“A Mistake” by Lacey

(April 29th) Last night Lacey was being harassed, as per usual, by demons and dead people who insist on destroying what Lacey and Lem could have together. And she discovered a memo on Lem’s paper with the heading K. LeMoyne Billings. That irritated her deeply…because that’s what’s on his grave. And it’s so pretentious and he’s seemingly yelled at her for being unforgiving to asshole, bourgeois peasants.

And then she saw his faux gay handwriting. He’s told her about that. But it’s still obnoxious. Partially because that is HER handwriting. That’s HER handwriting. The part that’s gay, at least. And Lacey isn’t a gay man. She’s a straight, cis woman.

Lights Are On by Tom Rosenthal plays as Lacey weeps on the inside where no one but God can see. Possibly her father…

Lem I despise this part of what you did.

That memo about Tom Schreiber is disgusting. Why? Because that’s NOT YOUR PLACE!!! That’s DISGUSTING!

…Jack should have had his body disemboweled for that. And you HELPED him. That’s disgusting.

See…what’s so sad…is that gay men are heartless and STUPID when it comes to this issue. …If you were in love with Jack…your cruelty is less disturbing. Because you were fighting for your existence. It makes sense. And I’d hate it…but if you were bisexual or formerly gay…I’d have empathy for your heinous actions because your heart mattered. But if you were straight it’s no longer acceptable. At all!

Why? Because that was her place.

Lighthouse by Patrick Watson plays.

Listen…you don’t understand.

You really don’t.

And this is why I slept with other men. I think.

…

I was so in love with Joe. I was madly in love with Joe. Joe Jr.. For decades. And I had a vastly different experience than you. If I’d been born earlier I might had actually come close to marrying him. You never that experience. And let me tell you…it’s a doozy. Possibly especially because of who he was.

Lem…it sucks shit. K. Belle Fitzgerald, you don’t get it.

How can you be so damn obtuse? It’s disgusting. And it’s why I gave up on you in the past and slept with other men.

How This Came To Be by Tom Rosenthal plays.

You see their enormous wealth and you’re in awe of it…as a woman. And that’s a very unique perspective in and of itself. And then you feel your soul being twisted and crushed and torn apart like you’re stuck in a vice. They’re vile. Why? Because they own the US, or did. And they fight. They’re Irish and they’re organized and united and deadly. And then…they come for your blood. And they tell you that until you’re dead they’ll suck you dry in front of your children if you don’t play by their rules.

Joe Kennedy Junior laughs. “Yeah. You don’t know us like she does.

She’s right. We are like that.”

So you look into their beautiful sky blue eyes and think…”What do they want from me!?”

And you realize they don’t have a clue.

They’re imbeciles.

They’re complete imbeciles.

They don’t…know why they want. But they make an argument for love. And so you think…”Maybe they’re capable of it!” Because…why wouldn’t they be? …And then slowly over time you realize that they don’t love you.

They don’t love you at all. But unlike normal men who aren’t violent, stupid and megalomaniacal they can’t tell you that. They’re incapable of even giving you the curtesy of telling you that they don’t care. They’re too self absorbed and useless as men and as humans to do that.

So you find out that in a way that defiles your soul as a woman. You become nothing. You feel as though they’ve stolen your birthright as a woman to mock you for doing nothing but daring to exist in a world where they aren’t everyone and everything embodied like stupid, evil and GROSS supreme pagan gods, who can exist.

They did their handiwork on Queen Elizabeth II as much as they could while she was alive as well. As much as they could without marrying her or fucking her. I think they might profoundly jealous of all women. I think they might be obsessed with female beauty and power and destroying it, at their core, more than anything. That might be the real Kennedy passion. Destroying dignified women out of VILE jealousy.

And if it’s my job to destroy them…I will. But why should I have to!? YOU!!!!

YOU!

It’s deadly to us.

It’s what happened with those photos in the snow. It’s your…failure.

You don’t enable a deadly, destructive parasite to thrive. But you did.

They defile you as a woman. And then they let you slowly realize over time, as you’re in shock, that they don’t love you at all.

Jackie went through it. Joan went through it.

They do this.

And while Jackie bled to death potentially slowly…you wrote wifely, lordly, prissy memos as K. LeMoyne Billings. What the fuck!? You make no sense. …See…you defiled me too. Just by sending those stupid memos.

It looks like you abdicated your soul. That’s really what it looks like.

And God has assured me that you didn’t. You have assured me that you didn’t. But I can’t hear God all that well. And you’re not here. And I have no…army. I have no one, to some degree. And most Christians tell me I’m going to Hell for being able to hear you, even while it’s not schizophrenia and Jack threw a brush off of a desk at my face once. Out of jealousy. Years ago. When we first started talking.

I pray. I pray daily to God. And most living Christians believe He’s not answering me. Or that I have no right to expect Him to? Because I’m evil? HOW!? I’m not conjuring people. And if I am…it’s out of a profound loneliness and helpless desperation psychologically. My brain can’t stop itself. It’s like stealing bread. I’m starving for company. My brain is starving, Lem.

“Jack Kennedy made a big ol’ difference in my life, boyz! Wowzers! *You giggle*

*You act natural. And seem very obviously straight.*

I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM!! *you yell*

I LOVED Jack…Jack Kennedy…my whole dang life!!

Wow!!!!

*People stand in awe of you.*

Thanks to him…THANK YOU JESUS FOR HIM…*You raise your hands in witness of the Holy Spirit moving in your life.* THANKS TO JACK KENNEDY…I was NEVER lonely…NEVER lonely…my WHOLE LIFE.

And gee. Wow.

Gee.

I’m going to ask your permission now to go back to childhood. Because I can’t fucking figure out how to survive. And I need you to babysit me.

Umm…

I’m mad because I ruined my life.

*You stand and stare, drunk, as a bloated, depressed straight man.*

And…yet…I can’t just say that.

Maeve and Saoirse will have to die miserably. With Gideon.

Because I can’t get it.

*Living gay men nod in understanding.*

Ahh…why don’t penises satisfy me like a vagina?

*Gay men look confused.*

Because I’m sad.

And I wanted a family.

And I kind of want to kill someone.

*Gay men still just look chill and confused.*

But ahh…Jack was supposed to make me happy.” you said.

“Well. I’m just gonna ignore the thing you said about vaginas and…pretend like that’s a ringing endorsement of homosexuality. Because no one is that nuanced and complicated ever. That’s aristocratic shit. And this is ‘Murica.” says a living gay man.

“Huh?” you say.

“We love you K. LeMoyne Billings!!” say a herd of gay men in unison. Like in a Culver’s advertisement.

“Did you all put that gravestone on his grave?” asks Lacey of the living gay men.

“NO!!” responds a gay man, like she’s crazy.

“Jack was straight!” says a queer woman.

“Look…Lem was better than you. You suck shit compared to him.

And so yes. His family…put that gravestone on his grave.” says a living gay man to Lacey like it’s deep, objective truth, perverting the Holy Spirit.

“No! I highly doubt his family did that.” says Lacey.

“Why would you know!?” asks a living gay man.

“Because…it makes no aesthetic sense. And it doesn’t fit with the traditions of gravestones. …They might have. But I doubt it.” says Lacey.

“NO! People just love me more than you!” Jack says to Lacey. “I stole the only person who matters to you. That much.

How!? No reason. You just weren’t there.

That’s all.

God is that weak!

And His design is that WORTHLESS! My ego and my desires for…peanut butter…matter more than all the tears of the entire UNIVERSE FOR ETERNITY.” says JFK, sincerely.

And at that you suck his cock and make him cum in your mouth. You spit it out. Like a dear little wifey. Aww!

AWW!

So precious!

You were cringing slightly here. Yes. But you predominantly yelled joy.

You and Rat Face! Awww!

What’s it like riding on the coattails and back and sucking the cock of a human parasitic rat? Well…gee. You’ll never be lonely!

Awww!

Yes. I know you cringed. You’ve told me that.

And I can see it.

“You don’t even know Lem!!!” yells a herd of anxious gay men.

“NO! I’m Lem!! And she’s right. I was slightly cringing.” says Lem.

“I can’t see it!!!” whines a group of perpetually very certain and arrogant people.

“It’s there. It’s subtle.” says Lem. “It’s very subtle. But my eyes are squinting too much.”

Fine.

What did you expect?

You left me with no choice but to love some other man.

“She’s right.” says Skippy Handelman.

Are you really almost without a soul now? In Hell? For your excruciating perversion? Or are you that disappointing as a man? Lem I’m used to be totally let down in that way. I’ll manage. Right? But don’t expect me to be in awe of you. You’re a Hellish piece of shit in that way.

Tighten Up by The Black Keys plays as the Kennedy men shake their relatively tiny cocks hidden by their chinos and wait for another victim.

“We’ve had a misunderstanding. It’s okay.” says Lem to Lacey and everyone else. “What she’s saying is not completely without merit though. So be careful.”

“That smile is vile!” says Lem. “I agree with you.

I was an innocent kid. But…I messed-up.”

“How?” asks a gay man.

“Because I actually was very uncomfortable in those photos.

But…it’s impossible to easily see that.

She does. Maybe a few other people have too. But it’s very difficult to see it.

And…it’s very hard to get her to hear.

Ahh…

Let’s see.

At the time…I wasn’t analyzing how everything I did would look to people. I was privileged in that way. As a man and as a person. Lacey and most women haven’t been. Most women have to wonder what their photos will look like. I didn’t. Based on how I was raised and nature. …And the Kennedys used that to torture women with my picture. I look so damn happy. And it looks like Jack is the reason. So then hey can’t they make men love them like that? Or why can’t they be that happy? They’re worthless compared to men? And then…they feel suicidal. And the Kennedys use me to do that. They use my image to sadistically torture billions of women into suicide. I’m sure Mary Richardson was suicidal based on my photo slightly too.

I didn’t fully realize this astonishing evil I partook in until Lacey pointed it out to me.

God let it happen that way.

And how?

Well…I didn’t know. I wrote those memos…in the mindset of essentially pretending to be gay. It was something I almost played at. Like a role. In a play. …And I didn’t…take my role to heart. …And yet Jackie did. It wasn’t just a role to her. She meant it.

And that…profound evil on my part…harkens back to this photo.

I was a fool. I thought I was helping them. As an obtuse, albeit well-meaning, woke social justice warrior before my time. That’s the photo. To some degree. And my choice not to kill Jack when he’d come after me for sex. Or find some way to destroy him. …I felt it was wrong to kill him.

And…why did I ignore Jackie’s feelings? And needs as a woman?” says Lem.

“This is why I’m taking away Tic Tok!!!” yells Joe Biden, losing patience. “You losers hear the truth on there! You do! And it’s readily available. But then you don’t shit. You don’t do shit anyway! You just sit on your asses.

Are you too tired? What!? Why!?

So it’s not worth it! It’s too disruptive. So I’m just going to take it away.

It gives Putin too much of an advantage too. And I’m not that stupid.” says Joe Biden.

Joe Kennedy Jr. sings Sun Don’t Shine by Klangkarussell. He apparently did love her for real, to some degree. More than Jack ever loved anyone. Lacey ignores it at first, not realizing at all that it’s about her.

Then she cuts off his head to get him to shut up.

“I’m far too gone for that soul insulting drivel you soul crushing worms from Hell!” says Lacey very sincerely, from the bottom of her heart.

“What if I hadn’t posed for the picture?” asks Lem.

And at that she throws him into Hell if God thinks it’s wise.

Apparently he’s not in Hell.

She smiles.

“That’s good that you didn’t deserve to go to Hell.” she says to Lem.

“I’m not this worthless!” Lem says to Lacey. “I didn’t realize how offensive that would be to Jackie.”

“You stole her load of his laundry.” says Lacey.

“Yeah!!!” yells JFK. And at that Jack flashes Lem his stuffed bra, to try to arouse him.

“This is why I killed Jacob.

I didn’t want him to become like a Lem.” says the murderer of Jacob Wetterling in the afterlife. “He didn’t seem…angry in the right way. But I knew he was straight enough. So…I figured I’d probably messed his head up too much. And he’d be better off dead.

I knew a man like Lem. They’re awful. They’re egotistical and stupid-as-fuck. But they don’t see it. And so when you mess with their head that much…you worry you might have ruined their life.

I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew it was insane and evil. But I’m…a little sociopathic, I guess.

So…maybe it was just my ego. But…I decided I was that dangerous. …So I just killed him. Easy! And then I didn’t have to worry anymore. He was dead. End of story. No more trouble. And I cut my losses, in a way.” says the am. Who murdered Jacob Wetterling. “I did kill him somewhat humanely too.”

“Was he really that messed-up?” asks the priest who molested Lem, about Jacob Wetterling.

“I DON’T KNOW! Why risk it!??” yells the murderer.

Awkward silence.

“See! You have a guilty conscience! You should have murdered Lem!” says the murderer.

“I didn’t think he’d be that bad.” says the priest.

“LOSER!!!” yells the murderer. “The family suffers. But…that’s molestation. Okay? That’s how bad it is. I’m sorry you were too stupid to know that.

Some people are okay. But…some aren’t. And you can’t know. Lem was a ticking time bomb to be used by some asshole like Jack. Or worse. But I didn’t want to risk it.” says the murderer.

“I wish you had just taken me out back and shot me.” says Lem. “In a way.

Let’s continue. Because now we know what I’m capable of, at least.”

When I’m Small by Phantogram plays.

“I didn’t know Jackie would want that laundry.” says Lem. “I resented having to do those endless memos. And his wifely duties. But…it never occurred to me that…she’d want them.” says Lem.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

Above And Below by The Bravery plays.

“Because…I didn’t know how you could exist.” says Lem. “To me you seemed like a sexual fantasy. Not my reality.

Maybe some people had it that good. But I don’t think I would. So…”

Lacey sees Lem smoking. Doing a memo. She walks in on him and watches.

It’s 1962.

“Why do you do that?” asks Lacey Banks.

Lem looks-up and smiles at her.

“I’m just…like a cook or a maid.” says Lem to Lacey, to explain.

Being Lacey Banks and being an intern in the White House she slaps him, hard across his face. Then stares at him coolly.

He goes into shock. Thinks.

“What’s so wrong about it?” he asks.

“Do you like my body?” asks Lacey, in a very rational tone.

He smiles slightly. Furrows his brow. Reads her as being serious.

“Yeah!” he says, looking down, in shame.

“Then sleep with me.” says Lacey. “Make love to me and I’ll show what’s writing with it.”

And at that she leans into his face and kisses him sensually and beautifully on the lips with her aristocratic, sexy, yet proper, ultimately grim prim manner.

“What’s wrong with the letter!?” he asks.

“Sleep with me…and you’ll understand why.” hauntingly says Lacey.

He laughs. Looks suddenly grim.

“Come on.” says Lacey. She kisses him again.

Winter: Allegro plays.

He picks her up and rushes off with her. They furiously make love. In a closet.

“I love you.” he says.

“Stay here.” she says.

She walks out and goes and grabs the note and walks back.

“Would you write this note for me, if I was US President?” says Lacey.

He reads it.

“No. I wouldn’t need to. But no.” he says. “It’s not be necessary. And it’s…controlling then.”

“Yes. But you do it for him. Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because he needs help.” says Lem.

“And no one else does?!” asks Lacey.

“I’ve never written him a love letter. Not really. Not really.

But…these are love letters he writes himself and then I sign my name.” says Lem.

“Yes. In a way. Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because I’m…a homosexual.” Lem says to Lacey.

“Are you really?” says Lacey.

He stands and thinks.

“Do you want to see me naked? Tonight?” asks Lacey, in a whisper.

And at that he takes her to his room. And throws her on his bed.

On top of her, “Why are you doing this to me?”

“What exactly am I doing?” asks Lacey.

He begins to take off their clothes.

“Ha!

I’ll marry you.

Is that what you’re after?” he says.

“What are you describing?” asks Lacey.

He pauses. Looks at her.

“You’re seducing me!” he says.

“Oh. Yes.

So you think I’m after marriage?” says Lacey.

He nuzzles her face.

“I am!” he says.

“That’s not my point!!!” yells Lacey, but not so he’s damaged by it.

“What is your point?” he says, holding her and hiding his head in her shoulder.

“How about this? What if I took another lover? A man.

And he made love to me. Right in front of you.

Daily.

And all you could do in your mortal, vanquished chains was watch? WATCH. Over and over and over again.

Would that bother you?” asks Lacey, staring him in the eyes.

He thinks. “I’m already insanely jealous.” he says. “Yes.”

“That’s what you’re helping Jack do to Jackie. With your prissy little memos.” says Lacey.

“I was fondled by…a clergy member.” says Lem. “He fondled me.”

“Does Jack impersonate him?” asks Lacey. “Does Jack impersonate him for you?”

“No!” says Lem.

“Does he!?” threatens Lacey.

“No!” says Lem.

“Then why…do you think you want men?” asks Lacey. “I don’t understand. Do you want the priest to do it again?”

He laughs slightly. “No!” He thinks. “I thought getting…an erection from being touched by a man meant something about one’s sexuality. But after this afternoon…I’m not so sure.

I’ve never slept with a woman. Because I don’t and didn’t want to ruin their life. With my homosexuality. But…what if…I’m not a homosexual?”

“Do always want to laugh every time you’re tickled?” asks Lacey.

“No.” says Lem.

“What a stupid hypothesis!” says Lacey. “Lem…why don’t you care about Jackie’s feelings at all!?”

“They’re just memos, Lacey.” he says.

“No!! They’re not!!!” says Lacey.

He thinks. “I’m his queen. And mistress of the night. And his…beacon of love and all hope. Or some sentimental thing like that. And she’s supposed to be.”

“Yes! And how much does it even matter to you?” asks Lacey.

“None!” says Lem. “Lacey. What would happen if I actually cared?”

“He’d get angry at you. Lose interest. And then…kill you. Possibly.” says Lacey.

“Then why doesn’t he kill Jackie?” asks Lem.

“Because she’s…flat chested. She has too slim hips. And her mouth is awful. And her face is slightly piggish. So she’s horrifically insecure. And he uses that. And she’s never sure of herself. You’re not ugly enough to keep alive.

No. If you were vulnerable…he’d probably get very angry and decimate you.

Her insecurity keeps her safe. Plus, I think he likes her. I think they have good sex on occasion.” says Lacey.

“Yes. I know they do. He tells me about it. He brags about it and…it’s never bothered me. Which should really be odd to him…but I’m starting to think he prefers that.” says Lem.

She waits.

“We need to get out of here.” he says. “Let’s sleep here tonight. And leave early.”

She waits.

“I can’t stay here.

Look…you’d write memos for me? But I don’t need them either. He does. Because he’s sloppy and obnoxious and annoying. And I can’t stand him. …But…I’ve devoted my life to him. And…I thought it was honorable.” says Lem. “I was trying to be straight. An honorable man never abandons his wife. But I abandoned you. And my sense of self. And my family. And my life. And my human dignity. And pleasure. And actual, real love.”

She waits.

“You’d clean up after me?” he asks.

“That’s what a wife does.” says Lacey.

“I resent doing it.” he says.

“Then why are you!?” asks Lacey.

“I’m nothing special.” says Lem.

“You can’t really think that.” says Lacey, accusingly.

He cries.

Stares into her staring, sweet eyes.

Stops crying.

“I do.” he says. “I do think that.”

“That’s a lie!” says Lacey.

He looks back at her.

“No. It’s true.” he says.

“You can’t be serious!” says Lacey.

He thinks. He looks slightly horrified. He looks back into her eyes. “You see people exactly right. Don’t you?”

“I try to.” says Lacey. “But don’t lie!”

“I didn’t understand. Who I was.” says Lem. He closes his eyes. “But there’s no way…I should be here if you can love me.”

“What if you’re homosexual?” says Lacey.

“I’m not. I feel insane. But I’m…happier than I’ve been since I was 12.” says Lem.

“Men aren’t supposed to go without any sex, I don’t think.” says Lacey. “Not past a certain age. Unless they’re in extenuating circumstances.”

“I’ve lived worse than that.” says Lem.

Lacey glares off into the distance.

“His presidency will fall apart.” says Lem. “We can’t be here.”

Lacey waits.

“Let’s go to Canada.” says Lem.

“I know a way.” says Lacey.

“Let’s order dinner. Act cool. And leave in the morning.” says Lem.

He picks up the phone.

“Hello! Jack!

Hi! It’s me.

*pause*

I’m going to order a dinner.” says Lem.

*Jack responds.*

“No. Don’t come up!” says Lem.

*Jack responds.*

“I’m in bed.” says Lem.

*Jack responds.*

“Look…I got a girl!” says Lem, laughing.

*Jack responds.*

“Yah! She’s-“ says Lem in a joking voice.

*Jack responds.*

Lem thinks. Calculates. Then says, “Well! I gotta go! Nature calls!” he says, joking.

*Jack responds.*

“She’ll be gone by morning! Don’t you worry!” says Lem.

Then he hangs-up.

“We’re going to have to eat and then leave.” says Lem.

And so they do.

“Of course I’m sorry for what I did to Jackie.” says Lem. “I understood why you used K. LeMoyne Billings on my grave. But I think it’s also very presumptuous. And it almost destroys me. At the same time. That’s not what I was called. Not really.

I truly was heterosexual.

Jack was…bisexual. And there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that. It’s not at all obvious Jack was straigth