“Verdi” by Lem Billings

So…let’s start off by warning people that this post might be a bit rated R in nature. So to speak.

Adoration of the Earth by Stravinsky from his work “The Rite of Spring” plays.

“SHE IS AFTER HIS MONEY!!” yells JFK to the sounds of Stravinsky.

“That’s mean.” says Kate.

“Kate. Let’s be honest.” says JFK to the sounds of Stravinsky.

She looks bored and annoyed.

“IT IS…MONEY.” says JFK.

“But what do they even have!??” says Kate, in doubt.

“$1 million Dollars.” says JFK.

Kate sighs. Nods. “Yeah. Not that much.”

“Sure. But…it’s nice. And they’re old.” says JFK.

“I don’t have to put up with you. I can go marry Joel.” says Kate, accidentally. She stands up and then falls.

The Sacrifice by Stravinsky from “The Rite of Spring” plays.

“Yeah!!!” yells JFK. “SHE A LOSER!!”

Gold Digger by Kanye West plays.

“I HATE HER!!” yells JFK. “SHE STEAL LEM.”

Someone carries Kate off. To safety. Poor thing.

And at that because JFK can’t figure out reality suddenly he’s sent into a seizure.

And standing silently watching them, baffled, is Ruth.

“Ruth. Do you have normal missionary sex with Jim?” says the Illuminati.

She giggles.

“My mother who raised me used to describe their sex life to me as a way of sexually abusing me. And then she’d get away with it by claiming I was annoying and curious.” says Lacey. “And acting like I was an annoying, gross 11 year old.”

“So…Ruth. Love those signature leggings. Where they from byotch?” says Lacey.

She looks offended.

“Where?” asks Lacey.

She glares.

“Where?” asks Lacey.

“Walmart.” says Ruth.

“And you wear them EVERYWHERE. Every…day.” says Lacey.

“I married Ruth to screw Lacey out of her inheritance. She made me draw up a will. So I married Ruth. I don’t currently have a boyfriend.” admits Jim, the father who raised her.

Gold Digger by Lefree plays.

“My mother who raised me told me he hated having vaginal sex with her with his penis. She spent time complaining to me.

Does he ‘give you his fingers’ the way he did for Becca?” asks Lacey.

A living gay man runs off.

Ruth, who’s not very bright and lived in a trailer, poor thing…blinks. Sits. Thinks. Looks away.

“I can’t tell you.” she says.

“Okay.” says Lacey.

“Ruth. Is he gay?” asks Lacey.

She blinks. Looks sad.

She shrugs.

“Yeah. You’re screwed-up too.” says Lacey. “Maybe like Becca. But not as bad.

Listen…are you surprised he’s gay?”

She looks sad. Cries.

“Yeah. …But you married him for his money too or what?” says Lacey.

A few gay men cry. More gay men laugh. And others wonder how much she’s like the mother character in Requiem For a Dream who uses weight loss drugs.

She looks angry. “I like money.” she says smugly. “Now I have it all.”

“Yeah. Well…probably.” says Lacey.

“I’ll get $50,000 a year. In oil. And $1,000,000.00 that’s all mine. When he dies. And he’s 77. And I’m 73. So…I’ll be a well off single woman with your childhood piano and your oil on the Craft side. In my mid 80’s. Your dad will die before I do. You DUMB BITCH.” she says to Lacey.

Gold Digger by Saucy Santana plays.

“When do you think he’ll die?” says Lacey.

Ruth sighs, annoyed. “I don’t have to give a shit what you say!!”

“Actually that’s not entirely true.

How did my father who raised me propose to you?” says Lacey.

“He didn’t. He fucked me hard.” says Ruth.

“No. How did he?” asks Lacey.

“He accidentally did. It was a mistake. But…I knew he wanted to. So we did.” says Ruth. “He meant to. But he couldn’t quit do it. So I helped him.”

“What happened?” says Lacey.

“He dropped a knife. Because he was so nervously in love with me.” says Ruth.

“And as inappropriate as he is he told me over dinner at The Good Earth that he was afraid of being able to ‘perform in bed.’” says Lacey.

“No. He performs well.” says Ruth, almost snorting in rage.

“Based on what Becca told me…I doubt it. She seemed to be telling the truth based on her tone.

He might be bisexual but I doubt it.

So…he dropped a knife at dinner?” asks Lacey. “And bent over to get it?”

A-Punk by Vampire Weekend plays.

“Yes!

And I knew he wanted me.” says Ruth.

“He made a joke about proposing to mock you.” says Lem.

“No!!” yells Ruth. “To get my hand in marriage.” says Ruth grinning.

We’re Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister plays.

“So it was like a Hollywood film?” says Lem.

“Yup!” says Ruth, bending over in laughter possibly sure she’s happily in love.

“Where are all the gay men angry about your marriage?” asks the CIA.

“We can tell they’re IN LOVE.” they say, like weird zombies.

The Final Countdown by Europe plays.

And as I write this 10,000 gay flags fly on the back of cars…as they drive.

“That’s my face.” says JFK, seriously. “I understand…COLOR THEORY. …The gay rights flag…IS…MY…FACE.

Tsar PUTIN is my lover.

When he come for me…with my flag…flying…I will receive him. With…something. Like…I don’t- You- How do you receive a lover? How do you receive a TSAR?” he says laughing, joyfully over his self-perceived glory.

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor plays.

The gay flags fly on the back of minivans. Damn! Those minivans be FIERCE.

Driven by a dumbass gay narcissist a minivan tries for a hot move. It spins.

It spins out of control and an abandoned alien spaceship falls on it, crushing it.

“That my shit.” says JFK. He laughs. “I like bananas. Get it?”

Another One Bites The Dust by Queen plays.

And another minivan driving flies the gay flag.

“Another one bites the dust.” says a demon.

“Hey!” says Lacey. “Not…so…fast.”

“I determine final eternity.” says God.

“He PROPOSED.” says Ruth.

“No. I didn’t have the heart to tell you I was only joking. And I told them that.” says Jim.

“But he was trying to harm me.” says Lacey.

Ruth smiles. “Yeah. I hated you and your mother who raised you. You treated me like I was white trash. And I’m not.” says Ruth, venomously.

“Another one bites the dust.” says Lacey.

“Ruth. Why are you hiding?” says Lacey. “Or where are you going?”

“She’s on a dock.” says a British man.

“Oh! How sexy.” says Lacey.

Lem laughs.

“They’re on fire with their sexiness.” says Lacey.

“Now that’s in the same place?” says a Gen. Z man.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“My word. He’s so happy.” says woman.

“Who’s your father’s favorite musician?” asks a gay man.

“He liked Chopin, Bob Dylan…and then he got into Christian music.” says Lacey. “Just a second.”

“Which gay icons does he follow?” asks Lizza.

“Barbara Streisand, Carole King…and…Lucille Ball…” says Lacey, trying to remember.

“Did he like Dusty Springfield?” asks a British man.

“He might have.” says Lacey.

She thinks.

“Who are those people?” asks a man.

“Left to right: Ruth’s sister and her husband. Then Ruth. And then my legal father and his younger brother Mike.” says Lacey.

She thinks.

“Did you listen to Joni Mitchell?” asks a Gen. Z man.

“Not often if ever.” says Lacey.

She thinks.

“Matt Redman.” says Lem.

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman plays.

“This is SO homosexual and perverse.” says Lacey. “My legal father really liked Matt Redman.”

Let My Words Be Few by Matt Redman plays.

“He’s signing…about Lemmers!” says JFK weeping. “HOW DOES HE KNOW LEMMERS LIKE I DO!??!?” wails JFK, sincerely.

“This cannot be happening!” wails JP Kennedy.

“He know Lemmers. I can tell. That’s Lemmer’s spirit.” says JFK, like a spy.

“No. That’s supposed to be a song about Jesus.” says Jars of Clay.

“NO! That is Lemmers.” says JFK, feeling he’s being fooled, possibly.

Lord, I Need You by Passion plays.

“Is this song about Lemmers?” asks the CIA.

JFK listens.

“No. That’s Putin.” says JFK. He listens. “Maybe Lem. But more like Putin.

It’s okay. He wasn’t with me yet.” says JFK.

Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin plays.“Daddy!” says JFK. “NO!!!” he wails. He collapses. “HE DID NOT FUCK YOUR MOTHER!”

What A Beautiful Name by Hillsong Worship plays.

“That’s my mommy.” says JFK laughing.

“Could they sing that way about God?” says Lacey.

“No! He’s not a sexy man.” says JFK. He laughs. “You cannot say you are in love with Jesus.”

“But that’s what they’re singing about.” says a man.

“Oh. They into…ahh…” he thinks. “Paganism of some sort.”

Later.

“I’m sorry.” says Ruth to Lacey like Ruth is a little girl talking to someone her own age.

“Ruth I can’t respond to you at this moment.” says Lacey.

Lacey turns to Lem.

“I need a drink.” says Lacey to Lem.

Later.

“It’s an imitation gimlet. With just a little Hendricks gin.” says Lem.

“Why do I prefer Hendricks?” says Paula. “Because it’s good gin.”

“I can always tell the difference!!” says Lacey, enraged.

“Do you prefer Hendricks to other gin?” says a reader.

“YES!” says Lacey.

Lem smiles. “Let’s talk about her tits now.” he says.

“What other gin have you had?” asks a reader.

“Non.” says Lacey. “NON!”

Paula smiles with Lacey.

“Why don’t you drink gin?” a random person asks Lacey.

“Lacey is ignoring your bizarre question.” says Lem. “Let’s talk about her tits.”

Lacey gets sleepy.

“Let’s talk about her tits.” says Lem.

“Yes. Where’s that man?” says Lacey.

“Oh well.” says Lem.

“Why do you prefer smaller tits?” asks Lacey of Lem.

“Your tits aren’t smaller.” says Lem. He laughs. “They’re different.”

“Inferior.” says Lacey.

“NO! HOT!” says Lem.

“One’s slightly smaller than the other.” says Lacey.

He thinks. Smiles. Laughs.

“No. It’s endearing. And it makes your body slightly asymmetrical…which is…nice.” says Lem.

“Then why do you like them?” says Lacey.

Later.

“Because they’re SOFT!” says Lem.

“So are my thighs. And so is my butt. That’s just soft body.” says Lacey.

“That’s good.” says Lem, smiling.

“No! It’s nothing!” says Lacey.

“No. It’s good.” says Lem.

“Good!?” says Lacey.

“It’s…good.” says Lem.

“I don’t understand.” says Lacey, shaking her head and closing her eyes.

“Mmm. Fine.” says Lem.

“Noo! You want FACTS!” says Lacey.

Lem laughs. Look furious.

Lacey waits.

“I want you.” he says to Lacey.

“This is so stupid.” says Lacey.

“Her breasts are ah…better than Marilyn’s. But not as big. They’re very- “ says Lem. “I’m not about to go on about them publicly.” He thinks. “They’re not without…flavor. They are…very present. Just not…as…protruding.”

“What if the reason why you can’t photograph Lacey‘s face is because it’s too symmetrically round? It’s a perfect female face.” says God?

“The eye has to adjust. And people refuse to do that if they’re lying. You can’t stare at a circle straight on.” says Salvador Dali. “Her face isn’t a perfect circle but like Zelda she has too much round symmetry to her face. It’s impossible to photograph. You lie. Cameras don’t photograph circles well. We just…don’t…talk about it.”

“It elongates them.” says Lacey.

“Yes! Or straightens them somehow. That’s part of what we hate about death. Cameras are imperfect. They can’t fully capture life. So… If we could capture life…I worry people would never move and just stare at photographs all day.” says Salvador Dali.

And at that a drunk Boomer gets under his kitchen table and laughs.

“Ruth! Do you use a strap-on?!” says a “sassy” gay man.

She just stares.

IRM by Charlotte Gainsbourg plays.

“No. I had to check. NO!” says Ruth.

“Then how do you have sex?” asks a gay man.

“Anal.” says a demon.

“Really?” says JFK.

“Yes. She’s still afraid of getting pregnant.” says a demon.

“He’s not that imaginative!” says JFK.

“Well…that’s what they do.” says the demon.

“What do you mean by imaginative?” asks another demon.

“He’s like me. He got it.” says JFK.

“Oh no. She’s my wife.” says Jim.

“I’m HOT!” says Ruth.

“Yeah. Cool.” says JFK to them.

“So you’re straight too.” says Jim to JFK.

“Yah! You…are.” says JFK to Jim.

“I’m a man. That’s what God says.” says Jim.

“CORRECT!!” yells JFK.

Hate It Or Love It by 50 Cent plays as Jim and JFK dance in a variety of The Twist. Together.

They laugh.

“You good.” says JFK hitting on him.

Jim giggles like Lem used to. Except it’s real. JFK stands in shock.

“You like to dance?” says Jim, like Lem but real.

JFK stands and watches him still in shock. Then Jim moves like Lem.

“Lem why were you impersonating a 30 year old?” says Lacey.

“In my 40’s?” says Lem.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“I didn’t think it was weird. And Jack liked that man.” says Lem.

“To get him off you?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“There are so many better ways.” says Lacey.

“Like what?” asks Lem.

“You didn’t know them?” says Lacey.

“No.” says Lem.

Lacey thinks. “If I wanted to throw Putin off me…I would play country music. In some bizarre way. Like…early 1990’s.”

Lem smiles. “No. That makes sense. What would you do with JFK?”

“Get him dizzy.” says Lacey. “A literal merry-go-round. Really fast. Just him. And then I’d…tell him to twirl. On wet grass.

Then I’d just stand there and stare at him confused.

Then I’d say…‘You’re a loser. You have no sense of distance.’” says Lacey. “And then I’d run off.”

Jack cries.

“I made that up. That’s an area of logical weakness.” says Lacey to Jack. “For you.”

“I’m very logical.” says JFK.

“No. You’re not. You’re a hard worker. In a way. Not logical.” says Lacey.

“No. My whole family struggles with logic.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“It’s not your family’s strong suit.” says Lacey.