What If

(From May 2nd, 2024)

anemone by slenderbodies plays.

Lacey sits with F. Scott Fitzgerald in Saint Paul. It’s rainy.

It’s May.

“I’m mad I didn’t get to post April Violets.” says Lacey to Scott.

Scott thinks.

“What a pathetic existence.” says Scott.

Lacey laughs. “Can I do any better?”

Scott thinks.

“No.” he says tentatively.

“Why can’t I get over it?” says Lacey.

“He’s not lying to you.” says Scott.

“Meaning it’s all nonsense?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

“What a mess.” says Lacey.

“How would you end the world?” asks Scott.

“I can’t write that on this blog.” says Lacey.

He laughs.

“I’m a Confederate Irishman.” says Scott. “By the way.”

“You’re also you.” says Lacey.

“True.” says Scott. “Weird how nobody sees that sort of thing often enough.”

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“You’re madly in love with Lem.” he says.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“No. He loves you.” says Scott.

“I’m never going to easily understand that.” says Lacey. “And that’s so exasperating.”

Scott laughs. “You can’t find the glitch?”

“No. It’s elusive. Scott I’m exasperated.” says Lacey.

“Right. And now everyone will think you’re JFK reincarnated because it seems like you’re stuck in his Hell.” says Scott.

“I’m so tempted to hate people for thinking that.” says Lacey bitterly.

Scott laughs. “They’re dumb…as…dirt.”

“Why!? Why must they be so dumb!? Poor things.” says Lacey. “It’s sick.”

“No. You’re very different than Jack.” says Scott.

“Isn’t it obvious!??” says Lacey, terrified.

“Your aesthetic has been clear since 2015. But people see it and then go into denial about it.” says Scott. “Casi was one of the worst offenders. She has a visceral reaction to it.”

The Moment by Tame Impala plays.

“You are a lot like me.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald to Lacey. “Our aesthetic is very similar. Very similar.

And that makes everyone feel extremely uneasy.”

“Why?” asks Lacey.

“Their narcissism is gross. And embarrassing. And we accidentally force them to see it. Both of us.

They hated me too. While I was alive. Somehow when we die…they suddenly realize how cool we are. They prefer us dead. It’s a thing.

We feel…so unsettling to them while we’re alive.

You and I are both very good looking. But we have a tragic ability to fall apart under stress. And it’s dire. Most people aren’t that physically sensitive.

Nancy worshipped me. And I worry I fell for it. You never worship people. You know how stupid and sinful it is. But Zelda was worshipped you know…so…I kinda thought it looked fun. You know.” says Scott.

Later.