“Skincare Etc.” by Lem Billings

“That’s like $400 worth of skincare?” says a reader who watches Lacey from the perfume community.

“That’s $1,350.00 worth of products. No. I’m not counting the same products twice.” says Lem. “Lacey spends thousands of Dollars on skincare each year. But she’s…low-key relatively speaking. No Botox, no lip fillers, or fillers in general. No false lashes. No trips to the dermatologist. Just…luxury skincare.”

“Yeah. And she’s trying. German Nivea not Creme de la Mer. No $400 Chanel night serums.” says a living gay man.

“Does it bother you to spend more than $200 on a skincare product?” asks a skincare expert.

“YES!” says Lacey. “That’s already slightly absurd.”

“I agree.” says a dermatologist.

“And you refuse to inject anything into your skin?” asks another dermatologist.

“Yes. I’m never doing that.” says Lacey.

“Do you even need to!?” says a reader.

“No! I look so young, relatively speaking.” says Lacey.

“What would you ideally like to be spending?” asks a perfume collector.

“$1,000 all year. Tops.” says Lacey.

“That’s not luxury skincare though.” says Dmitry.

“Exactly!” says Lacey. “It’s not as much fun, and possibly not as effective.”

“What are your favorite brands?” asks Dmitry.

“Estée Lauder, Glow Recipe, Chanel, The Ordinary, Origins, and German Nivea. Actually…Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream is good too. But I’m not a huge fan of the other Elizabeth Arden products.” says Lacey.

“Why not?” asks Mira.

“They’re just…ineffective.” says Lacey. “At least they are for me.”

“What about Sisley?” says Jan.

“It’s growing on me.” says Lacey. “It’s expensive. Or was. But maybe it’s worth it. We’ll see.”

“How much did you pay for your mask?” asks Dmitry.

“$190.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Jan.

“And I’m not convinced Chanel’s Hydra Mask isn’t just as good. But we’ll see.” says Lacey.

“Do you usually spend that much?” asks Nancy.

“Unfortunately yes.” says Lacey.

“She’s lying!” says someone.

“No. She’s not. Her skincare regime used to drive me nuts.” says Casi.

“Did it!?” says Mira.

“Yeah. She was spending even more!” says Casi.

“Which products bothered you the most?” asks Mira.

“Crème de la Mer. Chanel. Tata Harper. Estée Lauder, I guess.” says Casi.

“Why did you compare yourself to her?” asks Mira.

Later.

“She thinks like a Greatest Generation woman.” says Mira.

“No!” says Casi.

“Mmm. No. She does. She’d use Pond’s Cold Cream every night but she knows better.” says Alisha.

“Why do you care?” asks Nancy.

“About what?” asks Lacey.

“Me?” says Nancy.

“You?” says Lacey.

“As a person.” says Nancy.

Lacey thinks. “I care about everyone.”

“Our generation was like that.” says a dead woman.

“People compete.” says Casi to Lacey.

“Yes. What’s that really all about?” asks Lacey.

“We compete too.” says Lem.

“Not as much!” says a reader.

“Lacey and Elizabeth competing:

Elizabeth has a beautiful statue of herself erected. Lacey automatically gives up.

Lacey is prettier. Elizabeth automatically gives up.

Elizabeth is Queen. Lacey thinks it’s evil to even consider competing.

Lacey is supremely naturally sexy. Elizabeth chooses not to care. Lacey thinks she’s a glorious person. No, they’re both straight.

Lacey is more elegant by nature but…she gladly defers to Elizabeth on matters of taste ultimately within moral reason.

Elizabeth wears Floris. Lacey thinks Floris must be okay. Elizabeth wears Launer, Lacey loyally wears Launer as her highest luxury choice. Elizabeth wears Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream so Lacey wholeheartedly respects the product too.

They might have known each other in person easily had Lacey been born earlier. Would they have competed? No more than what you just read.” says Lem.

“What are we doing?” says Lacey to Casi. “What’s the idea of the competition?”

“You’re supposed to be better than her.” says Alisha.

“What do you mean?” says Lacey.

“Umm…so those products are better…so so are you.” says Casi.

“That’s all weird.” says Lacey. “Why wouldn’t you just want the best stuff?”

“Yeah.” says Alisha.

“Holy crap!” says an Italian reader.

They think.

“So you don’t know?” says the Italian reader.

“Know what?” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Know what?” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“We’re impressed.” says the Italian woman.

“By what?” says Lacey.

“By your perfume choices!” says Jan.

“All of them!?” says Lacey.

“Yeah. All of them!” says an English reader.

“Well…they’re just my choices.” says Lacey.

“Do you even understand what we’re talking about?” asks Casi.

“Not necessarily.” says Lacey.

“How’s dinner?” asks Casi.

“It’s in the oven.” says Lacey.

“What is it?” asks a perfume collector.

“Cauliflower with a tomato sauce, a fresh salad with mushrooms, and French bread. As a start.” says Lacey.

“Baked cauliflower?” asks a chef.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“What seasonings?” he asks.

“Garlic, onion, black pepper and salt.” says Lacey.

“With olive oil?” he says.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“You’re a good cook.” he says.

“Not necessarily as good as some people, but thank you.” says Lacey.

“So…these people all want to be the best. And they use skincare products to signal their superiority.” the chef explains.

“Do they care how expensive it is? Or what’s the impressive thing?” says Lacey.

“No. I hear you.” he says.

Later.

“Why did you compete with us?” asks Mira.

“Did I the right way?

If I did at all…I guess because I got tired of being pushed around.” says Lacey.

“How do you mean, pushed around?” asks Dmitry.

“People expecting me to be extremely nice all of the time and never get credit for anything.” says Lacey.

“I relate to that.” says Dmitry.

“What did you think was competitive?” asks Casi.

Lacey thinks. “Buying so many bottles. And buying new Chanel and Guerlain. Possibly just spending a lot, relatively speaking.” says Lacey.

“So your aesthetic isn’t or wasn’t originally meant to be competitive!” asks a perfume collector.

“Not necessarily competitive. Possibly competitive.” says Lacey.

“No. It’s competitive.” says a perfume collector.

“How?” asks Lacey.

“I would think it is.” says Nancy.

“How?” says Lacey.

“You’re so cold.” says the perfume collector.

“How?” asks Lacey. “I was so friendly.”

“Hold on! She was!” says Casi.

“Yes. I really tried.” says Lacey.

“Oh FUCK!!” yells Casi.

“You weren’t cold?” asks a perfume collector of Lacey.

“No. I was nice.” says Lacey.

“She was.” says another perfume collector.

“So you’re just that way all of the time?” asks the perfume collector who assumed she was competing.

“When I’m dressed.” says Lacey, sincerely.

Lem takes the phone.

“No. She’s being honest.” says Lem.

“Yes. If I’m just wearing sweats I’m not like that.” says Lacey. “But otherwise I’m like that.”

“So that’s not your act?” says a perfume collector.

“No. I mean…it’s just what I like.” says Lacey.

“So Brooks Brothers is casual to you?” says a perfume collector.

“Yes.” says Lacey. “For women’s wear. Not all clothes are as casual as others.”

“What’s casual to you?” asks Casi.

“What’s formal to you?” asks a perfume collector.

“What’s competitive to you?” asks a perfume collector.

“What I said. Having lots of bottles, or expensive bottles, possibly.” says Lacey. “Too competitive is something else.”

“You aren’t competitive.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“No. I hate competing. I think.” says Lacey.

“So you’re just always like this.” says Nancy.

“Yes. I’m more old lady and haughty in person around people I trust.” says Lacey. “I tone it down and hide it. I have my whole life.”

“What’s it like actually being that way?” asks Nancy.

“What do you mean?” asks Lacey.

“Why Covergirl Navy?” laughs Marji.

“I loved their commercials when I was 6. I wanted to be just like those ladies when I grew up. And I loved the color combination of navy and white. I bought a navy blue and white comforter just because of that perfume. I loved that perfume.” says Lacey.

“It’s a classic color combination.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

Silence.

“Does having a maid seem extravagant to you?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“Slightly. But…it’s more about a fear of offending them.” says Lacey.

“I don’t know you.” says Nancy.

“What do you mean?” says Lacey.

“You’re different than I assumed. And I’m realizing now what an ass I made of myself.” says Nancy.

“What do you mean?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“How do you relate to her?” asks Nancy.

“She reminds me of a lot of classy, old Black American women I have met in life. Some of them are dead now. But…she’s not unlike them.” he says. “I think…as crazy as it sounds…it’s like those episodes of The Cosby Show when Dr. Huxtable has rich white friends over for dinner parties…and you see them interacting like real equals. And maybe it’s just a New York City thing. Because…Lem lived Manhattan and I know Lacey fits in there. They’re like that. And I know New York City.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“What the fuck did you expect me to say…when you told me you were thinking of buying a mansion on Summit Avenue?” Nancy says to Lacey.

“What did you really want to say?” says Lacey.

Nancy cries.

“Why are you crying?” asks Lacey.

Casi laughs.

“Dammit!” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“She has no idea!” says Casi.

“What are you talking about?” says Lacey.

“Okay. So…somehow if I’m a reincarnated countess I know what real wealth feels like. And I’m not shocked that you have no idea why she’s crying.” says Casi. “Lacey…oh my word! Their life is terrible.”

“It doesn’t look terrible.” says Lacey.

“What the fuck? What did you think our financial situation was like?” asks Nancy.

“I’m not a liar.“ says Lacey.

“Oh shit!” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“So…this is what it looked like:

Your husband makes $60,000 to $80,000 a year. You’re a housewife. You grew-up in a suburb. Outside of Philadelphia or maybe Newark. …You had little debt. You saved. You’re both Trump fans, secretly at least. You’re both very Catholic.

You could have easily bought a house. For over $300,000.00. But you were like us and you were saving for a big down payment. Or you just…were a few years away from being able to buy a house.” says Lacey.

“Well…that’s somewhat true.” says her husband.

“Then why are you crying?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah. It makes no sense to us.” says Lem. “You’re going to be very creeped out or you’re gonna find this illuminating, but we really are Greatest Generation people Nancy, so she really doesn’t understand why you’re upset. She would like to, but she really doesn’t get it.“

“What do you mean?” asks Nancy.

“OK well, like I said, you’re either gonna be creeped out or find it illuminating in a good way. Ahh what she was looking for whether she knew it or not was me.

I sold shoes, I was a door-to-door salesman. I was on scholarship at Choate and her way of seeing that is not something people today would understand necessarily at all. she looks at it from the lens of what’s appropriate. Sincerely, what’s appropriate? Because her father was a very wealthy man she was raised very well. If her mother Rita had been interacting with her, Lacey would’ve had impeccably good manners, and very particular tastes about certain things and she does, but it would’ve been even more so I mean, we’re generation that wore hats and gloves, and Lacey would’ve been wearing them in public all the time it’s like second nature to her it it actually is weird to Lacey to not have those things on which sounds strange but that’s what she was wired to do as an adult that’s not pretax that’s who we are.

So in a sense it’s like, is it appropriate for me to be with him considering the financial status of his family and sincerely it really is like a matter of decorum and propriety and decency. That sounds ridiculous but that’s the way she sees it. I may doesn’t sound ridiculous to me, or anyone else from my generation but that’s him that’s how she sees it and I think to someone from Reno who is the father was not born in 1894 as her father was whether that’s by birth or because her father is determined that she should be his That’s her father and it’s influenced her mind. I am the real people of her generation of my generation really thought very differently. I mean no Lacey‘s kids, or their fathers you know a millennial, and if I’m their father, it’s done in a way that science cannot detect and is possibly far more complex than I would suggest anyone contemplate at this time for their own safety

That being said she loves me I I’m her everything her whole world revolves around me in a way that most women today probably don’t perceive their husbands arm. It’s very different and I love it but it’s it’s very different, and it was very common in our generation, and so that since she’s not a snob at all, there’s no competition between us, I’m her head her everything I’m her husband. She submits to me daily like it’s breathing it’s not a forced submission.

So you’re going to hear a story you’ve heard before it’s very cliché. Let’s say that I started out, not making a lot of money and we lived in or an apartment somewhere in Manhattan that wasn’t very expensive and our father had to help us and when the baby came he really had to help us, that is her perspective it’s not it’s not shameful to her to be poor if you’re a good person and you’re honorable and you’re decent and you’re hard-working it’s not a shameful thing to her Nancy she thinks it’s far more shameful to lie at some lying, maybe is permissible to an extent it’s not like the end of the world but consistently lie in the way that you did because I’m pretty sure you did, and do is very shameful to her you don’t act you don’t fake it till you make it that’s despicable and this is just it’s just disgusting to her.” says Lem.

“ I just assume stupidly that that was her being a mean girl and now I’m realizing that that was just a stupid assumption that was just a very backward assumption I was feeling her whole family that raised her things that way too, but she internalized it in a different way there they’re probably very snobby about it I don’t think she was trying to be snobby necessarily I think she was upset and she legitimately thought we were doing was evil and disgusting.” says a New Yorker.

“ how is it not the reason our country is in financial distress the reason that we are so poor and indebted to Vladimir Putin is because our whole culture is is like that where you fake it till you make it no and I I don’t hate it I’m sorry I’m still trying to figure out why you were crying but it’s just it’s it’s disturbing to me and I see it on an individual level and lots of people and I don’t quite understand why you think that way. What did you want to say to me when I told you that?” says Lacey.

“To go fuck yourself.” says Nancy.

“ OK and then do what? block me?” asks Lacey.

“ oh, you guys are assholes or dumbasses. Her father was really friends with me.” says William Buckley.

“ no Lacey would’ve been a friend of mine to some degree not close friend but a friend. Sincerely, that’s my generation and I would’ve gotten along with her. We went to been close but we would’ve been unfriendly terms possibly at times I would’ve confided in her cause I would’ve thought she could handle it and she can’t obviously so I’m just tell her what pisses you off it’s not offensive to her and if that’s offensive why is that offensive?” says Ayn Rand.

“ I was conservative my parents were Republicans. I just kept my mouth shut.” says Lem.

“ do you think I’m just a sissy for giving a shit?” says Nancy.

“ why are you so why do you care you’re I grew up hearing things like this to Nancy you were right my family is very very into that. I don’t understand why you care so much you’re your security rest in Christ your identity rest in Christ your sense of self is immortal. If you get it right why do you care other than for I mean you seem like you had your needs, but it is like you were starving. You were well dressed. You looks like you had good skin care I don’t know why you would be so upset.” says Lacey.

“ I hear you, Lacey.” says Ayn Rand.

“ I so oh crap I could’ve just said go fuck yourself in the block to you and you would’ve thought wow that’s interesting and that’s all?” says Nancy.

“ I would’ve thought that was very dignified and brave of you to be that honest. Why didn’t you just say that I don’t the truth is I don’t understand entirely why that’s your reaction but it’s an interesting reaction. What what was that made you that angry?” says Lacey.

Casi laughs.

“ why are you laughing?” says Nancy.

“ because I might be able to see both perspectives if there’s being carnation and I get why she say what she saying she’s really not a bad person. She just doesn’t understand and you’re gonna have to be a hell of a lot more direct. It’s perverse the way you thought she was reading your mind. She’s not reading your mind at all in that way. She reads you, but not like not like not like you thought she was it’s far more objective, and it actually is compassionate but it’s not. It’s not what you thought so just be direct.” says Casi.

“ well, what were you like? Why were you like why were you making fun of me?” says Nancy.

“ I wasn’t making fun of you. I was calling your bluff because your bluff was becoming obnoxious. You were a disgustingly competitive person you were constantly copping me and I was sick of it so I thought you know that I am going to call her bluff and explain reality to her and very nice terms. I wasn’t a bitch to you. I was honest if I was a bitch I’m sorry and I expected you to just serve snap out of it and get it and back off.” says Lacey.

“ what would that look like?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“ I am well probably her just saying some thing like I think you should probably do whatever you need to do. I’ve personally don’t want to leave my husband even though we’re not in the best marriage, but it isn’t just for financial reasons I mean that’s part of it, but that’s certainly not the main reason and I don’t know how to give you advice because we have a very different financial situation than you my husband makes a decent living but we’re never going to be probably owning a mansion so I don’t have this sort of dichotomy where it’s like I could leave and live in middle class life or I could stay and be a millionaire I don’t have I don’t have that option of of you know having a private income someday or inheritance so I don’t have any idea how to give you advice right now I’m just thankful that we’re doing as well as we are and I’m looking forward to the thought that maybe will own a house in the next few years.” says Lacey.

“ fuck no and then I just decided not to do that I mean I sort of said that but then I turned around and acted like we were millionaires and they made it sound like OK so your impression was that we were basically just middle-class and that we were wise with our money and what did I tell you through my actions?” says Nancy.

“ I couldn’t tell what was going on you became psychotically obsessive in your competition with me it was obnoxious. And you probably ruined your finances, trying to seem glamorous. And then that left me wondering what the hell was going on I thought either I’m way off and her husband makes 120 to 30,000 a year and I have no idea why they’re living the way they’re living but it seems like there was some kind of misunderstanding on my part, and I have to figure out what that was, but it’s I was almost convinced that you’d still come from a poor background because you did but but that being said, I thought it was possible that you come that you were doing better than that I thought him or it was like well what the hell is going on with this woman? Why is she buying a rent to own house essentially with wasps in the walls spending thousands of dollars trying to look up her middle class just just to piss me off that isn’t gonna piss me off, it did piss me off but not in a way where I felt threatened it was more like what the fuck is this woman thinking she’s living in a shit hole spending thousands of dollars on heat that she can’t afford that’s psychotic.” says Lacey.

“ see you thought I was either bat shit crazy I still think you probably wonder that you thought I was either bat shit crazy, or that you were somehow mistaken?” says Nancy.

“ yes exactly I’m still I’m still superior to you socially but I couldn’t. I thought maybe I was mistaken.” says Lacey.

“ what I wanted to be better than you I did, I did.” says Nancy.

“ you know OK but that’s absurd. There’s no way you could ever do that until you’re in heaven and actually I don’t even think I have it that’s possible Nancy why the hell would you even think that’s possible it could be better than me you’re worthless piece of shit socially compared to me you have crap taste no you’re a moron to compete with me.” says Lacey.

“ no she’s just right and what the hell do you want us to say?” says Betty White.

“ oh yeah I probably am a moron to even in my last life. They really are superior Nancy. I’m sorry you lost the Spanish war with Great Britain.” says Casi.

“You guys did lose get over it.” says Dr. Moritz.

“ then how was I supposed to be your friend?” says Nancy.

“ because they don’t care Nancy they’re actually superior in some way that to them is arbitrary until it’s like well there’s a fallen world someone superior sorry I guess we are they don’t care in that way. You’re the greatest generation, sweetie they’re not holding you accountable for the fact that you’re poor why the fuck were you so obsessed with that?” says a dead Black man.

“ did people like me ever bother being your friend in high school?” says Nancy.

“ no they were completely intimidated by her, which was sane.” says Dr. Bartolotta.

“ how to how do they perceive you?” says Nancy.

“ sweetie she’s way out of our league. Why the fuck did you think you were batting in the same ballpark with her” says one of them.

“ I will think it’s classist. I think that’s just reality cat Nancy and I’m wondering if you actually have a delusional disorder sweetie why can’t you just accept the fact that it doesn’t really make sense to think you’re on the same level as a woman whose father was friends with William F Buckley and whose family owns one of the largest oil reserves in the whole world? Why would you think that you’re on her level what is so equal about you to her but why don’t you tell us what makes you were equal Nancy instead of crying and not explaining yourself what makes you her equal?” asks the CIA.

“ I had a $400 ring she had a $10,000 ring but maybe my ring is worth closer to seven or $800 who is Art Deco?” says Nancy

“ I think you might be mentally ill oh, I do Nancy I think you might be mentally ill.

Hey there, you don’t seem to understand there are a lot of people with Art Deco rings Nancy it doesn’t really prove something that you discover the art deco. You can’t improve yourself like in a movie and make yourself my equal that’s not possible there’s no way to societally do that that’s an a lot of old movies. It’s an a lot of newbies like pretty women, but she never actually becomes an aristocrat. She just becomes his wife and he’s just a lawyer and they’re just rich. I think you read about a lot of people who are prostitutes and then married up but I can say that from my perspective is Lacey banks I would’ve looked down on those women, a lot of swans I’m just being honest with you and I would’ve had a right to. I’m Dutch old money. They would’ve been lucky if I acknowledge them and they know that yeah I am superior to this one sweetie that you admire is that something and you actually talk to me, maybe can you compete with Slim Keith because she’s beneath me.” says Lacey Banks.

“ yeah she’s been with me too and all actuality she’s beneath the sea eighth. Does that makes it to any of them the Nesheim slightly those people were very impressive and they have a name but they’re not actually the people who really understand they’re not as authentically impressive as you think, Lacey would love to like those women. I don’t think she hates them but if she’s being cold about it and calculating an honest, no as far as she can see there beneath her, I need she could’ve actually married Michael Rockefeller for real you were talking to a man who could’ve been a Rockefeller literally which maybe isn’t as impressive as it used to be or maybe it is, but she was part of a generation that was still very impressive and she’s not a prostitute. I don’t know that he would’ve been that particular or maybe he would’ve been but that’s beside the point in some ways the point is, she’s not she’s not who you thought she was somebody she’s not who she thought she was but you can’t compete with these people that’s insane you don’t you you can’t inherit a title from Scotland you can’t have a family that came over on the mayflower like mind, you can’t do certain things like that Nancy through wearing the right clothes and having the right manners and showing off and seeming fabulous that’s not reality that’s a movie and I think being poor growing up as you were and in part of the part of Philadelphia, that was really downtrodden you became escapist and you developed a sort of view of reality that you could do that if you lost the weight and you got you know your masters or some thing and you had a no surgeries on your face I think you thought you could somehow really make it, especially if you stopped acting like you were Hispanic, and pretended to be Italian which you do you pretend to be an Italian woman.

But that’s insane and your perception of reality where you think you have a right to it is while you’re possibly a little mentally ill you don’t have a right to be superior to the Kennedys Nancy, even that you don’t have a right to be superior to Queen Elizabeth, a lot of the people in the perfume community I think think they have a right, some sort of God-given right to be superior to them What is that based on other than psychosis?” says Lem.

“ do you know I think a beats me up is that she’s actually reasonably well off worldwide relatively speaking I think they have a pretty stable life and I don’t understand why she’s trying to be superior to like the most elite people in the world it’s sort of absurd.” says Lacey.

“ do you like Hispanic seem that way to you?” says a Hispanic woman.

“ a lot of Hispanics are that way specifically to her. Do you wanna make something of it?” says Lem.

“ that’s it that’s not funny she’s right that’s totally fucked up.” says Egypt.

“ do you guys have a problem with Jews and Egyptians and other people from the Middle East?” asks an Iranian.

“ I got into the occult OK you probably know that somehow I got really into the occult.” says Nancy.

“ yeah I know I am intuitive that no Nancy there’s no way for you to get power about Christ there’s no way for you to sort of like take over the whole world by crying so I would suggest that I mean I doubt it anyway unless if you’re the antichrist and I kind of doubt that so just what OK sorry no I just why did you think that I am trying to understand your psychosis like why do you suppose that you’re you told me once that your dream was to work for TCM and be their host and I suspect you thought you were capable of that why do you think that?” says Lacey.

“ you’re a lot prettier than me, but for you it’s completely natural your mannerisms are in studied. Mine are I’m completely fake I sound like a poor person or not particularly sophisticated person maybe not even a particularly intelligent person probably from Pennsylvania.

I mean, why do I think it’s my right? I probably because I saw it in the movie probably because I’m ignorant an American and a lot of people are and so we have this extreme confidence and sense of self efficacy where we think we can just do anything and we really believe that and so it’s like no I can do anything I want, I just put my mind to it and yeah I did watch a lot of movies they gave me that impression I think I had this idea that if I got into modeling if I just struck it right and figured out how to do it, I can Soho make it work because I do have a masters degree And I think I thought you know I’m a masters degree I photograph well and I really do love old movies so if I could just you know sort of play my cards right I could get that job is it really a hard job to get?” says Nancy.

“ why do you want the job Nancy it’s a prestigious job. The people who have had that job are very highly intelligent. People are usually intelligent, unusually gifted people who have great insight into film. They’re like experts.” says Brian Duffield.

“ you’re a screenwriter?” asks the Illuminati.

“ yeah and I was friends with Lacey when you were in college she had a crush on me. We’re still friends on some social media website.” says Brian Duffield.

“ I’m not even sure if he could get that job Nancy how do you feel like it’s a very coveted position.” says Lacey.

“ to be honest my generation, and sound, or the greatest generation, but my generation, the silent generation, gave away a lot of those jobs to women that we were sleeping with, and maybe some men and it gave a lot of people like you the wrong impression.” says a dead television host.

“ so that’s interesting that you thought you could get that job that was ridiculous to me when you told me that sweetie I can’t tell you things that you want to hear I don’t want you to kill yourself if you’re reading this but I don’t want you to think that I can’t tell you what you want to hear Nancy you’re I mean you’re beneath me OK in the eyes of God you’re not it’s not sick to say that in the eyes of God you’re not do the eyes of Christ he sees us as equals but then we are equals you’re not better than me so you’re never going to be better than me and you know to be perfectly honest even if you were, I don’t think you’d find it as satisfying as you think you would let me ask you what is it that you imagine happening if you actually became better than me for real?” says Lacey.

“ call yes no she’s right I’m never going to be with Jack and what I live was a total mistake but if I could’ve actually been in love with him, and I actually knew it was happening at the time and God actually allowed homosexuality in heaven no, he would be totally sick of me the Kennedys claimed I was obsessed with them. They don’t understand my personality and they thought it was obsessed with Bobby know it wasn’t him if he was capable of really making me fall in love with him. No, he would’ve regretted ever talking to me if he wasn’t really capable of loving me, and I don’t think he actually is there they really don’t understand I was the I thought I was gay I wasn’t gay so if they actually were to actually help me either way, Lacey does know I don’t think they’d want me. I don’t think they’d be as happy as they think they’d be, and I’m sure God has tried to explain that to them and that’s part of why they’re evil is because they don’t want to hear it.

So what is it that you imagine happening if you were actually superior to Lacey if you could really just walk onto the side of TCM and say I want the job and they give it to you like that what do you imagine being different for yourself Nancy?” says Lem.

“ no I’m curious to hear this too.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“ OK OK I’m wondering if it would just be bored.” says Nancy.

“ how much do you actually enjoy being what you pretend to be because you’d have to be that all the time that would have to be what you pull up being Nancy actually, you have to be better than that the person you pretend to be isn’t superior to me so you’d essentially have to be a very well bred British aristocrats, and you’d have to be very proper and incredibly dignified and disciplined. There’s no one better than me than that almost ever I’m sorry.” says Lacey.

“ that doesn’t sound like much fun.” says Nancy.

“ oh, no, it could be great fun, but is it really like that you’d actually want to live?” says Lacey.

“ you’re superior to the mafia socially?” says Nancy.

“ yes absolutely Thomas superior to a socially he may not have been as powerful as we were well that’s debatable but no it’s Bryn Seay. How you look at it Nancy I mean what are you trying to do right now start a war between us and him?” asks the Mafia.

“ call think I wanted to be myself and still be superior but that’s not really possible and I’m realizing that I am is disrespectful of reality extra Adam with no it’s just it’s not possible it’s not that it’s fake it’s it’s fake but it’s just it’s also impossible so on that note no maybe it’s not all that great yeah I think I want to the glory of heaven without having to go through the difficulty of earth. And not like oh, you know your life is hell type of earth, but like more like not having to be a middle class just skyrocketing straight to heaven being your social equal while I was on earth.” says Nancy.

“ yeah yeah and I don’t know what to say to you I mean I that’s just how it goes as much as I am superior to Nancy I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you’re happier than I am I mean you’ve had love I’m pretty sure you and your husband have been in love I’m sorry you had cancer but no I’m pretty sure you’ve had a happier life so I mean I’m not getting that back I don’t I don’t get a refund on that one. You know I’m having it all sort of gets ironed out but it’s not like while we’re here it does necessarily mean, I think some Christians would say that it should but I don’t really know how possible that is so I’m just like you know I mean for me it’s too much and I have sort of checked out is so special superiors I am not being loved is awful. And I mean how stupid and cliché is it right? It’s like I’m superior, but then my fathers dead, and my life is awful. They don’t make enough movies about that there’s a few but not many because I think that’s a harsh truth that not a lot of people wanna deal with that there’s very few people in this world that are ever really that happy. And but I think you’ve done very well. I mean you’re seemingly stable you’re at it seems like you’re doing well and it’s like you were in love and you’re pretty even if you’re not so Pierier to me you’re superior to some people and I would be careful not to get you know heartless about that so it’s not like you had nothing and I think you just gotta except unfortunately that that’s just how it goes you’re not going to be slim Keith’s you know patroness. It or it Queen Elizabeth’s rival at the end of chitchat club. And I don’t know if anyone could really have been her rival. Maybe Margaret but I don’t think very many people could’ve been if anyone and no I don’t know if anyone could really be patroness them kids so somethings to start possible maybe you know Anne that’s where I think you have to be thankful for being as fortunate as you are.” says Lacey.

“ hey what is that like being at the top?” says Nancy.

“ it’s quite a view. The view is pretty fantastic. It’s probably the psychological equivalent of like climbing Mount Everest slightly so that’s cool there’s a it’s a great perspective you get to see a lot of the big picture other than that I’m not sure if I could be moral and be poor and happy with them. I don’t know that I would if I don’t know that I would care to be honest really if I yeah if I could be if I could see if I could take care of my kids and be middle-class and be with them and it’s still us no I don’t think I would probably care I would choose that in a heartbeat, so if I could live your life and be myself and have them be my husband with your husbands income no and no I would’ve I would use that that’s not what happened to me and I know I love the perspective I love the view of my kids or my kids my money is my money unless if God says otherwise himself no I’m very thankful for what I have and what I have is mine as much as God says it is but but there’s nothing that could make up for people and no there’s no way to make up for him. There’s a way to make up for it so it’s a nice view.” says Lacey.

“ I think you’re despicable.” says one of her friends.

“ why is that?” says Lacey.

“I don’t how don’t have a reason. It just feels really good to say it.” says Nancy.

“ Nancy, are you slightly mentally ill?” asks the Assyrian Empire.

“ people have said that about me.” says Nancy.

“ I do you take medication for it?” asks Lacey.

“ oh fuck!” says Casi.

“ I possibly should be but now I don’t.” says Nancy.

“ so what is your fixation with Lacey for some reason where is Ariana this today? I don’t know why what is your fixation with Lacey Nancy?” asks Alex Trebek.

“ and you know Nancy who you remind me of us is Beatrice Dance.” says Lacey.

“ who is Beatrice dance?” asks someone.

“ a woman who is fixated on F Scott Fitzgerald, who had very large hands, and he thought that her accent or some thing about her, and the hands were just the most romantic combination. Somehow I think she was pretty, but she had big hands, and then she think she had some sort of southern accent, or some thing and he just went gaga for her and she became probably someone obsessed with him. She did up in the hospital because she almost committed suicide over him. I think that you hurt me and I don’t know how to get rid of you. I don’t hate you, Nancy but it’s like I can’t make myself someone different than who I am for you or Jack and I don’t know what to do with you to help you and I don’t think you’d be as confused as you are now if he hadn’t somehow taken some sort of liking to you, I don’t think you should have done that, and so really at the end of the day if he did even though he’s a ghost that’s between you and him and as much as I can or should I wash my hands of it if you end up dealing with him in someway that I don’t understand I pray for his safety, but that was his choice and maybe he never did actually take a liking to you, but if he did, that is up to you and him to sort through and I’m sick of it.” says Lacey.

“ I think that’s wise St Paul is still hers Nancy really in a sense I think as big of a deal as Scott his Louis was a far more influential person, and he does not like you can either do Zelda for understandable reasons.” says Hemingway.

“We will edit this.” says Grandpa Pantell.

“What the fuck?” says Nancy.

“I’m in love.” says Scott Fitzgerald.