“LOSER” by a Gay Jackass

The Moment by Tame Impala plays.

“FUCK YOU!!” yells a gay man in the perfume community at Lacey Banks like she’s deaf.

“What!?” asks Lacey, laughing.

He becomes enraged.

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU YOU NIGGER!!” he yells at Lacey like she’s a fat, ugly, man.

Or this woman:

“That’s not me.” says Lacey, laughing at him. “This is me.”

“You really don’t alter your photos!?!” the gay perfume community asks her.

“GO TO HELL!!!” the CIA yells at these men. “How many fucking times has she told you that she doesn’t!? And it’s SO fucking obvious she’s not altering her photos.”

“You all realize you’re just jackass narcissists? Right!?” asks Dr. Moritz of the gay perfume community.

“Ahh…some of us sort of do. And others of us, struggle.” says an Asian man.

“Okay. So if she’s not jealous of us…and Lem was straight then why do we care?” asks another gay perfume collector.

“Because you’re all evil and deranged. And you’ve been lied to by the US to be used for political purposes. And businesses. Stuff like that. Or perverts who hoped to defile your souls.” says Iran. “Or…hey…maybe…it’s just what Dr. Moritz said.”

“Why are we so offended!?” a few of them ask.

“Because Lem was straight? Possibly.” says all of Asia.

“Why do we go psychotic over that?” asks non-Asian gay perfume collectors.

“Are you hurt for reasons of social class?” asks Becca Fuester.

“We hate you too.” they say to her.

“Because I’m more proof Lem was straight?” asks Becca.

“Yeah. Why’d you have to exist?” ask many gay men of Becca.

“That…doesn’t make any sense.” says Becca.

“But we have a right to him.” they say as if they’re the voice of God.

“We can’t argue with that. As women we can’t argue with that.” says Becca who’s Fausta reincarnated, if there’s reincarnation in the Bible.

“I’ll try.” says China. “Lem was straight.”

“Then who’s cock do I suck!?” yell many gay men.

“Excuse me!??” asks China.

“I HAVE TO SUCK A COCK!!” yell many gay men.

“Why!?” asks Lane Pryce.

Many living gay men smile and look confused. They seem torn between…fear, hatred and excitement.

“Yeah!” they say. “WE…want to give…IT…UP!!”

“You wanna suck cock!?” asks the CIA.

“I mean yeah.” they say.

“Why!?” asks Colin Firth, with genuine concern.

“Were we brainwashed into being sluts!?” asks a gay perfume collector.

“Yes!!” yells JD Rockefeller.

“Why?” asks a gay perfume collector.

“Because you’re gullible.” says JD Rockefeller. “Lesbians tend to be arrogant. And it’s laughable. And gay men tend to be…gullible.”

“Then she’s not pretty!” says a gay perfume collector.

“No. She’s extraordinarily beautiful!” says Miss America, the CIA and the University of Minnesota.

“You’re playing desperate psychological tricks in your mind. Why!?” asks Mayo.

“Because she’s better than us. And we thought Lem was only with us because we were superior. We knew he seemed straight.” they admit.

“Are you really all worthless narcissists?” asks the GOP, sincerely.

“They might be. I’m so fucking sick of gay men!” says a Palm Beach socialite on Instagram. “You all really are pretentiously snobby know-it-alls. And Lem impersonators. And it’s so obviously Lem. LEM. Not…a gay type. You read that book and what!? He’s a secret gatekeeping icon? Man!! Grow-up! You’re all just brainless and obsessive freaks?”

“Okay. This bad.” they FINALLY slightly admit to themselves.

“Yeah. You’re all just insane.” says Florida, like it’s a clinical assessment. “And I don’t think Lem is one of you. He’s your hostage.

…You’re all wretched, worthless…dogs.”

“Why can’t we narcissistically insult her!?” they say in their constantly whiny way.

“Why do you all constantly whine and seethe that way. It’s creepy as fuck. But we’ve humored you all for decades because we felt sorry for you. But honestly…your aesthetic is gross.” says Hollywood.

“That’s just how we are.” they say.

“So you don’t think we could impersonate you!?? You’re all ANNOYING.” says Hollywood.

“We aren’t self aware.” some of them say.

“It’s SHRILL.” says the CIA. “We don’t want to hate you or kill you…but you are annoying to listen to at times. It’s so…grating.”

“Are we that annoying?” ask lesbians.

“Besides being arrogant? No.” says the US Government, sincerely.

“That- They really don’t know.” says a lesbian to defend gay men.

“DONE! NOW LESBIANS ARE DEFENDING US!??” yell most gay men.

“You don’t want turn to!??” shrieks the DNC.

“Oh! So Lacey is a lesbian!?” they “come back with.”

“No!!! She’s hot!” says Becca. “But she’s straight.”

“That’s her roommate?” they say.

“Who controls them!??” yells a lesbian like she’s in triage.

“Not Eleanor Roosevelt. That’s for sure.” says Elliott Roosevelt, laughing.

Later.

“I came out to Lacey as bisexual this morning.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“You’re jealous of Lacey over Joe. NOT Lem.” explains the Illuminati.

“Look who’s behind that dorky, Lane Pryce, English…gay impersonator?” asks the CIA.

“Who is that!??” yells Asia.

The gay men don’t want to admit it.

“No!” says the CIA. “It’s not Lem Billings’s adolescent sex day dream.”

“Look again!” says China.

“He doesn’t like anything but Lacey.” say gay men.

“Yup. Huh.

But who’s behind Mr. Billings in the above photo?” asks the CIA.

“Lacey you’re in Hell and you’re stuck being JFK. Because you were him. You’re in Hell!!!” says the gay Illuminati.

“No. She’s not Jack!” says the American Medical Association.

“I hate them! They’re mean!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“No. She’s not Jack!” says Salem, Massachusetts and Salem Oregon.

“What the FUCK is wrong with you guys!??” yells Bill Gates, genuinely freaking out.

“I warned you. They’re NUTS.” says a man.

“Who is that behind Mr. Billings?” asks the CIA.

“I was-“ starts Becca. “Dammit.” she says.

“Becca…say it.” says Rupert Murdoch.

“I was relating to Lacey like I was her mom.” says Becca.

“Becca…you gave psychological problems.” says Rupert Murdoch.

“Yes. But they don’t understand. How safe are they?” she says.

“Oh you poor dear. You really are trying.” says Rupert.

She kicks a tree in frustration.

“I am! I loved Lacey. I wish I’d accepted her friendship. It was sincere.” says Becca.

“You ruined us!!” living gay men say to Becca.

“No. I didn’t. Unfortunately.” says Becca.

“Who is that behind him!?” asks God.

“That’s a jackass!” say gay men. “Right Lacey!?”

“Are all gay men just jealous freaks who don’t cognitively understand the concept of a woman!?!” yells Donald Trump. “SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT JOE!!”

“I care about him as a person.” says Lacey, sweetly.

“Yeah. We know. But…we mean in the other way.” say Asian gay men.

“Oh!” she says thinking placidly and sweetly.

An Asian gay man shakes his head no at Lacey.

“What!?” asks Lacey, anxiously.

“He’s not!” says the Asian gay man.

“Joe!?” says Lacey.

“Yes!! Mrs. Billings we’re talking about Joe Kennedy Junior.” says Asia.

“Oh.” says Lacey.

“Is that really what’s going on in your brain?” asks Asia.

Lacey smiles. “Yeah.

Go on!” she says.

“So…we think you’re in love with Joe.” says the Asian gay man.

“Why!?!?” says Lacey, freaking out.

“It’s not an attack.” says an Asian gay man.

“Then who’s insane enough to think that?” asks Lacey.

“Mr. Billings!” says the Asian gay man.

Lacey laughs. “What the hell…do those…fools…want from me!??” she says.

“You’re not lovable!” he says, like it’s fact.

“I’ve wondered that…

Say! Is there some way to conquer Satan? I’m bored. And he’s annoying. And honestly…I’m concerned about him. Why did he rebel against God?

It’s concerning.” says Lacey.

“He’s in trouble.” says Asia to Lacey.

“Yes!! But there’s nothing we can do. Except…I wonder if we could rebel against him?

Has anyone ever thought of that?” says Lacey.

“He’s got a lot of explaining to do!” says Asia to Lacey.

“Well…I hope he has enough sense to do that!!” says Lacey, worried.

“So Satan has been your friend?” asks a reader.

“Ask God.” says Lacey. “Ask God to explain someday when you’re dead. I can’t quite…explain it. He’s still Satan. …I can’t actually befriend him unless God allowed that. But that’s dangerous territory.”

“Well…I’m sure Mr. Billings will be here to pick you up soon.” says an Asian gay man to Lacey.

“He’s here. It’s just not time for me to die yet.” says Lacey.

“Lacey. Why do they think he’s gay?” asks Asia.

She flips out. Controls herself. You wouldn’t notice unless you were extremely observant.

“Well…he thought he was gay. But…why really?” she says. “I don’t know. But it stinks to high Heaven. …What do you think?”

“I sense something off.” says another older Asian woman.

“Like what?” asks Lacey.

“I think it’s simple. I think the Kennedys are behind it all.” she says.

Lacey thinks. “They’re profoundly vile.” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says a man who’s 103.

“MY GOD! What do gay men want!? For us to shoot them all?” says Lacey.

The gay Asian man laughs.

“There’s no way to solve it.” says Lacey.

China nods.

“That’s Joe Kennedy Junior and he’s not straight.” says the CIA.

“Those are the pictures!!” says Lacey.

“Lacey!! We think you’re in love with him now.” says a gay Asian man.

“Oh!

Huh.” says Lacey. She laughs.

Asia smiles.

“He’s- Those are the photos.” says Asia.

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“We hate Fausta!” say most gay men.

“Why!??” asks Lem.

“See. You’re all nuts. Or I’m just not sure what you wantz. Righties!!?

Because you’re all driving us nuts!!” yells LVHM at all living gay men.

“I cannot be wrong!!” yells Joe Kennedy Junior.

“We want…Fausta to take her vagina out of Lem’s vagina.” they say very sincerely.

“It’s not there. And that’s not how heterosexual people work.” says Becca.

“Take your dirty penis out of LEM’S BODY!!!” they yell.

“I don’t have a penis.” says Becca.

“Then how are you fucking him you bitch!??” yell living gay men.

“I’m not.” says Becca.

“You ARE!!!” they scream.

“No. Not now.” says Becca.

“YOU WHORE!!!! YOU ARE!!!” they scream.

“Nope!” says Becca.

“WE SEE YOU WITH HIM!!!” they say.

“Then why isn’t he just…bisexual or straight?” asks the CIA.

“BECAUSE!!! Men are lovers. Men don’t lie!!!! Don’t try to trick me like that!” they all say.

“It’s why I fix it. I don’t want to fix it it’s OK.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“Why are you all psychotically Lem? What what what is that you need? Do you need a straight man as your mascot to think that you exist or are are you all secretly straight?” asks Lane Pryce.

“I think so on a certain level to be honest, I think we’re afraid of being left alone without someone straight like you to cover for us that’s number one.” says a living Asian gay man. “You do look straight. Like you act gay most the time but you do actually look straight if we’re being honest, you look straight.

Number two is that I think we could actually be jealous over Joe but that’s too like weird to talk about for some reason we could also be jealous over Michael and I I think I think because there’s a class issue I was also going on at the same time, we have a hard time with Lacey so it’s like we have a hard time letting her have the abundance that she has even though I know it’s an Asian that’s possibly evil because somehow it’s like you can’t take that from someone maybe maybe some possessions but you can’t take a human from someone that that their soul and spirit has like a line with that’s psychotic and evil I don’t know that I know that is an Asian of and honestly as an Asian who’s not entirely off foot by Christianity. It concerns me because I don’t know if you people understand she’s scared because she’s worried she’s reincarnated. It scares her. It’s scary to her you’re scaring her.

And if you’re a respectable Asian person, you know that it is an insane on her part to be scared. We have a lot of experiences. We have a wealth of information that to at least suggest to us that there’s reincarnation, and there might not be but there’s a reason we’ve thought that all these years we’re not stupid people and I think that’s immature that the west has not dealt with that. I can see that Putin is trying to deal with that, I have a feeling British people have been kind about it at times but other than that I don’t see a lot of discussion and it’s actually quite scary to me as an intellectual or any sort of thinking Asian person reading this blog.

You have to deal with the fact that she is superior to you possibly so I would just like to ask a man who believe in reincarnation I might sometimes be one of them maybe maybe not why do we think she’s inferior to us especially if we’re not Buddhist and we’re Hindu why do you think she’s not a Brahman because to me she’s the epitome of a Brahman self-sacrificing, kind, intelligent, well bred, loving, lacking and guile edit she’s not just an idiot that’s her heart for people And in my faith, we would say that she’s doing very well and letting go of things so to speak, so can you please try to explain to me how her lack of egotism is a problem ending in Hinduism, or in any other a gay corner of the world where they’re so self-righteous about her?” asks an Asian gay man.

“Doesn’t it bother you though?!??!

I mean it bothers me. It bothers a lot of people in my family. It bothers Joe. It bothers us that she doesn’t get it.

She only exists if we acknowledge the fact that she exists. And fuck I can’t believe I’m saying this. Her soul existence belongs to Joe Junior, or she doesn’t exist at all.” Bobby Kennedy Junior is forced to say.

The Moment by Tame Impala plays.

And at that a herd of gay men come after Bobby Kennedy Junior.

Lacey gets angry because she belongs to Lem and then she sees someone suggesting Joe wouldn’t have ever been US President, and she rushes into the argument and says, “That’s not true!

He does- That’s not true!! That’s not- No, absolutely not true!

No, that is absolutely not true.

He would definitely be president before Jack. Jack might never have been president. That’s completely absurd! Joe is infinitely more intelligent than Jack! Jack is a joke compared to Joe.” says Lacey adamantly.

Joe Junior tries not to smile.

“No, you’re wrong!” argues Cameron Diaz.

“No, I’m not! No, I’m not.

No, I’m not wrong.

Bobby actually would’ve been a better president than Jack. Jack was a horrible president, he got shot.

I’m sorry but it’s true and the truth is maybe they all would be terrible presidents…but you cannot tell me that Joe really would have just stood there like an idiot, watching the entire thing happen before him.” says Lacey.

Joe smiles. “She reminds me of my dad slightly and I love my dad very much and I understood him…and she reminded me of him. She’s really a very dear person and when she says stuff like that, it makes me wish I’d never been born.

I trained her to be that way. And she loves being that way because that- We were in love…and I ruined it and the truth is she might actually be better with Lem and she knows that about me and a lot of other people. OK? But I-I-I trained her to be my cheerleader. It’s an instinct. It’s very hard for her brain to resist that.” explains Joe.

“Why did you do that when she was Lem’s twin flame?” asks Asia.

“DENIAL.” says Joe Jr..

“Is there anything sexual about that at all? Ahh…not much. He really trained her to be that way.” says Lem.

“Why didn’t you just tell her you were bisexual? Why didn’t you just tell her that like years ago?!?” a reader yells at Joe.

“Denial. I’m in denial.” says Joe, very irritated. “ I was very straight. I was very attracted to women. I liked women, but they made it seem like it was more than it was because I was somewhat gay. I had a roommate do I was far too close to, and there were other people to who I had sexual relationships with were men that that was very embarrassing on a certain level and on another level I just wanted to be evil. I’m not a good person but I was I was him I was in denial. I was in denial that my brother and I were both not straight I was in denial that Bobby might not have been straight either I was in denial that I was in hell compared to some people I was in denial that I was being held accountable even though I’ve gone to mass and prayed for forgiveness possibly even yeah God forgives you but it’s possible that it doesn’t just disappear like you do you do affects people, so massive amounts of denial, denial that I wasn’t straight denial that I was heartless at times I like to think of myself as a nice person and frankly that’s part of my attraction to Lacey. She really is a nice person and so it’s like Lacey is my wife I could’ve said possibly or maybe not but if I could’ve said that I would’ve thought no we’re good people I’m a nice person you should meet my wife she’s one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet and you know it’s like how can I be that bad of a person when that’s my wife like get a grip I don’t know I mean I was very attracted to her. I was in love with her and she’s not really my biological mom so it’s like I don’t care if it screws my father over he might deserve it and now that might even enjoy a little revenge because he really did screw over my entire life to some degree with his own bullshit and what else just denial that she wasn’t capable of being with me necessarily that she’d actually be better with them, why would that bother me because Linn is taller he’s English. He’s a Piscopo alien and even though he was poor, he was from a nice family in a way that our family isn’t and wasn’t so it was just a lot of bitterness a lot of frustration and I just wasn’t ready to deal with it.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“ so jack Stoll, his brothers girlfriend‘s soulmate do you thought he was gay see here’s a thing Joe we would think if he was homosexual your brother we might it’s that’s the problem it’s people like Jack will come out one way or another and are like oh I’m gay it’s like well. Congratulations. Why do I give a shit but OK that’s great and then sometimes people might say that and they might be missing people but a decent number of you are really annoying and you’re like Jack he was obviously not straight people who say otherwise are probably not real people and are put on the Internet to see you like they’re real people to control or psychology or they’re just fools because there’s no effing way that Jack was not somewhat queer I think it’s really dumb. I think it’s evil potentially to read him as anything other than at least bisexual and I think it’s very possible that line was straight and I think it’s actually quite possible that Joe is bisexual as well. That doesn’t make some historical sense what I find disturbing right now is that Bobby is it taking accountability Bobby, you could’ve kept us as a family matter eight years ago and if you’ve tried to you have not made that clear and frankly Bobby, I think it’s because you are fixated on Lem as well.” says an Illuminati woman.

“ and what’s tragic to me adding onto that is that I am that Bobby may actually be psychologically and capable of handling the situation. I’m not convinced he seen and I think it might’ve been inappropriate to expect him to run for president. I think it might be inappropriate that no one‘s cut them off so to speak, I’d like to think that his vice president and Asia somehow helping him but I’m a little worried that they’re just enabling him and you know what if there’s been carnation in the Bible, maybe he deserves it and they know that, but it scares me slightly where is sake just as a person because I really don’t think he’s capable of processing through all of us. I think he got fixated on them when he was young and I think he’s not as tough and brave and cold as he pretends to be at times and I think he really can’t handle the thought that the girl he had a crush on in the 10th grade wasn’t madly in love with him and who was that girl love Billings but I really don’t think he can handle that. I think he thinks that would be a little sad. I’m transferred all of his love from Jack to you, but that is tantamount to historical fact and I don’t think he understands that that’s not fact it’s conjecture.

What he did to his family was disturbing, and someone should have realized that he was a harmed himself and others, and cut him off. I don’t understand how how are you people don’t get it he’s not he’s not OK you can just cut ties with him. You can just do a photo op he’s not OK he’s not gonna stop.

And he’s not gonna suddenly realize that limb was straight necessarily in the way that he thinks of you might expect him to. I think some people like Lacey think he is except he’s dealing with it he’s working with it hopefully someday he’ll figure it out but I think gay men are like that that, but then they jump on it and they’re like oh no if it’s Bobby can’t except this in five seconds, even though it alters his perspective of reality, then it must not be true. And that’s not fair intellectually that’s completely psychotic. It’s absurd that the gay community would expect seemingly maybe not lesbians as much but gay men seem to be a huge problem. Maybe you’re not bisexual as much but I don’t understand how gay men don’t get it. Some people are actually attracted to women who are men, that shouldn’t have to be sad. He wouldn’t it yourselves you’re using him his cover he actually looks straight and then you don’t like that because then you have to realize that what you do with your eyes and your mouth and your little hand. Gestures does not alter your orientation. It could be an expression of it, but it’s not your actual orientation. You know your Gucci belt isn’t your orientation your Eno lipgloss isn’t your orientation your orientation comes from within or you’re being attacked by a demon But your lipgloss doesn’t make you gay.” says another person in the Illuminati to the gay community.

“ hey can I just say why do we have to deal with us if Lacey is straight and one was straight OK fine he’s a big straight jock he’s 6 foot four he probably lays on his sofa and eats cake and then scratches his belly and sleeps and then she probably thinks it’s sexy and you know what that’s not our thing. And they were just like fine. They’re an upper class. Couple were very comfortable with themselves so she’s kind of like Mrs. price. I guess you would call her from madman she’s prim and proper with her pearls and llamas like Lane and you know maybe he drives a jaguar and drinks, tea or tea cups at the end of the day I have a feeling he’s just a straight man I don’t like I don’t want to hear a story about how he’s a straight man I could imagine that enough as it is I don’t need more examples of straight men and yeah I think why do I actually need that buys that confused Lacey that I need more and maybe I do And I’m like OK fine she is not a know it all but she knows possibly one thing she showed her we should know more whatever why are we even arguing with Mrs. Billings though it’s weird you guys because were in their house and were criticizing her furniture, and were criticizing her artwork criticizing her fashion ever wondering why she spent so much money on her jewelry and it’s like what the hell is wrong with us Why are we bothering these people? He’s just a big straight ursine Jock if she is his prim, proper cheerleader, sweet nerdy, wife, and then that’s all they are and who is that’s all they are. They’re happy through themselves there’s probably more deaths in like they’re probably more complicated than that, it’s a very two dimensional analysis of them but that’s really all they are. They’re just people they’re not everybody they’re just themselves and it’s like that’s all they are. That’s all they are. They’re just the billings that’s all they are so then why are we talk? Like why are we fixated on them? I don’t know. I have a weird feeling that we were brainwashed into it, and that we were brainwashed into being loose, I do I think straight men thought it was funny or bisexual. Men in advertising thought it was a really clever way to get men to be with them without expecting a commitment so they wouldn’t have to leave their wives but they would still have fun. no I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about bisexual man kind of like Jack maybe like read Fais him maybe like a lot of other people and no not Michael to be honest I wonder about Don Draper.” says a gay man.