“A Discussion With Jackie” by Lem

(September 14th, 2024)

Let’s say Lacey was born in 1918. In Minneapolis. To Tom and…well… And she grew-up and was told to marry several men, one of whom was Joe. Joe Kennedy Junior. And she…just couldn’t…once she met me. We quickly fell madly and eternally in love. Got married. Had four kids.

And let’s say that in 1958 Lacey met Jackie. Not through me, per se but rather…Jackie was trying to figure out who she was married to…and so she hunted Lacey down and asked her out to lunch.

And let’s say they had lunch today. Brunch really. In Manhattan.

(Adult content below)

Tangerine as performed by The Dave Brubeck Quartet plays.

They laugh together. Jackie seems awkward. They sit down.

Lacey orders a G & T.

“Oh my. Well. I’ll have…a Bloody Mary.” says Jackie.

“My father sells liquor and I don’t waste time. Rules are…mistaken at times.” says Lacey.

“Gin?!?” says Jackie.

“Yes! Gin is…

Gin reminds me of Germany before the war.” says Lacey.

Jackie stares at her.

“Actually maybe Switzerland.” says Lacey.

Jackie stares. Blinks.

Watermelon Man as performed by Herbie Hancock plays.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” says Lacey with surprising humor and sweetness and yet also a sort of tranquil aristocratic directness.

For some reason this puts Jackie at ease. She rests her hand on the palm of her hand.

She begins to cry. Cry like you’ve never seen Jackie cry before.

Lacey has no idea what to do. So she doesn’t do anything at first. Then she says, “Oh my! You need coffee.” she motions to the waiter.

“Yes?” he says.

“I think we need coffee too! And pastries!” says Lacey.

“We have…cake.” he says.

“Good! Bring that!” says Lacey.

Jackie collects herself.

“Oh my! What happened!??” says Lacey.

Jackie blinks. Fights back tears. Looks off.

“Have you ever…fallen in love…and then…been rejected?” says Jackie.

Far More Blue by The Dave Brubeck Quartet plays.

“Oh goodness yes!!” says Lacey. She takes a drink of ice water. “Did Jack reject you? Or did your lover?”

Jackie looks surprised. Thinks. Blinks. Thinks.

“My lover?” says Jackie.

“Yes! You have a lover? Or non?” says Lacey.

Jackie almost laughs. “No. Do you?”

“No!! Lem is…everything to me.” says Lacey, wistfully.

Jackie thinks.

“I have been rejected in love before though.” says Lacey.

“By who?” says Jackie, starring off into the distance.

“Have you ever read The Sun Also Rises?” says Lacey.

Jackie furrows her brow and looks at Lacey like she has five eyes.

“Have you?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says Jackie.

“Alright. You know Robert Cohn?” says Lacey.

Jackie’s mouth drops open. She stares off.

“I was Harold Loeb’s lover. For years. …But…it’s not…false…that he loves Brett Ashley. And he still does.” says Lacey.

Jackie laughs. Like she’s losing her mind. Then mouth wide open she collects herself.

Blinking, “Robert Cohn rejected you?”

“In a way. Yes.” says Lacey.

She laughs. Takes a drink of her coffee. Smiles wryly. “Well! …Did Joe?”

“In a way. But not…openly.” says Lacey.

Jackie’s eyes dart quickly back to Lacey’s. She looks Lacey directly in the eyes.

“HOW!?” she says.

“He’s in love with Pat Wilson. And…who knows who else.” says Lacey.

Jackie looks uncomfortable.

“Is Jack still in love with Gene Tierney?” says Lacey.

“No. He’s in love with Lem.” says Jackie. “And me. And…Red Fay. And half a dozen other men.”

Liquid Spear Waltz by Michael Andrews plays.

“You’re not a man.” says Lacey.

“No. Women too.” says Jackie.

“Lem hasn’t spoken to him for years.” says Lacey. “Or seen him.”

“I know. But they used to be close.” says Jackie, crying.

“They aren’t now.” says Lacey. “And I’m not sure they ever were.”

“I don’t think Jack…can be faithful.” says Jackie.

“Well…what do you want me to do? Kill him?” says Lacey, sincerely.

She sits silently in shock.

“I can’t help you. He’s your problem. Even if I care. And I do.” says Lacey, taking another sip of ice water.

“Does Lem…make love quickly?” says Jackie.

“No! Neither did Harold.” says Lacey. “Well…are you meaning passionate or quick?”

Organ Variation by Hans Zimmer plays.

“Quick!” says Jackie, in agitation.

“So Jack is lousy in bed.” says Lacey. “How bad is he?”

“I don’t think we should have this conversation.” says Jackie.

“Oh fuck you! We’re having it!” says Lacey, menacingly. “Don’t disrespect me, you fraud!”

“Yes! Yes, he’s lousy!” says Jackie.

“Then why don’t you have a lover?” says Lacey coolly, almost laughing.

Jackie thinks. Blinks.

“He cheated first! He broke your vows first! …You need love. Why can’t you find someone?” says Lacey.

“He’s running for President.” says Jackie.

“So WHAT!? You’re going to get him in far more trouble long-term if you aren’t happy. Mark my words. You’ll get him shot! …You’re very lovable. Everyone will know…and care.” says Lacey.

“Nobody knows!” says Jackie, defensively.

“EVERYONE KNOWS.” says Lacey leaning forward in a shouted whisper.

“Do I look that miserable?” says Jackie.

“YES.” says Lacey. “You actually do. You’re very pretty. But…it seems fake. Hollow.”

“My happiness?” says Jackie.

“Yes. What did you think I meant? Your beauty? No! You’re not as good-looking as me. …But you’re very pretty.” says Lacey.

Jackie almost laughs. Stares down. Thinks.

“I have always assumed Robert Cohn would fall madly in love with me.” says Jackie.

“Because you’re like Brett Ashley?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” she says, defensively.

“In a way you are. …But Jack isn’t worth a damn apparently.” says Lacey.

“Do you hate us?” asks Jackie.

“No. I see what you are. As best I can. And you just don’t want to hear the truth?” says Lacey.

“I can’t divorce him.” says Jackie. “I just can’t.”

“Find a lover. Keep it quiet. Humor Jack. Treat him like your…patient.” says Lacey. “In a funny house.”

“That’s easier said than done.” says Jackie.

“Well. We’re not supposed to cheat. Isn’t that what God says? But what union do you even have?” says Lacey.

Jackie laughs. Fingers her coffee cup. Looks down. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Will he even know!?” says Lacey.

“No.” says Jackie. She winces in pain, crying. Closes her eyes tightly. “He wouldn’t even notice!”

“Then treat him like he’s insane.” says Lacey. “You love him…he maybe loves you. But…he’s…really just…a mad man.”

She thinks.

“A weak…plodding…nutcase. Who has to have his hand held. Constantly. He’s a total fuck-up. A waste of time. …Unless you know how to use him like his father does. …We can pray for his soul. But you have to stop hoping he’ll make you happy. That’s impossible. He’s too…useless.” says Lacey.

“A useless nut job!” says Jackie. “I married a useless nut case.” she says rubbing her face. “Because he was Jack Kennedy. Rich. Handsome. And…FABULOUS.”

“He’s very pretty. Put him on a silver tray…and admire him from a distance.” says Lacey, sipping her coffee.

“What was it like loving Harold?” says Jackie.

“He’s…grand.” says Lacey.

Jackie smiles. “Dark. Mysterious!”

“Yes. And fantastically Old Money. Handsome. Fascinating.” says Lacey. “He’d not go for you. …Even if you are like Brett. More than me. …But why not find someone like him?”

Jackie looks fascinated. Thinks.

“Darling! …You can’t fix certain things. Best let them go. …Just…enjoy your role. You’re Mrs. Kennedy! Golly! …Unless if there’s a way out.” says Lacey. “Then it’s not honorable to stay. Or…if you find true love.”

“It’s just marriage.” says Jackie.

“Yes! A legal, societal institution. But…one has to respect it…as a Christian…as much as they can.” says Lacey. “It’s as simple and dull as that.”

“I think I’m too hurt.” says Jackie, drinking her Bloody Mary.

“Oh! Stuff of nonsense! …Did he tell you you were ugly!?” scoffs Lacey.

Jackie laughs. “Yes.”

“He’s wrong. Really. He’s just wrong.” says Lacey.

She cries. “My nose.” says Jackie.

“And teeth. And lips.” says Lacey.

Jackie stops and stares at her.

“Yes. I’m not blind.” says Lacey. “But…Jackie…darling…you’re still quite pretty!”

She thinks. “How?”

“Mmm…somehow it all works together nicely. Like art. It’s not…the ideal. In every way. But you’re actually quite fortunate.” says Lacey.

“I’m vain.” confesses Jackie.

“Then I shan’t trust you in conversation any further.” says Lacey. “Look…don’t stab me in the back or you’ll wish you’d never been born.” says Lacey with a smile, cheerfully. “But at the same time…I do care, darling! I really do! …And I wish you and your ward nothing but happiness. As much as you can have this side of paradise.”

And at that Jackie has an “affair” with Ari Onassis. Starting in 1958. Just days after Lacey talks with Jackie.

“And I’m not dead. Because of her.” says Joe.

“You know Lacey I have to tell you you sound a lot more like my mom than you realize.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior. “She was blunt too at times.” 

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave to have this part of the conversation. I’m sorry, Bobby.” says Joe.

Awkwardness.

“Lacey is very good in bed when she is in an actual committed relationship, a mutual relationship, she’s incredibly good in bed and that’s not myth, she really is. And I was going to die as I did partially because I was actually genuinely in love with Pat Wilson, and I felt as though my whole life was doomed. … she was a divorced woman born in Australia or Great Britain but as far as I can tell Lacey if she was born in Welsh Middleborough, London, but she also might’ve been born in Australia. She was raised in Australia, and she definitely was divorced, and she was wild, and and promiscuous and we used to have anal sex. Essentially, I was slightly bisexual like my brother Jack, although more genuinely so I’d almost saying away because I really did like women they over, emphasize that part of me because they were so insecure about the rest of it, but I actually really did like women that wasn’t made up, so did Bobby and I think Jack did it seems like he did he definitely found them attractive. I’m not sure if you wanted to be with them forever I almost think he was capable of sleeping with them, but barely capable of ever falling in love, and I think sometimes he did I think he actually did love Jackie as much as he was capable of loving anyone, but I don’t think he was capable of loving most people and it’s I think people of been confused just thinking that somehow if you can just figure out how he loves somebody that everything’s OK right no he wasn’t more faithful to lamb then he was to Jackie. He wasn’t more faithful to read faith and he was to tell him he wasn’t he wasn’t faithful and I think a lot of his admires have always thought that if they could just find the right formula at the right person, he, he would’ve suddenly transcend it to the saying through this hero and that’s not what’s real what’s realize that he was messed up and virtually in capable of having any real relationship with anyone so you have to treat everyone who he was associated with in that way with a sort of suspicion. I realized this Lacey put a realize this in five seconds, but I have realized this overtime and it’s true. I’m sorry he just couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone and so yes love mysteries and we screwed ourselves over with him and my family and still do read was married and somewhat happily so and that’s how he managed it so he just got married to a woman because he was probably bisexual got over Jack as much as he could, and they may have still had dalliances here and there, but I think he could step away from it because of his wife and sort of distance himself psychologically from Jack because him and his wife had some sort of understanding or some sort of closeness that allow them to have mistakes of speak but then maybe not at the end of the day as they say, take the whole thing all that seriously so it’s like oh yes, it was pleasurable. It was fun it was a companion, but really it was my wife who I trusted and loved. Jackie almost killed herself. Several times she had more than one miscarriage, shameless, divorced Jack, more than once she was utterly miserable and she had an affair with my brother Bobby because she was so miserable and because our family is so dysfunctional but him getting back to what happened I was in love with Pat and she knew more than I did that I was in love with her and like I couldn’t get over her so I already felt doomed because Jack was doing so well and I wasn’t as much as he was, and it was very frustrating to me and I hadn’t done as well at Harvard as I’d hoped to do. I needed to be perfect not just good but like perfect because we were Irish we were new money and that was my way of overcoming that obstacle to do to just excel everyone’s expect exceed everyone’s expectations. I was tall I was handsome. I was charming more than people realize today and I had a sort of charisma about me, so my way of overcoming my obstacles was to just be perfect exceed everyone’s expectations am almost like we were a business or some sort of franchise and I was the CEO so speak or something like that and so I felt doomed because here I was in love with the hat and she was terrible. There was no way I was going to get elected with her as my wife and I couldn’t imagine marrying someone and discarding her. if Lacey had been there to be honest with you, I would’ve tried him and that’s hatred for her on a certain level hatred for Lacey hatred for the British possibly if there’s a green carnation even hatred for the Scottish on and yet at the same time, I actually do love, Lacey and Dad and I’m still struggling to get over her Cuz I really did follow up with her so I would’ve tried to have her as a wife, a young, beautiful, well bred, aristocratic wife, who I would try to have taken care of and satisfied as much as possible and then also had Pat because I would’ve imagined that I could hold the war Lacey’s eyes with Pat because Pat was so wild and Lacey is so meek and sweet and she may have been Scandinavian if she was born in 1918 she just might’ve been Swedish and so weird or something else hurt her mother my dad like danish or something possibly Norwegian and so I would’ve imagined that I could do that to her that she just wouldn’t notice partially because my family is not particularly you know well right we’re not dumb but but but we’re not a we’re not as intellectual some people were more intellectual than most people, but we’re not as intellectual some people. So I would’ve imagined that somehow her being Scandinavian, and being so sweet and feminine and really ditzy but I didn’t realize it was dizziness until recently maybe that’s because were somewhat bisexual of my family it just somehow it and in middle class it just never occurred to us until recently that she’s not dumb. She’s ditzy and there’s a difference so we thought she was dumb and Scandinavian so I would’ve tried to have her as a wife tell my kids with half of them raised by a proper mother who really knows decent and wonderful cause she was in love with Lacey and then just you know, I have Pat on the side, because Pat was so wild and reckless and dangerous in knowing and daring you know we we had different types of sex, and that I didn’t even know about until I met her so I would’ve imagined that Lacey wouldn’t know any about any anything about any of that stuff because I didn’t realize I would have realized who Harold Lowe was and I would’ve known oh she was you know in love with some Jewish guy I guess some Guggenheim, or some thing, and I don’t know he probably broke her heart because he’s a Jew I was somewhat antisemitic, so I should’ve just thought he’s a Jew he’s old he’s icky She’s dumb and Scandinavian. She doesn’t hold any better and is a sweet Scandinavian woman who I should probably protect. Do you know I love I’ll sort of take her under my wing and protect her from this evil old rich icky, Jew.

Sis, so that’s what happened basically out of Lacey had been there. I would’ve thought I had a way out I would I wouldn’t have taken that job. I wouldn’t have taken the job to save London. I might’ve just gotten home and told Pat I’ll be in touch with you, we’re not going to be That all I’ll be in touch with you the weather no I’ll be in touch with you and will you know will keep in touch I’m not going to lose you and I but I wasn’t quite that LURD with her actually believe it or not we were daring but then we had a sort of innocence to our union as well. It was unusual it was what she described. It’s like she was so daring and so where, but then at the same time, she also was so innocent, and I felt innocent as an adult, you know, it was quite beautiful and so I would’ve tried. I would’ve thought this could work Pat would be my mistress in a heartbeat she’ll get married to someone else I’ll get married to Lacey and we’ll just keep it quiet, but will be in love with each other and as long as Pat Mary’s for money, and I am Mary for politics this week and she knows that then there wouldn’t be a problem it’s what’s the problem you know I would’ve really in a way, Pat and I are each other‘s love And so in a sense she becomes read Faye Rosen that because we really are in love and I really wish you would’ve known that I I knew that and it would’ve been. It would’ve been extraordinary at least that’s what I would’ve thought I would’ve said no no this will work who does have to go to confessional lot right bitch but she is she’s perfect she’s perfect that’s perfect and nobody is her rival really And I can’t quit her and we would’ve just been madly in love. I would’ve tried to use Lacey essentially, and the truth is I would’ve fallen in love with her too, but they would’ve always been some part of me that was reserved and I would’ve just assume that she didn’t know, and also because she was in love with Harold Lowe, I would’ve thought this woman is a danger to herself. She falls in love with all the cute Jewish men. Her father is dangerous, even if he’s a wonderful man and we love him and he’s a very good grandpa very good man quite a bit like my father actually, her mother is some woman that she barely sees. She was raised by Rito loves her very dearly, but probably looks at her and sees that she’s not her daughter and I would’ve thought no this isn’t right. This is a wasted opportunity, a sweet, charming, wonderful woman who really could find someone, but that theoretically might not to and she’s just gonna wander around and be wasted and unloved completely, and have nothing to show for her life and I thought no that I would’ve said no that’s ridiculous, it’ll work if she can be my wife I’ll try to make her as happy as I can and Pat will understand. I watched my father do that with my mother in and I can do better than that. I’ll keep. I’ll keep one mistress may be a few on the side you know what actresses and what not and then I’ll have one wife and I’ll keep things more organized than he did so it’s like yeah I have, I have a wife I have a permanent mistress, and to be honest I might’ve been partially inspired by her father too. It’s like I have a wife I have a permanent mistress because he did have permanent mistresses. He lies that they lied about about that or they just didn’t know Thelma was one of them, and then I’ll also you know maybe have a few dalliances on the side but you know those I’ll be rather oh nothing so to speak let me may be a little something here and there but you know nothing terribly serious and that that’s how I’ll run things I don’t like a king, to be honest, and That that’s that’s the plan I would’ve had and so no I would’ve been very careful actually with my life because she was just so well and and frankly Lacey is good in bed so I would’ve thought listen she’s going to head she’s a good wife it’ll work. I have an infinite amount of things to live for. This is not a time to risk my life on something stupid and so no I would still have been alive very much.” says Joe.

“ call would’ve had male lovers to Joe or not?” asks a gay man.

“ yes I would’ve but but also no, they would’ve taken the status of an actress in my life. I was I preferred women to men him and I did like men occasionally, but I preferred women and so I would’ve had a few men maybe one or two I would’ve taken seriously but I also took Katharine Hepburn somewhat seriously she may been part of the reason why Lacey and I ended things, so no, there might’ve been a few men I took seriously but no it’s I just wouldn’t have been my preference and to be honest Pat outshines anyone anyway, she’s astounding to me.” says Joe.

“ The problem is just to refresh your memory. I’m not an icky old Jew, and we could have a very long blog post if not a whole book about just our love. The truth is I do fall madly in love with her and she falls in love with me him but then there’s this sort of problem where I start thinking of Brett Ashley I am I’m sorry if that’s annoying to some people but I do I sort of fall off And the truth is I probably actually could commit to Lacey for eternity but we’re not perfect for each other and God is perfect so we would’ve spent oh 10 five 1015 years together if no one intervened and maybe theoretically more but not because I tend to sort of anything so they’re not working out I’m an idealist in that way And I just want to clarify that this isn’t don’t think she’s dumb because she’s not.” says Harold Loeb.

West End Blues as performed by Louis Armstrong & His Hot Five plays.

“It’s true. It’s a horror movie…come to life.” says Judy Garland. “If she’d been there…I’d have had…hope. Why? Because…she’s different. …Really different. …And…not perverse…DIFFERENT. …Not unique. Different. Not strange. Different.” says Judy Garland. “And her rebellion…would have given me…a sense of humor. She’s irrepressible. And…Joe…couldn’t crush her.”

The Man I Love by Billie Holiday plays.

“Joe is cheating!?” Judy says to Lacey at lunch. Smoking.

“Yes. Apparently.” says Lacey.

We’d have been friends.

“Gosh!” Judy says.

“I knew he would. But…turns out…he’s got some London mistress.” says Lacey.

“Lacey! What’s the difference!??” says Judy.

“Oh nevermind! There’s a difference.” says Lacey.

“Will you kill yourself?” Judy asks, frankly.

“No! He’s not worth it.” says Lacey.

“So what now?” says Judy.

“I’ll probably just…call Harold.” says Lacey. “Oh Judy! I don’t know. Listen! Really…we’re stuck here. There’s no point in killing myself. And sometimes you just have to stop giving a damn.”

“And do what!?” says Judy.

“Oh damn! Judy…survive.” says Lacey.

West End Blues by King Oliver’s Dixie Syncopators plays.

Elliott Roosevelt laughs at Lacey. She’s wearing a blond wig. Why? To take away the sting.

And JFK shakes his naked butt in 1967. Begging for someone to give him oral sex. Why? Because he’s been wrong. He betted that Lem was his. And he was wrong.

And at that someone tries to suffocate Lacey. Why? Panic. Desperation.

“Lacey is…hot.” says Elliott. “And no…she doesn’t look like Jack. She’s nothing like him in reality. And if you keep harboring stupid envy and hatred for her…you’ll be genuinely regret it.”

“Jack’s not homely!” says a plump middle-ages woman, cheerfully.

“He is when he’s naked. He has a tiny, pale cock.” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“Then who cares!??” says the defiant Illuminati.

“WHO CARES!?” says Elliott Roosevelt. “Oh man. Really!?!?”

“Yeah. Who cares!?” says MSNBC.

“So no more sexual pleasure!?!?!?” scoffs Elliott.

“Wait what!? The Illuminati of today…is too butt-hurt over you being hotter than JFK…to let us all have sex!?!?” says a perfume hater.

“Oh my God! Yes.” says a woman.

“You won’t even notice!!” yells a narcissistic psychic in New Jersey.

“Ahh…I think we will.” says a male reader.

Ponchartrain by Jelly Roll Morton plays.

“No! No…it’s all cool!” says Al Capone.

“Not it’s not.” says a wizard. “I’m taking away their powers. Just a bit. With the help of Ancient Egypt.”

“Let’s talk about why you hate Lacey.” says Lem.

“Does she really look like Scotia?” says Casi.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Lem…are you secretly…almost exactly like Skippy Handelman.” says Casi.

“Yes.” says Lem. “In private…I’m him. Essentially. No joke.”

“And JFK was a queer Alex Keaton?” says Casi.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“I think that’s what we hate. Although I’m not sure why. …Lacey is actually exotic. Not white trash. Exotic. …But we can never put our finger on it. But she is. …And…you’re hot too. And…that’s the thing. She’s exotic. So…if there’s reincarnation we have our racism triggered. Because we can sense something…dark. Exotic. And in America we automatically assume the worst.” says a witch. “See…with a Jew…she’s confusing…but…we allow it. With you…it’s scary. With Joe it must have seemed…fake. But pretty. But with you…it’s…scary. It’s not with Elliott. With Elliott we believe she exists. As herself. Dainty, feminine, sweet but…exciting and exotic. Like Kim Cattrall but…with something possibly Egyptian in her beautiful brown eyes. with you it’s so…real. Maybe like C. S. Lewis’s Heaven in The Great Divorce.”

A car addict almost happens in front of Lacey. Jack had tried to harm them.

“No!!! He loved me!!!” he yells, as fake as it sounds.

“That’s the story!” says a living gay man.

“It’s true.” says JFK smiling.

Snag It by King Oliver plays.

“Then why is it a lie?” asks a cucumber king in the afterlife.

“Because. It’s a lie.” says Judy Garland. “Do y’all need Lem to be more graphic?”

“Dammit.” says a gay man.

Later.

“Let’s talk.” says Casi. “I don’t think people can give up on their own mythology.”

“How so?” says Lem.

“They need me…and Diego to be Chris Hayes. I’m just…somehow magically not rich and famous. And Diego is Chris.” says Casi. “Was Diego good at dirty talk?”

“Yes.” says Lem. “I watched.”

“Yeah. …I doubt Chris is. He seems…like he’d be dull in bed.” says Casi.

“He’s not!” says Kate Shaw Hayes.

“But he’s not as good as all that.” says Diego.

“Umm…I think Lem should be more graphic.” says a realtor Lacey and her legal husband had in Seattle. He may have had a crush on Lacey.

“I don’t want to read that!” says Ken Schiebel in the afterlife.

“Mmm…it’d be fake anyway.” says a gay man.

“Is that really what you all think!?” says Bill Gates.

“Yes.” admits a gay anchorman.

“Knew it!!” shouts a wizard. “Damn! You’re wrong.”

“I don’t want to read it!!” yells another Boomer.

“How many of you are there who feel that way?” asks a gay man.

“THOUSANDS.” says a Boomer woman. “And we’re serious. It’s…weird.”

“But if they don’t…you’ll assume she’s lying.” says Ron Craft.

“Yes.” says the gay anchorman.

“Why do we do this to her?” asks Casi. “It’s…sick.”

“Hold on!” says a dead man who knew Lem. “Do you realize what he was saying the other night?”

“Oh! About his erection!?“ says a living Boomer.

“Yeah!!!” says the dead man who knew Lem.

“No. We missed that.” says a gay man.

“Wow! How!??” says Ken Schiebel in the afterlife.

“Yeah. Some people found it offensive.” says the dead man in a Jersey Shore accent.

“I mean…it could be anything.” says the gay man. “No. We’d have known!”

“Wow!!” says Ken, grossed-out.

“Lacey do you really think we’re that wrong about Lem?” asks a gay man.

“Really!? Really think!?! No!! But she suspects it.” says Lem, angry.

“I mean…no. You’re not coming through in her depictions of sex.” says a gay man.

“You’re not reading it accurately!” says Lem.

“You make it sound stupid in your heads.” says the CIA.

“Oh really!!? That’s the CIA?” says a gay man in a position of Illuminati power.

“Oh really!? Oh really!??” says Lucille Ball mocking him.

“I was killed. After I attacked her too damn much.” says Leslie.

“Who killed you?” asks Mexico.

“The dead mob.” says Leslie. “Not her father. They hated me anyway. But if there’s an Illuminati…they did me in. Because I was vulnerable and I went too far with this particular topic.”

“ I’m just curious how many of you have died prematurely how many disasters have happened since you started talking to her can we just get a clarification on that like dozens probably yeah OK someone seen dozens can you guys do that even collectively do you have them much power even collectively yes no no you don’t OK do you know just a little insight from a wizard reading this blog as much as America’s really cool if there’s reincarnation, she’s literally got a country that still exists named after her and there’s little to no historical evidence that she even existed, but it still has her name And I don’t think that’s normal and I think that you kind of have to sort of have a little chitchat with your suppose about what that would mean because if there’s reincarnations, she’s literally Scotia her likeness has been depicted if there’s reincarnation probably through some psychic that didn’t realize they were psychic who made Stainglass somewhere I’m not making that up I mean there’s not evidence that she even existed, but people of been trying to gossip what she looks like probably from oral history and if she is the person who is Scotia, then they haven’t been that horribly wrong which is interesting because it’s me as a psychic. It just proves that people are more psychic that they think because she actually looks like almost every depiction of her, I know she’s… kind of a big deal and she’s pretty damn white. I mean that you can make her something other than that but I don’t think that’s really historically accurate necessarily and I think you guys have to kind of let go of the fact that she really might just be white. If she Scotia Scotia might not have been as black as some people have thought she was, she might’ve looked more Arab, I think Lacey would think she could’ve been Arab. I don’t think she thinks that she was black you know what if there’s reincarnation she maybe wasn’t that does it mean that she’s racist? It just means that she wasn’t black so that’s where you guys have to stop because I have a feeling there’s things like that you know and I’m just I’m done arguing with you guys. It’s obvious to me if there’s ring carnation that you’re in a fight with Scotia and and literally the holy Roman emperor Constantine they could get graphic and I can tell you exactly what they would rise. I’ll just say it how about that?

Oh, he rips off her clothes, and while she’s sprawls out with a look of shocks pleasure in amazement with his beating body, he shoves his hard cock up her wet vagina, and they rub into each other until they cause a mutual orgasm that makes them both scream, and worry that they’re either going to die or lose their minds and pleasure. How about that? That’s their sex life when they’re still getting to know each other, roughly drawn it’s probably far better than that but that’s roughly what it looks like I’ve watched or there’s someone who has who is helping me when I can guarantee was a psychic that’s what it looks like she’s laying there probably with her eyes rolled back, her hair laying on the bed, her arms just languidly beautifully cause she’s very attractive. She’s very feminine every inch of her is feminine and tapered and dainty and it’s beautiful. She’s like a sculpture come to life in someways and so she’s laying there and she’s just waiting to be ravished, in all of him and then he’s huge and you know this beating masculine man who is just throbbing we waiting for him some sort of release of his passion for her. I don’t think Jack and him ever had anything close to that. I think he may jack come, but I would be shocked if Jack gave him an orgasm, or even an erection.

Yeah, I mean that’s what my sources are telling me Jack never gave Lem’s an orgasm or in erection he probably tried to get him wrecked by basically raping him but I don’t think that that happen very often and something tells me that that was when Jack just wanted him to stick his cock in his butt And that was probably pretty rare and I have a feeling that that wasn’t a pleasant experience for lab him so he didn’t you don’t try to make Jack do that, and Jack with his tendency to be totally self preoccupied and probably not particularly good in bed I have a feeling he over, did his sexuality partially because he was slightly asexual or inexperienced or something and didn’t really know how to actually pleasure himself so to speak so he overcompensated OK but enough of that I think I could be really really angry at the gay community because it’s obvious that you guys are idiots and how you vandalize the whole thing it doesn’t make any sense a narcissistic jack ass like a lame excuse me Jack really isn’t capable of being faithful or in love in any real way with anyone and your inability to comprehend that is problematic not just to yourselves but anyone who’s ever read anything you’ve written about him it’s profoundly dense.

And I’m sick of listening to people who are slow or are you testicle being capable of grasping that this is just the reality of the situation you can’t change the fact that you contacted Scotia and that she’s this terrifying, feminine woman at the same time I know she’s not a rational she’s not a diva she’s not has some angry, Hispanic woman She is very much not some thing people in America are used to dealing with there aren’t too many wealthy Egyptian women who are beautiful and feminine and sweet who have immigrated to America why would they be here? Do you know like why would you leave Egypt if you’re extremely wealthy and very beautiful and That’s not likely so I don’t think Americans are used to dealing with people like that and we don’t travel that much so route that we do what we do when we don’t I don’t think people give Lacey even half enough credit for her intelligence and her sophistication because they’re narcissistic and they’re just too stupid to realize how dangerous it is with some people to be that stubbornly narcissistic.

No, you can’t destroy her. You can’t flip the switch and you guys are in capable of getting over yourself. It’s sad because it doesn’t seem like you understand that this isn’t going to change you can’t make her someone that she’s not. I’m sorry she’s hotter than lady Lady Gaga, who obviously is insecure around Lacey most likely him Taylor, Swift, or someone else who has a huge problem with Lacey and these women have these problems because they’re ugly as fuck compared to her. You’re not as smart as she is they’re not as well bread and there’s nothing they can do about it but there’s nothing she can do about it either. You don’t even know that someone like her exist or you could just ignore that they do if Diego hadn’t gotten around, thinking he was a rocket scientist for talking to her. OK, Diana Spencer is just as white as Lacey you have to remember she started Scotland so the Scottish and his sons or her descendants potentially even literally I don’t know if she had children with someone and that person died or or what exactly but no I am not Kurtz foggy. She did come back as a Scottish aristocrat though if there’s been Carnation, so anyway, you could stop believing in reincarnation she still be threatening to both of you because she’s far far more beautiful than any that than either of you And it’s in a way that neither of you can imitate because it’s very petite and it’s very soft and it’s very ladylike and it’s not some thing that either of you will ever be until you you’re dead if you want an alter your appearance but for now there’s nothing you can do And I think sadly that a lot of people who really should be more mature and rational and we’re hoping that the two of you are the worst of it but you guys really are that slow you’re really that irrationally upset and have been for about 10 years because this woman is just better than you that’s all there is to it she’s better than you in every way you can measure Other than her finances and I don’t think that’s some thing that she cares about that doesn’t matter because she still socially or superior potentially and I think that’s what irks both of you is that this woman is social you’re superior, but then you have more money than her and you’re famous And you know that’s for JD Vance is cat comment came from and that isn’t playing well he could win the election because you’re all thinking that it’s some in Normas Lee stupid insult it’s not stupid it was actually very true. Most of you are incredibly narcissistic and stupid as fuck about house totally unhappy you really are and protesting otherwise just makes it seem more obvious that that’s a tremendously great insight which is sad because then you really working against yourselves and all feminism. Because you can’t get over the fact that you’re really not as successful and happy and profoundly superior as you want to think you are

Or how about you just back the fuck off and realize that some people are better than you and she’s possibly one of them. If there’s rain Carnation it’s glaringly obvious that you people are pieces of fucking shit historically compared to her and John Barrison yourselves by thinking, you could even be remotely similar to her in any capacity and that’s objective historical fact. If there’s not reincarnations, maybe there’s more of a race OK because she is not as famous as you and you’re both very successful for a reason, but she still better looking. She’s still potentially just as smart, if not smarter and she is better brat. She is better raised. She is from a better background than either one of you are I’m sorry And I don’t think that that’s some thing that U2 could handle even if you’re better than her and some other way, because your beauty, your intelligence and your sense of social superiority is possibly the things that matter most to both of you, you know you’re not real Artis apparently are you or is it that she is an artist to and you’re threatened by the fact that she gets taken more seriously than you do but people like F Scott Fitzgerald Because you’re both Pop stars and you know and she knows that what you do isn’t as profoundly fantastic as what’s possible except you know some of the thing at least he’s not an idiot some of what you’ve done is good art what is this blog? is that what you’re competing with her artistic ability, you know I wouldn’t bother competing with her. I just wouldn’t because you know this I’m a psychic saying this to you. I actually do believe in reincarnation and I still think you’ve got a kind of keep that in mind you’re talking to a man who literally could be Scotia? You really is that’s not a type of person that’s not a type of thing that’s one person in history and her husband is the emperor Constantine There are no other people like them in history. They are one of the kind rare people at the end I just I think until you can totally be no reason that out that is something you going to have to keep in mind for your own sanity, if we need to consider it though then OK There’s not really there’s not really a competition it in in beauty U2 are chickenshit compared to her you just star and I’m sick of trying to see people people trying to one up her ortho put her in her stop no she’s actually a rare beauty she really is no just because Native American men have high cheekbones doesn’t mean that they’re her equal Fuck you where is that that and no not all Egyptian women have her eyes she’s a rare beauty she’s not a nutcase she’s not a narcissist she’s an actual rare beauty.

When Lacey was being molested, Satan was very happy. I think there could be a Satan when Lacey was being molested. Satan was thrilled, and he wants to send her back there because that was the shining moment for him and her existence. He does actually hate her arm or he did. I think he still might know Ashley I’m not sure so I think when she was about 12 years old and he started to realize how shitty her whole life was going to be Him he didn’t. He doesn’t love her, but I think he stopped hitting her not out of empathy necessarily but more out of common sense because it’s like I think he imagined that she was gonna have this beautiful life where she was going to be loved, and have some sort of glory that would reflect back on God and put him in his place you know and remind him of why he hates humans But instead she’s lived this awful life of misery. And I think that it’s been very hard for him because I don’t think that he knows what to do because he really did go to far with her him and so for him it’s not like he loves her but it’s more like an oops her hurt her whole life for him. At this point this whole thing is just a huge whoops, it’s like shit I didn’t realize it was gonna be that bad I knew she was going to be miserable but I didn’t realize this was like a code blue will call it because then it’s like all bets are off of him and he looks like God and says, so is this the end like what the fucks going on Jesus and it’s like well you know there’s ring carnation it’s like yeah you right back Scotia but know what she’s even though she’s Scotia And he’s like oh crap you’re right so I think since she’s been about 12 he’s been not quite as impressed with himself and it’s probably more just sort of. You know I’m all hands on deck trying to figure out what the Hells going on you know him just what the fuck he’s supposed to do about it. I think he was totally down with bringing her back if there’s reincarnation because he probably thought it was funny but no I don’t think he thinks it’s funny anymore.” says a psychic.

“ the problem is she really is extraordinarily beautiful and she doesn’t really even fully know that but she is her parents told her that an away but the way they told her made it almost sound like a disease it’s like you have extreme beauty you’re extremely beautiful and so to her it was like something to watch for in her interactions with people, or sort of anticipate as an issue or something to be aware of and she didn’t understand what they were telling her so it’s like she doesn’t really get it and then people treat her like shit. There’s pretty pretty privilege that’s been given to her but it’s almost not really privilege with her because she’s so who she is that it’s like she just is sort of a sweet, pretty ditzy woman and who’s smart and well-intentioned and that’s really all that’s what she is and so, there’s not much privilege. I’ve never really been Charlie keen on the word privilege privilege makes it seem like it’s not your right that’s sort of an error. It’s sort of a communist backward way of looking at the whole thing because this is assuming that people didn’t fight for what they have ever, and that all wealth is just been stolen, which is so incredibly presumptuous and naïve, it’s not that no wealth has been stolen. A lot of it has been but you can assume that everyone that’s wealthy got there through criminal activity. She really has it and neither has her husband so it’s an actually I would say a lot of people like Louis Hill Junior yeah he’s dead now but no he really wasn’t a bad person either. I don’t think Harold was either and both of those men tried to give a lot of money away, so yeah, you can hold them responsible to some degree for their parents and great grandparents dead but then you have to be a real list and understand that they’re not the same people they’re really not like you can hold them responsible but it is you have to draw the line somewhere because they’re not the same people

So yeah, if there’s ring carnation, I was excited to have Scotia live and torture her because I hated her for centuries, so it was pretty thrilling to have her alive and have tricked her with jack and honey fits into coming back that was monumental for the first 12 years of her life and if there’s not reincarnational yeah but it was still about the same time that I realized you know this isn’t going well Because no I mean she has no idea how beautiful she is and then people are treating her like crap and I’m just like shit. When does this end like that there’s pretty privilege or whatever you wanna call it going on but it’s not it’s not enough like this isn’t it maybe it’s not like she could get to get more pretty pretty privilege necessarily but it’s not. It’s even pretty privilege it’s just like can somebody acknowledge that she’s beautiful in a way that’s not weird as fuck like everyone’s just like you’re so hot at weird times and then like she’d go out to these political meetings and literally politicians who are wealthy and older would like I her and like check her out like she’ll just automatically be interested in them and she wasn’t and she was totally freaked out by it. That was creepy as fuck and not at all helpful to her but that’s what she experienced right like older men ogling her, and then like random people saying oh you’re really gorgeous wow and then an occasional old man in his 80s or 90s stopping her on the street trying to pincher butter something saying wow you’re hot shit I wish I was younger that is the kind of thing that happened to her I know that’s not typical sometimes older men hit on women. This does this happen to her frequently it wasn’t just like men hit on her and it was normal. It was weird the number of older men that would hit on her was disproportionate like older men, and frankly, she was unusually attractive. Some people are good looking. No, Lacey was hot as heck, and it wasn’t normal. Whole thing was not normal and that’s the problem. I shouldn’t have to argue with people who are not even remotely as attractive as her who are now telling me that they had the same experience with older men no, you didn’t just because older men hit on you once at a wedding when he was drunk, doesn’t mean sweetie, that you had the same experience as her And there’s a lot of other things that she’s always talked about people just told this is the cat they cannot stand how unusual and bizarre she is and oh well but that’s the problem people are totally on empathetic and part of it is that you guys are sheltered, middle-class assholes and so when a poor person who’s on usual bothers you you’re empathetic within you also just like well they’re poor you never know you never know with poor people. Poor people can be really different and weird at times and you don’t really know where they’re coming from but they’re just poor, you know they believe in shape shifters and crap like that. Lacey is not poor they’re not poor enough they’re not really poor at all, but there’s still some thing about her that you can’t quite figure out until she’s not insane. She’s not poor she’s not stupid and that’s very hard for a lot of people to comprehend because it means that what she’s better than you or she’s rare in someway, so no but by the time she was 12 I thought fuck nobody loves her. Nobody gives a damn no one’s loving her. Her parents don’t really love her the way that she needs to be loved her family barely cares, and people will be offended if you told him that because they’re so self-righteous about the little amount of fuck that they give about her mom and her family other people who raised her would be totally insulted and livid if they heard what I’m saying right now and that’s part of the problem they don’t even give a shit if it’s true or not they just Are offended that you would even suggest that they’re not perfect angels or something and those are her friends to and then they said I’m giving all I can. What the fuck does that even mean do you know that she never bothered people she asked for rides occasionally but that’s it she never asked for money she never called people asking for support unless if she was really upset and that was what like 12 times and all the years that she knew people Literally maybe she called about a dozen times asking for help possibly less never asked for money I don’t think maybe she did once but I’m not even sure she did just I think she asked once for money for somebody else. Who’s asking her for money, but no Lacey it’s It’s a spam,, I actually think she might’ve paid that person back and then never was paid back herself but no that’s that’s the thing I realized how crappy everything was the time she was about 12 and I started freaking out because I’m certain I’ve seen how things go, I understand people in like a psychologist do you know and him know I just knew that we were we were in for a real shit show.” says Satan.

“ well jokes on you if there’s reincarnation you shouldn’t of brought her back.” says a psychic. “ so here’s what I keep thinking though what are all of the things that we can’t talk about because they’re just so obviously wrong and stupid other than love him and his orientation you guys are so fucking sure he was gay not even bisexual but like so fucking sure he was getting in love with Jack, like non-negotiable, dealbreaker end of story sure what else is like that?” says the psychic.

“1. Lem has to be gay and gay madly and eternally in love with Jack.

2. Lacey is a poor and from a poor family. Like…embarrassingly poor and trashy. So bad! So ugly. Like…wow! Can people get more trashy than this!?

3. Lacey isn’t…acceptable. There’s something wrong with her. Unclear what it is…but she’s not okay. Not cool. Not normal.

Those are the biggies.” says another psychic.

“So…Lem was straight. She’s not…poor. And…I’m not sure she’s really uncool. At all.” says the CIA.

An aging Boomer laughs. “Does she know he’s in love with her!?”

“No.” says the FBI.

“See! We’re in luck! Maybe he’s not!!” says JFK.

“Mm. What if…that’s ditzy of her to think that?” says a dead Jew.

“What are you suggesting?” says Harold Loeb.

“Harold…does he actually manifest his sexual organs inside of Lacey?” asks a psychic not in the Illuminati.

“Yes.” says Harold. “Very often.”

“I heard a no!!” says JFK. “That was a no!!”

“You’re hearing demons, Jack.” says a demon.

“No!!! I hear what is good. Good for me!!” says JFK.

“But those are demons.” says God.

“NO!!!” yells JFK like an angry toddler.

“Okay. Well…I’m curious. Did you all just read that?” asks a dead Jew.

“About the what!?” says a gay man.

“Sex! He’s manifesting in her. To have sex!” she says.

Later.

“That can’t be real.” says a living gay man.

“WHY!?” she says.

“Because!” says a living gay man.

“WHY!??” she yells.

“We’re fucked! You sure as Hell better have a reason!” yells the DNC.

“Because! Just…because?” says a living gay man.

“WHY!?!?” yells the DNC.

“Because!” says a gay man.

“No. No more because!” says the DNC.

“But don’t you think Lem seems too gay for it to be fake?!?” says Peter Thiel.

“No!! Not really!” yells Norway.

“I mean. I don’t know. Maybe.” stupidly says a CIA operative to pacify Peter Thiel.

“The answer is NO.” says Norway. “We’ve honestly analyzed it. There is no other ANSWER!”

“Well…then she’s actually sad.” says a living gay man in the Illuminati.

“You guys don’t know that!???” scoffs a wizard.

“No. It’s been popular to assume she’s pretending to be sad.” says Caitlyn Jenner.

“Wow! You’re all dangerously stupid.” says a witch.

“Hi! Are you actually winning?” a wizard asks Russia.

“Yeah. But it’s been bad. Long-term? They’re toast. I’ll do whatever is necessary to defend freedom. Real freedom.” says Putin.

“Cool!” says a Trump Republican. “So…end of the world type stuff?”

“If necessary! I won’t cower to evil.” says Putin.

“We can nuke Israel. Easy!” says Iran. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I’m not convinced they’ll give a damn anymore.” says Tsar Putin.

Lacey laughs.

“She’s right. It’s morbidly funny.” says Putin.

“Why not do another 9/11 type deal?” says a dead terrorist. “Less carnage than a nuclear war.”

“Or we could kill them???” says a Trump supporter.

Tsar Putin nods.

“We just don’t want you getting into trouble. You know?” says Egypt.

“Yeah. But it’s our country.” says a Trump supporter.

“True!” says an Iranian.

“So you guys aren’t the Antichrist?” says a Trump supporter.

“Not necessarily. If this is the End Times. Not necessarily. Sorry to disappoint you.” says Iran.

“Are we the Antichrist!?” says a Trump supporter.

“Well…come to think of it! Sorta. Not necessarily you. But…forces of evil who work with the US.” says Iran.

“It’s okay. I know it’s not you.” says North Korea. “Trump made that very clear.”

“The evil Illuminati in the US is the problem. You could join them and then you’d be the problem.” says Iran.

“So you’re willing to work with Donald Trump!?” says a Trump supporter.

“We don’t really want a nuclear holocaust. We’re more sane than that. …So yes. We do. He’s…normal to us. For better or worse. We understand him. …Let’s get back to Lacey.

So…she is having sex with Lem?” says Iran.

“Yeah???” says Kamala. “Probably.”

“Then why are we having this conversation!?!” says Iran.

“I have…no idea.” says a conservative woman to Iran.

“She seems normal to us too. We have lots of real women in Iran.” says Iran, smiling.

“But I want one who’s blond.” says Jonah Wiley.

“She’s not less Aryan than a blond.” says King Charles III.

“I know. I just…like blondes.” says Jonah. “With blue eyes.”

“Okay?” says Iran. “There’s lots of them.”

Weird silence.

“Anyway.” says Lem.

“So…you manifest inside of her!?” says China.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Could ghost detectives capture you?” asks China.

“Yeah.” says Lem. “Near her.”

“What could they capture?” asks China.

“His voice. His…body. He could move things. Touch them.” says Ron Craft.

“So sex with Lem is different than with Elliott?” says China.

“Eww!! Eww!!! Ewww!!!” says a living woman. “Eww!!!”

“Yes.” says Lacey. “I’m sad to say I know that.”

“Are we obsessed with you two?” asks a gay man.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Alright. This is bad.” says JFK. “Alf. The character Alf warned me. He told me, ‘Jack. I think you’re out of luck!’”

“I wanna hear…what Lacey thinks of Lem being in the closet.” says a Hollywood writer.

“There’s nothing. That’s dull. So fucking DULL.” says Lacey.

“Okay. Umm…then let’s hear about it.” she says.

“There’s no story!!!!” says Lacey.

“There really wouldn’t be.” says Kick.

“So…to her…it’s a non-story.” says Rupert.

“When does she figure out he’s not really gay?” asks a gay man.

“Five minutes into talking with him.” says Truman Capote.

“And she keeps it to herself. But they sleep together.” says a dead dad named Sam.

“Maybe we aren’t as cutting edge as we used to think we were.” says Kamala.

“So she just…doesn’t care that he’s gay!?!” says a Millennial woman.

“Not like that!!” yells Lauren Bacall.

“So…she instantly knows he’s gay.” says a Hollywood writer.

“She instantly knows he’s acting gay. YES!!” says Lauren Bacall.

“Cool!” says a living moderate.

“And then…it’s like…what!?” says the Hollywood writer.

“She’s aware?” says a perfume hater.

“Okay.” she says. “But back then they didn’t find that acceptable. That’s what I’m grappling with.”

“She’s not like most people!!” says a reader.

“No. She is!!” says the Hollywood writer.

“Not…really.” says a wizard.

“What THE FUCK!??” yells Sarah Jessica Parker.

“No. I’m sorry! I’m real.” says Lem.

“Do you read the sex scenes or not?” asks Louis.

“Not really?” says a living gay man.

“WHY!??” yells Iran.

Suddenly the oil market panics.

“We are in TROUBLE!!” yells BP.

“I’ve been lying. Sorry!” says JFK. “I didn’t want to ruin the oil.”

“It’s fine. We’re fine. What did you do?” asks Bill Gates.

“I made it so you’d not have any common sense. Or I tried to.” says JFK.

Much later.

Lacey wrote a far more overtly sexual post but took it down.

I Only Have Eyes For You by The Flamingos plays.

“Lacey saw inside my apartment. Years ago now. …And when she saw photos of it online afterwards she was shocked by how much it looked like what she saw. …I’m real.“ says Lem.

Lacey suddenly hears a voice that sounds like voice of her kids. It’s very clear. They said, “Mama!”

“I’m real.” says Lem.

“I can’t stand it.” says Lacey to Lem.

“I know.” says Lem.

…”Lacey…just…don’t care. Okay? So what if gay men get…suspicious and doubtful. That’s their problem. If it’s real…and it seems to be…it’s real. End of story. …You have to just not care.” says a male psychic, shrugging. “Just…give-up. Take care, be kind, be safe. But give-up. You can’t convince people. Convince yourself. Be…wise. But…you won’t convince some people I guess and I’d just let it go. It doesn’t change anything. Lem was straight? His ghost say that? Cool. He probably was then. …Who cares if most people can’t reason through it. It’s not ridiculous. It’s fair and…totally valid. And…very likely even. …But…people like their narratives. You know? Or whatever it is. Oh well.”

“Do you get angry easily?” asks Lacey.

“No!” he says.

“Okay. I would never…try to compete with some people. I’m not competitive but I also just don’t get competing with certain people. If someone is too far above me…I’d never take them on. Like try to outshine someone with a $20 million estate. With my house. Never! …I don’t understand why people would do that. But…I sincerely felt…hateful levels of competition from people who were on food stamps. When my husband was making an upper middle class salary…and I was inheriting $10,000. How…does that make sense? What goes through their minds?” says Lacey. “I just don’t get it.”

“Did they know?” he asks.

“Exactly! And in my rage that’s why I wrote the blog post I did. Years ago. That made everyone so angry. …But…I just don’t understand. Because if the roles were reversed I’d probably never do that.” says Lacey.

“They possibly lied to themselves about who you were. And genuinely thought they were more like you than they are.” says a witch.

“Their aesthetics were vastly different.” says Lacey.

“They really were. But…I think that’s the thing. They were lying?” says a reader.

“You seemed relatable.” says a former follower.

“HOW!?” asks Lacey.

“Oh damn! …That was a misunderstanding. …I wonder sometimes…if we just misunderstood Minnesota-Nice.” says Casi.

“You might have.” says Tim.

“I didn’t feel that relatable.” says Lacey.

“So you didn’t examine our differences. But you just felt different somehow? And…you were creeped out by our feelings otherwise.” says Casi.

“Yes. Or possibly something close to that.” says Lacey.

“You know…I don’t believe in reincarnation…but let’s pretend it’s real. Let loose!” says Casi.

“Who…the Hell…are you!?” Lacey says to her.

“Me!” says Casi.

“Who’s that!?” says Lacey.

“Are you straight!?” yells Casi.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Oh SHIT!” says Casi. “We’re doomed.”

“I’m not a menace!” says Lacey.

“Are you quite alright!?!?” says Casi.

“WHO ARE YOU!?” yells Lacey.

“Mistress!” says Casi.

Lacey looks baffled. “Was Lem that in love with me!?” says Lacey.

“Yes???” says Casi.

“Oh no. This can’t be right!” says Lacey.

“It’s too late, Lacey. You’re 41!” says Casi.

“If there’s reincarnation…this is dumb.” says Lacey.

“I can’t think God won’t make it good.” says Casi. “If it’s real.”