“Rich Chinese” by Lem

(September 12th, 2024)

“Lacey are you bothered by our wealth?” asks a Chinese man, laughing. “Don’t lie!!”

“No.” says Lacey.

He suddenly looks serious and nods.

“You still feel guilty.” he says. “If there’s reincarnation.”

“Extremely!” says Lacey.

“NO!” says an Asian woman, freaking out.

“No. She’s being serious.” he says.

Casi rolls her eyes. “Okay. But Lacey we aren’t that rich anymore!”

“Well…if there’s reincarnation I still feel extremely guilty.” says Lacey.

“Did your family directly have something to do with it because you went to China and you got in trouble we’ll say, but you went there.” says Sir Elton John.

“I’m probably getting your name wrong. I’m sorry.

Um no, but I had it explained to me once what we did them with opium, and I have felt guilty possibly ever since if I was part of the generation that did that.” says Lacey.

“She’s right. She’s feeling genuinely guilty.” says a Japanese man.

“What is it when you’re talking about your family now and you share these things that sound so impressive to some people? Do you realize that they sound fantastic or just to you are they just…ordinary?” says a Japanese woman.

“To me they’re rather ordinary, I mean they’re not ordinary, but they’re ordinary for somebody who is part of the class that I am claiming to be a part of.” says Lacey.

“Are they though!?” says a Japanese man.

“Are we having a real conversation or am I gonna have to patronize you and protect your feelings?” says Lacey. 

He smiles. Sighs. “Don’t patronize us!” he says.

“I think if you don’t have something like that or a title in your family, you’re not really part of the aristocracy, you’re just rich and if you don’t understand that in Asia anymore than you’re more American than you’d like to think and it pisses me off.” says Lacey. 

“ no that makes sense. That makes sense. I don’t actually necessarily disagree with you the third there has to be some mark of distinction whether it’s a crown or a title or a lot of awards that are very prestigious. Yeah, you have to have some thing not just one depending on what they are, I don’t actually don’t disagree with her. I think people who made that seem ridiculous that she was saying this in this news, you know it was a crowd night it off or else you know this other famous skier with a statue do you know know if if if it’s a family of people who are all interconnected and Norwegian you know there could be a skier who got a statue from skiing another one who is knighted I don’t. I don’t think it’s quite that fantastic I self I think it’s it’s like if there’s if there’s a noble laureate in your family edit this someday I am too pissed off myself to be that careful. It’s like if there’s a noble laureate in your family, you’re not really old money necessarily, unless if there’s a professor at Harvard another professor, and I may be at the university of Washington, like in her family, there are two will know those be out on her husband side there’s a professor at Harvard and out on her side. There’s a professor at the University of Washington, and there are other people to who are somewhat prestigious in someway probably professors and such and so they’re supposed to be professors at prestigious universities are Anna noble laureate and then maybe you to have a children’s book author or some thing yeah and that really isn’t crazy. That’s just an upper class family yeah no I agree with her head obviously stop somewhere. I mean we could make a list of all the things that she could say that are impressive that she knows but there’s a list that stops it’s not like she just keeps going like in the great Gatsby, like they were claiming she did.” says a Japanese man.

“ but don’t you think that it’s a bit much the way that she list of these things off it’s like we have an electoral college vote and we have all the soil and we have a night at author and this and that and it’s like how can all of that really be true to some people it just seemed fantastic.” says a Real Housewife.

“ no, it’s not. It’s really not. You’re just used to the Kennedys were the only specialize in one thing politics name one thing that family has done that’s impressive other than being elected. Talk to a higher position of authority almost nothing there might have been a professor for about five minutes at pace, someone who works in administration at some state university but there’s not a lot of people who are doing anything prestigious other than that which is part of the reason why they’ve never left the middle class that they’re still very upper middle class and away even with all their wealth and prestige, they’re still very middle class and that might not be entirely bad, but I think that’s what you’re used to in America. Hi, I really don’t think it’s actually all the odd, let’s make a list. Let’s just make a list Lacey just make a list.” says the Japanese man.

“ OK we voted in the electoral college. We have at least one district attorney to, and a judge and other people and government positions, all sort of in the same family. Then there’s the oil that’s worth possibly billions. And then there’s people who are just millionaires because of investing in the stock market or different businesses over the last almost 100 years. And then there’s people who have taught it prestigious schools that I am connected to only one that I’m cousins with yeah so then also prestigious professors so people who have taught at Harvard or the University of Washington, which in the department that she teaches in is pretty prestigious and then there’s people who have done research over the years on drugs that have save lives And let’s see what else-“ says Lacey.

“ I’m starting to see your point because I know we have scientists in our family to and I’m running for president and I’m vice president and there’s professors I mean it’s actually a little creepy because no it’s a similar thing just I am writing for president but I do know we have people in in India open so much prestigious but Yeah I’m starting to see what she saying. It’s funny how there’s usually a mix of scientists professors I mean even in uses family yeah with the professor scientists and I call myself middle class but that’s for a reason I don’t really think she is making that up but she’s not and that way I am, I am I might even call myself middle-class a dishonestly to be more relatable to people but I don’t. I mean I miss Bobby but I should be a little more exacting and honest. I know I mean I mean I’m not old money but I am probably more of a class that I’m honest about him, I don’t know it’s it’s interesting to me coming from so much Hindu background or I’m probably pretty Brahman and so is she and I I wonder I wonder if maybe that’s part of what happened you’ve heard of Brahman baiting Lacey I kind of think in the Perfume community, they were Brahman baiting you.” says Kamala Harris.

“ they were.” says a dead Hindu.

“ OK well that’s rather serious. OK that’s interesting. I wonder if they were.” says Kamala.

“ oh OK another and then the sea there’s a night at author my stepmother right now has a wealthy sister or at least one no and I mean and yeah let’s see what else and then there’s the plantation owners who were wealthy probably by the 80 early 1800s late 1700s who probably may have come from somewhere else in Great Britain in the 1730s But no I’m not. I mean that that’s the thing that’s there’s other stuff too but it’s like there’s people who have run from miss North Dakota in my family at one of the one. My aunt was a somewhat noted researcher for a while on autism but no, I mean that’s just, that’s I don’t know. What are you looking at? Why is that weird? Because to tell you the truth it really just it’s all sort of interconnected. The thing is with Gatsby will heal. Asaph is very nuanced, but very specifically a certain way he claims to have gone to Oxford, what was it travel the whole world and then bought? What was it tons of different gemstones and then one medals in a war and then his family was extremely rich in the Midwest that isn’t possible historically speaking, and I don’t know if I’ve stopped if Scott Fitzgerald would’ve realize that or not to be honest. Sometimes he made mistakes. He, notably wore the wrong tie wants to dinner. I think somewhere in England, and I think he sometimes made social faux pas’s because he actually was rather upper middle class, socially climbing himself to be perfectly honest with you with his background if so, for his, I think his father side was really genuinely old money he was named after Francis Scott key after all But then that’s the thing so he didn’t realize that he felt inferior to Zelda and a Genev, who actually was his inferior in all honesty and accuracy, but he didn’t realize that because his father didn’t have the money anymore and he didn’t realize the significance of the fact that his was a great grandfather a great uncle, his name was was actually the one who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner Which is really very trashy in my opinion and lower class and disgusting because it’s a rare distinction to be named after the person who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner and yet he never gave himself enough credit for that I think he made it seem like it was something that it wasn’t because he felt so insecure about telling people And to me that’s just repulsive, because it actually is very impressive and instead you see me, Lee leaned in on his mother‘s wealth that was really more upper middle class. Maybe just becoming upper class if it ever did but that’s the thing it’s all mixed up, but he still got it right because he was very intuitively, gifted intellectually, and he was not a stupid man Because he’s right he’s wrong about North Dakota not everyone in North Dakota was dirt poor and I don’t actually think they were that many Jews, especially German Jews necessarily that I’m aware of living in North Dakota especially not in the area that would be dirt pour the eastern part of North Dakota was actually quite well off. The ground was very fertile and that’s the red river valley most of farmers there were wealthy enough, one of my fathers closest friends comes from that area and his family is wealthy and they have political power or have I think they still do the western part of the state gets dryer and more hilly and rocky as you head towards the badlands in the mountains, and that areas like the wild west that may have had a dirt poor farmer living there But my family was not dirt poor even though that is where we lived but that but that’s the thing that I don’t recall hearing about Jews that live there they were Irish people who live there they were Germans maybe some welsh possibly some Eastern European’s possibly some Russians, but I don’t recall hearing about the law let’s say Dutch I don’t think there were too many Dutch people that lived in western North Dakota. I don’t think there were Jews that lived as far as I’m aware in western North Dakota lives not on a farm. I could’ve been some Scottish people. There are lots of Norwegians and Swede and danish people in Finnish people media I don’t think there were any Jews I just I don’t think that happened so he’s possibly quite wrong historically about that that’s just a bizarre bazaar state for God’s way to have come from that doesn’t quite make sense.

That shit makes me wonder if that’s actually fake to is he from North Dakota or is he from Illinois or Wisconsin or something? I don’t know. And he’s just a pathological liar with mental health issues.

Him but no, the thing is, it’s very unlikely that he would’ve been in North Dakota to start with, but moving beyond that I think you have to listen to that what he says when he says he gets all these gemstones and goes to Oxford that’s actually very unlikely for a Midwestern or the gemstone trade him for not having dominated by a Midwesterner at most likely that kind of astronomical wealth and geological distinction a gemological just a distinction would probably have been held by an by a European aristocrat possibly someone from a family somewhere on the East Coast about Americans didn’t tell him to be is fascinated by gemstones is Europeans if I’m not mistaken.

And I don’t think non-Europeans went in for big game hunting as well either really. I am could you have gone to Oxford? Yes, very easily. There are plenty of Midwestern families are rich, but I probably center their sons to Oxford. That’s rather common sending your son to Oxford that’s not all that distinct, and frankly Tom’s fix station with did he actually go to Oxford is not the approach that I would’ve taken with Gatsby I would’ve sat God‘s way down and tried to talk to him about the gemstones that he collected. I think he said that wasn’t gemstones you know their providence. Yes, their providence Where they came from when they were collected which means they came from what grade they were what color they were I might know more about that than you think the what color they were what cut they used where they were cut, where they were sold where you know what what was it like buying them from the minority and not bite well enough sense but what was it like obtaining them? Where did the where did he obtain them Because I think he would’ve fallen apart in that conversation and become very uncomfortable and I think he probably would have had a very difficult time being in a good mood because I think if you talk talking about Oxford, Oxford is absurd why focus on Oxford lots of people went to Oxford.

But I’m not a lot of people maybe even know what I do about emeralds and rubies and sapphires. Oh, it’s just fascinating all the different stones and I would’ve sat him down and had a conversation about that because I think he would’ve fallen apart and gotten bored and trying to talk my ear off and I would’ve just slowly spoken to him and try to get them to come down from outer space and have a conversation with me about stones and I don’t think he would’ve been able to do it and I think, in that conversation being a smart as he was, he would’ve realize that I was on to him And I think he would’ve thought this woman thinks I’m annoying because she’s fascinated by these things and I’m not the way that she is and she’s annoyed that I’m faking it and I think being sort of the people person that Godspeed seemingly was it being pre-narcissistic 2004 I think he probably or 2015 I think he probably would have taken the hint And gotten very quiet and distance himself from me and if he was if he was cheating with my husband which isn’t possible with love, but if he was trying to steal my husband from me, let’s say he was bisexual and I was married to Michael I think he would’ve but I don’t think Michael would’ve cheated on me but anyway, the point is I think he would’ve taken the hint that I was onto him and that it was getting a bit old and so he needed to sort of do something with his relationship with my husband distorted of him. Do you know make it work or move on and I I don’t think he would’ve lost his temper with the same way. I think you’ve gotten frustrated, but I think you would’ve thought this is getting ridiculous, I need to get this person to commit to me or I’m you know I’m wasting my time and no he went have gotten shot. He probably would have just either tried to run off with my husband successfully run successfully and then that would’ve been a different story. Actually let’s talk about that talk about that Arm let’s say that to get a character was Chris sexual and I was married to a man that was bisexual and was cheating on me. It’s so it’s not Michael did it does he capture my husband and run off or not?” says Lacey.

Casi looks worried.

“ I know no I do not.” says Gatsby.

A dead Roosevelt laughs.

“ why not want to get rid of him to be honest with you I’m not Tom maybe I’m Tom’s daughter why why don’t you take him for me what happened?“ says Lacey.

Godspeed looks rather serious “because big because he is he’s in love with your money more than me.”

“ what!?” says Lacey.

Elliott laughs.

“ i’m sorry, old sport I can’t take them off. Your hands is not interested in traveling with me. He just wants to stay and be rich and play polo.” says Gatsby.

“ them who is them?” says Lacey.

“ yeah, this is a very different story probably his boyfriend he probably had a side piece so to speak or a woman maybe both.” says Gatsby.

“ wow I didn’t know that my gosh!” says Lacey.

“ do you have somebody!?” says Gatsby.

“ no but I’m not like that. Sorry to disappoint you if you were interested at all gosh well yeah so sad for you I guess but sad for me too because I’m in a cried marriage in this book and honestly I think a little part is he was hoping he would leave with him, I’m not gonna lie if you had I probably would’ve some help and able to marry someone wealthier or have more freedom in someway because it’s 1920s.” says Lacey.

“ he’s a jerk. This is a real fool. He’s a real real loser. I’m sorry.” says Gatsby.

“ well you know you tried more thing you build that big house what are you going to do now?” says Lacey.

“ tell me it’s a nice house I’ll probably sell it. I don’t know move back to the Midwest or something I don’t know go out West maybe try California.” he says.

“ oh, that’ll be interesting for you. They careful you seem to have a knack for getting in trouble.” says Lacey.

“ that is those are wise wise words of advice. This is a vastly different story. It’s actually I wonder if I wonder if Scott would actually find a spot fascinating but now it’s vastly different then what he wrote this is an edgy story actually wonder if you would find this rather intriguing Lacey seriously so what happens to you though when I leave we should keep in touch I know that’s a nice idea I have you followed so don’t use my name inappropriately, but I actually might care about you as a person. Oh I don’t know I probably just sync back into my wealthy whole of my library, reading books and drinking tea being miserable, maybe I’ll try to sort of divorce my husband in someway and be happy maybe not I don’t know. I have a pretty awful life in someways, but I’m also very privileged. You could keep me entertained with your stories, but you know don’t do anything stupid or evil and take care of yourself.” says Lacey.

“ I still look at you as a benefactress of sorts, but I will not use your name, and I will not use your money, but I may use wisdom that I have garnered from talking to you not to impersonate you, but just to sort of understand some thing about the world that I didn’t know before.” says Gatsby.

“ which is what?” says Lacey,

“ how depressed people can be how sad they are and everyone lies about it and acts like everything is totally fine. No one‘s really all that I’ve sat and everything is just great. The sun shining life moves on everything’s fantastic, but you are a testament testament to me of the human will, and spirit in the face of, absolute personal defeat, and the only horizon and relief being death in heaven because you’re right I don’t know who you are and end up with either your very cloistered group of friends and they’re all pretty much the same you’re gonna end up staying and taking care of your children, and being miserable for the next 40 years that’s awful and yet it’s not in the way it’s a life a lot of people would die trying to live, but that’s what I’ve learned how dark and awful the world really can be and is it’s poor people are suffering rich people are suffering. There’s a lot of sadness in the world and it just highlights for me the importance of trying to find beauty and meaning desperately.” says Gatsby.

“ you’re a very deep character.” says Lacey.

“ I was supposed to be I I guess I am very intelligent very witty. I’m not just supposed to seem like a narcissistic Looney Tunes so to speak and you’re right now my story is complete rubbish. It takes a discerning either to notice that some people would just buy it, and I think that’s part of what people were doing to you in the perfume community was trying to one up you with their knowledge of the impossibility of what you were saying and honestly it ticks me off because if no, I might exist to up in the afterlife believe it or not frankly, a lot of the more popular fictional characters that are not evil at least might exist because God’s very imaginative and loving him and I’m actually quite fast. I need to talk to you I might have been inspired by your father to be honest so it’s a little weird talking to you because I might think more like you than you think I am except I don’t think your father would’ve ever said all of that because he was he also inspire Tom and he is Tom suggesting how their names are the same isn’t it? I might be a sort of Kennedy, Irish Jewish sort of version of him if F Scott Fitzgerald was antisemitic he might have felt very guilty about it.

Yeah, and so I’m implying that he made me Jewish, but in reality I could easily just be Irish, because he was Irish, and he actually was in love with a Jew. It one point in his life was writing about them in the last tycoon, and I think he felt some sense of guilt About being someone antisemitic and yet he also had a sort of antisemitism in the great Gatsby. Let’s both it’s sort of a maybe was grappling with what it all is about. I think Hemingway was two in the sun also rises because it was a topic of the time you know what to do with the Jews and I’m sure he heard about that, but anyway, I would love to know why you think what she said is so fantastic she’s right there are holes in my plot line so to speak of the story that I came up with about my life. There are things about it that are obviously nonsense but I would love to know what it is you think it’s so incongruous about what she shared was so incongruent what is it because I don’t see it either and also, I’m sick of people talking about them being straight he was straight, I’m positive he was him I know he was and I’m sorry it’s a little more far-fetched than anything she’s ever said that’s true about her family, but he actually was just impersonating against a gay person and people today. Can’t believe stuff like that could exist, but it it did, and maybe still does in some cases, you guys are so sheltered in middle class today but know if it actually is possible that someone could’ve impersonating a homosexual without being one a lot of things are possible it’s almost like your people just live in the suburbs and never leave your phones and just make cucumber salad it’s it’s just it’s so fucking stupid like no there’s very eccentric unusual people Some of them could easily be home in Robert Avenue maybe living at a $500,000 small ranch house somewhere in Royal Connecticut you know I mean that’s not totally impossible either which is why some of these people who actually are lying and who are impersonators get away with it because they’re there actually is a possibility to things like a man whom first day of the Rockefellers for years and then kill people There’s a documentary made about him or Anastasia like people have wondered about that for a reason and actually you know some people who are less well known, but are still famous like Ophelia Punzel were the Marilyn Monroe those are their real names Marilyn Monroe‘s real name is Norma Jean Baker, and Athalia Punzel‘s real name was Mary and Fedor Why couldn’t someone fake a persona people fake names people do stuff like that that’s not unheard of it it actually really is totally possible to me that someone could pretend to be gay and not be gay. I think you people are obnoxiously, sheltered, and backward, and not being able to imagine that possibility.

And I am just a fictional character, but I’m old at this point, and I’ve seen a few things from heaven I know it really is not quite as astronomically impossible and shocking as anyone has made it out to be if there’s an illuminati or whoever she’s talking to I’m just personally getting annoyed by it because it’s not that impossible. It’s really not And frankly it makes me wonder if some of you cough cough Bobby are a little backward and think that homosexuality is a choice or I think that somehow it’s not about what you want or who you are and that it could be genetic in someway I think you people think that it’s just all a choice and just nothing it’s not it is people are born with it to some degree they’re either born with a Earth, or born with a predilection towards it or both and it’s somewhat genetic if it’s a mental illness, people are born with a predilection towards it and they don’t always necessarily develop it if it’s not a mental illness, then it’s a it’s a different sort of predilection but it’s OK if it’s not, if it’s allowed in heaven, it’s like being left, handed sort of him There’s a sort of genetic component to it but that’s the thing it’s not a choice you can just choose not to be gay or choose to be gay that’s not reality and so lotta people who think that I’m sorry but you’re very backward and ignorant, and it’s sad how many of those people are well-intentioned but the wrong it’s not a choice And it’s disturbing because that used to be a topic of conversation and then I think we came to intellectual people to maintain to be honest with you. I think people are too stupid to have that conversation no days anything all we found out that it’s not genetic when we study the human genome, but they actually didn’t find that out. They found out that there was a set of jeans that lead towards a predilection instead of one gene or the NASA thing if there’s a set of jeans, why couldn’t someone like Lacey pick up on that in the facial facial features in the body And I’m not talking about the 50 different genders and types of people I’m talking about some thing more real and grounded in reality closer to eugenics in a sense but old-school eugenics that actually may have had some validity and they’re up. There’s there’s exceptions you know, I mean, there are people who look at who aren’t him And probably vice versa but I’ve never seen her be wrong and I don’t think it’s possible for someone to look totally straight or totally gay and not be to be honest I don’t think that happens it’s more like there’s something a little gay about them, but then not completely and they’re not so names are not even bisexual.

For getting back to Lacey‘s family I don’t understand why people think that what she said was so ridiculous. Explain to me how it’s incongruent.” says Gatsby.

“ because they’re a farm family?” says a reader.

“ I know there are many wealthy foreign families in the Midwest. Many some of those families probably don’t know on the land anymore and their house is it been torn down or sold first and some other in in Reno made into something different but no there used to be and still are to some degree many wealthy, farm families, maybe in the south there’s not as many, but then that’s where you have to stop being so ignorant and presumptuous, she’s not living in Tennessee or Georgia like a sharecropper. She’s living in the Midwest and not just Kansas or Nebraska or Illinois even even though there’s probably some wealthy farms in those areas as well no it’s North Dakota OK and you can’t just assume that every North Dakota is poor because of the great Gatsby or because it’s an on populated states, you have to do more research than that there’s a lot of wealthy farms in Wisconsin and Minnesota and Iowa probably even a Nebraska and and and lots different areas of Of of the Midwest. There were an are lots of wealthy farms that’s facts. There’s no debate for that that’s just actual historical fact.” says Gatsby.

“ OK so then she comes from one of those families?” says Casi.

“ yes she does. Yes they were the first family that owned the land that they owned. No one‘s ever owned it other than Native Americans and it’s thousands and thousands of acres Casi so yes yes she comes from one of those families there’s a farm is over 100 years old. It’s an antique farm so to speak has been for decades now technically the farm was started in 1905 and it’s been. It’s been in the family since 1905, so I no no no before then it was just wildland.” says Gatsby.

“ that’s historically correct she’s right, the homestead act that was what drew her family to North Dakota was all that cheap land that they could get for like a song.” says a Sioux.

“ so they were just giving away thousands of acres in the early 1900s to Norwegians for cheap!??” says Casi.

“ yeah that’s historically accurate and I have a feeling that I mean it’s just the fact the farmers are in 1905 before then it was on chart it was on it was free wildland probably they were the first people to homesteaded who are white and all of human history Lacey I’m curious how many native American artifacts does your family have still in possession? I’m getting the sense that you donated quite a few of them to museums which is nice do you still have some?” asks a professor.

“ yes, my mother has one in her house right now who raised me and hopefully all inherit it. Yeah there’s quite a few of them that are laying around in different peoples houses probably.” says Lacey.

“ that’s rather unusual Lacey what do they look like?” he says.

“ oh well, the one that we have is a giant stone I don’t know what it is it might be granite and it’s carved out in the center and it’s been fashioned. It looks like it would’ve possibly been attached to some sort of rod of some sort, so sort of like a round ball, and then the middle part is like indented, so to speak, it was carved and I’m assuming they use that for war I don’t think they would’ve use it for farming purposes I think they probably used it for war which is why I’m assuming it would’ve been attached to something probably kill people. I know you want some very very buff man would’ve held it up in the air and flung it around and knocked into peoples heads to kill them?” says Lacey.

“ yeah, probably were they’re like arrowheads too?” he says.

“ yes, there were. I think there might be some still at the farm somewhere in a curio cabinet or something yes, I think there were.” says Lacey.

“ are there a lot of people with stuff like that, though in North Dakota is that rather common?” he says.

“ you know when I was growing up, it was yes there there were a lot of people who would’ve had that somewhere in their house from some farm. They had inherited some thing from their cousins farm or something. People might’ve just found it going for a walk I mean they were all over the state of North Dakota, and so for the first 100 years I suppose yeah all the white Norwegians and the Swedes other Scandinavian stains yeah just went around collecting that stuff probably putting it in drawers and curio cabinets and hutches, and and and dressers and libraries in their home and yeah that’s just fairly common. We found ours on our land which is why it’s a novelty to me because we were on the land we all the land that they came From, but you know yeah there’s lots of people who have them there they were maybe they’re not so much anymore but when I was little I’m 40 so I was like 3040 years ago they were extraordinarily common they were everywhere. Lots of people had them.” says Lacey.

“ OK so so her family is an aristocrat a farm family how wealthy are these people!??” says a reader.

“ a lot wealthier than you think you made a total fucking ass of yourself if you’re who I think you are yeah no we were millionaires the 1950s from our land. I’m sorry that you don’t understand that no and it such as that we owned the land we were millionaires from the land so we owned the land and we made millions farming. Literally it was very profitable for a while and it wasn’t. It wasn’t skews me it wasn’t it wasn’t like her family was making millions like we were possibly but hundreds of thousands I don’t know we were making a pretty decent amount of money how wealthy were without the 5 million we were worth equivalent to 5 million in about 1954 will say and we had been worth two or 3 million in the 1940s just from farming and I’m not just talking about the land net worth including the farm three or 4 million so three or 4 million in the 40s and then yeah six or 7 million in the 50s yeah from just farming we were in the eastern part of the state though. Lacey‘s family was worse well yeah probably three or 4 million by the 1960s equivalent today 030 4 million including the land and without the land but they’ve been worth it if it’s sold out they still have gotten the money can’t forget that but probably does 2 million maybe one or 2 million so yeah they were millionaires her great grandparents were millionaires by the 1960s they were old and they gave some money away and they helped her children but yeah they were worth that much. They gave probably maybe three or 400,000 to her grandmother when she left her husband the equivalent today of that just to survive and then she saved most of that money for her retirement went back to school, and it was retired for decades live very truly in the house that her parents owned that she grown up in what well she had lived somewhere that’s the thing um, who started out with massage Shanti and then they had a one room house and then they built their house that they have now that’s decent definitely by most people standards where is is imagine almost so no there and they weren’t actually quite as wealthy as us. They were yeah well 33 or 4 million by today’s standards is still wealthy but you could call it almost like a lower level wealth but they were they were worth 3,000,002 or 3 million for the 1960s today her great grandparents probably maybe oh about 1 million in the 1930s or 40s almost did that’s just from farming but you have to you have to keep in mind that these people it was a different time farming was different back then that was before global warming was really a problem at all, and they they had a lot of land so it wasn’t just like 400 acres or even 1000 it was thousands literally at least it is now and I have a feeling it’s been at least a couple thousand for a while so it’s thousands of acres of land at least 1000 maybe 15002,000 acres of land knows maybe closer to 5000 I don’t know I had maybe that’s a lot of land. They had hired hands and right now the US government has a vested interest in people staying off that land but I mean it’s not it was farm bowl and they had hired hands but it’s not a comfortable place to be because it’s so pearl that in the summer you could easily be eaten by a snake during the day or bit by a snake, rather not eaten, but you could easily be bit by a snake during the day and die, if you weren’t careful or during the night so you could very easily be killed if you weren’t careful by a mountain lion or a coyote because there’s a lot of wild animals out at night you have to be careful I’m not exaggerating and that’s during the summer during the winter and they could be there were a few bison back in the day, but during the winter you could you die of hypothermia very easily so Nelson and in good health were very brave farming all that land by themselves and know they were able to do it and make a reasonable profit in the early 1900s and then eventually they had hired hands but it wasn’t easy and that’s part of the reason why it was so functional and it still is to some degree because it’s not like inhabitable and so you could just go squat there if you did, you would boy I mean there’s not running water and there’s wild animals it really is it’s only for a few months of the year that you’d be able to even live there in a tent with no running water anything it’s hundreds of miles of land of walking there’s not cars it’s very rural so it’s yes who compared to Canada it’s it’s like some of the rulers of Canada yeah Canada is it actually a little more and have it to some degree there’s are people actually live with Canada but anyway play places hopefully that goes if people are real of we’re actually wealthier than them that this is it and this is where you have to sort of be a little deep right because her great grandmother who was a millionaire by the 1960s was from a silver smith family that was of some historical notoriety from the 1700s.” says a dead Belter.

“ yeah I know no she’s sincere. I met her once at estate sale and I knew who the Belter‘s were and I was very impressed by them because they are old money and I acted like it was ridiculous that she knew who they were but I knew it in my God that it wasn’t, but I was running an estate sale, and I wanted to be impressive to people, and I couldn’t stand her because she was so beautiful and her husband is Jewish even though she’s not at her her kid is so smart and it just pisses me off it’s just totally piss me off.” says a white estate sale manager from the afterlife.

“ fuck.” says Casi.

“ OK so there are wealthy farm families I’m not from one of them. Neither is Casi, but there are people who are like that and that’s not some thing that most people know.” says a perfume hater.

“ see that’s hard for us to believe because where we’re from and the people that we know it’s just common knowledge like there are wealthy, foreign families. Duh, who doesn’t know that??” says a dead Belter.

“ oh that’s interesting that is not my perspective. You guys really are actually elected officials and we’ve checked into it in the CIA and no you’re legit. Crap so you guys are old money that’s interesting. Oh fuck OK no at least understands what old money is Bobby I’m sorry if anything you don’t OK so that’s interesting so they’re like the Scandinavian western North Dakota old money but no way they’re more impressive than you because of their Norwegian silversmith heritage. Let’s just look a little bit at that house in Norway that’s been in her family since the 1700s because a lot of people are analyzing it and they’re not really being honest so can we just see a picture of it Lacey?” says the CIA.

“ this is a stupid conversation and as an Indian I’m getting offended.” says Usha.

“ how many square feet is that Gunhild?” asks the CIA.

“ about 3000 ft.² from certain angles it looks smaller from certain angles it looks bigger but no it’s about 3000 ft.²” says Gunhild.

“ what was it before the 1970s the whole addition was added?” says Jenna.

“ oh maybe 2400 no what was it more than that 2020 for 2500 actually it might be more than three or 3000 it’s really not that small it’s it’s it isn’t as big as Lacey first thought that it was when she first saw the house it looked enormous to her because I think she was expecting because it was where I grew up that it was going to be him ratchet you know because we were pioneers but no, I really didn’t come to America because I had to I came to America because I was curious, and I was very savvy, and I was heartbroken about my love life.

No I mean it’s original hard floors original rose mauling sterling silver made within the family and it’s well over 2500 ft.² that I grew up in well over 3000 might actually be a little bit of an underestimation. It’s a big house it wasn’t built in America. It doesn’t look as big as it is apparently, but no it’s a fairly sizable house. Look at it look at the chair that’s a normal size chair Compared to the house and then realize there’s a dock where people walk out. Well, it’s not a deck it’s sort of a patio. You might actually say size wise that it compares to a that it compares to a plantation in the south, but it’s in Norway and it’s the 1700s, we didn’t have slaves. We were Norwegians and we are making more money off of silver not the slave trade silver and you can argue about where the silver came from but you might be disappointed and people used sterling silver, and we were genius with us, and it wasn’t like an apprentice type thing, either. By the way we weren’t like mechanics or painters we were silversmiths. It was actually a position of some notoriety and prestige. I would say it’s probably a part of the upper class but it’s Laura level as Lacey would say in the upper class in Norway, so no we were upper class in the 1700s in Norway but I came over to America anyway because it was a farm. I was heartbroken And it was land. That wasn’t mine him and I I just didn’t want to live there. I wanted to go to America.” says Gunhild.

“ but it’s not like it’s not like the breakers good health.” says a perfume collector making a joke with Gunhild.

“ yeah exactly exactly it’s so stupid no it’s not it’s not a Normas house it’s still is in my family. I’ll tell you that it’s not that hard to take care of as the breakers and we have taken very good care of it since the 1700s but it’s it’s about a 3000 square-foot house that is in very good condition from the 1700s so people would say it’s historically significant house, but there’s a lot of houses like that in in Europe, but it but it’s it is rather historically significant in a way considering our families heritage with silver smiths but now it’s privately owned. We live there and it’s it’s a lovely house.” says Gunhild.

“ was it weird coming from that much wealth and privilege and security to America?” says a historian.

“ yes yes it was. Actually, I was very put off when I first came here that the ride over was scary. I was put off by a lot, but by the time Nelson I were married and we had our own house and we settled him. I felt far more comfortable. We really did build a decent enough house. It wasn’t quite as nice as the house that I grew up and to be honest I am, but it was nice and who is mine and I was in love with nails and we had eight kids and Nils was very handsome and he was a very good husband and I was a good mom and I was happy. I was a happy person, so no, it wasn’t quite the privilege that I had had but Nils was intelligence. He was handsome he was tall he was healthy his hard-working very very very good man and a decent enough anyway and no more decent no less decent than me. How about that and we had a very, very nice life.“ says Gunhild.

“So you people were silver smiths. Wow OK that’s cool and there’s been like books written about you?” says a Rockefeller.

“ yes, yes, indeed!” says a Berge.

“ so that was good Hills family knows came from a middle-class family. They had a farm as well and he just couldn’t inherit it because he was the third oldest son so he came to America married her and then they started the farm and they were multi millionaires in today’s money by the 1960s and almost all of their kids did well if not better than they did. That’s the family Lacey was raised in you keep looking for a loophole, and there isn’t one.” says a dead Belter.

“ I think a lot of people in the perfume community were very narcissistically offended by Lacey because she’s so casual about her perfume and you’re not because to her it really is that casual it’s not as if she doesn’t care or she’s disrespectful but she’s very casual about it and I understand that I think to her if some thing isn’t $795,000 or $300,000 it’s not that expensive it’s expensive but it’s not that expensive so the level of awe that most perfume community has about perfume she would reserve for a Rolls-Royce or maybe a mansion maybe a country house or 3 million or a beach house for 6 million that’s the kind of thing Lacey would really be an all of the way that you people are in all of your $400 dollar bottles of perfume. It’s not as if she’s doing that to hurt you. That’s just the reality of who she is, I would like to know why are you all took that so damn seriously and so personally?” says Dr. Moritz.

“ i’ll speak on their behalf, since I am apparently slightly still one of them you know it’s because to us it’s still a big deal like I got I had a lot of money growing up my father was Bobby Kennedy. We had a famous name, but I am almost broke at this point in my life and my children tell stories to town and country but still they tell stories to town and country about me you know driving around in a minivan with a dead fish on our car that isn’t some thing that whatever happened in her family that is not all that uncommon to be honest in the lower classes and middle class families that kind of thing happens I think it’s a mindset to be honest because to Lacey it’s like a palling like why the hell would you drive around with a whale on your minivan? That’s ridiculous. If you have the money you put it on ice and you have a properly shift or you bring it to a professional taxidermy and have them do it for you you pay the money you have someone do it you don’t put it on your car and drive on the interstate that’s completely repulsive and stupid as heck and she’s right it is but that’s that’s the difference so in her family or from her mindset it’s like One was straight and he tells her that and she thinks oh of course that’s possible I’ll have to check into it I don’t entirely believe you but maybe that’s what happened here and let’s talk about it I am and so she does talk about it with him very kindly and it’s silly in a sense to us cause it’s like they’re sleeping together is he saying the store or so to me it’s like why why would she need to talk about it with him? That’s completely idiomatic they’re sleeping together and as possible parlor is my having believe her that they are because it’s like if I was sleeping with someone I would get that confused about it we’re at have to talk about it. What are they talking about, but that’s that’s the difference so middle-class people is still as impressive as those bottles of perfume and I know my family was like that we could collect things that were expensive or we would have things like that and it was still in process even though we had a huge house, and we went from a famous family and went to the right schools stuff like that still is impressive to us and it’s just it’s like oh you’re friends with this person and why are you have a $400 bottle of perfume oh my gosh you know him that’s that’s was impressive does so I really just think it’s a mindset. It’s not just about you know how much money you have. I think it’s about the way you see the world and what you’re used to almost like a habit it’s almost like what habit do you have about seeing the world you know like how what is your habit? What do you how do you? How do you habitually perceive the world?” says Bobby Jr..

“ do you know I think there’s some questions that some people should be asking but they’re hyper focused on the wrong stuff I was sort of interesting Lacey romantically for a while and it didn’t work out but I was actually interested in her. I’m just curious would you have left Lacey alone with them a lot and your family or not?” says Dr. Moritz.

“ do you have ugly honest with you? Yes, we would have we would have. I would’ve thought that it was smart because he was gay and so I would’ve been off having affairs with people if she married me and not just left with him to begin with, but so I whatever not having affairs with people on who you’re alone with him thinking that it was safe and that she was just I don’t know knitting or some thing with him literally possibly even and and Jack would’ve assumed that it’s lame and he’s gay you know and so it’s like you can leave these people alone together because he’s gay and she’s just gonna net and maybe pray the rosary or something.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“ oh, and so I take it that’s not what would’ve been happening?” says NBC.

“ no they would’ve been conceiving all of our children and I would’ve been having his kids as mine or they would’ve just left together but no his might her children would’ve actually been his children. Oh, and no one would’ve been the wiser. Everyone would’ve thought the real Secret was him and Jackie no I if they were really devious. I wouldn’t even put it past them to play that angle up and make it seem like it was a real secret and that was that was, that was the real secret with him and Jack. Oh boy, you know don’t talk about that it’s only to cover up for the fact that they were the actual couple. I don’t know we wouldn’t even figure it out we’re supposedly so shrewd and you know Machiavellian, but they see through us and yes, it’s because they’re in a different class than we’re in and so when our backs are turned yeah, we would’ve left those two alone together a lot because they got along so darn well they cook together they bake together, you can leave those two alone together for hours they shop together they they decorate together their best friends and an actually I think Jack may have slightly picked up on something, but then if I was alive, he would’ve been more focused on competing with me than anything else and being bisexual not just gay he would’ve just felt like he was insecure or some thing were that he was misunderstanding some thing is I’m very handsome and they would’ve played it off like she was madly in love with me and to be honest I would’ve been on the wiser, so no it’s entirely possible that they would’ve had a very secret marriage of sorts probably absolute fidelity to each other and then Jack and I would’ve just been fools giving the money to spend to take trips together raising their kids giving them our name am I know the kids would’ve known that Linn was there dad probably and kept a secret but it’s interesting if she’s been there and they chosen to do that with David Pitts have written his book or not you know I think he would have to be honest and it’s wonderful to see Camala being so kind to Lacey and trying to get along with her. It’s not that hard to get along with with Lacey, I was in love with her for decades, and I’m a narcissist and I don’t get along with a lot of people Camala I don’t know why it’s being treated like it’s this astonishing astounding thing that you’re able to get along with her.” says Joe. “ and to be honest with you if I was bisexual, it’s sad in a way because they find each other because they fall in love with Jack and I and then we’re to scoundrels and we’re useless at relationships and then they just said nothing happy with each other for eternity him and then yeah, tell her dad, Jack and I are nonsense wiser.”

“ yeah read read faded say that lamb was not outright gay that’s funny how no one really takes that seriously so let’s just say this is possible and that he was bisexual. Would they have done that or are they too honorable?” says Kamala.

“Yes. …So…I’m…amused…and yet…lost.” says Lacey.

“ you know we started this conversation out at night in 2016. Excuse me I was gonna say 1916 with her telling NBC that she could’ve been my mistress who is impossible. She will never be my mistress she would’ve been my wife honestly partially because she would’ve lost interest being my mistress and moved on and with someone else tonight I knew that more than she did at the time, I am a jerk. Don’t get me wrong, but I am baffled. Yes, they’re too honorable Camala why do you people not understand what’s going on it’s absurd. I’ve been telling you that I could’ve had a relationship with her that was intimate and at least somewhat serious for almost 10 years if there’s no illuminati.” says Joe.

“ I because we were hyper focused on the fact that she called out Chris Hayes and Diego referencing her old money family in 2016 to the show because it’s like we were just like you’re not that big of a deal you’re kind of trashy or like what are we doing? This is weird that you’re talking to us where Diego was and then she was just like going off about her family and it’s like OK that’s really offensive because a lot of people don’t have families like that and so a lot of us just assumed that she had to be off to some thing because it seem like a really defensive response.” says MSNBC.

A perfume hater cries.

“ oh, but you attacked her!” says a perfume hater.

“ well, I mean it was debatable it’s like maybe it was an attack maybe it wasn’t?” says Chris Hayes.

“ yeah but then it’s like why wouldn’t you assume that it was a debate that it was an argument that you were possibly attacking her I mean I get the sense that she felt attacked first thought that you could be attacking her and chose to just defend herself I don’t get where she’s wrong If you think it goes back to you people again why did you attack her? Why did Diego attack her Chris!?” says a perfume hater.

“ because he felt like a really big deal. OK I mean we have a nice house in Brooklyn and he just felt like a really really big deal. We have an expensive shower you know him water filters that are expensive. He had expensive skin care products and I think it just felt like a really really big deal tanning at exclusive places, facials, cocaine it was expensive massages in expensive dinners I think he just felt extremely pampered and important and I think he thought impersonating me and sometimes I feel like that too, and I think he just thought that he had arrived in the world so to speak and just found found her really annoying and laughable and offensive.” says Chris Hayes.

“ Why is why it why was I offensive? What was offensive?” says Lacey. 

“ we are so fucked!” says a Japanese man.

“ and because because it because she just had this attitude and I just, I think Diego just thought she had this attitude.” says Chris.

“ oh you mean she had a sense of self that was accurate. Do you ever talk to people like her or are you really sheltered? Sometimes I wonder about a lot of you including Tucker Carlson, who made an ass of himself in Russia by the way, do you people realize how backward you seem or not?” says a dead Rothschild.

“ the thing is a lot of people have been kissing your asses for about 100 years trying to fit in with with people from the coast in America and it has sort of left two people with the impression that were really backward and I used to actually think that myself slightly when I went to school in Pennsylvania, but then I came back and I realized somehow over the years that’s not really accurate and that in all reality let’s just say I don’t know it’s just it’s just not how it works right so like I stayed in, arguably one of the best hotels in the world at it at the time in 2012 in London and we spent probably oh offers about $5000 or so just on the hotel maybe more than that maybe less but it was very it was a lot of money as it might’ve been around 5000 but it might’ve been even more but the point is it was expensive and it was back then and so I was exposed to a sort of life in a sort of perspective during those weeks that I was staying there that felt very comfortable to me to be honest very familiar very very comfortable and if there’s reincarnation probably reminded me of how to perfectly honest with you and it’s sort of left me with a perspective that was very different. Combine with everything else that I experienced at that point so when I came home and Mark said oh, we only have Dino $7000 left and I found out later that I was pregnant and then my father who raised me, so do you want 25,000 for a car I thought what the heck there’s something very weird going on here. Oh, and then you know we go we go we go to nice restaurants in the area and I saw it’s not like you’re up but you know I don’t recall and all my travels of the East Coast staying in New York City staying in Pennsylvania ever staying in a place that was as nice as some of the places that I would frequent in Minnesota I thought what the heck no I mean I just in combination with the wealth in my family with the culture of the area I don’t know it it was all very subtle and I don’t have the wherewithal. Explain that to you right now, but essentially, I realized that it wasn’t quite as backward as it had been made out to be most of my life and no over the years I’ve become very keen to stay here, because I realize that Minnesota in itself is like a Secret Quetico community slightly the whole states I would say the whole Midwest is a tiny bit like that’s kind of a very tightly health secret I mean kind of like Canada, to be honest with you Canada can be like that too. I’m very very tightly health, Secret and no people don’t talk about it, but it actually is a lot nicer than people think at the standard of living the privacy the beauty of nature it’s the level of intelligence and decency of the people just a culture, everything the air generally husband superiors most places in the US, to be honest and I realized that it was a scam. The whole East Coast to superior thing is kind of a scam it’s not in the way in and then the way it is.

Yeah and that’s the thing so I I don’t. I don’t know I I just don’t I don’t I don’t know I don’t. I’m sorry I don’t know what we’re even talking about entirely right now I didn’t make up anything. I guess it’s not really incongruent. I’m sorry I don’t understand, the thing is I’ve never said that I was as big of a deal at some people it’s not like I was like yeah I’m a Vanderbilt Rothschild, Lord Frankenstein I am I know I’m just over class, old money and upper class kind of upper middle class and that was all I was ever saying to the Perfume community and it all I was ever saying to Diego was just that I’m not the weird prostitute street urchin that he was making me out to be and I don’t think my attitude is really Above my station I don’t think I have an attitude that’s particularly arrogant at all or above my station and actually I would just say that I have some self-esteem and sense of self. I don’t really understand how they can be so lacking in self-awareness is to realize what they’re saying is just fucking shit, you know and honestly Diego came from some poverty, so did Chris what is it that you think I am? What is it my added I don’t understand what is it about my attitude that seems so inappropriate?” says Lacey.

“ and because you have this way about you where you’re really am determined, and lordly.” says Chris.

“ that’s just her personality that’s not an error that’s really just her personality.” says Tom Banks.

“ I will it’s like an Assorti it’s like a sense of authority?” says Chris.

“ that’s my family that’s how we all are.” says Gunhild.

“ can I just find some thing out to you if there’s reincarnation she actually was a British aristocrat and that’s her subconscious you fucking idiots that it’s possible to most people it looks like her personality or her family and they don’t notice the difference I think it’s people who frankly come from poverty like Casi or Chris, who have some sense of authority of some sense of nurse their nurse associate or yeah, but they also have some sense of like what other class people look like and somehow they’re picking that out. I really wish someone would just think if there’s illuminati about whether or not, there’s reincarnation in the Bible because it’s starting to piss me off as much as I think I’m gonna be irritated if there is because that’s that’s really actually relevant to this conversation. OK if that’s possible in Christianity she’s been reincarnated so you can’t get angry at her for the fact that in her last life and in her subconscious, she actually was a British aristocrat that’s not her imagining some thing that’s her actual soul and maybe it offends you because you’re on Jack Kennedy side and he is the Lulu and things that Glenn was somehow gay in his past life and that they didn’t conceive for children, and that they weren’t really happy, but that’s not reality. The reality is that they were madly in love, and he was probably straight, and he probably would straighten his last life to maybe you could say he was bisexual, but he certainly as heck was not gay and I don’t think that it’s something that Jack wants to comprehend because he feels so fucking threatened by it to think that he had this happy life with a gorgeous as fuck, adoring wife, who died for him, and then Jack treated him like he was garbage and Jack’s like oh my God right we know why isn’t why was I isn’t love answering my calls it’s like because he died and remembered that he could be with a hot chick instead of you who didn’t treat him like a worthless piece of shit

So if he was bisexual, then I’m sorry Jack. Maybe you’re not quite as fucking big of a deal as you thought you were in the universe. And if he was straight, then you were delusional to begin with buddy and all kinds of toxic and to be honest, I honestly think he already was anyway because I think to be honest that she’s really not supposed to be here and then it’s very possible that Linn wasn’t supposed to be ever in contact with you I would bet that if he was bisexual, he wasn’t as in love with you as we think he was I I don’t know I’m sorry Jack but I really think if there’s reincarnation and I believe that there is that they were infinitely more happy where it’s a joke the whole David Pitts thing it’s just a fucking joke And I’m sorry but it’s a problem. It’s really a problem but you know it’s funny. My husband is pointing out that he says he was straight so I’m gonna go with that and I’m gonna bet he was straight on behalf of our side the end people who don’t have the guts to really face that reality or just gonna have to suck up shit because I’m I’m not losing any either as my husband Maybe it’s a joke to them to run someone for president it’s not funny and I don’t think peter teals billions is worth Elon Musk Jeff Bezos and all of Russia so he’s having second thoughts because he thinks that I don’t know homosexuals won’t be able to run around on the street naked if we’re elected and he’s a turncoat then he’s just gonna have to suck it up

I’m sorry it’s really annoying to me as a woman. I really think I was probably straight sweetie. I’m sorry if you can’t handle that maybe you’re mentally ill Peter.

Because I don’t know what I don’t. I don’t know what the problem is it’s it’s insane to me. Kamala can talk about it with them and frankly it helps her and it helped P to. I don’t wanna hear some convoluted explanation of why that’s happening that makes you feel better no lame was probably straight And I believe there’s reincarnation so getting back to that get a fucking grip you morons she was an aristocrat. She is one now if it seems lordly to you that’s probably because there’s something about her that is mismatched because she’s illegitimate or it’s some thing from her previous life, that’s really just in her subconscious and then it’s just like what do you want her to do about it that’s just her soul that’s just who she is. That’s her Ottman there’s nothing she can do about it that’s who she is.

Or if there’s not reincarnation, if there’s nothing to be said for Tom being her dad, maybe that family really is more authoritarian and aristocratic in a real aristocratic way than Diego and a lot of other people who are really sheltered can handle I don’t. I don’t think you people can handle the fact that her family really does sound like that I’ve talk to one or two of them if there’s an illuminati, and they actually do sound like her they’re like Rick Steves, but with like an old money, air of Authority, and that’s not that far removed from who she is if she seems more feisty and anxious to you that’s probably because she’s illegitimate or I don’t know she’s just not like those people even though those would be her relatives.” says Usha.

“ she’s just so pure and perfect all the time and it is superiors most of us and we just can’t handle it one way or another.” says Joan Walsh.

“ you know some ways I come across like that too to people I’m sorry you don’t come so it really just makes the same question to me and Lacey is wondering this too why can’t you guys just except who she actually is? Why are you picking on her?” says Usha.

“ partially because we thought she was vulnerable. I think I wear too stupid to realize that that’s not what kind of vulnerability that we thought it was.” says a perfume hater.

“ I think you people are fools. I am from Germany and I’m not like that but I know plenty of Germans, who during World War II would’ve shot you in the face point-blank, and that could easily be her actual generation. I’m gonna go with illegitimate because I have a feeling her family is like what is described but there’s a difference about her and I think it’s, I think it’s scary and yes she seems longer, but I also think she scares you. I think you know that she is capable of I just said in the wrong situation of the right situation rather yeah she’s a wolf but not evil and give her a gun in Nazi Germany she would’ve held her liquor, held control of her self and easily killed somebody over tea and then ran off with her family probably to England or something or if she was a Nazi. She would’ve been terrifying but that’s that’s her personality. OK and I would rather exceptional person and someways but not in others and I relate to that I I don’t understand why if this is real and it is to some degree weather, there’s reincarnation or the luminosity or not there’s an afterlife I don’t understand, why you could’ve arranged for her to be with me because you have to know what I’m unusually intelligent even if I’m not as facetious as I used to be, I did teach at a decent school was like Harvard, but it was somewhat decent and I did go to Cambridge why would you assume that she could be with me and be the person that you still want to think that she is?” says Dr. Moritz.

“ that was people who were dead, who thought of that relationship him Kamalo might’ve okayed it, so there are some people who ha think that sort of thing is allowable and possible and then there’s some people who are still stuck on the fact that she came from a foreign family.” says Chris Hayes

“ oh the people who are still stuck on that I’m just curious let’s hear more about you, Casi are you poor? Have you been on food subsidies in the last 10 years?” says the CIA.

“ yes.” says Casi.

“ I was raised poor so was Diego.” says Chris.

“ right and the people that support you were sleeping with you who weren’t.” says the CIA.

“ is there anyone who hates her and says that she’s not what she acts like she is, and has tried to claim that she is using evidence. That’s pretty hard to argue with who wasn’t raised poor?” says a Montessori teacher.

“ or has some thing in their family that they’re socially ashamed of no there isn’t.” says Reese Witherspoon.

“ doesn’t it seem like kind of a red flag to you or or do you guys just think that you’re still more late than everyone who is more elite than you?” says the CIA.

“ those of us with common sense know that it’s not likely considering we’re all small Laura class background to make a lot of sense. Those of us who are determined to be right or whatever the hell it is that’s wrong with us. No we’re still hanging onto it.” says a Black woman.

“ everything is so fragile and so much more complex than you think if she had married me and it hadn’t been supported by the dead and demons, what would you have thought if she wrote that post and said my husband came from a Polish family that immigrated to America in the 1890s his grandparents were in middle class and his father is rich and now he’s a lawyer my husband making 140,000 a year but because we live in California we live in a townhouse with her two kids. Our net worth is 600,000 which isn’t that much for a 35-year-old but when you consider the trajectory of our finances it’s somewhat impressive.” says Joel.

“ I would’ve believed her more about her own family and I realize things I’m saying this how much of my analysis is just emotional garbage and not really actual analytical like scholarly analysis. Wow, I would’ve thought OK well yeah.” says Jeremy.

Later. After Lacey cleans her bathroom. Had lunch.

“So…as far as we’ve been able to ascertain…the joke was that…you, Lacey, were getting a lot of attention from men in the perfume community. A lot. And it was like…’Why doesn’t she just hook-up with them?’ …So Diego decided you must be a gold-digger. And the joke was to mock you for being such an unaware gold-digger.” explains Chris Hayes.

“All nonsense. Absolute embarrassing nonsense.” says Lacey.

“No, but men really are and were into you.” says Chris.

“I didn’t know that. Although I did date Jan. Briefly. But…he was an exception.” says Lacey.

“There were others!” says a man in Scotland.

“No!! Sure she had a crush on one. Or two. But…nothing happened. NOTHING!” says Jan.

“Yeah. And being in the Illuminati we knew that. But we assumed it was because she was snubbing them. Because she felt so superior.” says Chris.

“Nope. Absolute bullshit!! Total bullshit.” says Joel, enraged. As in, extremely angry.

“Is it hard to get her attention? When you’re interested in her?” asks MSNBC.

“It’s nearly impossible. Not impossible. But very difficult.” says Joel. “She’s…too old fashioned and sweet.”

“So she genuinely had no real idea what was even going on?” says Chris.

“Yup!!!” says Joel.

“Okay. Well…there were like…seven guys who were so into you.” says Chris. “It was obvious!”

“WHO!?!” says Lacey.

“See.” says Joel.

Jan laughs. “It’s not obvious to her. At all.”

“We used to be a lot more direct.” says Lem.

“We did.” says another dead Greatest Generation man.

“So when Diego came on to her so strongly what did she think?” says Chris.

“That he was crazy. Or really serious. She responded empathetically.” says Lem.

“She’s not unsophisticated. Keep going.” says Reta Banks.

“So that was the joke.” says Erin.

“It doesn’t work. I’m too different.” says Lacey. “And I’m mad at you all for being so pretentious. And backward.”

“That’s just the way we were raised.” says Chris.

“But you pretend to know so much more!” says Lacey. “A thing like this was just waiting to happen!”

“Yeah! She’s right.” says a lesbian psychic.

“I mean…I get it. You have to be…street smart. And seem…fitting. But…it went too far. Somewhere. People trying so damn hard to seem worldly. And you’re not. …What happened to the old days in the 1940’s when I really do think journalism was cutthroat and edgy? People weren’t pretending to all be…jaded aristocrats. You were the edge. The razors. Cutting away towards the truth. What happened!?!?” says Lacey. “That can’t just have been mythology…”

“Well…the 1970’s. The Boomers. …Greed is good.” says Joan Walsh.

“That’s such bullshit. And America is bleeding to death as a result.” says Lacey.

“I agree.” says Usha.

“Yeah. She’s right.

So why do you care…so damn much…what station we have you at?” asks a Black witch.

“I can’t answer that. Not until we know more about whether or not reincarnation is in the Bible.” says Lacey.

“What is wrong with being wholesome and middle class!?” asks a reader of Chris Hayes.

“NOTHING!” says Elon Musk.

“She’s afraid of being raped.” says Lem.

“Or having my money stolen. Or being tortured to death.” says Lacey.

Tucker Carlson laughs.

“If you get categorized wrong!??” says Casi.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“So that’s your experience with us that we steal your money, rape, and/or molest you and then throw you in a dungeon to die!?!?” says a white trash woman.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“For real!?!?” says a reader.

“Yes!!!” says Lem. “HOW…IS THAT NOT OBVIOUS!??”

Kamala Harris bursts out laughing.

“ Lacey, you didn’t make him sound like that that sounded more authentic than you thought it would sound.” says Kamala. “ I just want it back or I just want it on the record if there’s an illuminati, you actually hear us extraordinarily well, and people have been very intellectually deceitful to themselves and each other in not realizing that you’re probably hearing him just as easily, and just as clearly as you hear us, if we exist we have to stop lying to ourselves about that.”

“ so you really thought Diego was in love with you?” says a wizard.

“ yes I did potentially I wasn’t 100% sure but I thought it was possible.” says Lacey.

“ what if you knew about all the guys in the Perfume community and who are following you in general who really were interested in you like real people not bots not weird like like real people.” says a reader.

“Umm…do they count?” says Lacey.

“ This is part of her problem. She’s not like other people who are alive in this way I am she is very tender hearted and wholesome and genuinely loving and innocent and so she’s willing to be friends with almost anyone who is safe and willing to be friends with her she has no qualifications at all so while she was growing up, she developed a lot of friendships with people who were just using her or Hoover, and really safe to be friends with him, and it became a problem over the years because some of these people became resentful of her some of them stabbed her in the back, or were suspicious as to why she was her friend Other people we’re just not good people and then she got made fun of so that’s the problem. A lot of the guys are interested in her we’re not really popular guys and now I mean there’s someone impressive but they weren’t before and so she had a very hard time figuring out who was safe and who counted so to speak because the guys that were more socially appealing just weren’t interested in her, and so the guys are really attractive actually were on occasion, but the guy is she asked me that would be interested in her never were interested and so when people like me were interested, she was just like there’s something wrong with this person I’m not gonna be mean, but if I have to be to get rid of them, I will because I’m protecting myself I’m not going to be pulled down to that level and turned into some sort of You know I am trash bin so to speak.” says Joel.

“ I see you would think that we would necessarily count those people as like even mattering because you think we would assume that they just had a crush on everybody?” says Erin.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“ oh no, that’s not what we think.” says Mina.

“ OK well I didn’t know that I assume that you’d be like most people that I met and I could’ve been wrong am I estimations of people were thinking, but that was drilled into my head when I was a child and I just assumed I suppose that most people were like that.” says Lacey.

“ no it’s true it’s on the Internet. I wrote some thing about how she had friends were all misfits, but she really wasn’t one and how it was annoying to me and I thought badly of her.” says one of her former friends.

“FUCK!!” yells one of her dear relatives in the future.

“ yeah, you guys brainwashed her to some degree into thinking she was nothing.” says Lem’s dad.

“no, I mean they count!” says Chris.

“ and then I might think you were making fun of me I would’ve thought Diego was just mocking me, but that would that didn’t occur to me. It just didn’t.” says Lacey.

“ I am so then what would you have done differently?” says a woman in Pennsylvania.

“ oh, well, let me think I probably would’ve just ignored him. I would’ve just written some post about the incorrect behavior of people when it came to social class and about the bourgeois assholes that are running the country and the left it at that.” says Lacey.

“ but I mean, if we don’t do it then who will.” says Mina.

“ yeah but that you shouldn’t be like that you know it’s it’s like yes fine but at the same time you shouldn’t be like that there’s something very menacing about it to me it is it’s a sort of as if you’re blind and driving fast is it you don’t really know what you’re doing and you’re speeding.” says Lacey.

“ i’d like to think Diego would’ve wondered why you weren’t were interested in anyone else.” says Chris.

“ oh, I don’t even know who these people were. I have a few guesses but I don’t know.” says Lacey.

“ do you people are fucking idiots!!” says a perfume collector to MSNBC.

“ i’ve heard that before.” says Chris.

“ I actually think it’s a valid criticism I mean it wouldn’t have gone anywhere Chris she would’ve just assumed that you were a prick and that all your friends were and then she probably would’ve just tried to distance herself as much as she could and then she would’ve just assumed that we were pedantic sophomoric are pretentious, slobs essentially.” says Tucker Carlson.

“ do you realize that if there is an illuminati, you guys actually literally killed her like she’s literally slightly dead it’s it’s hard to explain, but there really is a part of her brain and her being that is actually literally slightly debt which is how she communicates with me so easily it’s happened before but it’s not common but you guys did it to her. I just wonder if you realize that or not?”

“ no we don’t really realize that lame. I’m thinking he’s telling us this for a reason I am yeah so Diego service I feel really attacked by her and felt like she was just a heartless person and he took a lot of the things that she said the wrong way, and thought she was just a really evil hearted bitch, which is insane on a certain level, but he didn’t think that anything she was saying was sincere, or as like literal as she meant it, and so he started inventing all meetings for everything she was saying like she meant something different than what she actually said. Instead of actually meaning what she was saying him and because of that he didn’t understand what was going on and now he’s in trouble. I mean he’s dead. But yeah, probably reason why he died is because he couldn’t grasp the idea that she wasn’t actually like saying some thing different than what she was saying.” says the CIA.

Later.

“So…Lacey you think you’re unusual. And yet not that unusual. And you think…Diego and his friends and benefactors should have known someone like you could exist?” says Assad.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“You’re right. That’s their job. If the US media means anything anywhere to anyone other than background noise.” says Assad.

They look uncomfortable.

“So you expect us to know the demographics that well!?” scoffs Chris Hayes.

“YES!!!” yells Putin. “And yes!!! I was being sarcastic!!! Yes. …I don’t support Kamala Harris. …I don’t necessarily support either candidate. …But yes. I was sarcastic!”

Later.

“So…you were going to let me die?” asks Lacey.

“Yes.” says MSNBC.

“As a joke!?? Because you assumed she was a heartless gold-digger!??” says Lem.

“Yup.” says Mina. “They felt it was justified.”

“Wow. So you’d kill a woman…for being hot…and a gold-digger.” says Lem.

“Yes.” says an Illuminati overlord. “A lot of us are insane. Basically.”

“Would you kill a famous person?” says Usha.

“Depends. They’d kill my wife.” says Ted Cruz. “If she irritated them enough.”

“But they’d never dream…of killing me.” says Joyce Myers. “They play favorites.”

“Why would Ted Cruz’s wife irritate you?” asks Lacey’s neighbor.

“Because…she’s too old fashioned. They’re incredibly insecure…about their place in history.” says Ted Cruz.

“So…Lacey was just minding her own damn business and you did this!??” says Casi.

“Yup.” says Mina.

“She just had a crush on me. By accident.” says Chris.

“Yup. It’s not real and never was. It was me. For real. It was. IT WAS.” says Michael Rockefeller.

“Would you have thought to do what Diego did?” asks Chris.

Clocks by Coldplay plays.

“Listen to the song.” says Michael. “This song…literally motivated her to take you seriously. …But to you it was always just an easy listening song. …Far beneath you.”

The song plays.

“No…I’d have asked her what she wanted.” says Michael.

The song plays.

“This song was about me.” says Michael. “And her. But she’s was dead. Or was I?”

The song ends.

“A rush…of blood…to the head.” says Michael.

The song replays.

“It’s why I missed her.” says Joel.

“This song meant that much to her?” says a reader.

“Yes.” says Micheal.

“CRAP!!” yells JFK from 1965.

“So jokes on them?” says a reader.

“Is it?” says Lacey.

“Summarize your life, Lacey.” says NBC.

“Yes!! The joke is on them!” says a reader.

“Okay.” says Lacey.

Daylight by Coldplay plays.

“My life? I was born. I was molested. I was raised well. I’ve been a Christian since I was three. …My life is worthless fucking…festering…shit…other than for the love I’ve shown people and my kids. Other than for my kids…it would have been a blessing to never have been born.” says Lacey.

“You mean that.” says a guy Lacey graduated with.

“I do. It’s a joke. Other than for my kids…this life is a joke. My whole damn life is already a joke.” says Lacey. “Other than for my kids. It’s a fucking joke.”

“She’s right. Mostly.” says Ghandi.

“You’d rather have not been born…than be my friend?” says Becca.

“I’m glad if I helped you. But yes. I’d prefer to have been killed as an infant.” says Lacey.

Warning Sign by Coldplay plays.

“Do you hate yourself?” asks a woman.

“No! Absolutely not.” says Lacey.

A dead child used as prostitute laughs. “I understand what she means.” she says.

Ghandi nods. He does too seemingly.

Kamala laughs. “Well…you’re stuck.” she says to Lacey.

“Yup.” says Lacey.

Kamala thinks.

“What’s that feel like?” she says to Lacey.

“Weird.” says Lacey.

Kamala laughs. Thinks.

“Welp. Hopefully you’re learning something.” says Usha.

“What?” says Lacey.

Usha thinks. Looks sad. “What did you think of humanity before this life?”

“If there’s reincarnation? …I had a far clearer view.” says Lacey.

“Dammit.” says Kamala. “Well….you have got to be learning something.”

“An appreciation for blue and white?” says Lacey.

“The Nordic colors?” says a Norwegian.

“Yes. I honestly doubt I would have liked it as much. If there’s reincarnation.” says Lacey.

A Rush of Blood to the Head by Coldplay plays.

“Funny song. Men do love that much?” says Lacey. “Men aren’t worthless and women have souls?”

“Yes. You weren’t wrong before. If there’s reincarnation.” says Ghandi.

“Really?” says Lacey.

“Yeah. You were so much closer to the truth. Your view of humanity makes the sacrifice on the Cross a joke.” says Ghandi.

Lacey thinks.

“You’re very rational. I don’t think you can help it.

…But no. I’m sorry. You were right before.” say Ghandi.

Lacey cries. “Did Lem love me?”

“Or could ha love you?” says Ghandi. “Ahh…yes.”

“Do you understand what I mean by love? I mean…something profound.” says Lacey.

Amsterdam by Coldplay plays.

“Yes.” says Ghandi.

“Then what happened?” says Lacey.

“Time is on your side.” says Ghandi. “Time loves you. For some reason. And…

Do you want to end the Earth?”

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Maybe you will.” he says.

“What happened?” says Lacey.

“I was screaming. Underneath.” says Lem.

“You were told this song was a lie. A cold…astonishingly evil…LIE.” says Ghandi. “Over and over and over and over again. Everywhere.”

The song plays over.

“That’s a reference to Lem. If there’s reincarnation. As Matthew Crawley.” says Ghandi.

“Then our lives are both jokes. Other than for our kids.” says Lacey.

“Yes. They would be.” says Ghandi.

“Would that be common?” says Lacey.

“Not particularly.” says Ghandi.

“But there are so many suffering children.” says Lacey.

“There are.” says Ghandi.

“It’s also about me.” says Mary Richardson.

“And surely they matter.” says Lacey.

“They do.” says Ghandi.

Politik by Coldplay plays.

“Then I’ll destroy the Earth. As is best.” says Lacey. “When I die.”

“Open up your eyes.” says God.

“And see what?” says a woman.

“Just open up…your damn…eyes.” says Chris Martin in the afterlife.

“Love. Love over. Love over this.” says Lacey. “Real love.”

The song ends.

“Why are they so doggedly obsessed with hating me?” says Lacey.

De-Tuned Quartet by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“Because your Lemmers!! And…that makes them damn angry!!” says Michael Rockefeller. “They’ve been lied to! And they don’t take too kindly to that!”

He thinks.

“And…you could have married me. FOR REAL.

People HATE us.” says Michael.

“No. They don’t!!” says MSNBC.

“Oh! If you only knew!” says David Rockefeller.

“Hold on!! Neither of those things happened!” says a woman. She starts laughing. “So why are we so fixated?”

“Because everyone is so damn New Age now.” says JD Rockefeller. “You’re all following your gut. Looking for hidden clues. No one actually tries anymore. That’s for kids. … Most adults just intuit everything.”

“So we used to be more grounded?” says a witch.

“If you want to put it that way. Yes. …Everyone reads stuff. Intuits it. And…you can sense she’d have been happy if.” says Lem.

Later.

Tangerine as performed by The Dave Brubeck Quartet plays.

“Let’s mourn your life.” says Lem.

The kids are almost asleep. She’s wearing Chanel Number Five. A candle burns. She dips cinnamon tea. It’s dark. A man who resembles Lem (me) walked past her earlier…and noticed her. And she feels…sad.

“My aunt is being given a prestigious award. And I congratulated her. …But last year was my 40th birthday…and I don’t think she even remembered at all.” says Lacey. “I almost felt stupid congratulating her. …But oh well. Hopefully my congratulations means something to her.”

“When was the last time your family really celebrated your birthday?” says Lem.

“Maybe never. …But I think they used to send birthday cards when I was a kid.” says Lacey.

“In person?” says Lem.

“Maybe once?” says Lacey.

“You can’t remember?” says Lem.

Lacey thinks. “I think there was once when I was…nine?”

“But you barely recall it? I’m not convinced it happened.” says Lem.

“Hmm. No. My birthday was and is very…icky.” says Lacey.

“How many times were your sick?” says Lem.

“A few.” says Lacey.

“What did you do for your 30th birthday?” says Lem.

“Ate cake. Had Eggs Benedict.” says Lacey.

“40th?” says Lem.

“Planted trees.” says Lacey.

“20th?” says Lem.

“I was trying to help my mom. So I was actually in a battered women’s shelter.” says Lacey. “Completely unnecessarily.”

“10th??” says Lem.

“I was sick???” says Lacey. “No! I had pizza. And a small party. And one of the girls gave me a Barbie.”

“Wow. Your life sounds miserable…and incredibly dull and lonely.” says Lem.

“Pretty much. Aside from beauty. And…some decency. Mark can be very decent. …And…wealth.” says Lacey. “And of course I love my kids.”

“What if…I’m real though?” says Lem.

“Then there’s hope.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. It’s beyond the point that I’m a ghost.” says Lem.

“I…don’t…care. …So long as God is okay with it. And it doesn’t do any harm. And…it’s you.” says Lacey.

Lem cries. Quietly. Licks his lips. Thinks.

But Not For Me plays as performed by Red Garland.

“What if…you really did discover the Illuminati?” says Lem.

“I suppose that’s…unique.” says Lacey.

“Yeah! …And you’re writing about it very openly on a public blog.” says Lem.

“Yeah…but somehow it feels so cozy…and ordinary.” says Lacey. “When I do it.”

Elliott Roosevelt cracks-up laughing.

“It’s not ordinary.” says Lem.

“But gosh it feels ordinary. When it’s me.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. You have made it…feel…almost mundane.” says Lem. He laughs. “Lacey…you could make me genuinely being Emperor Constantine…mundane.”

“How?” says Lacey.

“Because of your perspective. It’s so…deep…and…people are so obsessed with hating you…even though you’re unusual…that…you make things as…extraordinary a discussion about the Illuminati feel…like a discussion about…cooking. This could be a cooking blog…and people wouldn’t be any less interested. …What amuses me is how the Illuminati likes it. Not only tolerates it…but finds it…charming.”

“THAT…IS ME.” says Michael. “They’d find her charming as my wife. …But oh well. And…I think in their subconscious…they…just barely care.”

“Then why are they so freaked-out that she found them?” says Lem.

“Because…most billionaires don’t care. It’s so openly discussed. Especially since she found it. Her father made it more popular to discuss it than ever. …And…they can’t kill her. They’ve tried. And it scares them to now. As it should. …And Elizabeth protected her. …I think…it’s just sort of chill to them now. Because…they can be real about it here. No fear. No…weirdness. Just…chill.

You know? I mean…we’re dead. And…yet…we talk like we’re not. And…it gives their whole experience in the Illuminati more meaning and more…depth.” says Michael.

“I think we’re also scared. I mean…you almost started a banking crisis.” says Jim Carrey.

Lacey laughs.

“And the pandemic. And…the failed presidencies. THE WAR!? …Yeah.” says Jim.

They think.

“But mostly it’s…just…chill.” says Jim.

They think.

“But what if…you’re real? See…she doesn’t entirely know that. …She estimates.

Lacey…what if you did?” says Lem.

“I think aside from my kids…it’s been…sad.” says Lacey. “Meaning…it’s just another sad thing in my life.”

“Why?” says Lem.

“Because…it’s weird. You know?!? …And…I love knowing. But…it’s also weird.” says Lacey.

Helena Bonham Carter laughs.

“I doubt you were truly supposed to find us.” says Helena.

“But I did! Possibly.” says Lacey.

Helena laughs.

“It’s like…if there’s reincarnation…as much as I love your company…what am I doing here!???” says Lacey.

“Yes!” says Queen Camilla.

“I went from living…to…considering the possibility that I was here before. And…there’s something hilarious and yet…totally disruptive about it. Because I’m living a very sad life. But…then along comes the British…in the Illuminati…to suggest it’s…almost like a hoax. …And…now…I can’t erase that.” says Lacey.

“Because you know. If it’s true.” says Queen Camilla.

“We’re like tech support. If it’s true.” says Queen Camilla.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“You know…if it’s true…we really are.” says Queen Camilla.

“What am I supposed to do…with this then?” says Lacey.

“You’re doing well.” says Lem. “What else? …Other than what you’re doing? …There’s not much else.”

Silence.

“That’s part of the reason I just cried.” says Lem.

“So what happened!??” says Lacey.

“Good question!!” says Scott Fitzgerald. “If there’s reincarnation…you were genuinely tricked into coming back. …If there isn’t…it’s just gone too far.”

“It feels weird.” says Lacey.

“What does it feel like?” says Lem.

“Like I walked on the set…of a television show…into the middle of a very serious…very…poignant scene. Dressed as Scotia. Like…Family Ties…dressed in this:

And…I’m just…hanging-out. Waiting for my lines. But…they never come. …So I mostly just stand there. For no damn apparent reason. …And…yet…I’m a real person. And…I have tons of emotions. Loads of things I’d love to say. But…nope. I’m never given lines. So…it’s…extremely depressing after a while.” says Lacey.

“Does anyone notice you’re just standing there?” asks a reader.

“Other than us? Nope.” says a woman in the Illuminati.

“Why!??” asks a reader.

“I don’t know. Ask yourselves that.” says the woman in the Illuminati.

“No lines?” asks Lem.

“No. I really don’t think so.” says Lacey.

“Is it comical to watch?” asks a woman.

“It’s sad. At times it’s funny.” says Zelda.

“So…Jack got so pissed off…even though he insisted he was straight…after he died…that he flipped-out and started desperately trying to get revenge?” says a gay reader.

“Possibly. Yes. …Because it was all too much for him. He just felt…overwhelmed. And God was gracious…but…he went too far.” says Eunice.

“So he really couldn’t handle that he was actually bisexual for real…and that Lem was not?!?” says the gay man.

“Yeah. …He felt stupid…and embarrassed…and…angry.” says Eunice.

“Why take it out on her!??” says another gay man.

“Because. He’s being evil. And irrational.” says JP.

“Well…I think he thought Lem would suffer more if he tormented her. You know? Because…Lem expected Jack to hate him after he died. But…he didn’t necessarily anticipate this much hatred for Lacey.” says Eunice.

“Why not?” asks a gay man.

“And Because she’s innocent!!” says Lem. “What the fuck did she do!??”

Silence.

“I knew he’d hate her. But…while I was alive I was blind to how much he hated women. So…even now…I may not have fully understood how bad it would be.” says Lem.

“What did you think was happening!?” says a psychic.

“Well…what if…I was straight? And a heck of a lot more like Skippy Handelman than you think…but I thought I was gay?” says Lem. “So…I wasn’t an incel…but…I had this sense that…no matter how much I wanted a hot woman…she’d never go for me. Even if I was straight. Well…maybe if I was straight the way I imagined straight was. But…as myself? Nah! I was too…dorky. Too…tall. You know? Asthmatic. …So…a part of me…lived vicariously through him. Even while I posed for pictures with these women…and acted all…gay. You know? …If you look closely you can see that I also…seem…genuinely curious about women. And I was. …So…he was ‘living the life” in a way. You know? Lots of sex! With WOMEN! LOTS! …And…wow. That sounded great. …So…it never entirely occurred to me how hurt they might be. Because…they were all so…happy. Until he hurt them. And I knew they were hurt. But…I think at times I didn’t.

And I hated how much he hurt women. I did. But…gee they…kept seeing him. And…I figured they must be loose. You know? …Sorta different than the women I’d know and date if I had my way.” says Lem. “Lacey…isn’t uptight. But…she’s not like them either. Some of those women were vain. Some were naive. The naive ones…worried me. The vain ones…well…I guess I decided they had it coming a bit. Their eventual rejection.”

“Did you feel rejected?” asks a psychic.

“No. Because I didn’t think it mattered. …He really was more obsessed with me than you think. So…I had a sense our friendship as I say it…was safe. And…since I was straight…I just…didn’t care. I figured…I’d try to find something better. If there was anything. For gay men. But…even if there wasn’t…oh well! …That’s life!” says Lem.

A gay man laughs. “But you weren’t gay!”

“Yup.” says Lem.

“So why didn’t you try women?” he says.

“I did. It just never worked out. They were…dull. Average. Not exciting. …And…the ones who weren’t…well…I didn’t want to bother them. They could do better than a homosexual like me.” says Lem.

“Then how did Jack stop you?” he says.

“He stole my time. And energy. …And I think I figured that I’d have at least had a fighting chance at love…if he hadn’t been on my case asking for favors every day or every other day.” says Lem.

“But that’s not even true!?” says a psychic.

“No. It’s somewhat true. …There were women. …But…Lacey wasn’t there. And…I had women like Joel…kinda. But not quite that great, to be honest. …So…after I died…I realized how doomed I was. But yes…I could have had someone. …Not…Lacey.” says Lem.

“So…you said that…but now know more.” says a psychic.

“Yes.” says Lem. “Or golly…Lacey is trying to hear me…and this is close enough!”

“Wow! So…you felt…pride?” says a gay.

“I’m embarrassed to say I did. Slightly. At times. Jack…impressed me. …And it’s not that I wanted to be with those women. But…I was…very much feeling like a loser. And he…made me feel…less…pathetic.” says Lem.

“For being gay!??” says a psychic.

“I wasn’t. Of course. But yes. …I hated it. But I also felt…a sense of…belonging. To masculinity. Through his endeavors.” says Lem. “Like…’My buddy! He’s always getting laid! Gosh! …If I wasn’t gay!? Wow! I’d be that popular too.’” says Lem. “Except…I didn’t want to be. Not really. …I just…had never had a woman. So…I felt…somehow…his accomplishments with their affections reflected a bit on me too. You know? …’If only I wasn’t gay!’ I’d think.”

“So…what if you had had a woman?” says a gay.

“Yeah! I’d have realized how dumb he was. …A lot of my admiration came from genuine lack of experience. …At least with love. And real mutual attraction.” says Lem. “It’s likely I’d have…felt…very stupid.”