“” by Michael

(July 22nd, 2024 – Evening)

Lacey what if I was alive? And what if you had somehow been inspired by God to go study art history at NYU? Is that possible?

“Was I smart enough?” asks Lacey.

Yes, or I mean, there are other schools to New York that you go to study that, but yes, it was possible part of what happened in high school was that you became totally disillusioned by life itself and so you stopped caring that wouldn’t have happened if I was alive, and you would have sensed in your spirit that you should go study at NYU I kid you not you would have or possibly Columbia but you would have felt that you should study at New York City. It just would’ve made sense to you. Probably starting around sixth or seventh grade you would’ve thought I should go study our history.

“Maybe.” says Lacey.

you got an a in your first introduction to algebra it’s math it wasn’t subjective. You actually understood there is no way that you are bad at math the way you think you are that’s psychological and that wouldn’t have happened. You would have scored good enough and you would have had good enough grades that yeah you would’ve if you didn’t get it NYU you would’ve definitely gotten into some university in New York, but I am of the opinion that it’s possible that you really would’ve done better on your SAT probably gotten close to straight days. I think you would’ve felt that in your spirit and I would say by the time you were 22 we would’ve met I’m not joking, and we would have probably had a very easy conversation much like we do now I would’ve asked you where you were from where are you graduated from school from what your plans were in life and you would’ve told me that you were planning on starting our history and possibly working at a museum ideally for a while in Europe, or maybe going to be in our history professor and then I would’ve said to you something like oh you don’t have family money to rely on and you would’ve said not really which would have been completely true but you would’ve known that and so you would’ve thought. Oh no, no not really, and that’s when we would’ve just started talking so I would be like oh not really, and you would’ve said will go not not really I miss posted it means it depends on what you mean by family money and I would’ve said oh OK well what are you thinking of and you would’ve said my family has a farm and there’s a lot of money in the farm and I love people of more money than most people and so I suppose I could rely on them somewhat but it’s not like I’ll be getting this huge inheritance or some thing the most I can hope for is I don’t even know maybe $1000-$10,000 and I would’ve thought to myself, she knows some thing about class history about my family about history in general and I would’ve been fascinated by you and I would’ve just kept talking to you and asking what you thought and we would’ve gotten into it very deep intellectual conversation.

And I would’ve said I have to see you again I’m old, but I find you very attractive and I like to get to know you and you would’ve thought why not because I am very well spoken. I looked good I would’ve smelled good. I would’ve looked good and we would’ve instantly clicked, and then I would’ve told you who I was and you would’ve probably thought a must be a different. Michael Rockefeller must be a different family Rockefellers, except it wouldn’t of been and then we would’ve started dating hell it would’ve taken you a month to figure out who I even was. Or were just made love the first night that we met and then I would’ve told you actually, we might’ve just made love the first night I met you, but it might’ve taken a month for you to figure out who it was anyway or it might not have. It depends on how quickly things went

That’s real. I really Michael Rockefeller’s ghost. This is real.

I see I’m not gonna sit here and say oh I would’ve been a philandering asshole I wouldn’t have been you would’ve been young, but you’re very mature for your age and you would’ve appealed to me the beauty that you have who you are it would have appealed to me.

Let lamb figure out how to be with you he will be and that’s great. You and I need to talk.

Lacey my grandfather is JD Rockefeller. Lacey, I am Michael Rockefeller. When you found the Illuminati should they exist sweetie, it was largely because of me. 

When I died, there was one less person in the world for you to fall in love with who would love you back. I would have loved you. I would have taken you out to the nicest places and bought you diamonds, and then you would’ve dug deep into my brain and try to figure out the meaning of everything and why we belong together and the meaning of love, and I would’ve realized very quickly That I was talking to somebody who would understand me in a way that most people do not. Because those are not just random conversations to you. You would’ve been very heartfelt and sincere and intense, and I would’ve brought maturity and depth and comfort to that conversation.

I mean aside from who I am, we’re just people and a lot of people have deep conversations, but I would say smaller number of people are as intense and sincere as you and I would’ve been together. I wouldn’t of had to explain to you why I went to visit the ass Mets you would’ve thought I was the coolest, most profound, insightful person that you have ever met like why doesn’t everyone go to city as Mets if you would’ve thought why wouldn’t you visit the Asmats it’s it’s just it would’ve baffled you wide-open had tried, but I tried sooner for the reasons that I tried it And I probably would’ve lived in that bubble with you for I don’t know 5 to 10 years just letting myself enjoy having someone who thinks like you do who loved me or could’ve loved me as intensely as you do or could have and then I would’ve had to have this conversation with you, because for whatever reason you don’t get it.

And you know a large part of it sweetie is the way you were raised because your kids aren’t that different than you. Your son could easily go on an expedition right now with me and I would’ve had the money. Hopefully they would’ve had the energy but I would’ve wanted to do that with him and there are other people who you’ve been interested in who actually find that I’m using that he thinks that way Like Elliot and certainly Harold love as well an expedition traveling the world. I love might actually understand too but that would’ve really made sense to me going and seeing Yellowknife with him know we would probably be there or I will be planning it with him and he would have an unusual awareness of a lot of different things. By the time he was an adult hunting and gathering skills, not making a lot of different things that most people don’t understand.

And I I don’t I don’t think you get it that’s not common.

Some people think that he’s autistic for being so fascinated by geography but that’s not it. It’s what you raised him to be interested in and also in a sense what he has a predisposition predisposition towards being fascinated by. They see that’s not typical my grandfather was JD Rockefeller. You know that scene and madman when they talk about going to Pantico and speaking with Nelson Rockefeller, when Roger Sterling named name drops, that’s my father that would’ve been your father too. Your son sweetie would be a Rockefeller by blood and then both that would be Nelson Rockefeller‘s grandson. But I died right but the point is the Lacey they are only possibly six or seven women alive in the entire world we could say the same thing. And that’s a rough estimation I would say it’s closer to three maybe one or two tween you’re one of my soulmates so you’re rather rare, so really, they’re only three and most people possibly have ever lived who were like you. I reiterate, I am a Rockefeller.

Lacey is still rather unimpressed, albeit very loving and fascinated.

“Lacey, why don’t you think that’s a big dear!?” says Casi.

I suppose because nobody else thinks it’s a big deal.

“Has the Illuminati been telling you and brainwashing you into thinking that we don’t think it’s a big deal?” says the CIA.

“Yes!!” says Lem.

“So you guys have totally distanced her from reality in that way!?” says the CIA.

“But think of Mad Men, Lacey.” says Michael.

Lacey goes with Michael in her spirit on set. And she watches them filming Mad Men.

“That’s us!!” says Michael.

Lacey nods. Thinks.

Michael smiles. “Okay! What are you looking for?”

“Us!?” says Chris.

“Yes!” says Michael. “What in Hell are you looking for!?”

“She doesn’t have a driver!” says a dental hygienist.

“No! I didn’t either.” says Michael.

“We don’t all have drivers. And lots of millionaires don’t. Especially in the Midwest.” says Chris Farley.

“Okay. But then you’re not as rich as those people in New York City.” she says.

“Not necessarily!” says Chris Farley.

“Look…I’m worth more money net…than both Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes combined. And I’m definitely not going to impress you.” says Joni, Lacey’s cousin.

“So you all have high net worth…but her net worth could be just as high. But…she’s driving an Audi. And that’s it. And they drive it.” says the woman.

“Yup! I drive a truck.” says her cousin.

“We had a new Porsche. But what’s a Porsche. Lots of people have a Porsche.” says Lacey’s aunt.

“I made her poor…because I couldn’t stand her if she was rich.” says the dental hygienist.

“Why!?” says the CIA.

“Yeah! That’s how I felt too!” says Diego.

“Why do you hate her if she’s rich?” says the CIA.

“Is it Michael!?” says a perfume reader, laughing.

“Yes!” says Michael. “It is.”

“Why?” she says.

“Because you’re living outside of time. So many of you are into New Age thinking. And it’s so prevalent nowadays that you can’t separate that idealized feeling about reality…from actual reality.” says Michael. “So it’s like…best case scenario…she’d be happily married to me. …And…while that would irk you…you’d actually prefer that. Or many of you would. Because it’s so much less tragic and Hellish. And you might have had and have a tendency to do that with lots of people. Subconsciously imagining the homeless people you see getting food. Not dying. …So it’s…maybe a coping mechanism, in a way. But also…you don’t want the reality to be something different. Because that’s bad.

I’m dead. And I’m not what you’d often call her ‘twin flame.’ Lem is. …So I can’t talk to her, as easily. But I think a lot of you are expecting me to be able to. …So you can confuse her…and torment her…and nothing will happen, in your minds. But…I’m not here. I can’t easily tell her what’s going on calmly. You’d be surprised how much calmer she is right now.

…No. I’m not here in that way. And Lem and her are different people. He’s just as stabilizing…but it’s through a different path. It’s far more…romantic. …I’m…romantic…but…we can evolve into a brother and sister in Christ. Lem and her cannot. They’re aiming to become one. …So by deciding he has to be gay…and enabling Jack to attack them…and not allowing for the possibility even that he was straight…you’re shutting down a lot of her safety valves…and she needs those…or she dies…or you die. And she’s fighting for her life…and most of you don’t even understand the situation well enough to know that you’re…prompting an attack against yourselves. You assume if she dies it’ll go away in the Illuminati but that’s idiotic and naive and obvious incorrect. I almost caused a banking crisis. I’m dead. …What will she be able to do if you kill her? Especially if Jack has been attacking her because Lem was actually straight and they’re one? …Jack attacks her out of anger at Lem. She’s vulnerable. And he knows that’ll actually piss Lem off more than if he attacked Lem anyway.

…Jack was…not straight. I’m not commenting on what happens in Heaven. He wasn’t straight.

Lem was not…in a normal…what you’d consider healthy gay relationship…with Jack Kennedy. That’s myth. And a lie.

…Why do you need Jack Kennedy to have loved anyone? Why can’t you accept that he might not have been psychology capable of that sort of love?” says Michael.

“I think she’s severely disassociated, Michael.” says a counselor to Michael about Lacey.

“Yeah! You think!?” he says.

The woman nods. Sighs.

“What the heck!?” says Peter Thiel, in shock.

“Yeah. I wasn’t gay.” says Lem.

Peter laughs.

“Lem. Can you let me interview you?” says Peter.

“With Michael present.” says Lem.

Putin nods.

“So you’re going to put on your gay act. So…for the readers at home, so to speak, this isn’t you.” says Peter.

“Yes.” says Lem. “On the count of three. One, two, three.”

“Lem! So nice to meet you?” says Peter.

“Hello!!” says Lem, in a bright, high-pitched gay voice.

“Yeah. Okay. That’s weird.” says Peter.

Lem ignores him and stays in the act.

“Lem…you…like interior decorating. Yeah?” says Peter.

“Yas! I love it.” cheerfully says Lem, laughing in a gay way.

Peter laughs. “Lem…you seem different.” he says, feeling uncomfortable.

Lem’s dad laughs.

“How!? I’m just…talking with you.” says Lem.

Peter smirks. “When did you do this?” he says.

“Do what!? What am I doing Peter?” says Lem. He shakes his head in a gay way, opens his eyes wide and then purses his lips.

“I do not act like this!” says Peter.

Lem slightly breaks character and shakes his head no. “I’m just a fella. Calm down.” says Lem.

“Lem…you’re not gay.” says Peter.

Lem laughs in an angry way. Then back in character, “Pete! You kill me. Whatever do mean?!?”

“I’m sorry.” says Pete.

Lem thinks. “I wasn’t a real gay man.” says Lem. “Did I creep you out? BE HONEST!”

“Yes.” admits Peter.

“Yeah. I wasn’t real.” says Lem. “I wasn’t a real gay man.”

Peter feels a bit childlike talking to Lem. “Why didn’t they notice!?”

Lem thinks. “People didn’t know any better back then. And the Kennedys weren’t sophisticated enough to know the difference either.” says Lem. “They were…the Kennedys…from Boston.”

“So you fooled…ignorant people. In a way.” says Peter.

“Yes!” says Lem. “I did.”

“Did Gore Vidal know!?” asks Peter.

“Yeah? …I think…a few people thought for themselves around the Kennedys. …But…they were forceful people. You had a hard time having a different opinion than theirs if you were trying to be their friend at all. They simply didn’t allow it. …So…the bare airways that Jack was straight. I was gay. …Jack could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted…but nobody should question it or stop him…and…you always assumed the best of them. No matter what. …Those were the rules. So Red could mockingly say I was neutral to grapple with the weird vibe he got from me, so to speak. And Gore hated me. …But nobody was allowed to really engage with their inner dialogue and have a real heart to heart with themselves and figure out what was going on.” says Lem.

“Dammit. You needed to change your major.” says Dr. Lauermann randomly about Lacey.

“To Art History. Yeah. Oh well.” says Michael. He sighs. Robin cries. But that’s a conversation happening in the future.

“Do not keep Germans away from art…if they are interested in politics as well. Good rule of thumb.” says Dr. Moritz. “We are not safe people…when we are interested in art….and politics.”

“She’s safe. Other people are not.” says Peter.

“Yah! But…still.” says Dr. Moritz.

“No. I wasn’t gay. I wasn’t outright gay. But what is neutral? Bisexual? Straight? …Asexual? Outright isn’t overt. He said outright. But what’s neutral? …Should we keep chit chatting…sonny!?” says Lem, using his falsetto gay voice in the last sentence.

“You were that weird sounding??” says Peter.

“Why…Petey…whatever do you mean!?” says Lem. “DAHLING…all gay men speak…as I am speaking.” And at that Lem flutters his lashes.

Peter Thiel looks disturbed. “Lem…nobody noticed!??”

Lem stares back at him. “Peter…who would have noticed!?!”

Peter thinks.

“People didn’t know what was what back then. And they just assumed that my…act…was…somehow who I really was. Because in their minds it was very possibly a choice anyway. So why wouldn’t my choice to act so…possibly offensive be real? Right? Why would any man be so offensive if it wasn’t because he was capable of being gay? As gay as anyone.” says Lem. “It wasn’t a question of who actually was gay or what gay was. It was all mysterious and offensive and I seemed benevolent and charming. And safe to leave your girlfriend with. …And I was. …But only for some people.” says Lem.

Peter thinks.

“Joe left Lacey with me. So did Jack. In 2019. …And for whatever reason…he didn’t think anything would happen at first. Possibly. …But it did. …I just wasn’t into any of those women.” says Lem.

“Who was your type?” says Peter.

“I’d have gotten a bit involved with Marilyn. Not slept with her. But…almost.

And regretted it. But…she was seductive. And I had nobody. Other than my dreams…

Ahh…gee. There were lots of girls. But none of them famous. And…none of them dating a Kennedy. …I went for…well bred…soft…sweet…ladylike women. And…someone daring like Lacey…but also chaste…is…particularly fascinating. Because I relate. She’s a lot like F. Scott Fitzgerald, possibly. …Wild but too deep to be that dumb, hopefully.” says Lem. “I am too.”

“You remind me of Al Franken.” says Peter Thiel.

“Yeah. I’m a lot like him. …Behind my gay façade was a man a lot like his public persona. …He’s a great person to think of when you’re talking to me.” says Lem. “To get an idea who you’re really talking to.”

“So…you…had no intention of letting her go. The minute you first interacted with her.” says Peter Thiel.

“None whatsoever!” says Lem.

“So…she’s not actually in charge. You are?” says Peter.

“I’m her dead Adam, so to speak. …And she has her own free will. …And Tom is her dad. …But yes. I’m in charge. …Actually…Micheal might have some say too.

As does Louis.

As does Elliott.

As does Harold.

…But I’m able to nix all their notions. I’m the one with the final say.” says Lem.

“So how gay was Jack?” asks Peter.

“On a scale of one to ten? Ten being the most gay man to ever live?” says Lem. “Seven.”

Later.

“I was…a one. I’m really straight. …But no. Jack was a seven. …And I was really straight.” says Lem.

“Did you find Jack attractive at all?” says Peter.

“No.” says Lem. “I was straight.”

“Damn. You sucked a straight guys cock. Or no! You were a straight guy who sucked a gay man’s cock.” says Peter.

“He did find women attractive. …But I think Jack liked men more.” says Lem.

“How many other men were there really?” asks Peter.

“Twenty.” says Lem.

Peter raises his eyebrows.

“I was one of twenty. …One of three at first. Then eventually there were about…twenty.” says Lem. “He had a steady stream of sexual partners. …I just wanted a relationship. And he…found a good friend in me. And I was good-looking I guess.”

“Did you give good head?” says Peter.

“No. No better than any other straight guy. …Actually I was very bad at it. …But…as much sex as he had…none of it was ever all that great. Because it was..heartless. Mostly. So…I didn’t have to try that hard. …I just did it and it was over.” says Lem. “It was…vile. But…it never took longer than ten minutes. And I was good at dissociating.” says Lem.

“You never had to put up with him?” asks Peter.

“Rarely. …And when I did I always just…checked out. …He found that frustrating in Germany…and when he was in the White House. I’ve discussed that before.” says Lem.

“So he had some romantic idea for Germany?” says Peter.

“He must have. …And I’m sure I gave him false hope. …I did act gay.” says Lem, shrugging. “And he knew I wasn’t…genuine…somehow. But…I think he thought it was still possible to get me to fall madly in love with him. And yeah…in Germany…he very likely was hoping for hot, passionate sex.” says Lem. “That’s not what happened. I was…disinterested. Cold. Awkward. …And I just placated him.”

“And it drove him nuts.” says Peter.

“You know…it probably hurt him. …I was very nerdy. …I really leaned in to that, as you might say. To make him lose interest. …But…that just made him mad.” says Lem.

Peter Thiel laughs. “I’m sorry. …You did.”

“Yeah! I did. …I was so excited to go. …But…there were so many good-looking young European women. And…by the time we got there…I was…feeling awkward about the whole thing. …I wanted a girl. …I even suggested that. To Jack. That we go out and both find girls. …But he didn’t want that.” says Lem. “He’d do it with a prostitute. He’d use his girlfriends and sisters to tease me and harass me…but…in Europe…when I suggested it…it made him mad. Because I suggested it. And…he used his bisexuality to harass me. …Because he felt he was straight. And being gay was…being artistic and wearing spectacles like me. It was…a choice maybe. The gay was a weak man. An unhealthy man.

…I was…not a good friend really.” says Lem.

“You hurt him.” says Peter.

“Yeah.” says Lem. “You know…men are often in that position. We often hurt people in that way. It’s particular to men. …I don’t think Jack knew how to even begin to accept that he was being hurt. Because there’s no room for that in his perception of himself. He…edited that out of his mind. All his bullying. …All he chose to believe was that he was a big deal. …And the bullying just…never happened. …So….when I rejected him…that never happened either.” says Lem.

“How many men rejected him? Or was he popular?” says Peter.

“He was rarely rejected if ever. …I was straight. …If I’d been gay…for real…I’d never have been his friend even. …I’d have seen through him. …But…I was a dork. Okay? I was a dork, big guy. …And…he made me feel comfortable being dorky and awkward and clumsy and weird to some people. …And his insecurities about women…which extended beyond being bisexual…were something I related to. …I loved the thought of him being so popular with women. …Women we’re approachable with him leading the way. …And I never got to sleep with them. Not really. ..But…I felt less dorky and ugly with him being the center of attention and me being his weird sidekick. …Of course…if Lacey had been there…

He’d have never seen me again. If Lacey had been there he’d have never seen me again.” says Lem.

“There was no one!?” says Peter.

“No. …I’d have married some…pushy girl. …Or never married. Maybe married…a nice girl. Some nice young lady. …But…it’s not a given you’ll find someone.” says Lem.

“So Jack was gay.” says Peter.

“Yes. Not completely. He was bisexual. …But he did find men attractive.” says Lem.

“There were no men he found attractive enough to have married?” says a living gay man, who’s tired.

“If it was allowed!?” says Peter.

“Yeah.” he says.

“Huh.” says Lem after thinking. “I’d have been his first wife. So to speak. …And if it was allowed…he’d have divorced me. …Or…I’d have been shoved into the background. …With my Old Money patina I was a great first pick. And we met at Choate. …That’s a great story. …But no. The funny thing is…you’d never think I was going through this unspeakable pain when he died…if gay marriage had been legal. …Not out of love for him. …And after his term in office I’d have been down. As done a possible. …And he’d have remarried a…short…skinny….platinum blond…very petite man. Young. Early 20’s. Possibly in the party scene. …And he’d have died of a drug overdose like Elvis…in the 1970’s or 80’s. He was a huge drug addict. …And that was the sort of guy he’d have ended up with. …And no. I’m not jealous. …The young man would have died in the 1990’s of cancer. …Jackie would not have. She’d have lived to be…92. Because she’d have taken better care of herself out of spite.” says Lem. “And I…would have…committed suicide. Quietly. In the late 1960’s. Not over Jack. …Sorry I had two hypotheticals there. …No. He’d have lived. And…I wonder if I would have been more suicidal. …I was straight. And my life was ruined. His death…kept me from fully knowing that.” says Lem.

“So you wanted to kill yourself because you wanted a woman but you felt like a complete freak.” says an actress.

“Bingo.” says Lem. “You got it.

“Why didn’t you ask for help?” asks a woman.

“I didn’t fully understand what was going on. I didn’t understand what had happened. …But even if I did what was I to say? ‘I’ve sucked cock. And I have Herpes. …But I’m a nice guy. With Asthma and a life far too devoted to other people. …I’m nerdy and I smoke and drink too much. But I’m a somewhat handsome…loser.’” says Lem. “I mean…after I got Herpes…my options dwindled.”

“So Jack ruined your life.” says a man.

“Yeah. …He was the nail in my coffin.” says Lem. “Well…goodnight. We’re off to bed.”