“And Today” by Lem Billings

Andante in C Minor by

And today until Lacey hears more clearly from God what’s happening I AM GOD.

Yes.

There’s reincarnation. And I was thee Emperor Constantine. Reincarnated. And now…I regret to inform you that I’m God.

Well…that is until I hear from Christ how I’m not.

No. I’m not the Antichrist. There is one. But…well…that’s a different story.

Don’t worry. You don’t need to know that all right now.

What happened? I couldn’t have sex with Lacey this morning. Jack and “living people” couldn’t let it go.

I’m actually possibly the most handsome man to ever exist. There are “flaws” with my face. But they’re not what matters. I’m too perfect for that.

And Lacey is my other half. She’s my perfect. There’s no one I could possibly love more. But don’t get confused I’m not saying I was bisexual. I’m saying I was straight.

You’re too dumb to understand. I really was straight. Maybe you’re just…too dumb.

Andante in C Minor by Nicholas Britell starts over.

Lacey’s not Jack. She’d never make the mistake of being Jack Kennedy.

Speaking of which you don’t have an “ego” according to us. That’s a joke.

No. What you have is stupidity.

See…if Lacey and I are thee God right now in conjunction with Him…until she dies and we can ascend to the throne…then we’re just not human. Our lives were a gift from God. And we aren’t deities. No. Or we weren’t. But we were not human. We are what you would call a God. But we aren’t God.

See you can’t be us. Humans aren’t God. You aren’t a deity. But we might be perceived that way by you.

She’s Scotia. I’m Constantine. And we are not fully human. But that was never explained. Because it didn’t have to be. Until now.

Yes. Zeus existed. We met him.

Isn’t that cool.

Yeah!

Look how I tower above Jack Kennedy! Look at my godlike body. I used to make fun of myself for looking like a God. Because it made me feel awkward. I was too handsome. And I had no woman to give that to. And no I didn’t give that to Jack Kennedy. How do you rice yourself to a literal flat ass ass hole? You can’t.

He wasn’t that attractive. He wasn’t that…great. That’s your delusion. You want him to be my lover because it makes you feel better about yourself. Because naked you look like shit and bones compared to me. I’m sorry…. I’m not necessarily insulting you. I’m possibly trying to save you.

You still can torture and kill Lacey. But that’s meaningless. And we’re hopeful God can figure out how to God and actually save her instead of just farting.

You know she’s sublime. Your beauty is worthless shit or nothing compared to hers. And why? Why did you lie about that?

Yes. I’m a god possibly, if God says so. Actually I am God as of this moment possibly. But…I’m not supposed to be and Lacey and I are devastated. The creator of the universe, God, loved you all and knew you. He knew us too. Actually…he created us.

And we were fine until Jack Kennedy was created. He’s the worst human, or one of the worst humans, to ever exist.

If we’re God…he was a poor Japanese man who was obsessed with Lacey. After I died. In World War I she was killed by a moving vehicle in London and she hit her head on the ground and it cracked open. Not completely, of course, but enough to kill her.

And anyway, he was there talking with her, possibly looking for something in London when he cooked up some dumbass plan to harm her. Possibly he’s not all that Jack the Ripper. Interesting that when he came back his name was Jack.

No. You can’t tell Lacey that you’ve been attacking her because she’s so beautiful that she makes you angry. She’s a woman not a man.

All these years women have acted like she’s attracted to them even as they come on to her to a violent degree. Whether they consciously mean to or not. It’s entirely possible they didn’t mean to but Jack Kennedy worked with Satan to trick them into accidentally coming on to her.

So they look at her like this:

But in combination with violently scoffing at her for reacting to it. Most often women are dogs, at best with Lacey. Subhuman pieces of worthless shit.

We don’t give a fuck about your beauty. We’re more beautiful. More handsome. And that’s not even how beauty works.

See. That’s a normal woman’s way of regarding people. (That’s not that beautiful of a woman by the way. She’s not unattractive but she’s not that beautiful.) But that’s not how women regard Lacey.

Truthfully Black people aren’t as good looking. Neither are Asians.

I wouldn’t say that white people are the best looking. Oh no! Not at all. But…they’re a better looking race than most, at the same time. And isn’t it funny how Black people are still attractive? They are. They’re just not….as good looking as a race in general.

“So we’re beneath her?” say millions of hot skinny women, in a sad, self-pitying, Millennial-breathy voice.

“No!!” says Lacey, in irritation. “What’s wrong with them!?”

Lacey and Lem stare at them.

“Why are they so dumb?” says Lem.

“Exactly. Eww!” says Lacey. “They’re clearly feeling bad for themselves.”

“Yes.” says Lem.

“But why?” says Lacey. “We’re just deities. It’s all so mundane.”

“Do you want to fuck one of us!?” Lem asks them.

“Eww. Naaaa.” they say dully. They make a scrunched-up face and claw at the air. “You are confusing mawee.” they say.

“How?” asks Lem.

“Because you have sexy bodies.” they say.

“That’s basically what Lacey looks like. But in marble. No dumabss faggot artist has ever rendered her AROUSING body…because men would start fucking her statue every chance they got. Literally.

There are possibly other women with bodies like that too. But she’s one of them. And no…faggot artists can’t make her into marble because it’s too sexually arousing. They have made men that sexy. Because it’s what arouses them but they know men who are straight can’t handle seeing a naked beautiful woman like Lacey because they’d literally start trying to fuck the statue if even a demon inhabited the statue and made it seem human for a second.

“What!?” says Casi. “Me too?”

They think. “YES!” they say.

Casi looks worried.

“You guys…they’re right. It’s weird.” says Casi.

“They’ve been hiding in plain sight. And I think their sexuality could be possibly redeemable. Unlike pedophiles. But…it’s unclear. And given what they did to me and Lacey…maybe we’ll rule them fit to last…but we might also not.

But yes…faggot artists made a mistake. They’ve not been good.” says Lem.

“I’m tired. I’m sorry.

Honestly…I’m hoping I’m wrong.” says Lacey. “Which is part of the problem for me as a Christian.”

“Guys! We can still make in!” says JFK.

Bell and Pizzicato Fantasia by Nicholas Bell plays.

Lacey and Lem make love in missionary position. Their perfect bodies flail about in unison to give each other and themselves profound pleasure. It’s what they assumed everyone was doing.

“They have no such flaws. So in heterosexual sex they can lose themselves in passion.” says God. “They drive each other mad with pleasure and love. Almost losing their minds with love. It’s what all humans were supposed to be doing in sex.”

“So there’s no pornography that’s ever been created that explains them?” asks a reader.

“No. You were supposed to subconsciously know that.” says God. “People used to know that. Pornography isn’t good sex. Good sex is mysterious and extraordinary.”

“Look. It’s not that you’re not beautiful. You are.” says Lacey to this swoman:

Later.

Open Spaces by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“No. You didn’t do it right.” says God to Lacey.

“What about my heart?” says Lacey.

“Yes! So you had a right to go with your inquiry. But…it wasn’t a real response in this leftward quadrant. In this 2024, June 1st St. Paul, Starward scenario.” says God to Lacey.

Future Markets by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“Are you sure?” says Lacey.

“Or something like that.” says God. “You can’t hear me perfectly. You can thankfully still communicate with me. But you have a very hard time hearing me.”

IRM by Charlotte Gainsbourg plays.

“So what do we do with the prayers to us?” says Lacey.

“You shove em up your ass.” says the gay community.

While Lacey was worried she was God she had a discussion with ungrateful jackass gay men who she was suggesting a special butthole in Heaven to. Like one that only gay and bisexual men would have that works similar to a penis in that it’s only activated during arousal.

“So Lem has no more reason to be with you! They all say to Lacey. Because he gay!! He gay! Yeah. He gay. And you have ugly face compared to men.” say all gay men alive with the IQ in that way of a retarded gnat in Hell.

“Lem don’t make me analyze things. I go with my gut.” say all living gay men.

“Don’t talk to me.” says Lem. “If I was God you’d all cease to exist. For eternity.”

“You people are a cesspool of stupidity.” says Lacey.

“Your necks not hers are on the line.” says Kirk LeMoyne Billings. “Please try you hardest to use whatever tiny amount of brainpower you have to take my complete rejection.”

“So she’s HOMOPHOBIC!” yell all living gay men while literally farting out of their mouths at the same time.

Later.

They turn into pens, poop, and golf clubs.

“I really was straight.” says Lem.

“Yeah. But not really.” says a Liberal woman.

“Why can’t she say for sure we’re TOTALLY OKAY?” wail all living gay men.

“Why is that SO offensive!?? And why can’t you accept that Lem was very likely straight? And why can’t you let her be herself? And why can’t you let her be genuinely loving to you?” a rich man says to the gay men.

“Because Lem wants us.” they say jumping and clapping their hands together.

“No. He didn’t.” says the rich man.

“No. There’s proof!! THERE’S PROOF!!!” they say jumping up and down like they’re winning on The Price Is Right.

“No there isn’t.” says the man, as the voice of reason.

“Not at all!??” says one possibly sane gay man.

“Ahh…no. Because that’s not how science works. Some things seem possible but when you estimate them as a whole they become impossible. So no.” he says.

All living gay men become a bit dour. They’re astonishingly hateful to Lacey.

Their cheering dies down slightly.

“But when she says something it always means the opposite.” say all living gay men jumping and clapping again. Like seals.

“No. That’s not true. That’s not accurate. No.” he says.

“So you’re like him too?” they say, shaking their often smaller cocks in self-perceived victory.

“HIM!? She’s a her.” he says.

“I know. It just sounded catty and sassy-pants.” the living gay men say, twerking their genuinely prissy, “limp-dick”, fatty-slob asses and ROUND bodies and souls like sadly retarded freaks. They’re round. They’re soft. They’re prissy. Not effeminate like Lem acted when they called him prissy. But actually prissy.

“Did you understand what I just said? Lem was straight. And is straight.” says the rich man.

“Why the fuck are we destroying gay rights? Not even homosexual rights. But gay rights. …OVER LEM.” they say.

“I don’t know. And no one is answering to defend you. I’m sorry.” says Lacey to all living gay men.

“Why we psychotically poised to attack you without…sense?” says a living gay men to Lacey.

“I don’t know. But it isn’t her problem and it isn’t mine.” says the rich man.

“I don’t know either. But it isn’t safe for me to keep rescuing you.” says Lacey to all living gay men.

“Maybe she’s not homophobic and poor.” says MSNBC to all living gay men.

“Then Jack is with Lem!?” they say.

“Nope. Try again.” says Jesse Ventura.

“Then we are Jack!?” they all say giggling.

“Okay.” says Jesse Ventura. He stands up and claps too.

“Why?” asks MSNBC.

“They my fwends now.” he says in his spirit like a poor little boy who’s amazed he has male friends.

They snarl at him.

But at that in his spirit Jesse Ventura shakes his head no.

“You FWENDS!!!” he says cheerfully.

“Okay.” says JFK maniacally.

He circumvents their free will. He controls gay men.

“Why haven’t you ceases to exist?” asks Anderson Cooper of JFK.

“I’m going at you from the past. Satan has helped me.” says JFK. “I sold my soul to him after I died. Because I’m not cool enough in Heaven for my liking. And I find that offensive.” he says. Then he smiles. “I am…your lover baby.”

Hush by The Marías plays.

He dances. Twirls.

“Hush!” he mouths awkwardly (because that’s heterosexual sexuality and only heterosexuals can sing it honestly or correctly) doing a very gay looking lip-syncing dance move.

Later.

The Last Resort by Trentmøller plays.

We’re losing time.

Some witches work with God.

“It’s my fault.” says Arthur Miller.

“Jack Kennedy lies.

He was basically a gay man. But he could…pretend to be straight. And he wanted everyone to think he was straight, including Lem. …Including me.

And therein lies the problem.

Jack wasn’t straight. He was very attracted to men.

I knew Jack Kennedy as an actual friend. As a person.

But he wasn’t…*I laugh* normal. He was attracted to me too.

And I found that hilarious and…charming. But not as a queer man, but rather as a narcissist. *I laugh* And I…thought about having sex with him. …But I instantly knew I couldn’t get it up when I analyzed it. So we didn’t have sex. He wasn’t…attractive to me…but I was curious. And as an intellectual it fascinated me. …But I just couldn’t do it, physically.

So…we never had sex. But he never forgot about it.

And you’d think he killed Marilyn because he was jealous over me? Right? *I laugh in amazement* But no. He killed Marilyn over…the pain in his own heart.

*How I Got Home by SYML plays*

I know you’ve heard the spin that they only met once in the 1960’s, but that’s yet another Kennedy myth. No. They met in the 1950’s. Before she was married to me.

*He looks uneasy*

*He thinks*

She was a Hollywood yacht girl, if you get the reference. So…*He shifts uneasily* he got mad at her for marrying me.

*He thinks.*

She married me very in love. We loved each other. I loved her more than life itself.

Everyone thinks I hated her. But that’s not it. I loved her. But we were celebrities. So we kept it to ourselves. Completely. *He smiles* But if you read me well enough you can tell I’m in love. …Out of mind.

And that love eluded JFK. He didn’t know I was in love with her. I’m not sure he fully understands the love that men can have for women. To him my love for Marilyn Monroe was all about me being a man. So he took it personally that she betrayed him. Of course you have to understand that she didn’t actually betray him at all. That was entirely his misunderstanding. But he was an awful man with very little sense.” says Arthur Miller.

Later.

“The idea was to turn Lacey Banks into my personal prostitute for being prettier than me.” says JP Kennedy.

“Prettier than you?” says Arthur Miller.

“Yeah. I can’t stand women who are prettier than me. …I want a gal who’s hot. As they say. But not that…hot. …Because then I’m hurt. I get hurt already. Right?? Because I have an ego. …And I hate it. I hate feeling inferior.” says JP Kennedy.

“Yeah. Her beauty bothers us all! It’s a real shame. And I hope you don’t mind me saying so.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“I was bisexual. How about all of you?” says Michael Rockefeller to the Kennedys.

Later.

“I had sex with too many demons. They appeared to me as beautiful women. And yet the idea was that they’d sleep with me without expecting any love in return, kind of like Lemmers. …Well our idea of him, rather.

So we…sleep with them…see…to…ahh…feel pleasure. …But…they expect nothing in return. And being narcissists we don’t mind.

So…well…me and the boys…my brothers and father…have gotten a bit carried away. And ahh…that may be…why…things have been so bad. We…aren’t doing so well.

Jack and I and my father and others…have…taken it all to- “ says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“A very dark place.” says Jack.

“We have. Yes.” says Joe Kennedy Junior. “We’re demons now.”

“Mmhmm. Yup.

You’re not demons. But you’ve become one with them so many times you’ve sort of…taken on…ahh…there…ahh…aesthetic.” says Michael.

“This is stupid.” says Barney Frank.

Lacey smiles.

“I respect Michael. But…I really wonder if Lem was straight.” says Barney Frank.

“He might have been.” says Lacey.

“I WAS.” says Lem.

Lacey sips her iced mocha.

“Uhhuh.” says Barney. “Yeah. I’m an adult.

What a weird life.” he says to Lacey.

“It’s CREEPY.” says Lacey, very sincerely.

He smiles knowingly.

“I’m supposed to be older than you.” he says creeped out.

“You feel too young to let down my guard with. I hope it’s not personal.” says Lacey.

“So Lem was straight.” says a gay man.

“Why did you all get kicked out of the tribe?” asks Barney Frank of the Kennedys.

“YEAH.” says Lem.

“We stole.” says a woman.

“Why were you so psychotically jealous of Arthur Miller?”

Later.

Greenwhich Meantime by Charlotte Gainsbourg plays.

I don’t understand.

Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“I HATE HIM!!” yells JFK at Barney Frank. “You are all losers!!” he yells, crying at Marilyn Monroe.

“He’s cool.” says Jamie Hess.

“No!! He’s loser!” says JFK, bitterly.

Later.

“Jack why do you care about Arthur Miller?” asks Barney Frank.

“Because he got dick.” says JFK finally.

“So he got her off!” yells Barney Frank.

“FUCK YOU!” yells JFK.

“So what’s the Democratic Party? Huh?” says Barney Frank.

“I’m just kidding man. Right? You know we’re in this together with crazy lady.” says JFK.

“With Crazy Lady?” says Barney Frank.

“Yeah. Lacey!” says JFK.

Ten Crack Commandments by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“Why didn’t the drugs kill Bobby?” asks Lem.

“Because you pretty.” says Lacey. “And he’s extremely evil.”

”YES! …And since JP completely destroyed himself we had to intervene.” says

L