn’t allowed to. And Bobby married such ugly women he insisted were better looking than me. …No. I needed to clear this up. Once and for all. …I was going to let a loving husband clear it up as a sort of psychological gift. …But I can’t do that anymore. It’s too dangerous.” says Lacey.

“No. You look like you do in the mirror. But better.” says Skippy Handelman.

“You aren’t the breaking the Ten Commandments to tell me that? Are you?” asks Lacey.

“No!” he says.

“You promise on the Bible? Or the Torah? Or whatever God would use?” asks Lacey, with pleading sincerity.

“Yes.” he says.

“Alright.” says Lacey. “Thank you.” She thinks and is automatically sadistically harassed by JFK’s conjured shreds of residual something. People in America and worldwide throw him at Lacey on cue. It’s unclear why. But Lacey doesn’t at all seem deserve the hatred people throw at her. It’s freaky and bizarre. Like…Twilight Zone creepy. Like people are zombies with Lacey destroyed by the Kennedy family z from obtaining their full consciousness in regard to Lacey.

“Chris you and Diego lied too much. And you keep lying. It’s impossible for the Illuminati to cover for you anymore. We had no idea it was this bad, but you did. …And that’s why we can’t keep covering for you guys.” says the Illuminati.

“So you’re covering for her because she’s rich?” barks a poor Spanish woman who’s a maid.

“No!!! It’s not like that.

See…we’re the Illuminati. Not a country club.” says the Illuminati.

“NO! YOU SHUT-UP!

YOU FUCKERS SHUT-UP.

I TELL YOU. I TELL YOU TO FUCK ME.” she says, dancing sexy.

“That’s my mom in Japan. We rock your ass!” says JFK, sincerely.

No one in the Illuminati fucks her. She’s not to be deterred or at all insulted. She sincerely assumes they’re all retarded and worthless instead.

“Are we what we see of each other?” Lacey asks God, for clarification.

Lacey listens by the voice of God is too drowned out by evil to hear right away. She keeps listening.

She listens.

“Yes.” God says by putting her on a spiritual wavelength of a non-Christian musician. Her wavelength has been obsessively attacked by the Kennedys both living and dead.

“SICK BURN!” says a Kennedy to Lacey about the last paragraph.

“Oh my God! You could be killed for saying that about us. Or rightfully imprisoned!” says another Kennedy to Lacey.

“NO-“ starts Lacey but they interrupt her.

“What the fuck!??” yells Bobby. He often pretends to be secretly protecting Lacey.

“No. That’s all impossible.” says Lacey to the Kennedys.

“Okay. But then you nigger don’t get to be all hoity toity with me. Nah! Y’all shit. You a nigger!” says the Hispanic woman to Lacey.

“Yeah. If the shoe fits wear it! I’m sexually superior whiter and superior. Kiss my white ass!” says AOC to Lacey, shaking her butt like a football star winning the game.

“No. She’s right. The Ancient Egyptians were far more white than Black.” says Skippy Handelman.

“NO!!!!” screams white-trash-America.

“What, that’s science?” asks the Hispanic maid, sincerely seeking answers.

“YES!!” says Skippy.

“That’s not what I like!!” shrieks Jada Smith, on behalf of herds of Black American women who have their egos hurt by the concept of Ancient Egypt being white.

“No. See…we were superior too.” says Ancient Africa.

“YES!” says Lacey, confused.

“That wasn’t us.” says Black America.

“THAT WASN’T YOU!??” shrieks Ancient Africa.

“No. Right!? You lying mother-fucker!“ yells Black America at Africa.

“No. You’re us.” says Ancient Africa, confused.

“But then we poor!” says Black America.

“NOOO!!!” bellows Ancient Africa ready to rip apart the Earth.

“See be telling me that. But nah. She’s a lying nigger.” says Jada to other Black women.

“No. She’s not lying.

Why are you so deranged?” Africa asks Jada.

“We cannot have been that posh?” asks a Black woman.

“No. We were just as aristocratic at Great Britain. But we…fell apart.” says Africa. “We weren’t as Godly. Necessarily. But we didn’t fully reject God either. It’s very complicated. Very complicated.

We were very elite.” says Africa. “We were extremely elite. No fooling.”

“But Egypt was white?” asks an American white historian who’s mad about his white trash background.

“YES!” says ancient Africa.

“Then Jada why are you so weird?” he asks, mounting an argument to attack both Egypt and Africa.

“Sort of white. Probably Egyptian. Like…Asian, Middle Eastern, slightly Black. Not really though.” says an Egyptian. “They looked like us.”

“No. They were whiter.” says an 1800’s Egyptologist.

“Oh. Right. Because we’re more Islamic looking than they were.” says a current Egyptologist.

“Yes. Exactly. They looked…somewhat more ancient. But also somewhat more white.” says the 1800’s Egyptologist.

“Maybe reincarnation isn’t real.” says Jada.

“Maybe!” says Lacey Banks.

“But what if it is?” says Jada.

“Did you think you looked like us? Because you’re slightly white?” asks Lacey.

“I wonder if I did.” says Jada.

“No! That’s not irrational necessarily. It’s just…not the right thing. It reminds me of mistakes made in cooking.” says Lacey. “Like trying to substitute eggs with chickpea juice. It works to a certain extent. But not really.”

“Yes. So I’m Black. And white.” says Jada. “Not Egyptian.”

Lacey thinks. “I wonder if you’re a little Egyptian. But that’s not…your dominant set of genes.”

“Yes. That’s not what makes me look white. But it’s part of my genetics.” says Jada.

“Exactly.” says Lacey.

“Yup. Ancient Egyptians were scary.” says Skippy. “But it’s not an excuse. It’s not narcissism. Be careful.

They were just…scary.”

Will Smith laughs.

“We aren’t that bad!” says Jada to Will.

He thinks. “I don’t think so. But I know you.”

“You shouldn’t have to say that!” says Lacey.

“No. You really shouldn’t.” says Jada.

“Why does hearing that scare you?” asks Dodi Al Fayed of Will Smith. “Lacey’s being harassed. Not unladylike.”

“We didn’t enjoy taking over Ancient Egypt.” says an Islamic conqueror.

“Why!?” asks Ireland.

And at that Ireland almost has its body disemboweled by the Islamic conquerors.

“That’s a stupid question!” yells current Egypt.

A living Irishman starts crying for himself. Weeping, actually.

“Why? I’m not hurt.” says a confused Irish man.

“Jada and Lacey are both naturally really beautiful!” says a random observer. “Were they good-looking?”

“Yes. They were. Very!” says current Egypt.

“Then Lacey’s Black?” says a mediocre looking white trash American woman.

“No. She’s not.” says current Egypt.

And at that the woman pouts. Screams. Kicks things in her trailer park living room.

“Hello!” answers Ancient Africa, cheerfully.

“I’m out of dough.” says Lem.

“The Kennedys aren’t paying you enough?” asks Ancient Africa cheerfully, still.

“No. They’re making me pay them.” says Lem.

The man practically falls out of his seat. He grabs his desk, so to speak. “You have to pay them!??”

“They say they need the money for Bobby.” says Lem.

“Yeah!!!” yells the angry white trash woman in her trailer park.

“Don’t worry. I’m the way. I just need to secure a few funds.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior to evil, spoiled, evil-white-trash-America.

“They all dressed like Justin Beiber a few years ago.” says Lacey.

“That’s so ugly.” says Nils Nesheim.

“As rich as the Kardashians are, they’re grossly white trash. That’s part of why their aesthetic has declined in popularity.” says Gunhild Nesheim.

Kim Kardashian cries.

“You’re hideously white trash. Even if you’re not an idiot, hopefully.” says Lacey to Kim Kardashian.

“I cannot give you money. You must go away. Or you must go back to Egypt.” says the Ancient African man to Lem.

“Justin. She’s not picking a fight with you. This is possibly just reality.” says the CIA. Justin got upset.

“No. See…I’m very attractive. I’m just white trash. Like…I’m not less of a person.” says Kim. “Hopefully.”

“No, she’s not. She’s very attractive. Lem is that what you like now?” asks Lacey of Lem, sincerely.

“WHAT!!? I’m not as pretty as Kim Kardashian.” says JFK, freaking out. “None of us are!”

Lacey waits for Lem’s response. And so does Ancient Africa.

Demon Lem weeps.

Ancient Africa laughs at Demon Lem weeping.

Lacey can’t help but decide she wants a salad today. “How safe are Sweetgreens salads?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah. I know.” says Kim.

“No!” yells Lem.

“You thought I was old money?” Kim Kardashian asks Chris Hayes.

“Yes!!” yells all of liberal America.

“No. She’s not. She’s new money. Having a lawyer father doesn’t make you old money.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“Yes! Isn’t that obvious to you all!?” scoffs Jada Pinkett Smith.

“I agree.” says Joni Nesheim.

“Then how do we have sex with women?” asks Chris Hayes, sincerely and spontaneously on behalf of all living men.

Ancient Africa goes into mild shock. But they will recover.

anemone by slenderbodies plays.

“No. Lem I’m a Jew.” says Joseph of Egypt.

“But I don’t understand. If Lacey and Kim are both sexy in a similar way…then how do you make love to a woman?” asks an American liberal man.

“How did you imagine it was going to happen?” says Kim Kardashian.

“You’re poor. You have rats and cockroaches in your house. I’ve seen it online.” says the liberal white American man to Kim Kardashian.

“Yes. I’ve seen that!!” says the evil-white-trash woman in her trailer park.

“Is Asia jealous of Africa?” asks Kim Kardashian.

“YES!!!” yells China. “DUH!!!”

(Adult content below)

“You have to make love to their pussy!” says an American liberal man about Kim Kardashian.

Ancient Africa laughs.

“How!?” asks Lacey.

“It’s a very scary process. You have to be brave.” say American liberal men.

Trying not to laugh, “How do you make love to Lacey?” says Ancient Africa.

“You can’t.” says the woman in her trailer park.

“True!!!” yells Bobby Kennedy Junior, in exasperation. “She is impossible to have sex with.”

“I have never figured it out either. She can be very worthless that way. The best I can do is molest her.” says JFK, about Lacey Banks. “There must be some trick to it. Because Lem always figures it out, weird fucker.”

“Lem is a weird fucker for making love to Lacey?” asks Justin Beiber.

JFK laughs. “YOU MAKE JOKES!”

“No. He’s being serious.” says Kim Kardashian.

“Then how do you do it? Because Cheryl insists she wants me.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior, confused.

“I just make love to her!!” yells Lem.

“Yeah. Man…it’s not complicated.” says Kanye West. “Don’t you have balls?”

“No. I do. I checked.” says JFK in sincerity.

“See! She knows we have balls!

That’s why she is the evil one. Not us!” says JP Kennedy about Lacey.

“I know that because I am presuming you’re human males.” says Lacey.

“You cannot say that anymore!” says Liberal America to Lacey.

“I’m not sure if I agree to that.” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks her male neighbor.

“Because men have male genitalia. To say otherwise is a threat to humanity. It’s scientific heresy.” says Lacey.

“We can’t say that. We’re too poor!” he says.

“That’s ludicrous! But also, I’m not that poor!” says Lacey.

“I don’t have balls!!” yells JFK, in a rage.

“What do you have?” asks Lacey.

“I have a penis.” says JFK.

“And no balls?” says Lacey.

“No balls.” says JFK, maintaining this, for some reason.

“No balls and a penis. What comes out of the penis?” asks Lacey.

“Pee. Nothing else.” says JFK.

“So Caroline and JFK Jr. aren’t your kids?” asks Lacey.

“No. I made them!” says JFK.

“How!? You have no balls.” says Lacey.

“I made them with your semen.” says JFK, as if it’s obvious fact.

“I have no semen.” says Lacey.

“That’s true. She’s incapable of producing semen and always has been.” says God. “For all of eternity.”

“No! That hurts my feelings!!!” yells possibly all of humanity that’s less important and powerful and rich than Lacey.

“That’s where Great Britain messed-up. With Princess Kate. She’s capable of being good but she’s chosen with Lacey to be evil. Because she’s had her feelings hurt by Lacey’s innate beauty and curves. Kate looks like a man compared to Lacey. …But she’s been a hick about how she’s handled it. Instead of trying to understand the science behind it all she’s gotten all blindly self-righteous like an ignorant worked-up peasant. And it’s utterly depressing to Lacey who cares about her and to the Royal Family who loves her.

I’m sure Prince William finds Princess Kate very pretty. Pretty not mannish. And…it’s a complete baffling shitshow to sort it out.” says Piers Morgan in the afterlife.

“Let’s address the issue of Jack Kennedy’s balls.” says Ancient Africa.