“American Exceptionalism Uncovered” by Ari Onassis

I don’t think you understand.

(July 21st, 2024 – Late Afternoon)

If there’s an Illuminati it’s not surprising to me or Lacey. …People are always looking for ways to make money and cultivate their own power. There’s nothing surprising about an Illuminati.

…How could Lem really have been straight? Well…that’s how it is. …Lots of people in the past were sexually confused. Hidden gay people. And yes, even Biden straight people. Lem…was…imitating gay men. And you can do that. …You can easily fake it. There’s no genetic gay voice that’s easily recognizable to most people. …You know that. …So why can’t a man who’s confused and straight fake being gay…for his own sad reasons? He could!! And did. Lem was that man. It’s so simple. Try! Try to understand. He used the popular gay voice over his regular, natural straight voice. It should go without saying that there’s no evidence to prove he wasn’t a straight confused man. Okay!? Grow-up!

So why don’t you like it? Because it’s scary! …Jackie turned to me after Jack died and it’s fairly known that we didn’t get along. …Despite what Sally Smith says Lem was not the saddest Kennedy widow. And Jackie was far sadder than Lem ever was. And Jackie…turned to me. …Lem turned to alcohol and drugs because his life was…a total fucking mess.

How could Jackie do that!? …Because she loved me…and because I was her safe haven. I gave her comfort. …And…it’s not likely…the American Exceptionalism you count on…to ensure Jack Kennedy was and is…exceptional…is real. …Every empire or quasi empire is apt to feel exceptional, but empires fall. There is no unsinkable nation, just like there is no unsinkable ship. …Jack Kennedy existed in a family that was…just a family. And…there was nothing extraordinary about the love he showed Lem. Giving him a room in the White House was self-serving not just…a romantic gesture. …And that’s thee only thing he ever did of any note. Really. He excluded him at his wedding to Jackie. He rarely publicly recognized him at all. He forced him into an abusive subservient position in life. He made Lem look pathetic. …There’s nothing special there. …And I can’t imagine why Americans are so silly and stupidly attached to the idea that Lem was Jack’s lover…even considering the amount of fervor within the gay community…and so I can’t help but wonder if it’s some sort of…attachment to a bigger idea. That idea being American Exceptionalism.

Americans see the Kennedys and Jack in particular as being the height of American glory and glamour. …And in truth he was…not exceptional. He was a good actor maybe. He could read line well. But he rarely came up truly intelligent ideas entirely on his own. …He wasn’t smart. He was average. But he acted smart. Because his father wanted to cultivate that image of him and his whole family. …I struggled to connect with Jack…and so did many other unusually intelligent people. I’m…unusually intelligent. I’m a self-made man. …He seemed shallow…self-absorbed…and pretentious. Very fake. …I didn’t think he had anyone in mind but himself almost ever. …And it was easy to fool him if you knew how. And he was fooled far more often than you might think.

…I think you have to…be open-minded to a certain extent with a man like Jack. Because he’s a malignant narcissist. …You can’t count on his story to be normal. His death is obviously abnormal. …But so was his life. All his relationships were abnormal too. With everyone. …Jackie…loved him…but after a time…she slept with other men. And when she did…she found it was…for better and worse…very different than when she was with Jack. …Some of those men weren’t narcissistic and actually loved her. And…as much as she loved Jack still in memory…she got over him in a way. Because…we gave her something he couldn’t. So…it was only natural she’d join me. Because…it seemed…separate. …There was her time with Jack Kennedy and whatever that was…and then there were other men and…good memories waiting to be made. Fun. Sex. Good sex. Good memories.

…Lem wasn’t…able to make Jack Kennedy love him any more than any other human who knew Jack Kennedy. How is that not obvious? …Homosexuals don’t make people love them more than straight people. That’s insane! …And frankly…as much as narcissists hold their victim’s attention…they don’t have the connection with them that people claim Jack had with Lem. That’s impossible. …Jack wasn’t capable of that kind of depth of friendship or romantic love. Jack wasn’t that sort of person. …The love affair you’ve concocted between Jack and Lem was impossible…and not just because Lem was secretly straight and confused.

…So again, why are you so attached to the idea of Lem and Jack? Well…again…I can’t help but think it’s an attachment to American Exceptionalism. Some sort of…fairytale ideal of what America is. …And that’s…human. …But you have to try to understand yourself in that regard. …The reality of what Jack Kennedy was isn’t the same as the popular mythology. He’s a very different man than the…cerebral, virile, charming, lovable bloke from Boston you’ve heard of in the kindest stories about him. He’s a man…and he’s cold…and he was from Boston.

Later.

“I don’t think I seem gay!” says Peter Thiel.

Pete Buttigieg laughs at him, amicably.

“Yeah. You do.” says Lacey.

“You really read me as gay!? …Because I think I look gay in the same way Lem does.” he says.

“You seem gay in the same way Jack does.” says Lacey.

He looks surprised.

Pete nods and laughs.

“No! I do not seem gay. …Do I!!?” says Peter.

“Okay. So…you look a little like Lem. …But…I’m not attracted to you. At all. …Well…almost at all. Like…I’d never…ever…feel aroused by you. If we were interacting in person.” says Lacey, bluntly. “But…yeah. There’s something about you that looks gay to me.”

“I hate you.” says Peter Thiel, stupidly to Lacey.

“Why!?” says Lem.

He looks uncomfortable.

“So he has a similar energy to Jack?” asks Donald Trump.

“No. …I really don’t think it’s just an energy. …It’s something physical.” says Lacey.

“Could be demonic!” jokes Angelina Jolie.

Lacey laughs.

“I actually love PayPal by the way. Great company!” says Lacey. “Seriously.”

Peter Thiel rubs his forehead. Thinks.

“Is this just stupid to you?” says Peter Thiel to Lacey.

“What? This conversation?” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” he says.

She thinks. “To be honest: Yes.” she says.

He laughs. “So you’d never date me.”

She thinks. “No. I might have. …But if like to think we’d have become friends.”

He nods. Thinks. “I’d have come out to you.”

She thinks.

“Oh really!?” says Lem. “Why?”

“Fine she’s hot.” says Peter.

“No SHIT!!” yells Lem, very angry.

Peter Thiel looks insulted.

“Who hurt you? Over a hot woman?” says Lem. “You’re such a fool. …Grow-up! …Dude…I’m not you. …I’m me. Do you understand that or is that too complicated of a topic for you?”

“So you were bisexual?” says Peter.

“No! I’m insulting all of homosexuality because you pieces of- You guys…really…make…me…angry.” says Lem. “You also resemble Vladimir Putin. You know?

But here’s an interesting question: How much do you look like Emperor Constantine? I look almost exactly like him. …If there’s reincarnation I am him. That’s fact. …I tried to look gay. …And maybe there are some genetic traits you and I share? Maybe there are some genetic traits you and Tsar Putin share. …But I was straight. And I have to wonder…if you’ve ever considered how complicated the whole thing is on a scientist level.” says Lem. “It’s easy for Lacey to tell. …But not for you. Not for most gay men. …And that’s just…how it is.”

“What is it about him that seems gay?” asks NBC.

“I will say…I’ve noticed something about the cheeks and…clavicle…that give non-straight men away.” says Lacey.

Peter Thiel laughs. “You scare me. That’s why I hate you. …You scare me.”

Lacey laughs.

“You’d probably be the favorite girlfriend of some…high-ranking Nazi…in Germany. Into your 70’s. For real. …And…I get along with those people. But I’m gay. …And…they’d have a problem with that. …How do you…” says Peter.

“Yeah! …A high-ranking Nazi who’s dead has already come on to her many times.” says Lem. “They’re just not meant for each other.”

“So my cheeks are gay?” says Peter.

“Yes. To be honest they look gay.” says Lacey. “The part of you that you feel looks like Lem isn’t necessarily gay. …I’ve seen many British men who look like that, I think. Maybe some Russians too. …And it could even be your intense intelligence.”

“I think I look straight.” says Peter.

“And you pride yourself on that.” says Rosie O’Donnell.

“Yeah! I just checked. You look British.” says Lacey.

“Dammit!!” says Peter.

“We look alike too.” says Dan Stevens.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Yeah. It’s not that. …She’s scary.” says Dan Stevens. “Sorry.”

Casi laughs. “Why can’t you tell when women are?” she asks Lacey, laughing.

Pete Buttigieg laughs.

“Casi, be nice.” says Rosie O’Donnell.

“She LIKES SEX!!” says Dolly Parton.

Lacey waits to read people’s responses.

Silence.

Michael Rockefeller laughs.

“You do. Oh well. Big deal!” says Dolly Parton.

“That’s true.” says Lacey.

Dolly looks serious. “Yup. Why not? …Sex is good. And you like men.”

“I do.” says Lacey.

“Does that embarrass you?” asks a Boomer woman of Lacey.

“No. …I just worry how people will interpret that. …It sounds like I’m loose. I’m not.” says Lacey.

“Oh you’re so annoying!” says Peter Thiel.

“WHY!?” says Dolly.

“We’ve found it!! Their weak spot.” says Joe Biden laughing. “This is how we converted her to our side when she was in college.”

“Yes.” says Lem. “Republican men…get mad at her. Especially queer Republicans and Libertarians.”

“Because they’re threatened.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“WHY!?” says a dead high-ranking Nazi official.

“Yeah. Why?” says Dolly Parton.

“Because she’s hot. And smart. And ditzy.” says Peter Thiel. “And if you aren’t aroused by her…or if you don’t feel paternal or brotherly enough about her…or you’re not just too young…you feel…gay.” He thinks. “Like really gay. …Look…Lem you’re sensitive. Right? Like…that’s honestly part of the reason you believed you were gay. …What if a woman dated you…who claimed she just needed sweeter guys to date? Like men who were more sensitive. …Nobody would believe her if she said you were too tall. Like…way too tall. Like she’d love you…but you were just…obnoxious because of your height. …You’re tall. But…you were good-looking. And I think…that’s Lacey. She has smaller tits. But she’s hot as heck anyway. And…it just…makes you feel insecure.”

“Yeah. That’s possible.” says Lem. “Look…I’m tall. …She’s curvier than that. If you want to be accurate in your analogy.”

“So…you’d know I was gay.” says Peter to Lacey.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“You’d think, ‘Oh! Handsome!’ about me. But then you’d instantly feel repelled?” he says.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

Casi looks at Lacey in her spirit oddly.

“You cannot be that good.” says Casi.

“No! She is.” says Lem. “She’s known before people were out many times.”

“What’s that like?” asks Pete Buttigieg.

“What do you mean?” asks Lacey.

“What’s the point of going out?” asks Pete Buttigieg.

Lacey thinks. “Yeah. I was friends with guys like you in college.”

Pete smiles. “We were bad friends.” he says.

“Women were worse.” says Lacey. “Sadly.”

Pete thinks. “So what’s that like?”

“No. We were worse.” says Kamilla Harris.

“Wow. We really hit a goldmine.” says Joe Biden. “SAD!”

“Yeah. …I knew there was no one.” says Lacey.

Pete nods. “Yeah. …Where was there someone?”

“Possibly in a posh bar in Europe.” says Lacey.

He nods in agreement.

“But no. …It’s terrifying actually. My life has been…terrifying.” says Lacey. “In that way.”

“Holy fuck!” says Kamilla.

“What’s it like knowing if you went out you might actually find happiness?” says Lacey.

“Joyful.” says Pete.

Lacey nods.

“So…you…-“ starts Pete.

“HOLD THE FUCK ON!!” yells Peter Thiel. He flounders.

“So what were you feeling?” asks Pete.

Peter Thiel laughs.

Lacey thinks. “Death. The worst of it. …Not the hopeful part. Like…the frayed edges of our existence.”

“When you were getting ready to go out…that’s what you were spiritually sensing?” says Kamilla.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“What about when you were out?” asks Pete.

Lacey smirks. “I got randomly compared to a Romanian gymnast.” jokes Lacey. “A Black man tried to counsel me. …And I loved my liquor.”

“Gin!” says a Rockefellerz

“Yes! …I love gin.” says Lacey. “Vodka wasn’t bad.”

Putin smirks.

“So…you got hit on.” says Peter Thiel.

“Yes. But it was futile.” says Lacey.

“What’s that like?” asks Pete Buttigieg, sensing gold.

“SHIT!!” yells Lem.

“The pain is excruciating. But then it gets so bad you move beyond it…because God isn’t evil.” says Lacey.

“What happens?” asks Pete Buttigieg.

“My spirit floats off. I think.” says Lacey.

What’s Beef by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“It does. …It only stays if she holds on to the present…at our request.” says the Black man from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania from that bar almost 20 years ago. He might be dead.

He lip-synchs to Biggie. “You know I’m smart. And deep.” he says to Lacey.

Kamilla dances. Feeling comfortable.

“Yeah. I’d have been friends with you too in college.” says Lacey to Kamilla.

She nods yes.

They all sit in silence. Thinking.

“She had a funny thing she did with her face.” says the Black man.

“What was it?” asks Peter Thiel.

He refuses to talk to Peter Thiel.

“What happened?” asks Peter Davidson.

“Man! …She’d look all happy okay? Smiley. …She had this huge pretty smile. …But then…it was like…her smile would just completely drop. And she’d look…miserable.” he says. “I mean…dead.”

“And he told me that.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I was drunk. And it bothered me. …I wondered if she was suicidal.” he says. “So I said something.”

“Thank you.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. Lem’s face did the same thing.” he says, thoughtfully.

“So Lem you were straight?” says Peter Thiel.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Why weren’t you there? Or should I ask her why she was there? Or…is there no reincarnation?” asks Peter Thiel.

“You’ve heard the answers to all of that.” says Lem.

“Lem…why didn’t women…try to sleep with you? …I’m imagining you being sensitive with them and then what? What happened?” asks Peter Thiel.

“Why aren’t you more disturbed by Lacey?” asks the Black man from Harrisburg.

“Because he doesn’t believe Lem was straight.

…Didnt Lace have a nightmare where she felt she was dying of a cigarette overdose? And she’d been…sexually…assaulted?” says Joe Biden.

“Yeah.” says the Black man.

“SHIT!” says Joe. “Sounds like she was Lem. Lacey…didn’t you have an apartment? And you hid drugs from people?”

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Yup. …But that wasn’t you. …You know…that’s weird, Lacey.” says Joe Biden.

Lacey waits.

“Lem! …I’m homophobic.” says Peter Thiel.

“No shit.” says Donald Trump Junior. “Look…I can tell you what happened. Correct me if I’m wrong, Lem.

…He sat there…on a sofa…right next to them. For hours. HOURS. Endless hours.”

Lem nods. Laughs.

“Man, I’m sorry.” says Donald Trump Junior to Lem.

“Yeah. Go on!” says Lem.

Donald Trump Junior laughs a little. Thinks. “And it’s like…they don’t…stop.”

Lem nods.

“I’ve obviously been there.” says Donald Trump Junior. “And they just…can’t shut-up. …And you think to yourself, ‘When do I finally get sex?’ Or…what? What did you think?”

“Keep going on.” says Lem.

“So…you think that. And then…they excuse themselves and go. Or they expect you to hold them. Just hold them. Without any sexual tension.” says Donald Trump Junior.

“Yup.” says Lem.

“And it’s awful.” says Donald Trump Junior.

“I had that situation…regularly. …And no, I didn’t expect sex. That’s…lazy. …At least.

…But I…felt…used.” says Lem. “And…devastated. Every time.”

“That was your fault!” says Peter Thiel.

“Yeah. Okay. …But not entirely.” says Lem. “Some. But not completely.”

“Why didn’t you just try something!?” says Peter T.

“I thought it was a bad idea. …I thought I was gay.” says Lem.

“You never felt the urge!?” says Peter.

“Yeah! But…I thought I was gay. And frankly none of these women were like Lacey. …Jack controlled my life. My life was shot to Hell when I met him.” says Lem.

“Lem…would you have slept with Marilyn?” asks Alan Delon.

“No. I’d have been tempted. But no.” says Lem.

“What about…Grace Kelly?” asks Putin.

“Yeah! You know. …Again, tempted but no.” says Lem.

Putin nods.

“Why?!?” asks Peter Thiel.

“You wouldn’t understand.” says Lem.

“Okay. Other than Putin who’s a straight dude?” asks a reader.

“Wait! What is it?” asks another female reader.

Lem laughs sadly.

What’s Beef plays again, louder.

“It’s subtle.” says Lem. “But it’s essential.”

“Lem…what are you talking about?” asks a dead straight man over 90.

“Do you think that’s wise to explain?” says Lem.

He laughs. “Yeah. It’s like talking to children at times. I hear you.”

“I feel uncomfortable.” says Peter Thiel.

“Why?” asks Lacey.

He looks at her.

He thinks.

“Dammit. I’m sorry. …I’m avoiding something.” he says.

“Us.” says Egypt.

And at that dead Black Harrisburg feels like they’re right there with Lacey. Listening to Biggie.

“Lacey.” he says.

“Yeah.” she says.

“God.” says another Black man.

“Maybe it’s not even real.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. But it hurts.” he says.

“Yeah. …I’m taking it personally.” says Lacey.

“Jack was a racist fucker.” he says.

“God.” says another dead Black man.

The song ends.

In Lacey’s dining room it looks like there’s a back hole that opens and shuts. Like a black void. Open and close. Something races into it or out of it.

“I’ll write it!” says Ari Onassis.

He analyzes the situation. He’s handling things.

A black shadow moves in Lacey’s living-room. All near her Edison. And her Royal Crown Derby. And a print of some bridge in England.

The hole formed right near the Edison. Lacey sees something. As convincing as a living human out of the corner of her eye. Turns her head sharply. It’s usually Mark. But no one is there.

“You guys. Lacey’s not an idiot.” says Dr. Allen of Dartmouth, in the future. “HEREFORD BRIDGE! …SHE KNOWS!! …WHO…IS TELLING HER…OR WHO…IS SHE!? Scottish fighters? Really!? WEIRD. She was instantly drawn to that print.” He looks mad. “I look like you too, dumbass!!” he says to Peter Thiel.

“She was in love with you.” says a man.

“Yeah! …And you know what!? …I reminded her in her subconscious of Lem. …If there’s reincarnation. …And Joe Junior. …But…my spirit is more like Lem. …I’m…complicated too.” says Dr. Allen in the future.

“She’s complicated too.” says the dead Black man.

“So. Let’s move on.” says Ari.

Glassworks: VI. Closing by Philip Glass plays.

Lacey wasn’t there. But let’s imagine she was. …I’ll cut off the writing when they kiss.

It’s dark. Lacey and Lem are sitting in a car. He’s driven her home. He’s uncomfortable. But he’s a good sport.

“Thanks for driving me home, Lem.” says Lacey.

“We should spend more time together.” says Lem.

“Yes. We should.” says Lacey. She smiles at him. “Would you like to come inside?”

Lem thinks.

“Sure!” he says smiling.

Lacey smiles.

They get out of the car. Go inside. He sits down in the living-room and she goes to get tea.

“Would you like mint or chamomile?” she asks.

“Chamomile.” he says.

She brings in the tea.

“It should be ready in a few minutes.” she says.

He smiles.

They sit in silence for a moment.

“Who is Joe sleeping with?” asks Lacey, bluntly. Calmly.

Lem crosses his legs awkwardly.

Lem thinks.

She waits, starring down at the ground. Patiently.

“Some girl in Westport.” says Lem, finally.

Lacey takes it in. Thinks.

Metamorphosis: Two by Philip Glass plays.

“Oh!” she says, finally.

Lem doesn’t say anything. Uncharacteristically.

Lacey notices.

She stares at him.

He looks up at her.

Their eyes meet.

He studies her.

“Why don’t you care?” he asks.

“I do care.” says Lacey.

“Not like other girls might.” says Lem.

“No! That’s not true.” says Lacey. She leans back. “Lem…truth is…there are other men. Lots of other men.”

Lem laughs.

“Why are you laughing?” she says, sadly.

He looks more serious. Then laughs again. “Like who?”

“You.” she says, losing patience.

His face drops. He licks his lips. Bites his bottom lip. Raises his eyebrows.

“You’re very handsome.

But if you couldn’t love me I’d find someone else.” says Lacey.

He stares at her.

My Tears Are Becoming A Sea by M83 plays. He laughs and gets up and out of his seat and starts making love to Lacey.

And…a week later when Joe finds out he weeps. Bitterly. And he punches a hole in the wall of his office.

Yes. Lem just stands up and walks over to her and begins making love her. Without warning. Why? Well…that’s an interesting question.

Comptine d’un autre été by Yann Tiersen plays.

Lem drives Jackie home. But it could be lots of other women.

“Well Lem! …What a night!” she says, loftily.

“Yeah!” he says, laughing. He sounds surprisingly straight here, by the way.

“Lem…why can’t Jack make it to my luncheon on Thursday?” pries Jackie, with woe.

Lem looks worried. “Because he’s not…free that Thursday. You’ve asked for his schedule for a reason. You know how busy he’s gotten.”

“But that’s my Thursday.” says Jackie.

They go back and forth like this for about ten minutes. Finally, she says, “Look, I’m just hurt is all. …He’s my beau…and nobody else’s. And I don’t see why he can’t treat me with a little more respect!”

“You’re right.” says Lem. He shrugs.

“Lem!” she says looking off out of the passenger side window. She sounds angry. Then she looks back at him sharply. “You are…not my friend!” she says, crying.

Lem closes his eyes. Looks sad. Sighs heavily.

“Jackie. You have to try to see it from Jack’s perspective. …Now, I’m going to go. …Unless you need me to stay.” says Lem.

“Stay!” says Jackie, crying.

And so he does. And he sleeps over then too. Because Jackie falls asleep depressed. Sitting up on the sofa. And he covers her up and tries to sleep himself on the chair. After spending hours trying to calm her down.

…Really…he can just tell Lacey’s attracted to him. It’s that simple. …And other women are too…but not as much as she is. And he’s very attracted to her. So…the minute she shows she’s available he’s right there. …Pretty simple. Okay?

Dr. Allen laughs from the future.

“Gosh.” says Al Franken.

“Was Jackie attracted to him?” asks Peter Thiel.

“Not much.” says Ari. “Maybe some. Lacey thinks he’s…beyond.”

“We refuse to accept his sexuality.” says Peter Thiel. “Is there anybody who has a sexuality like his?”

Ari looks annoyed. “Lots of men in that generation were like him.

William Holden was a little like him. …In Lem’s real sexuality. When he’s not acting. That’s what his movements look like.”

“Who else?” asks Peter Thiel.

Ari looks…amused possibly. Makes a face. Looks off. “People who you don’t know!” he says laughing. “Glen Miller.”