Plates by Jan

“That’s nice.” says Jan.

Lacey reviews it.

“I wasn’t a fan, but as I study it to try to figure out why you like it, I’m starting to like it slightly more.” says Lacey.

“It’s very Downton Abbey!” says Jan.

“IT IS!!” says Lacey.

“I think that’s nice!” says Lacey.

“Mmm…no.” says Jan.

“Why don’t you like it? I think it’s very tasteful.” says Lacey.

“It’s sort of depressing looking. It’s dull.” says Jan.

“Well, I like it. Let’s move on though.” says Lacey.

“This one reminds me of the first one, but I like it better. What do you think?” says Lacey.

“It’s pretty.” says Jan.

“Isn’t it though? I think it’s really pretty.” says Lacey. 

“What do you think of this one?” says Jan.

“I love this one! I love this one! This one is glorious!” says Lacey.

“What a weird name.” says Jan.

“It is! What does that mean?” says Lacey.

“BIRDS!” yells Jan, like she’s stupid.

“Then how is it weird?” says Lacey.

He stares at her. She rests her Cheetos covered fingers in the air momentarily.

“I just think it’s a strange word.” says Jan.

“I did too when I first saw it…but I knew it had something to do with birds in some creepy way. I knew it in some very creepy way.” says Lacey.

“Doubtful.” says Jan.

“You’re wrong, it’s truth.” says Lacey.

He eats a potato chip.

She eats a Cheeto.

He eats a potato chip.

“That’s a very unhealthy snack.” says Jan.

“That’s true, but I love Cheetos.” says Lacey.

“I love them too, and M&Ms.” he says.

“What’s wrong with the word Aves?” says Lacey.

“What does it sound like to you?” he says.

“I don’t think I should say it because then you’re going to think that I’m an idiot. It sounds like a bug but then you’re gonna say, ‘Oh because of the Avian Flu and I don’t think it’s necessary that at all. I think it just sounds like a bug.” says Lacey.

“It does sound like a bug. I hear it too.” says Jan.

“YUCK!” says Jan.

“Exactly!” says Lacey.

“No comment.” says Jan.

“Bingo.” says Lacey.

“Yuck.” says Jan.

“I own a tea set in this pattern.” says Lacey.

“Oh, I love it.” says Jan, jokingly.

“Well I do. You don’t have to like it at all but I love it. I actually do. No, that’s not true. At first I hated it, then I loved it and then I hated it and then I’ve started to love it.” says Lacey.

“I hear the screams of poor white people in America.” says Jan.

“Are they yelling at Black people or are they yelling because they’re poor?” says Lacey.

“Probably both.” says Jan.

“Did Hitler try to do something about that? Is he trying to save the white poor people in America?” says Lacey.

“You know it’s funny you should bring that up he did, and my grandfather might’ve actually been killed or sacrificed himself in some way for that cause.” says Jan.

“I had relatives either legally or otherwise, who owned a plantation, and I feel like somehow it’s not quite right to yell at me either. I know it’s complicated, but I just don’t quite think it makes sense to yell at me or you.” says Lacey.

“You know you actually could be right. I mean Hitler and plantations that sounds terrible, but on that particular topic it is possible that we’re more innocent of the most white people if our heart was it all in the right place.” says Jan.

“I care. I actually really do care. I’d love to help all of them. Do you care?” says Lacey.

“No not as much as you do, but I care more than some people maybe more than a lot of people, but being the descendent of a Nazi, who is rather high-ranking, I say with both embarrassment and some pride because it wasn’t just about the Jews. We did terrible things in that way, but as you know, we did believe it was right to fight in that war.

This is a thing I can’t stand about most Americans. Not you. They don’t get it. They don’t understand Lacey they’re total idiots they really don’t get it and some people who live there too long like Dr. Moritz might not get it anymore either. Wars are awful and you fight them and then you lose them or you win them. But what are you supposed to do afterwards? And it just keeps happening over and over and they’re unavoidable and it’s nothing to celebrate. Americans seem to understand that but what did you think when George Bush flew the banner saying ‘Mission Accomplished’? Be honest. Even if it had been the end what would you have thought of that sign?” says Jan.

“I would’ve thought and I didn’t think that it was absolutely disgusting. Made me want to die practically.” says Lacey.

“I agree. I completely agree.” says Jan.

“Why is it so offensive?” says Lacey.

“Because! Mission. Accomplished.” says Jan.

“Yes, mission? Mission sounds so presumptuous. Accomplished? That sounds sort of callous.” says Lacey.

“Yes, I agree.” says Jan.

They think.

“I somehow have viewed the last post.” says Jan.

She waits.

“What exactly is it you were expecting to have happen?” says Jan.

“Oh dear God , be more specific! I’m sorry for swearing.” says Lacey.

“No, no it’s just you seemed to be being humorous. What did you think was going to happen? In regards to the humor.” says Jan.

“ I thought that somehow she was going to have some sort of hilarious moment where she looks like she tried so dear so hard to get Matthew back and it just was going to be absolutely hilarious because she tried so hard such a sweetheart and tried so hard but then somehow it just wasn’t going to work and then it was just going to see him so funny because she tried so hard and she was such a sweetheart but to meet but Dimitri just wouldn’t stop and so Dimitri is just going to go fizz the way sort of into this bubble of the fizzy bubble stuff silly silly ego to slow nonsense. Of course he just pop right back into Dmitry’s and think oh how stupid I shouldn’t be so stubborn the stupid ha ha that’s the moral of the story and then she was going to go 0GF only I had a man I’m very nice and pretty so I guess I’ll find someone and I’ll be just happy so happy, but there is going to be this funny sort of back-and-forth between her and Dimitri where he was going to keep saying the dumbest stuff and making her show up at the stupidest moments and then she was supposed to just sort of be very trusting in the suite may be a little inappropriate but still determined and then it was just going to be really hilarious. It doesn’t sound hilarious the way I’m describing it necessarily but it’s just I had it in my head that because I am writing actual beings that I’m not in control of the 7° I had no control over his reaction.

I’m not just writing a story I am actually I do write stories this way, but I am also sort of spiritual interacting, possibly with real people because I’m trapped in this sort of position like that and so he he started falling for her just a bit in the scene in Paris. She dressed up like a cloud, and then it hit me that it could just all be a pointless sort of story after that, but I have been talking to him the ghost of him for the last two days and that’s not what he seemed to be telling me what happened and he did keep he did keep rescuing it and saying over and over again oh no, no don’t go don’t go, but he kind of just lost momentum when he looked at her in a clown suit and started falling in love.” says Lacey.

“ do you think that’s possible do you actually think that’s possible?” says Jan.

“ I don’t think I was being fooled by demons but that’s an interesting question.” says Lacey.

“ so??!” he says.

“ I feel like the queen mother’s mother right now. Do you what I mean by that my heart is with the British I don’t think it’s right not to fight Hitler But I’m a little scared, because Edward makes some sense. And I don’t like what you did with the Jews I really don’t that’s obviously vile beyond vile but no, I am livid.

To be perfectly honest with you if I was dressed in a lingerie as I wrote it, I don’t think it’s likely that he would’ve answer the door at all if he didn’t answer the door and she was there, though I worry that this would’ve actually happened.” says Lacey.

“ he would’ve had a massive erection. He would’ve answered the door with a massive erection, though Lacey.” says Jan.

“ well, I could’ve open the door and she wasn’t going to leave. She was just gonna keep standing there like a stupid fucking bitch knocking on it, so one of us had to answer the fucking door.” says Lacey.

“ you’re right, but I think if he answer the door with a mass of affection, she probably would’ve backed off, right?” he says.

“ no wrong hundred percent wrong. She probably would’ve started sucking it because she would’ve been fucking totally convinced that she had caused it psychically.” says Lacey.

“ you’re probably right that woman probably could be like that for all I know and for all you know to that stuff is your impression of her whether that’s her or not let’s just say that is her that’s insane.” says Jan.

“ I don’t know that it is I think it actually might be pure evil. I think people could be that stupid and ego testicle that they really fervently genuinely believe that they’ve done that and it would be very hard to talk them out of it.” says Lacey.

“ but if he could fall in love with someone that dumb why would you want to be with him?” says Jan.

“ Because who else is there? You would fall in love with her to if she was a man every fucking man I’ve ever fucking Matt is that fucking stupid there’s nobody left you as an ounce of fucking sense when it comes to a bitch like that!” yells Lacey.

“ And that doesn’t work because you’re a woman and you can’t fight her. I hear you completely.” says Jan. “ Are you sure that that’s what llamas like or is he very rare exception?”

“ heat he seems like one. He seems like one, but I don’t know for sure I don’t know if I’ll ever be loved. I don’t know if I’ll ever even be happy if I don’t find somebody who is capable of seeing through that kind of buffoonery.” says Lacey.

“ I am I am.” says Lem. “ I am. And that actually was one of the reasons why I never wanted to get married to a woman beyond the fact that I thought I was homosexual because they all seemed so flawed in the same way, but from a male perspective, I can’t stand it either.”

“ do you know what is it about that that is so annoying to both of you?” says Jan.

“ Because we’re not safe people take advantage of people like Lacey and I know all the time all of the time and we lead people we control situations where the people realize we do things but then at the end of the day when it comes to love we always get stabbed in the back She has stab me in the back, but then I’ve had to realize that it almost doesn’t even matter who it was an accident. It was an accident Jordan matter because she is so penitent and horrified that even if it mattered, it wouldn’t matter because she’s desperate to make a nut matter, and she’s a woman And I don’t cheat but it was a mistake so it was actually my mistake possibly so and to be honest it’s also just different because it’s just her oh, but that’s very complicated but you’re asking of very good set of questions very good set.” says Lem.

“ you thought I did that to you with a woman or a man didn’t you?” says Jan.

“ yes, I suspected you were cheating.” says Lacey.

“ I was, I was.” says Jan.

“ yeah and then I just got sick of it and then you got mad at me for getting sick of it?” says Lacey.

“ I’m sorry no.” says Jan. “ we’re getting back to the other topic there’s something wrong with it I don’t know what it is but there’s something wrong with it. It was funny but I think there’s something fishy about it and I can see why you just blew the whole thing off and thought I am not going to flirt with a cousin on the night before his wedding and this is just the end of that the minute it starts it seems like he’s not capable of realizing what he wants almost and that is a flaw. It’s a very real flaw it’s not just complication. There’s something wrong with that it is yeah and it’s irritating because you’re right it’s like she’s this is a sexy probably fairly and wait at least voluptuous woman in lingerie and you’re on your honeymoon and then she shows up at the door and he probably just runs officer. Essentially he does talk you out of leaving but it’s no way that’s not really all that great and I don’t think people except the reality of your suffering they don’t like the fact that you suffer Lacey because then they feel inferior to you because that’s connected. If you’re suffering then you’re a real person you’re not the façade bullshit that they want to think you are and then they have to feel ugly and they are or they have to feel stupid and they are in such as insecurity. They actually are to be honest. I don’t see as much of a problem with it overseas or in other generations. It seems like it’s mostly Gen X, Boomers, and Millennials in America who have this problem with you and I cannot help but think that JFK had something to do with it I know that sounds totally crazy but I really think he brainwashed a hell of a lot of people about your soul because I think lemon you are twin flames, so I think he brainwash people that lame and he brainwash people about you at the same time I may be able to vice versa. So they don’t want to think you’re suffering. They don’t want to think he was suffering. They want to think you’re gay they wanna think he was gay and they don’t want to accept the reality if it’s really happening at all, they want to think he was poor, but then all the money at the same time, just like they want to believe that you’re kind of old money to maybe and poor at the same time.” says Jan.

JFK shakes in rage in 1967.

“ oh, I got so far with my with my madness. No one stop me how I not God?” says JFK, sadly.

“ OK so anyway no there’s something fishy about it so I don’t know what it is but there’s something fishy and I think you should talk to Matthew bring them with you but there’s something about that that you there’s something there that you don’t understand and it be honest with you I’m a little scared I’m scared you’re going to die or I’m scared that I’m going to die or I’m scared there’s gonna be a nuclear war because of his blog is real. The people in your country who are in charge have no idea what they’re doing JD Vance should not have been chosen as vice president obviously, I think mom and Tim are trying that I see some sort of flaw there. They don’t quite grasp something and I don’t think it’s time for people to just not get it. It’s people need to get it there’s no more wiggle room.” says Jan.

Later.

“Let me interact.” says Lem.

Back to the scene with Matt in the hotel.

He sits on the bed looking up at Kate. She’s dressed as a clown.

Lem now watches from behind.

Matt smiles at Kate.

She looks down at him doe-eyed and sweetly (supposedly) confused.

“Lem?” says Lacey to Lem.

“What!?” he says to Lacey.

“Can we just go!?” she says.

“Dammit. I wish I wasn’t a ghost.” says Lem.

(“Who is LAM!?” yells JFK. “They must die too!”)

“Well…I can see you. Why don’t we just go?” says Lacey.

“Sure.

Do you want to stick around and see what happens?” says Lem.

“I suppose I should.” says Lacey.

Lacey and Lem stare at Kate and Matt. Waiting.

Matt turns around and looks at Lacey, horrified.

Lacey smiles sweetly.

He pouts in rage. Crying. Fuming. “No!” he says.

Lacey blinks. Blinks repeatedly. Waiting.

“Are you okay?” she says to Matt.

He almost screams but doesn’t. Open-mouthed he stares at her.

“Lem…does this hotel have room service?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!!” he says, having read the menu. “Order the cheese. And Bordeaux.” says Lem.

“Oh goody.” she says. She orders.

Matt tries to take the phone to order.

“Oh! Don’t worry!! I’ll just get my own room.” says Lacey. “Come dear!” she says to Lem.

He stands up and walks over to her. “Darling…let’s get steak!” she says. “I need iron. And whatever else is in red meat. I can feel it.”

“Poof! That baby is mine!” says Lem.

“Oh can you do that?” says Lacey.

“Mmm…in this context? Yes!” he says.

“Hold on!!” yells Matt.

“Lacey I’m with you!” say the poor American white people. “Heaven looks mighty good right about now.”

“We just have to endure.” says Lacey.

“True.” says one of them.

“SHIT!!!!!” yells a demon of American greed.

“NO!!! We’ve ruined America!!” says Joe Kennedy Junior in a panic.

“So.” says Lacey.

“Oh no!!” says Matt. “OH NO!!!”

“It’s okay.” says Lacey. “Just take a warm bath. …Relax. …And I’ll see you later.”

Kate smiles. “Where are you going?” says Kate.

“Oh…the opera. Where else!?“ says Lacey. “Tootles, lovers!” says Lacey as she turns to walk out to the hallway in lingerie. In Paris. Lem follows her.

“You should wear my jacket.” he says.

“Oh that would be more modest.” says Lacey.

“You look…oddly appropriate for Paris.” says Lem as they make their way into the hallway.

Lem shuts the door behind them.

Matt pushes the door open into Lem.

But Lem is big.

Lem pulls out his cell phone and reserves a room.

Then he shoves the door shut on Matt. Grabs Lacey and races down the hallway carrying her.

And that’s all for now.