“I’m Not Nice Anymore” by Lacey

(June 10th, 2024)

I used to be so nice. Genuinely nice. I smiled at strangers and trusted them to be at least somewhat friendly in return. But today I’m realizing I truly can’t stand most living people anymore over the age of 20 and under the age of 80. They’re just so hateful and self-absorbed in my experience with them.

Today at the beach a random woman very aggressively said hello. And I was not in the mood. I smiled as much as I could muster and said hello but I’m sure my irritation was evident as I then heard her say, “The idea is to say hello.” to her parents who were likely with her. But I don’t know her. And I’m not in the mood to force myself to be that pretentiously cheerful.

You know lately when I’m angry I’ve been unintentionally breaking into a weird Scottish accent. It’s possibly uncontrollable. And I’ve gained about 10 lbs or so… So…I suspect part of me is paranoid I’ll break into a Scottish accent and sound weird as heck if I try to engage too much with people. Well when I’m in a bad mood at least. It seems like something I do when I’m at my wits end.

Later.

Shoot. I just yelled something cheerful and it came out too. What…the…heck?

*I laugh*

At any rate I’m not a nice person anymore.

I’m loving, I’m kind, but I’m not nice.

I’d actually love to be proven wrong. And at times I feel awful, as if I’m totally batshit crazy and possibly missing loads of love people have for me. But…I doubt it. Gen. Z isn’t as rude yet as Millennials and Gen. X are. I’d like to think Boomers were nicer when they were younger.

Later.

I just drove past a black bear on the way to dinner.