(July 23rd, 2024 – Afternoon)
And today we get to discuss the fact that JD Vance’s wife might be a huge bitch.
“Oh! She reminds me of Carolyn Kennedy!” said Lacey the other night.
“Yeah. Okay. …So what!?” says JD Vance’s wife. “Wow! She’s a bitch. Now I feel insecure.” she said to one of her Illuminati mentors.
“So you think she was heavily influenced by Carolyn Kennedy?” asks Al Greenspan.
“Maybe. …Doesn’t she remind you of her? In her mannerisms.” says Lacey.
“Yes!” says her neighbor.
“Could she have decided to imitate her?” says Lacey.
“Yes!” says Jack Schlossberg.
“That’s awkward!” says Lacey to God. And Lem.
“It is.” says JFK.
“Why Carolyn Kennedy!? …That’s so long ago.” says Lacey. “Oh! Wait. …We’re old. Never mind. People don’t know when to stop with that kind of stuff.
Or is Carolyn timeless? Oh! No…she’s not. This is weird. ….Oh well. I need to try to like this woman.” says Lacey.
“She already hates you. The Illuminati knows you have incisive opinions. That are sharp. …Like a lot of people. …And they’re trying to make her hate you.” says Caroline Kennedy to Lacey.
“Why!?” says Joni Aadahl.
“I’m worth more than you.” says JD Vance to Joni.
“No. You’re not.” says Jamie. “My house is almost your entire net worth.”
An Old Money French woman laughs.
“Yeah. Carolyn Kennedy.” says Al Greenspan.
“But you know…she has a sharp bone structure and that does work well with the Carolyn Kennedy aesthetic.” says Lacey.
“I agree!” says Giorgio Armani.
“Well that’s cute. Aww. …She found something to feel pretty. And at ease at Yale.” says Lacey.
Joe Kennedy Junior laughs.
So does Edith Beale.
“Would you have felt comfortable at Yale?” asks Al Greenspan.
“Yes. But I’m not supposed to be comfortable.” says Lacey.
“You don’t like Yale.” says Al Greenspan.
“It’s…fake.” says Lacey.
“I understand what you mean as an intellectual.” says Al Greenspan.
“Hopefully I’m wrong. Or the country is toast.” says Lacey.
He nods.
“Sorry about the interest rates.” says the Fed Chairman to Lacey.
“You know…you’re one of the last fortresses of sanity in this country, possibly. My apologies to you.” says Lacey.
“They do demonize us.” says the the Fed.
“It’s so so obnoxious.” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” says the Fed.
“I don’t hate her. …She’s just imitating Carolyn Kennedy. And it’s absurd to think I wouldn’t notice.” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” says Lem, like they’re all a bit daft.
“Have you talked with Carolyn?” asks Al Greenspan.
“YES!!! Every few months. We’ve been talking to her for years.” says JFK Jr..
Carolyn nods. “Yeah. His wife does have my…aesthetic.”
“Does that annoy you?” asks Jack Schlossberg.
Carolyn stares at him. Doesn’t respond.
“Is it a good impersonation?” asks Jack Schlossberg.
Carolyn shakes her head no. “It’s…so stupid. She’s not me. She’s Indian.”
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“Why doesn’t that work?” asks Carolyn.
Lacey takes a deep breath.
“You’re not a White Nationalist. But…it feels like there’s something about your aesthetic that’s owned by them now?” says Lacey.
“There is. For real.” says Carolyn.
Lacey thinks. “When did they lose you?”
“Around the time we died.” says Carolyn.
Lacey thinks. “Why isn’t she referencing someone else!? Or making-up her own persona?” says Lacey.
“Did she attack you?” asks Persia.
“Yes. She has. Off and on for days.” says Lacey. “She hates me.”
“Because she thinks she has to.” says Persia.
“Yes! To fit in with the cool kids.” says Lacey.
“Why don’t I scare you?” asks Putin.
“Because it’s not in person.” says JD Vance’s wife.
“True. But you can’t think that way. Not in this situation.” says Putin.
“The fact that she has multiple people in her family worth millions more than you and your husband should concern you.” says the CIA to his wife.
Carolyn Kennedy nods in agreement with the CIA.
“I’ve dabbled. Sorry.” says Bobby.
“Why did you attack Lacey?” asks North Korea.
“I can barely handle this.” says JD Vance.
“Okay. But her husband and her aren’t worth $10 million!” says JD’s wife.
“No. But in terms of social class that’s irrelevant.” says Lacey.
“It’s true.” says her cousin. Who’s finishing making his own plane. A real one.
“How much are you worth?” asks JD Vance’s wife.
“10. Another $10 million.” he says.
“We’ll be worth more when we finish!” says JD Vance’s wife.
“But you’ll have no privacy.” says Joni. “And you’ll never have our patina or our knowledge or our oil.”
“Stop. JD stop. This is bad!” yells the GOP.
“She’s destroying our country!” yells JD’s wife.
“Ahh…no. That’d be you.” says Persia.
“No. She’s right. Imitating a white woman was dumb.” says Kamilla to JD Vance’s wife.
“We have a problem in my posse of people who are trying to fit in. Way too much.” says Donald Trump.
“You aren’t as wealthy as Lacey’s family.” says Joni to reiterate.
“We come from poverty.” says JD Vance.
“She doesn’t. She’s posh.” says Lacey, somewhat mockingly.
“Not that posh.” says JD Vance’s wife.
“That’s not what you said. Not really.” says Lacey.
“I said middle class.” says his wife.
“In a way that implied wealth.” says Lacey.
“Crap!” says India.
“Yeah. It wasn’t.” says Kamilla. “You’re both obviously insecure. But you far more so than your husband.”
“I don’t understand why their oil matters.” says JD Vance’s wife. “To be honest.”
Donald Trump looks horrified.
“Because we run on oil.” says BP.
“But they don’t solely own it.” she says.
“Close to it.” says the CIA.
“Okay. But my point was that we come from poverty. …They don’t.” says JD Vance. “And…we’re worth $10 million.”
Lacey’s cousin building the airplane nods. “Sure. …Well…we didn’t want to run for office and be famous.”
“How much would you be worth without the oil?” asks JD Vance’s wife.
“$10. The oil hasn’t made that much difference for me. Maybe…$500,000 less.” says Dennis, Lacey’s cousin. “At most!”
“Where did you get your money?” asks his wife.
“Land. Investments.” says Dennis. “I was a very well respected pilot for over 20 years.”
His wife nods.
“How many pilots are in your birth family?” asks JD Vance.
“It might not be her birth family.” says the CIA in the South.
“Was that a nod to me?” says his wife.
“DUH!” says the KKK.
“Yeah. Keep going!” says a man in a hood.
“You don’t understand how stupid certain things actually are.” says Carolyn Kennedy.
“She’s right!” says the KKK.
“There are at least four.” says Lacey. “All top notch.”
“Yes. The best of the best.” says Elliott. “Sincerely.”
“Decorated, honored. All very big deals.” says Edward Nesheim.
Dennis nods.
“Who’s the poorest in your family?” asks JD Vance’s wife.
“Me. I’m a pastor with lots of kids.” says Ed’s grandson.
“We are probably the poorest. Yes.” says his wife.
Their mother nods.
“And he’s a pastor. …How nice.” says the KKK.
“It is nice.” he says to the KKK.
“Ahh! Organization!!” says Lacey. “Do you understand the concept of organization? Or do you just understand how to get money and ‘win the game’ and get famous?” says Lacey.
“We might not.” says Chris Hayes on their behalf.
Lacey feels bad. “I’m not-“ she starts to say.
“NO!!!” yells Michael Rockefeller. “You have to cut her off!! She’s determined to make everyone happy. And it’s insane.”
“We’re rich.” says JD Vance’s wife to Lacey.
Jamie, Lacey’s cousin laughs at them.
“You don’t understand. Jim is evil.” says John.
“So your house-“ says JD Vance’s wife.
“ can I just say this is a really fun blog post for anyone who hates Donald Trump and I’m beginning to realize that Lacey is really an impartial observer who is British and that you kind of have to just separate her and think of her as like Tom thinks his daughter who’s British, and may be in a Gyptian, but like ancient, and that she’s sort of just not really involved quite as much as people want her to be and it’s an interesting perspective that she has. It’s probably more European than you think I feel like she’s very close to certain people in power in Russia but probably in the similar sort of mindset is Queen Elizabeth and I I just I don’t know it I don’t think she hates the Jews either. Oh, I’ll say that, but I think that’s where you have to think of her is separate from you because that’s she’s not. I don’t think that I think Tom is her birth father. I’m sorry I am and I don’t think you people understand what’s going on you’re being clobbered someone in the Democratic Party figured out in the last week that she’s really powerful and I don’t know who that is but someone figured that out. I don’t know if it was a psychic or who it was but there was somebody who figured that out. I am sincere somebody figure that out, and it could even be because of phlegm but I don’t know I’m not convinced of that, but someone figured that out got sense and they realize that she’s really not want to mess around with and so they’re trying to get on her good side and hit her against the trumps. I don’t think the tribes understand that entirely and I don’t I don’t think I don’t think they get it. I don’t think they get it but as an outside observer who can’t stand Donald Trump and reads her blog. I just wanted to tell you that that this is really exciting to me, because someone someone shoved her into the republican party like eight years ago and forced her to be more conservative than she is I think, and I would be surprised if that was the Perfume community to be honest and so as a member of the perfume community, or someone who Isabel appreciates perfume and doesn’t hate her. I I have to say this is really fun to watch you guys get your comeuppance you you you don’t seem to understand this isn’t as simple as you want it to be and maybe some liberals are not as stupid and easy as targets as you thought we were maybe we were confused by her and we’re starting to become less confused and it’s your turn to get really confused what’s going on.” says a reader.
“ except she really is our friend.” says Al Greenspan.
“ yes as much as I Canby because she’s my wife and I wouldn’t let her make that mistake that being said yeah no we we did. Then we’re Republican in my family growing up and I may have secretly been far more conservative than people realize actually I might have even had some thing to do with Jackson Normas success, when it came to the economy, he may have asked me questions and that and I may have offered my opinion and never gotten any credit for it and so the idea that Jack was an academic genius might not be true he might not have been quite that brilliant he he didn’t ask my opinion on almost anything it’s true but he may have stuck it in so this week. Um, I had found ways to get my opinion out of me without giving me the dignity of actually asking me.” says Lem.
“ what did he do? “ asks Al Greenspan.
“ we were talk about it in conversation with other people in the room and he would ask them questions and get them to share their opinion and then I would share my opinion or I’d correct them. I’d have my two cents to add on the matter and then that’s how he find out what I thought because he get other people to say something that would provoke me intellectually and then I would say something in so that’s not quite right that’s not how it works. That’s not the way that you know the economy works and then he will listen to what I thought and act like I was an idiot most the time, but I actually take what I would say. Seriously so it was he could’ve found a roundabout way to get me to spot off what I really thought was going on and then he would take that and use it and act like it was his idea by repackaging it and making it a little different than what I had said, but pretty much the same concept.” says Lem Billings.
Al Greenspan laughs.
“ Lacey I don’t think you’re going to get a Lake house next to the next to Lake Superior.” says Al Greenspan.
Lacey looks sad.
“ That road is too busy sweetie. You wouldn’t want to live there.” says Al Greenspan.
“ do you know that’s true that I just for some reason can’t except that.” says Lacey.
Al Greenspan nods.
“ I feel like there should be some Victorian house on the banks of Lake superior near Duluth. That’s private, and there isn’t, but it feels like there should be.” says Lacey.
“ there must be some Victorian house next to sound like Minnesota somewhere.” says Al Greenspan.
“ you know you’d be surprised if they tore down so many things in the last 50 years but I’m gonna have to find some thing I’m gonna have to probably settle for some vastly different aesthetic and I don’t know if that’s even going to be .” says Lacey.
“ you don’t like the woodsy look.” says an Estvold, referring to their own cabin.
“ I am sure that it’s lovely and charming but no I don’t like that aesthetic it’s just not for me but if I had to choose between that and just some random old house, I’d probably choose that but it it’s some thing that I have to figure out.” says Lacey.
“ I know there are a lot of old house is the Lacey next to lots of lakes in Wisconsin and Minnesota.” says a woman from Wisconsin.
“ and there could be but so many of them are in such bad shape, but no, I hear you.” says Lacey.
“ why don’t you just buy a $50,000 emerald from Sotheby’s?” says a woman.
“ Because $50,000 is still $50,000 to most people to you and I it’s not that big of a deal but most people that’s a daunting amount of money I had a $10,000 art deco ring that I show the perfume community and they lost their shit over it. Sorry for swearing I cannot imagine what people do with a $50,000 emerald on my hand the commons that I would God I got comments wearing my $10,000 Art Deco ring my cocktail ring. I cannot imagine what people would say if I was wearing a $50,000 emerald from Sotheby’s they would be endlessly obsessed to the point of possible psychosis I think.“ says Lacey.
The woman laughs.
“ Maybe it’s just stupid it’s like yes I have a $50,000 emerald ring on my hand OK but you know there are cars driving down the street every day that pass you that are worth just as much if not more you know it’s just one thing worth that much money I don’t understand their mindset. It doesn’t make sense to me.” says Lacey.
“ well, you know that they’d have me say because they never be able to buy one.” she says.
“ yeah exactly which is bullshit if they really want to do they could probably figure out a way at least a lot of these people that comment because figure out a way to save the money and probably buy a $50,000 boat if they really wanted to I bet 60% of them could do that and they probably wouldn’t be driving there brand new you know jeep and have $15,000 in credit card debt along with that but but they would have an emerald and it amazes me that it never occurs to them that someone could just be that into gemstones I mean, could I just be that into emeralds I have a I I dress in Brooks Brothers sometimes I wear a lily Pulitzer and I am wearing nice perfume but my hair is very simple. My makeup is nice. My skin is nice but it’s not obvious that I have money and that way it’s not that obvious and I rarely carry a bag worth more than $400 into any particular place we would be commenting I don’t understand why, they wouldn’t just assume that I am at a middle class upper middle class woman who’s obsessed with gemstones.” says Lacey.
“ you know you’re right .” says Monika from the perfume community.
“And actually I really am obsessed with gemstones like that I really do. I am legitimately quite fascinated with them not upset, but I’m actually interested. “ says Lacey.
“ I I think they’re bullshitting you I don’t think they know it I think they intuitively suspect that you’re either faking it or that you’re sincerely old money and I think that’s what bothers them so they lose track of what they were thinking and logic and they start wavering between thinking you’re fake thinking that your real . And Lacey, I think what bothers you is that JD Vance, his wife made that mistake herself and he has to to some degree and under Trump he would be the vice president and what scares you is that someone that stupid would have that much authority over our country because you don’t think he’s capable or she’s capable, necessarily of handling it if they can’t handle you.” says the Old Money woman.
“ that’s true but I mean Joe Biden called me a bitch.” says Lacey.
“ he did, but I didn’t and if I picked someone who got along with you like Pete, or someone else who got along with you if we didn’t make any serious mistakes, I would be hard-pressed and we didn’t try to find someway to overturn overturning Roe versus Wade would you care for real if we didn’t push any sort of liberal social agenda if we just focused on the environment and poverty, would you care?” says Kamilla.
“ would you get along with the Fed and be fiscal conservatives when you needed to be?” says Lacey.
Kamilla laughs. “ no I can get along with the Fed. I understand you truly think liberals are half-baked idiots when it comes to business and I understand that I understand your mentality. If I can at least meet you halfway on that one if I can meet you halfway at least I’m at one and then the rest of it still on the table would you actually consider voting for me?” says Kamilla.
“ if you actually did what you just said, if you didn’t post post if you didn’t push any sort of liberal social agenda if you let us be moderate grapple with that a little bit more if you focus done in poverty and the environment instead and I don’t think that those things necessarily have to be antagonistic towards business but maybe that’s a skinny native to Scandinavian coming out and me right but if you focused on those things and we’re not a social administration, but we’re genuinely more moderate and didn’t bullshit people on that issue. If you said some thing like you know people in the past have been dishonest, they’ve had a very liberal social agenda liberal not as in liberalism but as in in a big a Democrat liberal thinking as a party as a political persuasion and I’m not gonna do that I’m gonna come right out and say that the country so divided that I would like to be more moderate. I think the time for progress is now, but the time for reconciliation is also in the present and that we have to be willing to work with each other as Americans if we want our country to survive if you said some thing like that, and you were sincere, and you didn’t backpedal and you didn’t backtrack on that yeah, I would consider voting for you I really would because it seems like you’re able to have high minded, coolheaded intellectual conversations with me in a way that they are not and maybe Donald Trump can handle that. Maybe he doesn’t have those conversations with me and it’s because he just handles it himself so to speak and he doesn’t think he needs to just do you know discuss things with me which isn’t stupid at all, but no they scare me. He doesn’t scare me so much but some of the people that he has working with him scare me. I don’t think Mike Pence and I had a problem. I am extraordinarily heartbroken and disappointed that JD Vance and I have had a problem like that really is heartbreaking to me because I got along with him previous to this I got along with him and people might say oh it’s that it’s the liberals trying to soda scored and make you antagonistic towards him towards them. I don’t know that I care because it’s on him then to you know, sort of resist that him and his wife are supposed to be strong enough to not fall for it because I can’t babysit them.” says Lacey.
Later.
“ I think we need to pick one. Do we believe that there is American old money that’s real or do we want to keep making fun of her?” says Tom Cruise.
“ we’re not old money we hate that old money excess. It makes us very angry and bitter because it’s not something we can conquer or destroy or be conquer and that’s not some thing that I can usually deal with because my wife and I are both Taipei workaholic extreme achievers and so being told that there’s something we can’t do it’s very hard for us to hear that being said that is the reality of the situation and is Lacey pointed out to me earlier today I’m totally hypocritical if I can’t just be an upper middle class bourgeois, new money, probably snobby elitist and just accept that I am not what she is or her family is my wife isn’t either and we never will be as Lacey has so kindly explained it’s possible that our kids could be our grandkids could be but not guaranteed and actually it could take centuries before my descendants will be what she is best case scenario at end that was the choice my wife made when she married me and frankly there’s trade-offs could she have married someone who has more old money maybe would that person be running for vice president? It’s pretty unlikely that we found love so there’s that I think that’s what’s hard for me, though to except, and so no, that’s hard to except and yet you know, it probably shouldn’t be I should probably have an attitude of optimism and courage and happiness and hope if I’m not a fraud if if I am really living the life that I wanted to live, and if I have actually fallen in love with my wife and had a pretty happy life I should probably be more confident and just be happy to have accomplished what I’ve accomplished in life and be proud of myself instead of feeling like some kind of backward idiot for just being myself and maybe my family maybe we are backward, but maybe were unusually intelligent backward people and you know not everyone has a grandson who becomes vice president, which is what I hope to do.” says JD Vance.
“ yeah I would think what you’re saying is elementary and obvious and you’re very immature not to have grasp that about 1 million years ago .” says Lacey.
“ to be honest I agree with her a lot of people in my generation and who are dad would agree with her why the fuck did you expect to have everything laid out for you in that way?” says Ron Craft.
“ because I think that’s the idea isn’t it?” says JD Vance.
“ or did you just think that you could do it because you were different than other people?” says his grandmother.
“ I have to be honest that’s my grandmother potentially and it’s a little bit shocking to me Lacey doesn’t channel Dave And’s dead people just start talking through her and there’s a difference.” says JD Vance. “ it’s she’s not trying to be into the air called there’s a part of that that really does seem like my grandmother spirit to be honest with you, but I’m saying that as a person of Celtic ancestry and someone from that part of the United States, that has some experience with the dad coming back and hiding the living, and also just as a Christian on I don’t think she’s trying to practice necromancy and I just want to make that clear.
That being said that she doesn’t really grandmother doesn’t talk to me through other people that’s possibly the first time I’ve heard from her since she died I mean she might’ve found someway to reach out to me and like a dream or some thing but now that’s the first time I’ve heard from her, possibly.
Aw, do I think I’m different than other people yeah, I have a little bit of a side superiority complex, possibly at this point if I have not always slightly had it. And then why would I be any different than other people you’ve done incredibly well, considering their background. Umm…
 That being said, I think that is the that is the mythology that was created post jack Kennedy‘s administration, you can you know make enough money make enough of a name for yourself and then your social class doesn’t matter in America . And that’s the dirty liar the American dream we’re taught to believe that America doesn’t have a social class and that’s not sense and I’ve talked to some sociologists and they tell me that what she says is true it’s not just academic nonsense. It’s practical reality. There really are inherent social classes Even in the in communist societies. It’s not necessarily byproduct of capitalism. It is more of just our humanity in the way that we organize ourselves. I’m sorry there are hierarchies part of that is because of procreation of our species. Part of that is just mother nature and I think a lot of people who are backward in their idealism don’t understand that .
But that is the lie if you if you’re cool enough in America you can you can make it and I think it’s an old guy combined with a new mythology where it’s like. Oh yeah, there’s no social class in America and you know we are less cast into different casts than India per se, but there are just inherent social groups at the Indian spiritualized it and some degree the Christians did to probably in Europe but here in America we don’t but they still exist. At least not openly spiritualize it but they still exist regardless and so I hear we probably try to make it some thing scientific. You know survival of the fittest or something but it’s just it’s just the reality of who we are as a species, no I don’t think it’s capitalism. I think it’s just how we organize ourselves. Mother nature is not that nice. I’m sorry.
That being said, the new mythology is possibly what got to me because I feel like in the past I would’ve thought yeah I’m not all money but I am pretty fucking important. I mean I’m running for vice president I’m a multi millionaire and wealthy I have, but isn’t, maybe you know Mark Twain or even her great grand uncle’s level of hot writing Because it wasn’t meant to be that it’s more scholarly than that but it’s not a fiction you know it’s not the same thing but it’s it’s a memoir and it’s good writing but it’s a memoir and it’s not high minded art in the way of her Great, Grand, uncle, or Mark Twain or F Scott Fitzgerald it’s it’s my memoir And it’s more than just a memoir but it’s it is my memoir and I was that was pretty creative with me to do that wasn’t it? I was pretty smart I think that’s the problem though I I take myself too seriously in the past I would’ve realized that. Yeah I’m a big deal, but I am just one of dozens of people in US history to have climbed the same ladder in a similar way and there are dozens of us. It’s not just me it’s a lot of other very intelligent people who are very clever, and we’re very fortunate and those people in the past probably would’ve understood that they were never going to be old money, and to be perfectly honest with you at least he probably is dying for me to get a grasp is that they wouldn’t have been as bothered by that here’s a real brain teaser for you, Lacey why am I so bothered by that?” says JD Vance.
“ I am very confused by that myself.
Is it a byproduct of the toxic nature of Jack and lemons relationship? Oh, that sounds like a soap opera that sounds very far-fetched and yet it doesn’t at the same time it could be that.
And what will the idea be right that loan was old money and he didn’t really love Jack, because he was straight and Jack was too narcissistic to be aware of himself enough to realize that he didn’t really know what a homosexual actually was he didn’t even know that he was homosexual And he was lacking in self-awareness and overconfidence was his problem so he thought out I’m straight in loves not, and he’s in love with me…I think. But the I think was never fully conscious because he was too narcissistic.
That’s one theory but I think it there’s other things to consider even if we don’t throw that one out and that’s where I get confused figure out the logistics of how they all work together.
People may have been resentful. And I worry that normal average middle-class Americans secretly harbored ideals of becoming old money and pot if they just tried hard enough. And I think they thought they really caught the mouse by its tail or whatever that saying would be when they won World War II and the issue the G.I. Bill or was it before that but but whenever that became a thing I think it was during or after World War II right the G.I., Bill and I think that was when a lot of people felt, as though they had some hoe done some thing around that time and then you know in the 50s and 60s I think people felt like there was real class progress in fact I know that scholars even saw that into the 90s and so I think that was the idea that we had a huge growth of the middle class and I wonder if they thought it was permanent People are so backward. I wonder if they conflated the houses and bridges build after World War II and how sturdy and strong those things were with the slit. It is the strength of the middle class which is just backward anyway because those bridges got old but I wonder if they’re mine they thought no Americas you know a solid, strong country Were always going to have middle-class people that are certainly middle-class or higher and better because look at how strong our country is all those roads and stuff.
I wonder if that’s the problem so people came from your background really felt good about themselves good about their country good about their prospects in the 1950s and 60s and then your pipe you’re a byproduct of that that idealism and so the idea is that it’s like you’re too big to fail you’re too important to lose. There’s no way that you could possibly not somehow be different than other people and add your way into old money because you know you’re a part of a new generation of people who are the Pepsi drinkers who really have it all figured out.
So you know, grunge music, Pepsi, call stuff like that you’re cooler than the kids are too cool for school so I think maybe your hold our our our whole generation if I’m even a part of that generation, I think they really felt better than ever other people and that way, you know we were more progressive more cool Just all-around smarter people so I kind of think maybe some people really thought the class said to just didn’t exist anymore and you know I get that but I think I thought that the back of our minds would figure out that it did and except that reality are we what was J.Crew all about? Why were we so into that aesthetic if we didn’t realize that it was still a thing And that irritates me as an intellectual and as a person that’s so stupid you can’t have it both ways you can’t have classic old money aesthetic means something without it meeting something so clearly it still means something so I guess in talking at all through, it’s probably the latter of people who just always felt that way and they thought they really done something combined with a toxic mythology of the Kennedys. How do you suppose you could say they were a byproduct of that old deep-seated eggs in American culture of people thinking that they were really gonna make it if they could just figure out how.” says Lacey.
“ so your family were silver smiths in Norway.” says JD Vance. “ even with the night at author and your father’s family that raised you. Could they be all the money the way they are now if it hadn’t been for your mother marrying your dad?”
“No.” says Lem.
“ so it really is the CA ancestry combine with the silver smiths that makes your family old money.” says JD Vance.
A dead Seay nods.
“ I Huber of her class sort of old money, though I did go to Annapolis and we are generational wealth but we wouldn’t have received ourselves that way and I don’t think we would’ve had the sort of self-awareness that would’ve helped us sort of cross the line and become old money. If if Jim had married Becca, they aided in our self awareness of who we are.
Part of the problem with with the situation is that you have to become aware of it somehow and we wouldn’t have been aware of that if Jim hadnt married Becca. I am and that’s where it’s very complicated some people marry old money and they already were and they don’t realize it and then there’s salt in their upper progress some people marry old money and think they’re old money and they’re not and then I also becomes a problem and a liability, but we actually could have been in work, and then marrying Becca allowed us to sort of realize that about ourselves.” says Ron Craft.
“ no, he’s right I was friends with him. My family is generational old money, but Jim didn’t realize that he was to even though he was one of my closest friends. And still is.” says John Belter.
“ I can’t stand this!” says JD’s wife.
“ she’s hotter than you .” says JD Vance.
“ no I think we’re just insecure sweetie .” says Donald Trump Junior’s girlfriend.
“ so what’s it like growing up in your family?” asks Usha.
“I don’t know where to begin .” says Lacey.
“ well like at Christmas.” says Usha.
Lacey thinks. “ when Ron was alive I think they’d go to Breckenridge but I was little they run and Diane would send nice Christmas gifts like $75 teddy bears in the 1994 for $120 sweaters in 2001. And that was usually my nicest gift.
My parents were the people who did the worst their family. The family that raised me.
Those grandfather of that those grandparents sent about $100 every year for Christmas at that was just what they said so every year for Christmas we got $100 from those grandparents and then my parents would usually spend that money on some thing I never got to see what happened to it People would come visit. Sometimes my parents would usually buy me one or two nice gifts and it was fun. There was had a Christmas tree. There was lots of parties. They were very popular with her friends, even though they were not good people they had a lot of friends, and they were interesting people so They were dinner parties, and my mother was a good cook so-“ says Lacey.
“ let me they spent like $600 a month on groceries.” says Usha.
“ yes they did what is that like $1200 today for a family of three on groceries every month.” says Lacey.
A reader laughs.
“ what did your mother make for Christmas?” asks Usha.
“ what I was gonna say looming in the background there were stories of people going to Norway for Christmas, or somebody was skiing at Banff. Somebody else was possibly in Austria for the holidays so the family itself was doing things were doing things that were very glamorous, but those are never package just things over glamorous. There was a package just things that were just very ordinary.
What did she make mashed potatoes? Excellent mashed potatoes with half and half pepper salt butter for excellent mashed potatoes. Really incredibly good with gravy, homemade gravy meatballs and there is a cranberry relish. A relish tray with olives and pickles and cut fresh cut onions salad nice freshly made salad, I’m dressing, different dressings, lemon water, nonalcoholic, grapefruit juice, or grape grape juice are usually some sort of dessert, worst-case scenario, Häagen-Dazs ice cream with chocolate sauce and peanuts sometimes or pies with homemade whip cream. I know that was every year that was our Christmas meal so for Christmas Eve Christmas Day people to come over and that’s what she’d make that for about eight people.” says Lacey.
“ you’re not exaggerating that’s literally what happened. I don’t know what you want from her.” says the CIA.
Usha nods. Thinks. “ how wealthy was Joel?” she asks.
“ oh the kid that was in a frat at you and he who is in love with her who looks like me say his father was probably worth maybe about 2 or 3 million in the early 2000s.” says Lem. “ or he was worth 50 million but it was definitely in the millions.”
“ oh, so that was Christmas and then your father would play Arthur Fiedler in the Boston Pops vinyl on his Soundsystem.” says Usha.
“ yes he has a good record collection that he took very good care of.” says Lacey.
“ that sounds nice.” says a Dutch woman.
“ do you know their friends were an intelligent people and so yes it was nice. I heard lots of interesting conversations and as an only child with my personality no I just kept my mouth shut. I was looking forward to growing up because I thought I was gonna fall in love and be happy, which is what gave me grace to survive it because it was really lonely and very tedious, but oh well, but no, it was very it was very dull, but it was very pleasant.” says Lacey.
“ what would you have done if you realized at that age that it was never going to get better but your life is just going to get worse. In a way.” says Usha.
“ I would’ve reconciled that in my head and thought oh well good I probably would’ve. I probably would’ve decided to be an art historian at UNT and I would’ve given up on trying to go to the East Coast or I probably would’ve tried to figure out someway to kill myself, essentially.” says Lacey.
“ and have your kids that you have now in Heaven.” says Usha.
“ yes.” says Lacey.
The father who raised her nods in the future. “ art history at UND!?” he says, somewhat surprised.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“ you’d never have met me.” says Joel in the future.
“ maybe not but I probably would’ve just fell. I don’t know lived some sort of cloistered quiet life.” says Lacey.
“what would you have thought of Tintoretto back then?” says Lem.
“ it’s nice.” says Lacey, sadly.
“ what do you think of all of the drama?” says Lem.
“ oh, the drama between the light in the dark is that what you mean?” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” says Lem.
“ why do we give a shit?” says Lacey.
Lem thinks. “ Because that’s that’s life.”
“ life is never that interesting at least it’s not for me. Is life that exciting for you?” says Lacey.
“yes actually I have herpes that I got from having oral sex with JFK.” says Lem.
“Lem that’s not exciting. It’s very ordinary and dull.” says Lacey.
He thinks. “ yeah OK I mean you’re right. what about having your own room in the White House? “
“ no I suppose if you’re a peasant that’s a big deal. I mean that’s nice.” says Lacey.
“ what about being best friends with JFK and being there for the most historic moments of his presidency?” says Lem.
“As an observer?” says Lacey.
“ yeah .” says Lem.
“ that’s nice. What did you do for yourself?” says Lacey.
“ nothing I was his husband.” says Lem.
“ that wasn’t real, even if it was real.” says Lacey.
“ you’re right. I hope people think we were in love and we weren’t.” says Lem.
“ you weren’t in love with him at all?” says Lacey.
“No!” says Lem.
“ then I think you lived a very sad life.” says Lacey.
“ I wish you’d been there we could’ve made love, and then we would’ve experienced the light and the darkness.” says Lem.
“ Could you have experience that with him even if you were gay?” says Lacey.
“ no .” says Lem.
“ I suppose he was too messed up.” says Lacey.
“ he was you know if you read what I wrote for Princeton you’d be able to tell whether or not I ever love Jack you’re that intelligent if I don’t make any sort of allowances for romantic love in my analysis, if I don’t even if I don’t delve into it enough lower in the right way it would be highly unlikely that I was in love with him if I seem to have self awareness of my other analysis, this way no one else has ever picked up on that because it’s true if I if I don’t write you you would’ve yeah you would you know if you read that if you were intuitive and you are the sewed. I’m trying to say if you were able to read it, you wouldn’t do it exactly what happened, but that’s not likely no you’re right you and I am eating a chowder would have been likely the only exciting thing never happened to either of us are being excepted. I love by my family to some degree I did find historic things, fascinating, and a different way than you do, but you love the people even if they don’t love you and that gives you an enormous amount of perspective I don’t know that I have your eye for beauty though who do you love?” says Lem.
“ I have loved Jack, my whole life as much as you can love somebody as much as an average person can love somebody what’s love anyway, whatever us middle-class American people think it is something doll and ordinary, and according to that, I loved Jack.” says Lacey.
“ yes, you thought that I meant that I loved him romantically possibly but that might’ve been confused or something no I was never in love with him and I didn’t really love him at all what you just said is essentially what I was thinking.” says Lem.
“ I that’s very dim view of life!” says Donald Trump.
Lem exhales sharply. “ I had that view of life. As me.”
“ so if there’s reincarnation, you were totally unimpressed, and you would’ve felt that your previous life was heaven, and that life is American. It was like hell?” says Donald Trump.
“ there might not be reincarnations, but yes, essentially I would’ve thought that it’s just that I died and fall into some sort of terrible terrible place compared to where I was before.” says Lem.
“ I think is it run wire digger? I think it’s Dega I think that’s who I like.” says Lacey.
Lem thinks. “ but that’s what I liked. Why is what you like different ?” 
“ because I think digger is realistic Tintoretto or Reno or whatever it is I’ll look it up isn’t real it’s Shakespearean decor is Chopin digger is real digger is the light that comes in a window in Paris when it rains in the spring or fall day God is real. It’s a stage it’s the lighting of a stage, he finds actual light and dark. Do you know real love actual reality, not manufactured nonsense.” says Lacey.
“ I don’t think that he was necessarily trying to capture reality in that way.” says Lem.
“ why bother being so Alec allegorical why bother being so mysterious no one ever can figure it out anyway at the end of the day this is all we have our bodies the air around us the ground that we walk on each other that’s all that we have until we die and by we, I am your spirits in our souls and there’s something to be sad for just living in the moment and looking around you and actually engaging with what you see and what you’re really experiencing and maybe it’s unbearable pain but then in that unbearable pain, if you listen to Chopin, or you look at decor, you can cope because you realize that life is just awful in many cases that isn’t quite as doll as you thought it was, but it’s a fucking lot more atrocious for most people in some way.” says Lacey.
“ i’m in love with you I would’ve sat at that moment. Are you trying to punish me?” says Lem.
“ for what?” says Lacey.
“ yeah I knew how to have fun with other boys I was straight I really knew how to have fun with sports I love being on crew you know rowing I love that I really was a very fun loving straight little boy who loved the thought of roughhousing, and not a sexual way actual roughhousing it wasn’t sexual to me. It was innocent I was straight I didn’t know what was going on and Jack’s head or or other people because I was straight I could never roughhouse with you in that way if you were on my shoulders, I would never be able to laugh, and the way that I laughed with Jack .” says Lem.
“ what would you have a looked like?” says Lacey.
“ oh, the way he looked at me and that photo for him on his shoulders. Jack is aroused. I’m not him at all. You can try to think that I was but it’s not actually easy to figure out how or what that would even be like but no, I wasn’t at all, any of those pictures a day the one with my head is in his crotch is the one that’s most confusing to look at the rest of them you can kind of into it that I’m not really aroused I’m just sort of them playing along maybe you can’t do it as well as I just thought, but no you did. I was disgusted in that picture of my head is in his crotch and I was not aroused in any of them actually think if you looked them the right way, you could probably figure that out that I really wasn’t aroused in any of them but no I wouldn’t look like Jack if I was with you he has a very slight look on his face I don’t as much actually I don’t at all but it rejected us and he’s hiding the fact that he is aroused by I would’ve been a rest so it would’ve been on my face. I would’ve looked aroused.” says Lem.
“ I actually don’t think I was trying to punish you necessarily.” says Lem.
He nods. “ I think you’re mad at me that that you’ve not that I’m not there.”
Lacey thinks.
She’s quiet.
“ or maybe you’re not.” says Lem. “ you’re right it isn’t real.”
“ it should be, but it’s not.” says Lacey.
“ I don’t know that I’d care if I could fuck you every night.” says Lem to Lacey.
“ you wouldn’t care at all?” says Lacey.
“ I mean some no more I suppose then not being able to fly.” says Lem.
“ I still care about the fact that you can’t fly.” says Lacey.
“ sweetie other than me and people who are dead what does ever anyone care that much about you ?” says Lem.
“ other than our kids ?” says Lacey.
“ yeah but obviously they can’t take care of you. What does it? What does the word no one that bothers me a hell of a lot more than you think.” says Lem. “And then some.”
You know Usha, I’m sorry you were offended by Lacey thinking you were imitating Caroline Kennedy.
Lacey was attacked repeatedly at the GOP convention, and it really was very offensive.
Later.
“You just read Usha’s biography page on Wikipedia. What do you think?” says Donald Trump to Lacey.
“She seems like a typical Indian-American. High-achieving. Middle class background in India.” says Lacey.
“Yeah. Upper middle class here.” says Donald Trump.
“Yes. Or were they scholars in India too?” says Lacey.
“Mmm. No. That’s a late 20th Century thing.” says Donald Trump.
“So more middle class.” says Lacey. “Yeah.”
“We’d have been impressed with her if Mark brought her home. But she’s not Jewish.” says a dead Schiebel.
“Doesn’t that bother you?” asks Usha.
“No!” says Lacey.
Michael laughs. Rubs his forehead.
“She’s not impressed.” says Lem.
“Usha. Get over it.” says Dr. Moritz.
“You’re mildly wealthier. Not as intelligent in reality. Not as well-bred. Shallow. Not as pretty. …What exactly is she supposed to be jealous of? Your pushy Indian immigrant parents?” says Lem.
“These people are nothing like us. Not any more than lots of white people.” says his grandmother.
“They’re in a higher class than us, Usha.” says one of her relatives in India, possibly dead and possibly alive.
“Why do we have to care!?!” says Lacey to her relatives.
“Yeah.” says one of them to Lacey.
“It’s what they do in America.” says one of her relatives to Lacey, laughing.
“What is it!?” says Lacey.
They think. “Class…mobility!”
“But you can’t steal me. Or…alter reality.” says Lacey.
“Yeah. …Are you surprised she attacked you.” he says.
“Yes! She seems smarter than that.” says Lacey.
He nods. Thinks. “Well…they have to fit in.”
“With WHO!?” says Putin.
Kamilla laughs.
“You did this.” says Putin.
“I almost got into a fight with her…years ago…and then I realized it was dumb. She’s just right. And who cares.” says Kamilla.
The man in India nods.
“So you made make an ass of myself.” says Usha to Kamilla.
“Yes.” says Kamilla. “I…want…to win.”
“You messed up my inheritance I planned to give her. It was a lot of money.” Lacey’s father. “Why are you all so pedantic and insecure?”
They think.
“It’s the concept that matters. Not the minor details.” says Jim.
“Yeah. We’re just not them.” says Usha’s relative.
“So…they’re Old Money from Norway. But Wikipedia lies about that. And Tom Banks. It makes me sound posh. And I’m middle class.” says Usha.
“Yup!” says India, annoyed.
“All of India?” says Usha.
“Yup!” says Pakistan joining them.
“And most of Northern Africa.” says Morocco.
“Hi! Welcome to reality!” says Putin.
“I’m not as powerful as him. None of us are. Even Peter.” says Donald Trump Junior, to explain.
“He’s the Tsar of Russia.” says Donald Trump Senior.
“What can you compare to us?” asks Pat Nesheim.
“We didn’t have skiers.” she says.
“Yeah. Did you have sailors?” says Pat. “We did.”
“No. And your tutor in the 1800’s is not my family either.” says Usha.
“Nor the historic 18th Century silversmith!” says Pat.
“Usha!! Stop!!” yells her relative.
“I just can’t give it up.” says MSNBC.
“Why?” says Jeb Bush.
“Because you read her sweetness as agreeing with you. She was really just being nice.” says George Bush. “She essentially smiled at you. And you assumed an enormous amount from that.”
“So we’re white trash.” says JD Vance. “Meaning me.”
“Yes!!” yells an Indian man.
“And me!??” says Chris Hayes, stunned.
“YOU ESPECIALLY!” says the Indian.
“I have to be honest…this is why you got shot.” says the CIA.
“WHAT!?” says Donald.
“You’ve lied. And we can’t protect you. …They set it up that way centuries ago. …Your families inability to handle this situation is why you got shot.” says the CIA.
“Yeah. Tom. Matt? Duh. …But if you worship God…He did intervene.” says Tom Cooks.
“Why are we talking to her!??” says JD Vance.
“Us.” says JFK.
“No. It’s Diego.” says an Indian.
“Well…good luck.” says Kamilla to Usha. “I’m going to try getting along with her. And if it works…that’s cool.”
“We need to go.” says Lem.
“ I don’t know I I just I don’t quite get it Chris you didn’t have enough bringing like hers. Your family really is lower middle class and Kate didn’t really have an operating like hers either really none of you did hearing about relatives who were skiing in Norway every year to two years literally her entire childhood and famous people like snowshoe Thompson, who were apparently related to you I feel like that’s not a typical person’s background and to be honest with you she could be Tom’s daughter, so you can’t relate to her like she’s beneath you you could be irritated by the class system in America and the segregation of different classes the stagnation of our country right now that’s very possibly what’s the rotating to a lot of people if they’re mature enough and honest enough to have that conversation but pretending like she’s beneath you or believing that it’s just a bunch of rubbish. Lem’s wasn’t beneath Jack and I’m not making a euphemism I’m saying like you as a person wasn’t below jack people respected Jack because Lemic knowledged him people today. Don’t say that because they’re they’re angry about it and they lie OK and you can have a conversation with her or you can except that it’s stupid and just be happy about what you have because a lot of you’ve done very well in life but you need to stop having this asinine conversation, pretending like she’s beneath you acting like she somehow is childish, are immature and you’re gonna catch her or your humoring her or whatever idiotic backward immature nonsense it is that you people can’t stop yourself from doing .” says the DNC.
“ I don’t really have a problem with her on the class issue. She’s from a higher class than me, but I would say she thinks that I’ve been at least equally responsible to her and that I am intelligent, and that I am as well bred as I can be, and that I seem like a deep person, I don’t really have a problem with her I mean she thinks I look gay and almost like guy and I am so if it’s allowed in heaven, apparently my buddy P speaks my soul and I I I am homosexual I look homosexual I don’t have a problem with that anymore. I am cope with that within my Christianity and she’s just not there at her theology and you know what if I’m wrong I know she worries about me for the right reasons and I think she’s trusting that God knows that she has the right heart in the matter so she’s wrong she’s trusting that he knows that she just didn’t know I was worried about me for real and I respect that actually because she does want me to go to hell take it she’s just worried that if I mentally ill or you know miss formed in someway that I can go to hell and she’s worried about me for real. It’s not meant to be condescension it’s a genuine concern. I am a Democrat I am Pete put a judge and yeah that’s the problem you guys don’t really listen to her about four or five years ago what was it five years ago that four years ago three years ago when I dropped out of the race that really bothered her and she wrote about it on Instagram if I am chosen as Camilla‘s vice presidential pick and I might not be, but if I am, don’t think I don’t remember the fact that she cared about me as a person I remember that that means something to me bring it back to the issue of class I don’t understand how you people don’t get it this doesn’t have to be an issue. I am rolloff. I have a nice lifestyle. I have a husband who I love. I have kids who are proud of. I was very successful accomplished man and I’m right really the only thing about me that’s not considered traditional is my sexuality him, and if it’s allowed in heaven who cares anyway but that’s the thing right? Why can’t you guys just be content who you are Camila and Lacey don’t really clash about issues of social class I don’t clash of clash clash with her almost at all if we take Joe out of the equation, I don’t think she is likely to have an issue with us unless if it’s on a really deep level up deeper than money if that’s possible there’s some interesting theological questions there but deeper than Mammon do you know if that’s possible maybe it’s not but they were getting down to brass tacks right because what is Manon? You know you’re not supposed to worship madman, it isn’t just money, but yeah, this is just a heads up we could kick your ass I could totally kick your ass. And so be careful.” says Pete Buttigieg.
Keen to Cross the Pond 