“Two Men In Love” by Lem

(August 19th, 2024)

Two Men In Love by The Irrepressibles plays.

I wasn’t gay.

“There’s a danger?” scoffs Lacey. “What the fuck? Is he a bitch or a worthless narcissist?”

Good question.

“A strange love?” says Lacey. “DANGER?”

That’s about homophobia.

“HOMOPHOBIA!?? In the 2020’s!?? THAT’S dangerous!? Are they 5 foot 4?” asks Lacey.

“That’s not very nice!” says a dead man who was once gay.

“Or are you still gay?” asks Lacey.

“I was short, regardless.” says Leslie.

“ what it’s true I can’t figure out what the fuck they’re talking about. They sound like dumb ass narcissistic bitch Christians seriously this song is repulsive. It reminds me of the stupid as fuck worship music. I grew up with in the charismatic churches that I went to it’s just repulsively stupid but anyway no I’m sorry if you unless if you’re a short Twink and a straight bar in Louisiana, I highly doubt that it’s that fucking dangerous to be gay.” says Lacey.

“ oh, that would be correct.” says the CIA.

“ I mean it’s just repulsive you like what the fuck when do you assholes get over yourself I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love. Oh congratulations yeah that’s adorable. Part of being an adult that most sentient human beings used to be able to experience so congratulations on existing and what the fuck are you looking for an award from God?” says Lacey.

“ yeah you’re right that’s overdone it’s not quite that mysterious and dangerous anymore.” says an older gay man.

“ oh my god you’re still hot shit because you’re still so daring. An exceptionally cool aren’t you? Wow wow wow!” says Lacey.

“ do you know what I hate to say it but she’s right.” says one of her neighbors.

“ Lacey, there are still some closeted people.” says Casi.

“ yeah yeah exactly Casi and some trailer park in Tennessee or some bar in Louisiana. Most people aren’t closet anymore. There was a gay ménage a Trois at the fucking Olympic opening ceremonies this year. This song is archaic bullshit and it pisses me off. It really does because it reminds me of all the dumb ass shit that I listen to you when I was growing up in a charismatic church. I love you Jesus come kiss me is no different then I’m in love all my god. It’s so dangerous I’m gay.” says Lacey. “ I mean maybe if it’s like 1920 or even like 1980 there’s still some danger but that’s like a while ago OK that’s like over 40 years ago you know I don’t. I don’t think it’s been truly dangerous to that degree for like decades, and I just wanna know why these fucking morons were so fucking full of themselves think they’re so cool and so Derek and the song is so relevant in the day it was written in.”

“ to be honest Lacey it’s just shit it’s just pop-culture shit it’s like all the other Munding overworn blasé shit that is in pop music.” says Tucker Carlson.

“ well fine but it’s still bothers me because they’re referencing some thing that’s a little more serious than just Britney Spears’s broken heart over Justin Timberlake and I said that doesn’t matter but that’s that I mean people get hurt when they’re in romantic relationships sometimes the thing is like actual people did die that’s the thing I have a points if I’m reincarnated I knew Rupert I really think I might have been friends with him vaguely yeah, the British poet sincerely may have been someone I was acquainted with in Great Britain some very vaguely so I knew gay men in 1800s who were living in British society who were out as much as they could be and they actually were scared for their lives at times not when they were visiting the right people, but in certain circumstances, they could be beaten to death and I knew that that was real and I’m not saying it’s allowed in heaven, but if it is, I ate it I can’t stand it because the people today are just disgusting to me because I know you’re married you have a flag that’s fucking everywhere. I mean you’re shoving that fucking flag up my ass all the time psychically you’ve destroyed my life to some degree and then you’re still claiming to be victims in the same way that people were back in the 1800s oh my God look at the fuck are you even fucking human anymore?” says Lacey.

“ yeah, we do seem rather vain you’re right I agree Lacey you’re not gonna get an apology out of them right now. The people that are listening are at our assholes arm. You’re right if you’re reincarnated hi yeah you were one of our allies. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s allowed in heaven, if you were one of our most staunch, loving and thoughtful allies, because if it is, if it is allowed in heaven, that’s exactly what Satan would. Do you find somebody who really understood us, and actually stood up for humanity probably an important situation in the 1800s and high society and then like torture them with the life that she has with someone like Jack that’s completely with the devil with you, I mean 100% so totally predictable. I realize that as a lesbian I don’t think they’ve quite caught onto that yet for Bill that’s disturbing to you because they really should know more about that but nope no I don’t think they I don’t think they do. I don’t think they know that yet, I am waiting for them to catch up.” says a lesbian in the Illuminati.

“ yeah, even if it’s not allowed in heaven, you have a point.” says Eleanor Roosevelt.

“ well hope someday that those gay men have enough dignity and respect for Christ to apologize to Lacey because whether it’s allowed in heaven, it’s despicable that song is a joke you guys haven’t really been tormented to that degree for a really long time and I would argue that there are Jews, who are dying right now vastly more and being targeted far more than homosexuals, and I have yet to see them write such a self-aggrandizing, shallow vain piece of shit.” says Joel.

“ I would say that Palestinians are dying and being targeted as well like little boys in their apartments. I hate you there’s ring carnation even Lacey because she is Egyptian if there’s been carnation out and it’s a part of her soul is Palestinian no really it is if there’s been carnation a part of her is Palestinian and I wonder sometimes how many of you realize that she’s not black so no I would just I would love to see some of these assholes these white upper middle-class, spoiled bourgeois, pricks apologize because you know you’re not being targeted or tormented the way the Palestinians or Ukrainians or Jews or probably a lot of people in the world are right now, and I do think you tend to victimize yourselves in your minds constantly I think it makes you feel really special and lovable and you know that that’s nice that you want to be loved but it’s sad that you feel like you have to put on the show for yourself and convince everybody that it’s real because it’s not there’s some validity to it we’ve said that we shouldn’t have to restate that but what you never seem to realize is that you’re never going to make everybody in the whole fucking world like you and expecting everyone to is a little immature to say the fucking least. I tolerate Lacey because I see her heart she’s married to a Jew I don’t think almost anybody alive right now truly loves her almost at all that’s her reality. What’s her victim card? When does she get the victim in March and her a little flake to fly and shove up everyone’s ass I would love to see that, you also love to see the Palestinian flag flowing everywhere. I love to see you are country recognized as an actual country but that’s not going to happen you know why because of colonialization and the holocaust. So am I I yeah I made a new car is a hawk cost to some degree Jack and his bullshit family that you’re part of right magically in your hearts? Yes you’ve overstayed you’re welcome we we don’t want your rights taken away. We don’t want you to not be in heaven but you’re not all just cute innocent little fairies from heaven.” says a living Palestinian woman.

“ this song, sounds like as written by someone very naïve, or very narcissistic to be honest, and I don’t think I can handle hearing it. I knew the father, who raised her we bought a cabin together. I don’t wanna explain more right now I died of cancer, fairly young I left behind two young daughters, um, I mean there’s a lot of backstory there but it’s just I am not impressed because what kind of really look if we’re going to be you know, wholesome and sincere about it and not just worthless him let’s have a real conversation who what kind of a message does the song sensor young gay that if it’s allowed in heaven and I may not be a little bit let’s say that it is you’re telling them that it’s like the most amazing thing in the world to be in love and it’s just like all of Disney World opens up for you and that like there’s no problems and it’s just like astounding and I don’t know it’s just it’s such bullshit the song is such bullshit because real love doesn’t even sound like this that’s why it’s triggering to Lacey reminds her of the crap she heard in an end church because real love isn’t quite that like perfect and shallow. There’s usually a little pain involved or some thing it’s not quite so contrived and ostentatious and forced which is part of your problem. It’s like you can’t convince people that homosexuality exists and is real and should be taken seriously when it doesn’t seem like you even know what love is.

I mean come on this this guy sounds like a fucking idiot. It’s like the danger in your eyes she’s right that’s just shallow bullshit no I mean why is he running towards this man but he’s the man is like dangerous what the fuck are you even singing about?

And then it’s like supposed to be so moving in controversial and like brave it’s not you’re just patting yourself on the back. 

It just makes me angry, because I feel like if it’s allowed and having gay men would love for an actual love song, to be written, was such a vocative imagery of two men like wrestling each other and it’s like super intense and their feelings but the saying it like this is not the reality of most gay relationships, OK Like don’t don’t even go there. Mosskey relationships are not quite that dramatic and hopefully if it’s real they’re not that shallow either.” says a dead man.

“ OK arm so this is the same bullshit that we preach about with Jack and lot but it’s just a song?” says a living gay actor.

“ right on right on target there buddy yes it’s just it’s just annoying because it’s is the same shit it’s like what the fuck and then you expect people to take us seriously if I was at all one of you like what the fuck you’re writing about some jack ass, narcissist saying he was magically, gay and straight at the same time and line was straight and then you write songs like this where it’s like you think it’s still 1952 and you’re in some bar in Louisiana I mean no that’s not reality and I think for people who have pain and actually would love to hear their pain written into a real song. It’s really heartbreaking because no, I can’t if I experience insert homosexual feelings for anyone when I was alive and I might have that that’s not what I hear in the song. If if I had come out of the closet if my object of affection had chosen to come out of the closet, we probably would have felt excited but I don’t think we would’ve felt any sort of we would have felt of this song, reflected, or heat for each other, it’s just it’s unconscionable who are you writing this music for who are you writing those books for and people just eat them up and I don’t get it because it’s just toxic nonsense.” he says.

“ actually, he’s right it is toxic because that that method that image of two men in the position of that it’s showing those men are very handsome. They’re ideal body type man they’re both white right away that’s a no like you’re doing the same thing to them that you did to women it’s like your body shaming them and then giving them these ideas of what they’re supposed to be expecting that are probably totally unnatural or super unrealistic.” says Mina.

“ I mean no that’s true.” says a famous living gay man.

“ so I hope that you apologize to Lacey because if it’s allowed in heaven, you’ve not only victimized and then you victimized her to and even if it’s not allowed in heaven, you still victimized her, so um yeah just sign on you’re on your list of things to do when you die I would add that.” says Joel.