“Jack Was Not Straight” by K. LeMoyne Billings

(April 29th)

Jack Kennedy was bisexual.

I’d say he was gay. But he wasn’t.

Flow by Crooked Colours plays.

Jack Kennedy loved my homosexual attention. I wasn’t a homosexual. But I tried to be. And I was unhappy and suicidal my whole life but…I tried to be. I fervently believed I was very likely a homosexual. And I hated it. I hated being what I believed was homosexual. But Jack loved it. Because Jack was not…I repeat: Jack was not a heterosexual.

It’s not just salacious gossip. It’s not just Republican nonsense.

Here’s proof:

Jack responds to my sexualized fawning. It’s insincere bullshit. But I also really did service him and never get anything in return. That’s not just gossip. He asked me to do it to relieve his “tensions.” He made me, actually. And I hated him and hated it but…he didn’t care.

What do I mean by responds? He gets emotionally high off of it. You can hear it in his voice in the recording of us. I’m cold, distant and annoyed and patronizing. But he’s oblivious to it and instead focuses solely on my sexualized fawning.

And that’s…not…straight.

Casi used to fawn over Lacey. On Instagram. Whenever Lacey would post a photo of herself, especially. And it…*Lem laughs* really annoyed Lacey. She wondered if Casi was insane, high or retarded. Or at times she wondered if she’d miscalculated Casi and Casi was actually a really good hearted person who was trying to help her. Like just as a friend. Because Lacey has been so neglected and bullied that she…thought maybe Casi had intuited that and was trying to sort of stand-up for her. In case there were haters watching who had decided to start attacking Lacey that Casi knew of but Lacey didn’t.

However, Lacey was far from enamored or aroused by it. It didn’t make Lacey happy. It made her feel bad for Casi, because she assumed Casi’s empathy had been born out of bullying she’d likely experienced herself. Or she thought Casi was…loud. It’s just not her thing. She’s completely heterosexual and totally not a narcissist.

And actually a female narcissist…has the same reaction. If she’s heterosexual. She’s not aroused and…she’s flattered…but not…made high and happy off of it.

You can’t turn someone gay by fawning over them, despite what the Kennedys claim otherwise. That’s impossible. And it’s very backward to think that in 2024.

The men are the same as the women. They aren’t aroused or made high off sexualized homosexual fawning. Straight people, narcissistic or not, never enjoy homosexual sex. And sexualized fawning isn’t pleasurable or even necessarily particularly pleasant to them. It’s actually very annoying.

Lacey has a bisexual female friend who confessed her bisexuality to Lacey in college. And so Lacey quietly distanced herself from her. They’re still on speaking terms but they’re not at all close. Would a narcissist be different? No!!

There’s a sad myth that heterosexual narcissists like homosexuality…especially men…but that’s utter rubbish. Absolute bullshit.

Could you get confused? Yes!! …But…you can’t actually be aroused by the same gender and be straight. It’s impossible.

And Jack Kennedy wanted me around. He wanted homosexuals as friends. Not just me! (Not that I was a real homosexual.) And bisexuals too. Maybe bisexuals, especially.

Jack Kennedy got high off homosexuality. Whether it was mutually experienced by his participant or not. He wanted me to want him. He wanted men to want him. He sincerely loved homosexual male attention. He showed genuine public appreciation for it. Real straight people never do that.

What the fuck is this?

How is that not homosexual!??

Come on!! Get real!

No. Straight narcissists don’t get high off of homosexual fawning. They get a narcissistic refuel. But they don’t get high. They don’t become happy in some…sexually intimate way. Jack did. Every time. Even though I was fake.

For example:

I say, “Jack! Gracias!

When will I see you?”

He gets instantly high. You can feel it. His voice changes. “Ahh. Tell you what. It’s 3:30. I’ll be done and ready to see you in…three hours. Just wait until then by a phone.”

“Jack. I don’t think I can. I’m not near a phone now.” I say. And then through learned fear of one of his reprisals, “Jack! Let’s be honest. I’m a bad guy. I’m not good at organizing things.

Just be a good buddy and tell me what to, man!”

“Okay! Ahh…you can count on me. I’m the man.

I want you to go to your house and I’ll call you in exactly three hours. Don’t just try to wander around by all telephones hoping I’ll call one of them before you die. Go home! And sit there.

I’m sure you’ll masturbate to thoughts of me while you’re waiting. And that’s okay for now.

Ahh…just slap yourself silly for being a pervert. And then apologize to me for thinking you could be with me. And I’ll forgive you.” says Jack Kennedy, completely sincerely and seriously.

“Oh okay! Sounds good! I love you forever! You’re the best person to ever exist!!! I mean it! I swear I do.” says I, patronizingly. But he doesn’t notice.

“Yeah. Okay!” says Jack, believing me.

“Say, Jack…I’ll talk to you later.” I say.

“Sure whatever!” he says.

“Bye!

Fuck you!” I whisper sincerely, not sure he’ll hear me.

He barely hears me but slightly does. “Man! You’re in a funky mood dude!” he says laughing as he hangs up.

That’s pretty close to our actual conversations.

Here’s how a straight narcissist would react:

“Hello! Lover…when shall I see you?” I say.

“Ahhh…Lem. Why are you calling me?” asks straight Jack, annoyed.

“I’m trying to see you at some point this afternoon. Remember?” says Lem, me.

“Oh. Yeah.” says heterosexual he. “Ahh…just call Jackie. Okay? I’m extremely busy!”

“But your highness…I’ve been planning your company for weeks. I need to know when you’re going to Cape Cod.” says I.

“Ha!

Man. It’s been forever, Lem!

Okay. Look…just show-up at my house. And stay there. And in the next week I’ll show-up. I can’t promise you anything more, you faggot.” he says, laughing at me joyfully.

“Ha! Okay.” says I. “I’ll see you later!”

That’s us. That’s why he’s not straight.

He wasn’t a heterosexual. Real heterosexuals don’t have tensions they need help relieving from their same sex friends. That’s impossible. They don’t take photos where they pose with girls they hope their friends will sleep with so they can share them.

Some of what Mr. Quirk says is true. It’s not all true but a lot of it might be.

Katharine Hepburn wasn’t necessarily straight either.

There are lots of lies in the Quirk book. But a part of it is real. And he might have done that intentionally. You make part of it completely absurd to hide the truth safely. It’s a clever technique.

Lots people don’t understand how bad my life was. I’m sorry. I was actually a heterosexual. And my existence is…better than it was when I was alive…but worse at the same time. Watching Lacey suffer has been close to Hell. And what’s worse is that she doesn’t know or believe that. She can’t imagine anyone caring that much about her anymore. She just can’t imagine it.

“She can’t imagine it?” asks a reader.

No. She can’t imagine how it’s possible.

“Not even her kids?” asks a reader.

No. Her kids are different. But they’re her kids. I mean as an equal or even a parent.

“Didn’t Elizabeth love her?” asks a reader.

Yes. But her remaining family has almost totally ruined that memory. They’re cucks to Liberal America, in my experience. I’m sorry. Most elites are divided between closeted, enraged conservatives and open, condescending Liberals. The Royal Family is now mainly Liberal, it seems. We still love them but they aren’t…sure why, I guess.

“So she just can’t understand it anymore.” says a reader.

Yup!

“Why?” asks a reader.

Because it makes no sense to her.

“Why?” asks the reader.

Because she can’t hear me. The evil Illuminati, we’ll call it, has cut me off. Because Bobby demanded it. And so they did it. And demons cheered it on. Although they’re regretting it today. The demons are.

“So she can’t hear love for her? At all!??” asks the reader.

“Not like that.

She hears worship.

But she doesn’t hear love.

She has no idea why anyone would love her.” says Lem.

“I thought she was only kidding!!!” says JFK, from the past.

“No. That’s real confusion.” says a demon.

“But how does she see the other side!??” shrieks JFK, in profound horror.

“That’s her genius.” says a demon. “You don’t know that?”

Jack thinks.

“Lacey!

You don’t know why men care?” asks JFK, nervously.

“Not necessarily.” she says very calmly.

“But you’re depressingly beautiful!” says JFK.

She blinks.

“Okay. But you are!!” he says.

She looks confused.

“No!!! You’re too smart for this!!!” says JFK.

She blinks.

“But you’re so beautiful!!!” he says.

“Yes.

But who cares!?” says Lacey.

“You know that men like that.” he says.

“Nope. Jack you’ve demanded I think it’s totally meaningless.” says Lacey. “You’ve obsessively completely ruined that.”

“So it means nothing!??” says JFK, in horror.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” asks Lacey. “So yes. Who cares? It’s a reputation thing. But nothing else.”

“But Lem loves your beauty!” says JFK.

Lacey blinks.

“NO!!!! He does!!!” yells JFK.

Lacey blinks.

“You can’t understand that in your brain anymore?” asks JFK.

She blinks.

“Barely.” she says.

“That’s not insanity. It’s actually very sane. And very logical.” says a demon.

“But she’s literally one of the most beautiful women to ever exist!!!” says JFK.

“So?! Your stinky ass and your literal poop on a dinner plate meant more to evil humans. For dinner. Than my beauty.” says Lacey.

“They eat my shit?” asks JFK.

“Yes. And vomit. And sometimes die.

But that’s what they wanted, nigga!” says Lacey.

Hush by The Marías plays.

“Okay! You’re funny!

But I’m serious!!” says JFK.

Lacey shrugs.

“But you don’t cease to exist!! And you’re still that beautiful!” says JFK, in a panic.

“Jack. What does that even mean?” asks Lacey.

Jack thinks. “You really don’t know?”

“It’s foggy.” says Lacey.

“How bad is this!?!?” shrieks Satan to God.

“You recall male desire!??” yells JFK.

“Barely.” says Lacey.

“But men want you all the time!!!!” yell Satan and Jack in horror.

“So!?!?” says Lacey.

“I’ve made that meaningless!” says JFK.

“It’s a fart.” says Lacey.

“Then why are we alive?” says Jack.

“I plan to end the world when I die.” says Lacey. “Look, when I say that I mean in regard to me.”

“But that’s not true!!! It’s why I hate you!!” says JFK.

“No. It’s just…a fart.” says Lacey.

“What about from Lem?” asks JFK, in tears of terror.

“You insist he’s gay. And so does everyone else.” says Lacey.

“But that’s insane.” says JFK.

“You insist it’s not.” says Lacey.

“But you know it is!!!” yells JFK.

“But you INSIST it’s not.” says Lacey.

He thinks. “So you don’t know anymore?”

“You insist.” says Lacey.

“What if I’m wrong!??” yells JFK.

“You insist you’re not!!” says Lacey.

JFK stands in horror.

“The Illuminati has helped me too much!” says JFK. “I am in deep shit!”

Lacey blinks.

“Okay. So I can’t help you. I’d have to stop lying.” says JFK to Lacey.

She blinks.

“So she’s better than us. And she knows that. But it’s just…nothing!!?” says a reader to God.

“No. You’ve demanded it be a way to attack you and nothing else.” says Lacey.

“Men don’t give you compliments?” asks a reader.

“No! Never!

Okay. They…did. The Greatest Generation did. Before they died.

But no one else ever has. They tell me I’m beautiful, objectively.

And I wonder if those memories from my early 20’s when I’d see them…before they all died…are too old now and are beginning to fade.” says Lacey.

“So men who lust after you…don’t tell you that!?” asks a reader.

“I don’t intentionally inspire lust. But when I have I’ve been amazed by how angry men are.” says Lacey.

“They get angry?” asks a reader.

“Yes! People are mad at me for being so beautiful. They hate me for it.” says Lacey.

“So what do we like?” asks a reader.

“Human feces in your food. Chemicals everywhere. Tiny, worthless jewels. Boxes over your body for clothing. Boxes for your houses. Bad education. Hate. Bad, murderous weather. Simple, short sentences. Shallow, stupid humor. Beige.

And now…I’m selling you death. And I’m hopeful.” says Lacey to the evil Illuminati.

“But I hate when she knows this!!!” yells a ghost who she burnt.

She lights them on fire again. She smells them in fire.

“Anyway! It should mean more. But I’m not sure it does.” says Lacey.

“Why does it mean something?” asks JFK.

“Because God created me.” says Lacey.

“That’s why? Not because you’re so beautiful?” asks a reader.

“Yes. And I’m extremely beautiful.” says Lacey.

“Okay. But that only matters because of God!?!!” asks JFK, in horror.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“So it’s illegal!??” yells JFK.

“It’s very illegal. It’s vile.” says Lacey.

He thinks. “Okay.” he says.

She smiles politely.

“Then why you come on to Lem!?!” asks JFK.

“Because why not!?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah. Okay.

But he likes it!” says JFK.

“So what!?! Are you dumb!??” yells Lacey.

“Maybe.” says JFK.

“That’s not my problem!” says Lacey.

“Okay.

So…men could like your beauty.” says JFK to Lacey.

She blinks.

“No. They could!!” says JFK.

She stares.

“Lacey when I told you that you were ugly and you disagreed with me did you just think that that was some sort of disagreement we were having?” asks Casi.

“Well no it wasn’t a disagreement. I think to you being beautiful really means something and I’m not sure that it means that to me. It wasn’t a disagreement. Because you were just outright wrong. You were just completely wrong. So no.” says Lacey.

“So…what does it mean to you?” asks Casi.

Lacey takes a deep breath and thinks. “Alright.

Dear God! That’s a long conversation!” says Lacey.

“Do I want to know!?” says a hater.

“You might!” says Lacey, patiently.

“Okay.” says JFK. “WHAT IS IT!??”

“Alright.

So…men…are occasionally attracted to women. On very rare occasions. Usually women are extremely attracted to men. And they make complete fools of themselves to be with them. And grown men are boring and weak and yet hardworking. They’re hateful though. They resent anyone expecting them to give a damn about anything. And they’ll destroy anything and everything that makes them give a shit. As insidiously and obnoxiously as possible.

At least that’s how they are today. From my perspective.

They used to care.

But most of those dead men are genuinely taken or are taken by evil-peasant, evil-possessive female wolves who weaken them.” says Lacey.

“Okay.

That’s scary.” says a reader.

“But do they care about beauty?” asks God.

“No??? They’re aroused by it. But they’d rather fuck a man or an uglier woman who makes them laugh?” says Lacey. “Or who’ll eat their literal shit. And not just vomit. And then thank them profusely. And mean it.”

“So the male gaze is myth?” asks a feminist.

“According to you.” says Lacey. “Maybe they used to care.”

“So…men really do just fart with you.” says God.

“I don’t think they give two shits about my beauty.” says Lacey. “Well maybe? But they don’t…do anything. It seems like a stupid, meaningless level on a video game. Their concern exists but it’s unclear what it does.”

“So we just antagonize you?” asks a dead man.

“You are annoyed by me.” says Lacey.

“Always!?” asks a Gen. X man.

“You are right now!” says Lacey.

“Actually I’m aroused.” he says.

“Okay!??” says Lacey.

“That’s a compliment!!” he says.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because…umm.” he says. He laughs. “Shit. You’re right. I’m taken.

Does my wife know about you?”

“Yes.” says Lacey. “And yet no.”

“What doesn’t she know?” asks God.

“She has the same delusion Jack did. And maybe still does. She thinks I’m ugly somehow. And that you really don’t want me.” says Lacey. “You do right?”

He thinks. “Yes!!”

Lacey thinks. She’s never heard that before. Not since being molested. So obviously that became suspect as she aged.

“Really. How much!?” says Lacey.

“A lot!” he says.

“Okay. But that’s so subjective.

Can you answer one more question?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he says.

“How is that compared to how you’d feel about a stripper? Or…any scantily clad woman?” asks Lacey.

“We went much too far with Lacey!!” says a demon, sincerely in horror.

“Ahh…you’re about a ten. Or you were. Depending on my age you still are. …But a stripper is at a…five or six. Actually…it’s just completely different.” he says. “You’re what I really want.”

“Why!??” asks Lacey, without thinking.

“Mmmm. I just do.” he says.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because it’s incredibly pleasing to make love to you.” he says.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because you’re just that good.” he says.

“Good?” asks Lacey.

“That good of a lay. I mean- You’re that desirable.” he says.

“I won’t keep asking for more specifics. Don’t worry.

That being said…what’s the tipping point? Where do I go from an average above average in regard to desirability person to something unusual?” asks Lacey.

He thinks. “Your heart. And your just…that…astounding. Look…if there’s reincarnation you’re Scota! And possibly a goddess! Like…a literal goddess.” he says. “We can sense that!”

“Lacey do you literally make men orgasm every time?” asks a woman.

“Yes! But there’s been a few bad times. But usually men are in at least mild awe.” says Lacey.

“Would you have slept with Don Draper?” asks a dead actor.

“NO!! He’s not attractive. Poor sod.” says Lacey.

“No. But we want you!” says the Gen. X man.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because we might actually like you.” he says.

“Mm. I doubt that.

I’ve never met one of you who’s bothered to really get to know me.” says Lacey.

“How well do you know us?” he asks.

“Extraordinarily well.” says Lacey.

“So we tend to just use you?” asks a man.

“Mmm. No. You just don’t…care.” says Lacey.

“No. But that’s using you.” he says.

“I’m not an inanimate object.” says Lacey.

“Hmm. So then what is it?” he asks.

“You don’t care!!” says Lacey.

“So. That’s your replacement.” says Jack to Lem.

“While I’m in love with you?” asks Lem. “Wow.

Lacey…describe my relationship with Jack. As it’s been described to you.”

“You were in astronomical, unspeakable awe of Jack Kennedy. The minute you saw him every love song that’s ever existed paled in comparison to your instant, predestined love for him.

Electric Love by BØRNS plays.

I was…a bad memory. My womb smelled of puke. And our children were instantly thrown into Hell where they’d have to kiss your ass or Jack Kennedy’s mighty ass to be able to still exist, even in Hell. Why? Because they dared to come from your magical penis.

For you took the choice any noble, honorable, decent MAN would take. You chose to ascend to greatness. On a cloud of wonder. Through Jack’s POWERFUL PENIS. And in that state of God-given grace…you became truly superior. Not like a normal human, but something ASTONISHINGLY BEAUTIFUL and worthy of worship.

And then here’s where I heard, ‘Lacey!! You should worship LEM! You’re NOTHING compared to him. You’re NOTHING!!!!’

And Jack shakes his ass in victory.” says Lacey.

“And you’re being serious?” asks Lem.

“Yes!!” says Lacey. “That’s literally what’s been fed into my soul and spirit for 40 years.”

“Lacey! Why don’t you settle!?” says an adult hater to Lacey, like Lacey’s an idiot.

“Mm. No.

Sweetie, that’s your sheltered, middle class delusion. Get a fucking clue.” says Lacey.

“So there wasn’t anyone?” she asks.

“No. Not really.” says Lacey.

“Why are you interrupting me!?” yells Lem.

“Because you want us!” she says, fully turning into the narcissistic moron she is, finally.

“No. I don’t.” says Lem to the hater. Then, “Ahh…no. None of that’s true.” says Lem.

“Lacey. We’re supposed to attack you.” says a demon to Lacey.

“Whatever. That’s not my problem.” says Lacey to Hell. “I don’t mean like whatever, like really whatever. I just mean…I’m exasperated.”

And at that Lacey’s legal husband tells her that he was also hit by a car in an intersection. With her two kids and him alone in the car.

“Could you have all died?” asks Lacey.

“I mean, theoretically.” he says.

She imagines them dying and then how she’d consider suicide.

“What kept them alive was God. And the $5 he was giving to a homeless man. If they’d been in the lane they’d be dead, possibly.” says an angel protecting them.

“Did that really just happen?” asks a reader.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says a demon.

“Yes!!” says an angel.

“So that’s guaranteed non-fiction!??” asks a reader.

“Absolutely!” says an angel.

“And you’d commit suicide?” asks a reader.

“Most likely!” says Lacey. “It would have been a quick death. And then yes. I’d most likely take a huge overdose, repent as I did it and wait to die.”

“And that all almost just for real happened!??” asks a reader.

“Yes!!!” says Lacey.

“Oh wow. Okay.” says a reader.

“Yeah. And I’m on oxygen.” says her first cousin Curt.

“If they died…and I committed suicide…what would you think?” she asks Curt.

He laughs. “Umm. I’d be sad. And then I’d think about it…and…realize something fishy is going on.” says Curt.

“Yeah. That’s too many deaths.” says Lacey.

“Actually…I’d try to stay alive just to see who they’d kill next.” says Curt. “ACTUALLY!!! Hey!!

Dear Illuminati,

Hello!

I see you looking at us.

*wink*

Hey there! How’s it going sexy?

Hush by The Marías plays.

So…you wanna dance!? Let’s dance.

*he dances*

How about we…take this somewhere? You take requests?

Kill my wife…and my entire family with a bomb. All…at…once.

Just drop that puppy right on my house.

Too expensive? Aww. Drop one on the following people’s houses and you can buy my mineral rights for cheap.

Mike, Karen, Sheri, all my nieces and nephews, Lacey, Mica, Jamie, Alex…and…that’s it! You swoop in and get all that oil right quick. Damn!

Do it!!!” says Curt.

“Are you serious?” asks the Illuminati.

“Yeah.” he says.

“That’s like 20 bombs. Big bombs.” says the Illuminati.

“Yeah. But…I’m positive there’s an afterlife. And you know there is too. So…why? Why bother?” says Curt.

“Because you’re happy! You have a good marriage.” says the Illuminati.

“Yeah. But…you’re just killing us. So…if that’s what we’re doing now then just go for it!” says Curt.

“So we’re not intimidating you?” asks the Illuminati.

“No! You’re confusing me. I can’t figure out where in Hell you’re all going with this. It’s so weird!!! But…hey…do what you gotta do. Right?!” says Curt.

“Yeah. Just kill us all!!” say the Nesheims. “With bombs.”

“They’re completely serious.” says Tsar Putin.

“Noo!!” yells JFK running away in fear. “I did not anticipate this reaction!!!”

“No. We did!” says Hell.

“You told me they would get scared.” says JFK.

“That was a lie!” says Hell.

“Why do you want to kill the Nesheims?” asks a reader.

“Because they remind me that I wasn’t straight. And that Lem is supposedly heterosexual? Geez. Yikes. So…I kill them!” says JFK.

“So you’re going to end the world to avoid reality?” asks a reader.

“Yeah! It’s cool. I’ll exist again someday!” says JFK, addicted to attacking Lacey.

“That’s a lie!” Lem says to Lacey.

“What I heard!?” says Lacey.

“Yes!!” he yells.

“You forgot to kill Jim.” says the Illuminati.

“Let him live! He’ll keep you all company.” says Curt.

Becca says, “I’ll also keep you company!”

“DO IT!!” says Curt. “DO IT!!!”

“Do it!!!” yells a dead man.

“DO IT!!!!!!” yells Curt.

“YEAH!!!! DO IT!!” yells a dead soldier.

“Curt…you’re edging us into a real World War III.” says the Illuminati.

“So!? Kill us first and we’ll find all the Christians and take them with us.” says Curt.

“DO IT!!” shouts his wife, laughing.

“I’m in!!” says Mica.

“Just make it quick.” says Jamie.

“I could.” says Tsar Putin.

“Really? Without any trouble?” asks Curt.

“No. I wish.” says Tsar Putin.

“That’s okay.

Hey! If you can…and not hurt yourself…please!! Be our guest!” says Curt.

“Okay!” says Tsar Putin, he laughs.

“Cool. So…are we on!?” asks Curt.

“Curt…we’re trying to kill you.” says the evil Illuminati.

“Yeah. I know. …I’m just offering my two cents. Look…it’s cool if you’re stupid. I’ll help.” says Curt.

“So you think we should just kill you all?” asks the Illuminati.

“Mmm. Yes!!! As painlessly as possible.” says Curt. “And then…we’ll make it all go away.”

“See! That’s the coming rapture! And I’m the AntiChrist.” says Jeff Bezos. “I hope. I’m not anti Christianity, really. But I’m Anti Christ dating Lacey. So…technically…I could be a fulfillment of prophecy.”

“And then we all die!?” asks a reader. “Because JFK was pure evil?”

“Yup!” says a reader.

Later on Facebook:

“Ha! How funny!” says Lem. “I did that! I inspired that! And if my kids were dead tonight I’d be with Lacey. With my kids. Off and on. Lacey and I are inseparable. For eternity.”

“Do you actually want that?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!!” yells Lem.

Later.

“If there is an Illuminati…you all are confusing me. Why again are you killing these people?” asks a reader.

“Because they’ve offended our people.” half jokes Jay Z. He laughs. “I mean…they’re offensive.”

“How?” asks a reader.

“They dared to question the supremacy of MSNBC. They did! With Diego. Alright? And it offended him.

So…he made sure we all knew. …And…we’re still officially offended. Some of us, anyway.” says Jay Z.

“Why!?” asks a reader.

“Because he was offended!” says Jay Z.

“By what!?” asks the reader.

“That they dared feel superior.” says Jay Z. “To his friends.”

“So this apocalypse…was caused by one suicidal, insane, impoverished man from a Third World Country…being narcissistically offended?” says a reader. “On behalf of MSNBC?!?”

“Yeah.” says Jay Z.

“And I’m (possibly) the AntiChrist!” says Jeff Bezos.

“You’re a fun AntiChrist!” says a dead British aristocrat. “You actually seem not at all against Christ.”

“No. I’m just anti Christ dating a mere woman. Or even if she’s a goddess…I still feel like given her current status it’s inappropriate.” says Jeff Bezos.

“I agree. Although I’m not one of your followers. I don’t buy from Amazon. Although I do shop at Whole Foods!” says Lacey.

“Ha! Got ya!” says Jeff Bezos.

Hush by The Marías plays.

“I could easily kill them.” says Lacey. She thinks.

“Yes! We have scientists on it!” says a dead woman.

“How!?!?” yells JFK.

“It’s easy! We just need the right conditions.” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says a dead astronaut.

“That’s comforting.

There’s been so many times I’ve almost felt like they were going to actually suffocate me.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. If there’s an Illuminati. They aren’t happy.

This is a real shitshow.” says Jay z.